This day last year...

…I had just farewelled the movers as they departed with my worldly goods and Patrick, my stoic car, and I were set to hit the road to Cairns that was a bazillion miles away. Patrick was packed to the gills, I had a map, no job to go to and no home to settle in. I was taking a humungous leap of faith leaving the familiar for nothing and the unfamiliar. But that’s the beauty of doing stuff like that. Everyone needs a huge karmic shift in their life so they re-evaluate what they want and where they need to be. Me? I done good. I have an excellent house, have had several jobs since moving up here, aquired two militant budgies and I have met and made friends. Life is what you make it. Change? I like it.

XH....

This time next week I’ll be moving to XH. What is XH? It’s the house I bought. Why do I call it XH? Well, the street name is a long one so me, being me, I’ve shortened it for convenience. The last year has been a mad one for changes. So much has happened. I was speaking to Miss T last night on the phone and I said I don’t regret the wild decisions, despite the dramas that ensued, I’ve made. Drama. Change. All a part of life and it led me to XH. Am I lucky? No, just willing to take a risk. Could I have fallen on my arse? Of course, but cellulite rebounds.

Have you ever…

….had something change your life so significantly that you’re no longer sure if what you believed previously was right or wrong and you’re lost for words when you try to explain your thoughts? I’m in that mode at the moment. Usually I can talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles and never hesitate in what I am saying. But of late I am stopping and thinking and analyzing every thought before I speak so I won’t get caught up …and damn it I’m stammering…I never stammer. It’s so not me and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

I have always believed upheaval in your life is a good thing. Why? Because we all become too bloody programmed and static as we trudge along on our own particular treadmills. We act as robots knowing that what we did yesterday is what we’ll do today and the people we’ll do it with will be the same as they are every day. It’s boring as buggery of course. I think we need to be shocked, pushed or shoved onto another path. It keeps us fresh. It’s a good thing…yet I’m having trouble dealing with it all of a sudden and I’m thinking of hundreds of reasons and excuses to get out of things.

I used to be so decisive – ‘it’s black, it’s white – yes – no – do this, do that.’ I miss that decisiveness. Yet, I don’t miss the treadmill I was on. Actually what I want is everything. I want the safe, old stuff in my life and the out of control new stuff. I want to run screaming away at a million miles an hour and yet stay and tough it out. I want everything and yet nothing is also very safe….I feel totally screwed and I like it - but I don’t. And I’m blithering – as I am now – to try and make sense of all the changes in my life….oh lordy… has this ever happened to you? Most confusing grasshopper…

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?