Limp handbags with knobs on them…

So, I was thinking today, at the gym, when I had just finished having a shower and I was having one of those moments when standing naked with your hands behind your back, and it’s not some kinky, sexual thing, but more you can’t put one hook into one eye of your bra despite the fact you’ve been doing it for a zillion years, and I wondered what would happen if all women did away with bras and we just let them all hang loose. Would men be as interested in boobs that hang down like limp handbags with knobs on them? Would we start reading about heroines who still fall in love despite having 40DD’s, back pain, nipple rash on their knees and nipples sticking out through the fabric on their midriff because their boobs were no longer hydraulically up there either through cunning lyrca or the innocence of bouncy youth? Would celebrities go to plastic surgeons anymore? Would we just buy oversized pants and tuck our boobs in at the top leaving our shoulders free because we’ve always had nice shoulders? Would we unite as women because we would no longer be imprisoned by the lace confines of bras?

Nah, probably not.   

Zoot…

So, I was talking to a friend at lunchtime and the conversation came around to bras and no, I’m not sure how it did but we have conversations that can go from aardvarks to bras to metaphysics and end with “is zoot really a word?” Anyway, back to bras…this is a good male friend…no - just a friend…yes, men make good friends… I know…its weird right…and we came to the discussion of undoing them…the bras…not the men. Men are easily undone…but that’s another blog to do with lips, tongues and sucking. 

I once worked at an all-female office where one of the biggest and most controversial discussions we had was about doing up a bra. Do you shove your boobs in first and then bend your arms around behind your back to do up the hooks or do you put the bra around your waist at the front, hook it up on your midriff, then twist it around while shoving your boobs up? The debate raged for days. A lot of names like “freak” and “weirdo” were thrown around at the women who were flexible enough to do the behind the back thing – those women in turn called the midriff fasteners “boob-less wonders” because the theory was only the flat chested did that as they didn't have as much to lift. Yes, I think we did get some work done eventually but it was a tense filled couple of weeks. The boob-less wonders are still wrong by the way…

Back to my friend…he said it can be very hard sometimes to unhook a bra. I can see that especially if your bra has three or more hooks at the back. You know, I never consider the hardship a man is faced with when it comes to a bra. Women? Bras are like breathing to us. On. Off. Boobs up. Boobs down. In. Out. Maybe bra removal should be added to the school curriculum.  Maybe men have to learn patience and better ball holding skills. Maybe do it yourself is the thing.

Anyway, I still think zoot is a word…