Saturday, 28 July 2007

The thirteen commandments...

Have you read Anny’s entry in our saga of Emmeline, the twins and the peeler at - bloody hell! I almost choked on my corn chip it was so funny. I can hardly wait to see what wild ride Kelly takes us on in her episode on Monday. As you know we give the blog serial and our peelers a rest on Sunday. The batteries need recharging so they hum at the right frequency - the same with our peelers.

Amarinda’s thirteen commandments for writing romance. (Anyone can do ten)

1. Thou shall have junk food on hand when writing – this is because everyone knows that calories don’t count when you are being creative. This also applies when you break food into pieces. It causes calorie leakage so you can eat more while you type.

2. Thou shall listen to the voices in your head even if it is at three in the morning and it’s cold and you have to get out of bed and find a piece of paper and a pen to write stuff down.

3. Thou shall forgive those motorists that beep their horns at you at a green light when you are writing dialogue for they know not what you do.

4. Thou shall ignore bitchy comments made by other romance writers because who gives a rat’s arse.

5. Thou shall not make the heroine a wimp as that makes it too easy for the hero.

6. Thou shall not make the hero a complete bastard as there is no way the heroine will have sex with him unless it is to prove a point then walk away laughing.

7. Thou shall be allowed to stare at gorgeous men as you are doing it in the name of research. As for touching – that’s at your own creative discretion.

8. Thou shall drop the names of your published books into conversation…something like…"Everything was Rose Perfect because it happened Swift of Heart and I did it Because I Can as he was a Thief of Mine." It does not have to make sense and it makes people go and buy the books to work out what the hell you are babbling about or maybe just to shut you up – either way it’s a sale.

9. Thou shall have a happy ever after in your book even if you have a cold, the curse, overdue bills, the kids are sick, you have to clean, wash and iron, you hate your job or you have just broken up with the love of your life. You will get the hero and heroine together come what may. Chocolate can always be used later for medicinal purposes.

10. Thou shall treat yourself to some luxury once you’ve sent you book off to your editor as you deserve it.

11. Thou shall be allowed a moment’s disappointment if your royalty check sucks but then go out and spend it on wine and take-out because you can.

12. Thou shall not throw a hissy fit if your editor tells you that vampires from outer space, heroines having babies, green people ménages and sock puppets are no longer the hot selling genres. Move onto something that is.

13. Thou shall remain realistic and retain a sense of humour when it comes to publishing because life is short and there is no point spitting the dummy over something you can do nothing about.

Take ‘em or leave ‘em…it’s what I live by.

Hissy fit = spitting the dummy
Spitting the dummy = hissy fit.

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Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Anny Cook said...

I believe I'll print this out and paste to the wall over my computer. Good job!

Phoenix said...

Very good job! But "Anyone can do ten"? Anny I think those are fighting words.

Amarinda, as always, a real treat. Thanks for the morning laugh.

Unknown said...

Grasshopper I m not like everyone else and I like the number 13
And Anny - what can I say? We live in interesting times

Cindy Spencer Pape said...

"Spitting the dummy?" There's a new one. But I'm with Anny, these are rules to live by.