How cellulite saves…

I had a stack at the gym today. What is a ‘stack’? It’s Aussie for fall. I was with my trainer, the lovely and long suffering Hugh, and I doing this balancing thing. At the moment, for me, it’s all about strength training. I want to be kicking arse when I am 70…though I have actually only decided to live to 65. Why? Long story. Anyway...where was I? Oh yeah, so I was balancing on this thing…it’s shaped like a mushroom top. One side is hard plastic and the other is the curved surface of a rubber ball. That bit goes on the ground and you stand, albeit very bloody wobbly legged on the hard plastic. It’s like being drunk and wearing stiletto roller skates while balancing a pina colada on your nose.

Anyway there I was doing squats and lifting weights at the same time trying to balance on this wobbly bloody thing when I had my stack. I fell A over T – arse over tit - and landed in an ungraceful heap on my side, laughing hysterically. Hugh was just plain hysterical with concern as he raced over to me and dropped to the ground checking to see what I had broken. “Trouble, are you okay?” Yes, that’s what he calls me – “Trouble.” Isn’t he sweet? I call him “the man who cannot count” because when he says do 20 of something and I do 20 then he calls out that I’ve only done 5. Anyway I was fine. He wasn’t. I’ve never seen someone so worried. I said “it’s okay. I fell on my FFF.” No, nothing like the nitwit KKK. FFF is way more useful and sensible. What is it? Fat Flabby Flank.

Seriously, cellulite will save you every time and I don’t know why we fight it so much. I felt nothing as I hit the ground as cellulite cushioned my fall. I got straight up and spent the next twenty minutes assuring Hugh he was too young to have a nervous breakdown over clumsy clients. He said my problem is “you are too damn stubborn and think you can do everything.” Well duh…I can. You have to test your limits if you want anything out of life. You can’t just stay safe forever.

Cellulite – use it, embrace and fight the urge it get rid of it for it will save you when you least expect it.

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