Just give me the facts…

I won’t lie. I got through University using Cliffs Notes. What are they? Condensed versions of a book that set out the facts and main points without all the drivel in between.I have no idea who Cliff may have been but what a beaut bloke he was. He saved me hours of time trying to wade their epics of intense boredom like The Pilgrim’s Progress – really Christian should have got it at the slough of despair and we would never have had to hear about that annoying bugger again. And the The Scarlet Letter? That’s supposed to be passion filled epic novel. All I could see was a spineless wimp who knocked up a local woman and then refused to do the right thing by her. He should have joined the other one in the slough. But I didn’t, as much as I wanted to, write those thoughts in my assignments. I diligently read through that main points that Cliff set out and then re-wrote them in Amarinda-speak. Cheating? Maybe. If you do it badly and get caught. Do it well and no one knows and that gets you an A.

My point is this – we waste so much time analysing stuff or listening to long-winded crap that I say there should be Cliffs Notes on everything – school,work, politicians, supermarkets etc. Let’s not piss around with the boring bits of life. Give me Cliff’s version and let’s get on with life.

The wondrous Cliff....

Unbreakable is released at Ellora’s Cave. To go into the draw to win the Aussie stuff in the picture - all you need to do is answer two simple questions. The answers can be found somewhere in the book or on this blog….say if you scrolled down a bit.

Question 1: What subject does lecturer Dash Lomard teach?

Question 2: How old is India Blake?

Email the answers to amarinda_jones@yahoo.com.au. Please put ‘Contest’ in the subject field of the email.

The first correct answer, drawn at random, to those two specific questions wins the Aussie gift set in the picture. And yes, the t-shirt comes in XXL – I checked. The contest closes at midnight (USA EST) on June 6th. The winner will announced on the blog after they have been contacted by email. Good luck.

I got an urgent phone call today. A friend was in a state of panic and I had to help her or she was in deep trouble. I mentally calculated what bail money I could scrape together and I realized I could only probably get one of her arms released from jail. The rest of her would have to stay in the nick. Her desperate question to me? What did I remember of Pilgrim’s Progress??? Huh? “You read it at Uni didn’t you?” Well, technically yes, I browsed it at Uni until I realized that there was no way I could read that book without falling asleep and I got the Cliffs notes. “So you cheated?” No, Cliffs notes aren’t cheating. They are study aids that cut through all the boring crap and tell you the crux of the story – anyway that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. “Okay, whatever – what do you remember?” It seems she has been given this book in one of her Open Uni (study from home) classes. Remember? Other than knowing where all the Cliffs notes were housed in the University library – not much. There was a pit of pitifulness or something like that and a slough of somewhere or other…and there’s also a Slough outside of London. “London? How does that help me?” Well, it doesn’t, it’s just an

aside. I burbled on about Christian wandering through various obstacles, temptations etc. “Why was he doing that?” I can’t remember…possibly something to do with challenges in life or maybe he was looking for the Holy Grail or maybe there was no place like home and he just had to remember that and tap his heals together. “You’re hopeless,” she said.

******

Hey, I know that. Anytime I got assigned books to read at Uni I used to look at them and think ‘Holy crap…seriously?” I love books but these are not ones I would choose. Yes, I know they’re all classics but I could never see how they related to getting my degree. Another book that drove me to Cliff and his wondrous notes was The Scarlet Letter. You’re probably all saying – what? That’s a classic. Is she a philistine? Yes, more than likely. The thing that turned me off that was the fact that the woman took all the blame for sleeping with the weak, spineless so called hero. My lecturer at the time said – ‘but what about the passion in the book, Amarinda?” Now if the heroine had of slugged the weak kneed hero and then stuck the scarlet letter to his head with superglue, then yeah, I would have called that passion. But otherwise, sorry Nathaniel mate, I did not like the book. Again, Cliff saved my arse. I wish I had of known about him

when I was in my senior year in high school and instead of reading the exceedingly boring Day of The Triffids, I watched the movie. Humongous mistake that. The book and the movie were only a like in the title and to base my essay on that had my teacher laughing his arse off.

******

So what is the point of this? Well, maybe that you have to read a story instead of asking someone else to form your opinions. Maybe, that everyone is so different that we’re not always going to agree on stuff so why get pissed off if we don’t. Or maybe don’t ask me to help you to do book reports. And no, please don’t try to explain Pilgrims Progress to me. I prefer to blissfully unaware. How did I ever get my Bachelor of Arts with this half arsed philosophy? I turned up to the required number of classes, I parroted back what the lecturer said in my papers – because that’s what they wanted to hear – their words and not my opinions - and I knew if there was only one degree up for grabs then I would get my chubby fist on it first because I wanted it. What have I used my degree for in life so far? Hmmm…absolutely nothing. It’s in a frame somewhere in the house. No, it’s not on a wall. I have more important crap on the walls like 1950’s Spanish bullfighter posters and flying plaster ducks…a degree can’t compete with that. However, that’s not to say that anything I have learned is wasted. I’m sure it’s just in abeyance somewhere until it’s needed. And by the way – thanks Cliff.

*******

By the way – the rain I mentioned in the previous blog was a fizzer…never mind…life goes on.

Also…remember Mervina the possum? No, she’s not back terrorizing me but here’s a possum that was found in the same part of Brisbane as where I live. Click here. Thankfully Mervina was a little smarter than this one….

Author Nancy Hunter has an ongoing summer contest for theme prizes related to her first release, Taste of Liberty, coming July 17. Sign up for her newsletter at www.nancyhunterbooks.com to be eligible for cool prizes like Native American jewelry and free book downloads. First drawing will be June 7.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?