So, there's this box of chocolates...

So, I had to do this online cognitive evaluation test for this job thing. What a load of crap it was. I believe Einstein would have declared it bollocks. The word association stuff was fine. The “which shape out of 57 different shapes match the 6 at the bottom and the two on the left side test” was stupid but okay. The math questions? Oh for  god sake I don’t care how many miles or oranges or people it takes to fill a balloon or swim backstroke balancing a pen on one’s nose or who out of Johnny and Billy eats faster and therefore will be able to go to football practice one day a week, please guess that day.

Example –

The math teacher is going to buy a box of chocolates to hand out to her students for good behaviour.  She has 15 students. Six are exceptionally good and always do what they’re told. Three are bad students who smoke joints. Three regularly fall asleep in on their desk.  Four lack any aptitude for algebra.  The last student speaks little English.  

My answer –

First of all, the math teacher has 15 students not the 17 in the problem.  I’m not sure on the health and safety legislative requirements of her handing out food in light of food tampering, peanut allergies and why is she trying to tempt them? The six good ones are suck ups and would, given the right amount of pressure from the three bad students, hand over their chocolates so buying for them is moot. The ones asleep on the desk? Problem solved, they get nothing in the you-snooze-you-lose-scheme of life. The four who suck at math will undoubtedly be the most interesting people to come out of the school and would view chocolate as a bribe and would use that information against the teacher later if she pissed them off.  The kid who can’t speak English? He’s in the wrong classroom so feeding him chocolate will only make him want to come back.

Total number of chocolates to hand out without violating any laws is just a box for the teacher to have with her after class vodka.

So, I gave my answer. It came back I was above the average, intelligent and a leader. See? The kids who suck at algebra always rule. 

Things to know about zombies...

We should have learnt this at school and not frigging algebra...

Never underestimate the zombie

"Zombies are not mindless hunters. They are swifter and craftier than one might expect. A lone zombie can burst out of hiding and take a chunk out of you in the blink of an eye."

Never engage a zombie if you can avoid it

"Though zombies are surprisingly quick in confined spaces, they are not swift runners. Engage the zombie only when you are trapped, and escape is not an option."

Focus on the task; keep fear out of your head

"No one, no matter what their powers of description, can fully prepare you for your first encounter with a zombie. Their grotesque appearance and smell, along with the inhuman noises they emit, can induce a level of fear and terror that precludes rational response and causes one to freeze. You must not react to the zombie's appearance. Focus instead on delivering a combination of offensive and defensive strikes that will buy you enough time to escape. "

Do not allow the zombie to get a grip on you

"Once a zombie wraps you in its powerful grip, your prospects for survival are minimal. Therefore, your first priority must be deflecting away the zombie's hands. "

Seek medical attention after any encounter

"Always have trained medical personnel examine you as soon as possible after any encounter, even if no wounds are visible. The zombie virus can enter your body through the smallest opening in your skin, be it a scraped knuckle or a nicked elbow."

http://www.news.com.au/national/some-think-the-world-will-end-in-fire-some-in-ice-but-many-believe-the-walking-dead-will-finish-us-off/story-fndo4eg9-1226531337614