Wankers R Us....

So I rang the ATO – Australian Taxation Office – aka Anal People Unite – as last year I paid too much tax and receiving a tax instalment letter telling me I should again pay too much seemed a tad odd to me. After the usual press 57 buttons, drink a cup of coffee, swear at government departments and their on hold music while going through the receipts in my purse, I got this woman who basically indicated that yes, I did pay too much last year and yes they expected me to pay in advance again. Why? Well, you’ll get a tax refund next year. But I want to use MY money now. Well, you can’t. Why not? Well, we’ve set it up so you have to pay. Okay then – change it. Oh we can’t do that. That means we have to vary it and varying it means you’re trying to not pay your taxes and you’ll get penalized and have to pay a fine. Fined for not overpaying when I don’t have to? Correct – you don’t want to cheat the government do you? I said have you listened to anything you’ve just said to me? Her response was that she didn’t have to. She was employed to tell me the regulations and that if I didn’t overpay I’d be a tax cheat. Riiiight. I have to overpay so dole bludgers and 17 year old baby making machines don’t have to get a job. No, naturally I’m not accepting that. I escalated the complaint. The staff member said I shouldn’t do that. Why not? Because you’re not supposed to. My response? Honey, I do lots of stuff I’m not supposed to. Wankers.

Wanted – one gigolo with a receipt book…

“ya know I can just see you in a motel room - you sitting on the side of the bed, fully dressed, notebook and pen in hand, and him stark naked demonstrating something to you as you take notes!!!!!” – quote from a friend

I have the whole I-don’t-want-a-man-to-annoy-me-thing going on at the moment but I require a man to experiment on and ask questions of. I did have one of these but anyway...so, it’s quite a dilemma for me. Take on a man who will probably irritate me in my current no commitment mode or find one who doesn’t want involvement but does have an ABN (Australian Business number) therefore making him a tax deduction and use him on retainer for this book writing business. I have contacted the ATO (Australian Tax Office) about this research expense. Yes, I can hardy await their response too.

Now, I’m not against romance. Hell no. I just don’t want to settle for Mr Meh when there’s probably someone better lurking out there if I chose to look. And I will. Soonish. So, a gigolo is the perfect solution. Why? Because I pretty much reckon they have seen and done it all and if a erotic romance writer asked them to do – well I won’t say as it would spoil the book I’m writing – something off the wall they probably wouldn’t blink twice. So, I need an unshockable, sensual man who knows women but most importantly is someone I can claim as a tax deduction….oh and he must have a sense of humour, is not clingy and likes to talk as I ask lots of questions. Sex? Not necessary…depends on how good a talker he is. Talkative, smart men are the most sexy.

Oh come on…don’t tell me you haven’t wondered what it would be like to be with such a skilled lover without all the real life complications. Isn’t that why we read erotica? It’s a different slice of life. I often read other Ellora’s Cave writers and think – whoa! How is that possible without her blacking out from hanging upside like that and she must have some thigh muscles to allow him to balance her like that while his tongue licks her…you get my point. Erotica is crazy, wild, no holds barred, it’s a cock-for-god-sake-not-a-love-muscle-sex. Thank god for it.

So, if you are a gigolo with a receipt book, ready to sign a confidentially clause and if I can claim you on tax then email me and we’ll discuss terms….

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