Riiight....

Cairns is a interesting place when it comes to the roads. No, they’re in good condition. Yes, it’s easy to get around. What’s the problem then? I haven’t been here long enough to drive like a local. To do that you must –

- never ever indicate if you want to change lanes. Just do it.
- if it’s a four lane street and you don’t want to drive in any of those lanes then hell yeah use the bike lane and make it your own or cross over the cement traffic island if you can’t be bothered waiting.
- pull out of all a sudden. No really, I just love surprises.
- drive really, really, really slow.

And it’s not just the drivers – it’s the pedestrians. There is a severe problem with jay-walking in Cairns. It’s a bloody laid back town. Add a bunch of stoned or dumb arsed backpackers who are invincible and you have a game of dodgems. A lot of people get run down exercising their democratic right to wander aimlessly across the road like Brown’s cows.

But the best one? That was today. I’m driving along and I pass a man on a bicycle. He’s holding a chainsaw in one hand on his shoulder and the other hand is gripping a lawn edger and one handlebar. Riiight. I rang a friend and said what I saw. He wasn’t surprised. Well hell, it’s Cairns after all. Any more laidback they’d be comatose.