Er, no...

 

So, I just came back from the hairdresser. I like going there as I can read all the trashy magazines, especially the old ones from last year. I like to read over the horoscopes to see if anything that was predicted in 2013 actually happened.  I'm a Scorpio. It was predicted the following would happen to Scorps...

- You will find the great love of your life - er, no.

- You will marry - see above.

- Great wealth will come your way - er, no.

- You will want for nothing as the universe will answer your every call - I may have been asleep and missed that call. Was a message left?

- Your dream job will come to you in an unexpected way - negatory.

- The end of 2013 and the start of 2014 is your year Scorpio. I will be golden - it's actually been pretty puce bordering on blech.

- You will experience great periods of happiness -  thank god for chocolate.

- You and your partner could expect a bundle of joy - hmmm, if I could find this partner I would ask him where this ' bundle' is and what's my share.

- Your inquisitive mind will lead you down paths that will see you accumulating great knowledge - er, no.

- You will be spiritually enlightened -  no, unless the spirits were alcohol based.

- You will want for nothing - uh huh. 

I like reading my horoscope but on the whole, it's pretty much a load of bullocks. The love of your life? You find him or you don't and the world still turns. Great wealth? Never known money to come to you without hard work. Dream jobs? Ain't no such thing. Happiness? You have to be happy with yourself or at least give yourself a break and accept you can equally stuff up or star. Horoscopes. Enjoy them but believe them? Believe only in yourself.

Weirdness…

So I was perusing the Cairns Post at work because I had nothing else to do and I was reading my horoscope – Scorpio - which was boring. No mention of money or sex or drugs or rock and roll. Anyway I scanned the horoscopes of other people I knew and Libra caught my eye –

“To this very day, if you live in the City of York, you are legally entitled to use a bow and arrow to shoot a Scotsman. You can do it with complete impunity, unless it happens to be on a Sunday, in which case the law will offer you no protection.”

*Page 18 Cairns Post November 2012

Who knew? What did this have to do with being a Libra? Not a damn thing I could see. So who makes up these horoscopes that we read so avidly? I reckon any bugger on the planet can.

BTW…FYI…

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/895155-scottish-archery-fans-can-relax-in-york-as-archaic-laws-face-axe

The things you read in the newspaper… 

Just tell it to me straight...

Scorpio…

“'I no naka no kawazu taikai wo shirazu'. Or so they say in Japan. Roughly translated it means, 'A frog who lives in a well doesn't know about the ocean.' You are not a frog in a well. Or at least, not with regard to your current situation! You have seen the sea. You know what is possible. You are now being advised to steer clear of the ocean by someone who does not share your breadth of experience. Be grateful for the kind spirit behind this advice but don't let it stop you from exploring wider horizons.

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/horoscopes

Yes, well…like life isn’t confusing enough…now I have to deal with frogs and wells and stuff. Where have the normal horoscopes gone? Win money. Find love. Lose weight. That’s what I want to read…now I’m going to have to spend all day today looking out for frogs…

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Friday at Chez Amarinda....

Mad About Mirabelle – review – Reviewer Top Pick

Wow once again Amarinda Jones brings two hot characters that will make you constantly reach for a cold glass of water. From the first chapter, the backseat limo wow. Not only was it interesting how the author brought these two together again but also it was fun to see how they try to survive when someone wants them dead. It was hilarious from the mosquitoes biting on their butts; houses exploding to finding a dead body. This book was a lot of fun to read. Mad About Mirabelle is definitely a great book to check out from Amarinda Jones. You will get suspense, hot passionate sex, and a treasure of money worth reading about.

http://www.nightowlromance.com/nightowlromance/reviews/Review.asp?ReviewId=1123

Dear Amarinda,
Here is your horoscope for Friday, January 11:

Look for intangible clues right now. The universe is urging you down a certain path, but don't expect neon signs. It's whispering in your ear, nudging you toward exciting possibilities. Open your ears -- something great is in the works.

Don’t you just hate it when your stars (Scorpio) are all mystical like this? What’s with the nudging and urging? And I have to open my ears? What path? Why can’t the clues be unmissable flaming arrow type clues? You know, the kind that scare the hell out of you but you get instantly. ‘Intangible ‘sucks. I’m happy to believe ‘something great is in the works’ but more specific information please. Why don’t they just say – Amarinda, the lotto win you have been expecting for years will happen tomorrow night?

Today I ….

I locked myself out of the house Yes - I was impressed by that as well. I was checking the mail and as I walked down the steps the door slammed behind me. Lovely. I did have keys in my hand but there were for the mailbox. That meant I had to use the spare hidden keys – cue dramatic Mission Impossible music. They are hidden in the most difficult place to get to purely because it’s the craziest place to hide them. Even if a burglar glanced for a second at where the keys were hidden I have a feeling he would think – “Nah, no one would be that stupid.” Au contraire, mon ami burglar. Not only could I, but I am. So I tramped around to the death defying place I had hidden them. Big sigh as I looked at the place. Degree of difficulty? Bloody hard mate. Anyway, I jumped, crawled, swore, tumbled and snatched the keys with 2 fingers as I hung suspended by my toenails. Of course once I had them, I had to open the child proof container (pukeable things), unwrap them from the multiple layers of protection, open the door and then do the whole thing in reverse. Indiana Jones eat your heart out. Yes, I could hide them somewhere less death defying but what adventure would there be in that?


‘Climbed up the steps of death today. What are they? They are 40 of the steepest steps on the planet. Maybe I exaggerate a tad when I say the planet…but when you climb them it feels like you are trying to climb up a vertical wall. They are just plain bloody horrible. I always get to the top, gasping for breath and think “I am never going to do that again.” Why did I do it? It’s in the pursuit of health, fitness and all things insane. Also at 5am on my morning power ramble my brain is not functioning properly and some things seem like a good idea at the time. Will I do it again tomorrow? Nah, but next week I’ll take another crack at them again. Am I wanting ‘buns of steel’ from this? Nope, the marshmallows ones I have now are not likely to change at this stage but this masochist exercise counteracts the bad things I plan to indulge in later.

Ethel called to advise she was sending me a box of stationery – re-writable CDs and fly drives – by company courier from her new job. “Please sign my name.” Excellent news as I use this stuff constantly. Her signature is dead easy to do. And yes, of course I pointed out how naughty she was using company merchandise like that and no, I would never forge anyone’s name…well, I mean I’m sure I would have had it occurred to me to say it at the time...

Kelly on www.kkirch.blogspot.com left us with…

"Then that makes Choltax--er, the ruler, not the planet--Zoltan's long lost brother." Shade slapped his forehead with understanding. Rinalda, being helpful, slapped it too. Rafe, seeing the pattern hauled off and palmed his twin's noggin, feeling proud of himself.

Emmeline rolled her eyes.

"Out of curiosity, what happens if a green-eyed female from the sixth dimension of the planet Choltax swallows a load of diamonds?" Rinalda asked Zoltan.

Huh??? That hurt my brain but Grasshopper likes to do that. I’m going with….

“That’s it. I’m out of here.” Emmeline knew she was wasting precious time. She turned to Zoltan. “Between you and the three Muppets here I’ve had more than enough.”

Zoltan’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “What about your share of the diamonds?”

“You know what - have them.” Four sets of eyes looked at her in amazement.

“Oh my god you’re dying.” Rafe was agog at her unexpected words.

“Can I have her peeler?” Rinalda asked quickly before anyone else could claim it.

Emmeline shook her head and turned from the group. Dumb as rocks. She wasn’t about to explain that she had bigger things on offer than a handful of puny diamonds. While she had been carousing with the natives they had told her about the Tourmaline Chalice. A pair of earrings,

her socks, her battery powered toothbrush and the pack of strawberry bubble gum from her pocket secured her the location of the sought after trophy. It was the stuff of legends. Men killed for it and women connived to get it. Emmeline wasn’t about to share it with this pack of dweebs.

“I’ll find you wherever you go, wife of mine,” Zoltan called out to her in a knowing tone.

Emmeline turned and smiled smugly. “You don’t have the ability to track me any more.”

“You haven’t!” Zoltan turned pale under his spray on tan.

“That’s right. I dug the tracking beacon out of the filling in my tooth.” She saw the alarm in his face. “I’m free of you forever.” She kissed the emerald transponder ring on her finger. “Take me to Peru,” she commanded. The chalice would be hers.

You just know Anny is going to have something bizarre happen in the next episode tomorrow on www.annycook.blogspot.com. She is also featuring what I suspect is a shape-shifting cat on her blog. Kelly either has the meaning of life, how to make peanut butter sandwiches or how to clog dance to Thriller on www.kkirch.blogspot.com. But don’t quote me, I could be wrong.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?