Say what?

I was at work today trying to track down some freight. I rang the freight company and lodged a where-the-fuck-is-our-stuff enquiry. The lady on the other end of the line asked me to describe what was in the boxes. I rattled off the contents and finished with and 100 calico bags. She asked 'What’s calico?' I said its fabric. She said ‘I’m not following you.’ I said material. ‘In what way is it material?’ Okay. Cloth, I ventured. She said 'I don’t understand.' I said what are your clothes made of? She said ‘they’re made out of clothing.’ Okay, I then said ‘cloth’ is the first part of clothing. She said ‘I’m just not understanding you. Please spell cloth and calico.’  No really, seriously. So I spelled the words out. She put a request to find the mysterious cloth and I ended the call and thought there are some seriously scary people are out there…  

Wicked woman…

So, I blaspheme a lot. Yes, I expect to go directly to hell without much discussion. It was indicated to me that blaspheming – Jesus, Christ, God – etc is wicked and I should stop. My response back was ‘telling other people what to do is stupid and you should stop.’

Whether you like it or not, blasphemy is part of life. We’re no longer in the dark ages of the Inquisition or dodging issues like whether a King of England can change religion because he wants to get his rocks off with another woman. Life has changed. Language has changed. It always does. It’s meant to otherwise we would be theeing and thouing and forsoothing all over the place. Language is about fluidity and cultural identity. We change with the times. Vernacular changes. No one is wrong or right. And blaspheming is no different. If you don’t want to use particular words then don’t. But, by the same token don’t expect other people to adhere to what you set as your standards.

As for the presumption of being wicked? I consider it more as the freedom to be yourself and follow your own rules without fear or favour…swear to god…

Hmmm...

I was reading someone’s profile page on facebook and it said, amongst the languages they spoke, they had the ability to speak ‘American English.’ I found that interesting. English, other than the odd vowels that some countries add or remove, is English. Despite the drawl or the twang, it’s still English. I’m an Aussie. I wouldn’t call it Australian English. Yes, we have our own form of slang that many can’t understand and we have a lovely, distinctive way of speaking but we still speak English. I find it interesting, in a world that while coming together faster and faster through distance and technology, we have people who hold fast to ideas like ‘American English’. Is it then separated into states and provinces?

Yes, keep your own culture and beliefs. They’re important, but if a large percent of the world’s population speak the same language labelling it as being something that it’s not makes me wonder at the thoughts, beliefs and actions of the labeller.

Have it the way you want...

I was doing some writing and banging out all these terrible, filthy, sexy words on screen. And the things the characters were doing to each other? Most interesting. As I wrote I thought back to when I started this writing gig. Then, I was subbing only to one publisher. Why? I was dumb and new. I’m still dumb but older. Anyway that publisher had strict rules about what words could be used to describe sex and other stuff. ‘Dick’ was never to be used to describe a penis. And ‘baby’? That wasn’t a term of endearment to them. They considered it somehow pedophilia to have the characters say something like -“Baby, I love you.”

That publisher was very limited in their views. I believe it was because they were the big fish in a small pond and they had power over the e-book erotica market. A lot of writers feared their wrath and were too scared to do anything but follow rules. Of course now the e-book pond has grown and multiple new publishers have arisen changing the market even more and for the better. How so? Competition. It’s a great thing. There are new genres, more open minds about the everyday reality of language and the use of words and bodies. It also means writers don’t have to agree to blindly follow the management of one mob. They can pick and choose who they send their work to and – more importantly – 99% of the time they can write the way they want without their ‘voice’ being changed to fit some publisher diva’s personal belief. Creativity should never be packaged in a box because someone says so.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
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TSTL?

TSTL – do you know what that means? I didn’t but then I’m not big on abbreviations or that trendy squiggly crap language – dots and dashes - people use now to express emotions. I like to speak my Australian version of English. It works for me. I never follow trends and I don’t like tags or cutesy abbreviations. I speak as I am and think for myself.

But back to TSTL – apparently this means too stupid to live. Yes, it’s another trendy way to describe someone who is not considered smart by the person labelling them TSTL. So who defines what is too stupid to live? Who is exactly is stupid? And can stupid work for you?

Definition of stupid –

- lacking or marked by lack of intellectual acuity.
- dazed: in a state of mental numbness especially as resulting from shock; "he had a dazed expression on his face"; "lay semiconscious, stunned (or stupefied) by the blow"; "was stupid from fatigue"
- a person who is not very bright; "The economy, stupid!"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

So, there is the internet dictionary definition of stupid. You can be considered stupid if you are ‘marked by a lack of intellectual acuity.’ Well, colour me stupid then as I am not an intellectual in any way shape or form and to be honest I don’t want to be an intellectual –

Definition of intellectual -

- cerebral: involving intelligence rather than emotions or instinct; "a cerebral approach to the problem"; "cerebral drama"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

‘Cerebral drama’ – don’t we get enough of that just watching politicians? My personal belief is we have too many people being ‘cerebral’ rather than assessing things on gut instinct like a normal person, without any agenda, and acting to achieve the best outcome without wanting a prize, votes or adulation. Give me raw emotion and real people any day. If that’s considered stupid by the TSTL crew – that’s okay by me. I’m stupid. As for ‘a person who is not very bright’ – who is all the time? Name me one person you know that is consistently bright every single day of their lives and knows every bloody thing there is to know? I would suggest the answer is no one – but my all means prove me wrong.

That brings me to who exactly is stupid? My personal opinion? No one. However there are evil, spiteful bastards out there like terrorists, war mongers, racists, rapists and pedophiles. Stupid does not apply to them. Why? Because they are lower than pond scum and to my understanding pond scum is not worth rating because it’s beneath us all and slime will always be slime.

So, to me, no person is actually stupid. We all have forehead slap moments where we think why did I say or do that? No human being is ever going to know everything and we are all, at some time, going to be considered less than ‘bright’ by someone who does not know us. That’s fine. I can live with that.

Can stupid work for you? Of course it can. There are some people who actively use ‘being stupid’ to get what they want. Have you noticed that? They are the ones that ask the questions that make everyone else do the eye roll thing. These pretend-stupid people then manage to get other people to do things for them. Have you seen that? I have and occasionally found myself helping the person and thinking later that I got suckered into their ‘I’m so helpless plea.’ And yeah there are genuinely helpless people but have you noticed they have more pride and independence than to whine for help. So yes, if you want something that you cannot get or be bothered to push yourself to get and you are prepared to dumb down for someone to help you get it – stupid can work for you.

Before tagging someone with the TSTL label – and we’ve all done it – myself included though I tend to say as ‘not the sharpest tool in the shed’ think if by your words and actions you may also fit that label.

Label – belongs on jars and school book covers -- Amarinda Jones

TSTL? LMNOP? XYZ? Please…lets move on to something less cutesy and try and talk in actual words…we used to do it before.

www.amarindajones.com
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Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?