Me and Marx...

 

I have a confession to make. I’m a crammer.  I have been for years. My version of studying is trying to shove as much knowledge into my brain at the last second in the vain hope I’ll remember something. I recall one exam that was to do with Marxism –no, I’m not sure why I was studying that at University. I just was. Anyhow I stood outside the exam chanting to myself, over and over, these tenets of Marxism and wondering at the same time why I was doing it because I thought Marxism was bollocks. Have you noticed that anything with an ‘ism’ is used to sound important and but essentially, in the end, its bollocks? And yes, I did pass the exam on Marx but stuffed if I can remember what his tenets were. But that’s ok, he doesn’t known my tenets so were even. But I digress – so I’m a crammer. Currently I have 4 – yes 4 - pukeable exams next week and I’m cramming info for the first into my brain now. Tomorrow night I’ll cram the second lot and so on. As each exam passes I will instantly forget whatever I’ve learned. Let’s face it – some people are studiers and live by dried out, old theories. Then, there are others like me and you – the normal-ish people – who live life, not always the politically correct way but they do okay and remember important, obscure facts to sprout out over a glass of wine on a warm summer day. 

Life – cram it in then let it go.    

Now a word from the overweight, white woman...

Well, didn’t I piss off some people on facebook on the weekend?  And the emails I got? Why? Two reasons. The first? Weight. I posted this link on facebook –

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/beauty/be-beautiful-project-inspires-month-of-naked-selfies-in-public/story-fneszy80-1226724623374

My exact words were – “Interesting concept...nope, not about to do it myself but I admire her.”

Why do I admire her? Because people make a decision for themselves and take action based on how they feel and what is important to them. You may not like it. I may not like it. But it’s their decision. We don’t have to understand it. People choose to act as their conscience dictates and what’s important to them. This lady made a stand because she wanted to. She wasn’t asking people to like it or agree with it. What she did was for herself.  If she did this to make herself feel better about who she is then good luck to her. It is not for me or other people to point out the possible flaws in her plan. Yeah, ‘her plan.’ You don’t want to look at her? Don’t look. You declare she needs to lose weight? Look at what you need to change in your life before you judge another. You think she eats indiscriminately, like a self obsessed pig and deserves to be fat? We have no idea of what she eats or her metabolism or what exercise she does. I don’t know what’s going on in her head. No one but she does. And the criticism that really got me was from two people indicating their disgust  in that she was trying to make a place in society to be accepted as a human being around other human beings. Well, fuck me, what a bitch she is to want to find her place in the world and be at peace with who she is.

Now onto the other thing. I’m a white woman. I’m me. I’m average. I have strange, crazy beliefs that everyone should be treated equally regardless of how they look, the colour of their skin and regardless of gender. I know, call me crazy.  What I object to is being blamed as a 'white woman' for all the ills in the world. Bollocks! Yeah, shitty things happen to good people regardless of their skin colour. I'm not about to apologize for my skin colour or who I am. You want to hate me for that? Grow up. Blame one type of person over another and point to them as evil? Oh for fuck sake. Haven't we got enough war in the world  

Yeah – you can email me – amarinda_jones@yahoo.com.au

Randomania...

-          Do warthogs ever consider themselves unattractive?

-          Are snails smart?

-          Are oranges, despite their lack of longevity, quite pleased that there is no rhyme for them?

-          Is it just me or is it a waste of time putting on make up before going to the gym? 

-          Awesome has to be the most overrated word at the moment. I think its bollocks.

-          A good word is bollocks.

-          Do chooks swear?

-          Are beetles as cute as they look? Do they have the heart of an assassin cloaked in a cute form?

-          I suggest, in war, we all throw sherbet bombs instead of real bombs, then no one would die and we’d all by happy – fatter – but happier.

-          If your foot is the same size as the inside of your forearm, does that make buying shoes easier?

-          Are pigeons discriminated against by the use of the phrase pigeon-toed? Maybe some aren’t.

-          If all the boys lived over the sea…okay.

-          A kiss is just a kiss? Maybe if you’re a crap kisser.

-          I would not let anyone into the country based on their passport photo.

-          In a pickle? Does that mean we're wet, green and slimy? Really, no thought went into the phrase at all.

-          Time is on our side. Maybe that’s why we weigh more ‘cause we’re carrying time.            

Oh bugger off…

So, I had someone tell me that I should slow down. Why? Because you’re getting older. Why? Because you need to look after yourself more. Why? Because that’s what people do when they get older. Who? What people? Useless people who were wusses in their youth and are likely to be wusses in their old age? People who believe once you pass 40 you’re dead? Think of it as aging gracefully. I’ve never been graceful. Okay, well think of it as your right to take it easy. Bollocks. I'm 49. I'm not dead.

The thing is, I’ve always done everything fast and furious. Is that likely to change? Er…no. As for rights? Do what you know is best for you based on your life experience and the innate knowledge and belief YOU have in yourself. That is your right. Age how YOU want to age and not some preconceived idea from some person who is full of bollocks. Live how YOU want. You want to get older and crotchety? Fine. You want to get older and fabulous like me? Excellent.
Aging. Get over it. It’s only numbers.     

The tax man's bollocks...

So, the Australian Taxation Office and I have been chatting. It’s due to the ridiculous, crapacious, what-the-hell forms they have sent out to me. Because I stupidly work hard for money in the day job and pocket money in the writing gig, they ping me each year to pay tax in advance – you know, just in case I want to use that money for foolish things like living expenses. When the official time to lodge tax forms comes about, they generally have to pay that money back because they’re stupid. Yes. Correct. Standard tax agency behavior worldwide. It's designed to prop out dole bludgers and 16 year old baby making machines so they can buy cigarettes and McDonalds.

Anyway, back to the forms. I sent in a complaint – no, god no, you don’t talk to a government tax employee over the phone. That’s like sticking a fork into your thigh – painful, pointless and you wish you never did it. So, I banged out a complaint basically stating that unless they could explain the convoluted forms they sent out in standard Aussie then I would certainly ‘pay-as-you-go’ but on a schedule that suited me and they could stick their percentages and the adding of A5 to B6 subtracting F12 from C11 to get an answer at Box A that was 47.5% of Box B but not exceeding the subtracted amount at F12 unless it comes under Section 7, sub paragraph C(iii).

So I had two tax chicks ring me back about my response. Neither could explain the forms that were sent. On each call, I explained that was okay and I would pay what and when I think and keep the receipts. I can’t do this apparently – no wait – actually I can if I have the right form. I know, you’re thinking ‘get the right form sent to you’. There is no right form and they are 'working on that' and they have taken my ‘feedback down and appreciate’ my comments. Bollocks.

So, at the end of each call they asked, ‘are you happy with how we handled the complaint?’ No. ‘Can we close the complaint?' No. I expect another call shortly because having once foolishly accepted a Government job years ago, I know they cannot close the complaint until I say so. It’s a touchy-feeling thing that feigns that they care. In the interim, as always, I will do what I want and they can work around me. 

I do. I say. I believe. I am.

So, I received an email that had the phrase of  ‘If I insisted…’ then they would fix something that was pukeably not right. Now, I’m not a wishy-washy person. If I send you an email about your crapaciousness and that I want it fixed then that should tell you where I stand. I don’t mince my words if I perceive injustice, inequality or bollocks. I’m no different in person to what I am in writing. I’m annoying, persistent and determined. And if I insist? Damn straight I insist. That I or anyone else has to deal with half-arsed people who cannot do the job right the first time, then maybe this isn’t the dimension for them and they need to go to half-arsed land where no one gives a crap and a quarter good enough is okay and no one minds being screwed over because they're half arsed as well.

I’m a very black and white person. I do. I say. I believe. I am.    

Miss Jones....

“For god sake isn’t every single bloody ménage ebook the exact same? Its fifteen thousand words of in-out, three up two down, Baby oh baby I love you and you and you – please save me from the evil-doer then please shag what little brains I have left out. All of you. Harder. Faster. Now. Yes, bring the horse along too. And we’ll all live happily ever after. It’s like the seven dwarfs discover Snow White’s a girl with whorish tendencies. Yes, yes by all means email me if that upsets you as a writer.”

http://amarindajones.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/rate-it-write-it-trash-it

So, I got an email from…well, let’s call her Lottie Lust. She’s an author who writes ménage and she was kinda pissed at the comment above.

“You have no idea what you are talking about. Not all ménage is the same. Mine aren’t. Miss Jones ménage means sex. I write erotica. Erotica means sex.”

First up – thanks for the email. Secondly, it depends what day of the week it is as to whether I know what I’m talking about. If it’s after boot camp then never. And no, of course your book is different to everyone else who is writing ménage…if you say so. Miss? I prefer Ms. And ménage means sex? I would say bollocks to that. Actually bollocks is as close to sex as ménage is…maybe closer...

menage - a social unit living together;
family, household, home, house
broken home - a family in which the parents have separated or divorced
conjugal family, nuclear family -
a family consisting of parents and their children and grandparents of a
marital partner
extended family - a family consisting of the nuclear family and their blood relatives
foster family - the family of a fosterling
foster home - a household in which an orphaned or delinquent child is placed (usually by a social-service agency)
menage a trois - household for three; an arrangement where a married couple and a lover of one of them live together while sharing sexual relations
social unit, unit - an organization regarded as part of a larger social group;

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/menage

bol·locks
n. Vulgar Slang
1. The testicles.
2. Nonsense.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/bollocks

But hey, opinion is good and if we all agreed on everything there would be peace in the world and that would be bizarre.

As always, I stand by my words.

Not dead...

...just working on ways to get around stupid, anal, prudish rules made up by people who are full of bollocks.

Censorship is bollocks...

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2012/02/legal-censorship-paypal-makes-habit-deciding-what-users-can-read

http://www.scribd.com/doc/83549049/NCAC-ABFFE-Letter-To-PayPal-eBay-re-Ebook-Refusal-2012

"Freedom of speech means that you shall not do something to people either for the views they have, or the views they express, or the words they speak or write." Hugo L. Black, U.S. Supreme Court Justice 1963

Damn straight Hugo...

Conspiracy theory or a load of bollocks?

I say bollocks to the explanation that indie authors and publishers get their books banned or pulled because paypal or credit card companies do not want consumers buying contentious stories yet you can buy dildos, cock rings, vibrators, anal toys and god knows what else with your paypal and credit card. I think it’s always easier to blame someone else. It makes the one who is placing blame look like they have no choice. The vast majority of people in the Western word always have a choice. If you object to something on moral grounds then say it. Don’t hide behind piss weak excuses.

I do believe that the rise of indie authors and publishers is pissing off some people. Too bad, so sad I say. Modern technology gives people – writers – choices. Be confined within the limits of what someone else dictates? Or do what you know and believe is right and in doing so avoid all the bollocks? And banning books or stories? Censorship only enhances the allure of those stories. Thank you so much for that.

Wherever there’s a will, there’s a way.

No, really, you're lopsided...

Okay, so I went and got a haircut. I should point out I had not got around to having one for six months and my resemblance to Cousin It was remarkable. So I went. Now, I have straight, boring brown hair that rests on my shoulders in a bob. It’s weirdly wavy at the back which makes no sense whatsoever and it also makes hairdressers say the same thing every time – “Your hair would be really curly if you had it cut short.” No. Incorrect.

Anyway so I went a training college to have it done because it was cheaper and I’m a great believer in people needing experience and how much can you bugger up straight hair? The answer? A bloody lot as I found out today. Apparently after much cutting the reason it was lopsided – longer one side than the other – was because I was sitting with my legs crossed. That’s what the head trainer said. Now, I was very patient up until this point but my answer to this was ‘Bollocks.’ When I uncrossed them it was still lopsided.

Will I go again? No. I like someone who purports to being charge to actually know something. And blaming the customer? Did I mention bollocks?

Bollocks….

There’s this ad on Brisbane radio that is so sexist and perpetuating the belief that women should try and make themselves attractive to the opposite sex that I wonder who the dickheads are who write this drivel. It’s for an all-female gym. No, not my gym – there’s boys there. And yes, I understand that some women feel more comfortable working out with only women. Now you would think an advert for an all female gym would be about empowerment – to encourage women to get healthy. Oh no. This ad is two dumb arsed men talking about women being foxes and how they like to hunt the ones with ‘great tail.’ Then some inane voice over woman gets all girly and tells women to get the man they want she has to get into shape and be a ‘fox.’ Bollocks.

When the fuck are we going to grow up? Some people are never going to be the ‘perfect’ shape yet you know what? They fall in love and people love them back. You hear the media talking about anorexia and young girls and how ‘it must be stopped.’ Well, it’s pretty simple. A person is not only their body. Their mind, their heart and their soul are what makes people attractive. The best body in the world doesn’t house the greatest heart. When are we ever going to learn? And, more importantly when are women – like this female gym – going to say enough is enough – "come in because you want to feel better and get healthier and if you arse is sagging so what?" If any man cannot see past that then I say that man is not worth the effort.

Great tail? Bollocks. Any man who uses the phrase about a woman is a horse's arse.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
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