Jeez Louise...

I changed the route on my run this morning and ran through the city. Only problem with this is you can see your reflection in the shop windows when you run. Yeesh. While the fact you can run without dying is a good thing, you don't want to be looking at yourself when you do it. Scary stuff. It'd put you off exercise for life. Exercise. Don't look - don't see - just do it.

"Exercise is done against one’s wishes and maintained only because the alternative is worse." - unknown

No, you shut up...

Brain – Wake up.

Body – Go away. I’m trying to sleep.

Brain – It’s 4:30am. It’s time to exercise! We love exercise!

Body – It’s Sunday. Piss off. Go without me – and no, we don’t. You’re deranged.

Brain – Oh come on, you know you like getting up early and torturing yourself.  

Body – Er, no, actually I don’t. All that endorphin shit you try to flood me with is plain annoying.

Brain – Come on fatso, get up. Don’t you want to grow up big and strong?

Body – Seriously, fuck off and let me sleep.

Brain – I can’t, Tubby.

Body – I know. You’re a pain in the arse. Anyway, it’s pouring down rain outside. I’ll get wet and melt.  

Brain – Shut up and stop whining.  

Body - No, you shut up.

Brain – Don’t you want to look all trim and lovely?

Body – Right now, podgy and feral looking work for me.

Brain – I’m just doing my job.

Body – Yes.

Brain – Work with me.

Body - No, rack off.

Brain - You're difficult but I like you and I believe -

Body – You’re not going to shut up are you?

Brain – Come on – you know me - I’m annoying. You love that about me.

Body – Fine. Whatever. I’ll get up.

Brain – That-a-girl! Go team! You can do it!

Body – Did I mention shut up before?

Brain – I knew you’d get up.

Body – Smart arse.

Ready to amaze...

So, at boxing lessons today, I had to walk back and forward with a 7 kilo (15 pound) medicine ball over my head. At each place I stopped I had to lift this freaking heavy arsed thing up and down over my head ten times. I then did that 14 times back and forward. It was hard. I panted. I sweated. I swore under my breath. But I did it. Why? Because I wanted to prove I could. I showed my bicep to a friend at lunch. He nodded his head and indicated how amazed he was at it. He wasn't. He was just being nice to his demented friend. But, I know that bicep is there just waiting to bulge out and dazzle people with it's magnificence. I hope I’m awake when it does.   

A-mazing...

 There’s this dude that exercises every morning on the Cairns Esplanade. When I say exercise, it’s that he walks around in circles within circles and then detours off to a wonky square before dancing backwards down the boardwalk. The things you see at 5:30am. Anyway, he wears enormous headphones that have to be from the 1970’s and sings at the top of his lungs. Badly. Really, really badly. I know bad singing. I excel at being atrocious at it. But, in saying that he’s really into belting out whatever the hell song he is singing. It could be rock. It may be punk. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was opera on speed. It just could be the alphabet backwards. Anyhow, I can’t fault him – but for the headphones – because I also sound a-mazing when I sing along with Pink.

Actually I expect any day now Pink will call me up as a backing singer.    

It could happen...

Too much information....

So, before the long, hard, sweaty oh-my-god-is-she-serious-or-nuts Weekend Warrior climb up the Red Arrow in Cairns, I wandered off in search of the ladies loos at the Cairns Botanical Gardens Visitors Centre. It is fitted with 2400 mirrored panels and it’s designed to mirror back the beauty of the tropical beauty of the Gardens. It’s a great building until you walk pass several dozen of those mirrored panels, on all sides and in front of you, dressed in stretchy exercise gear and you see yourself, at different angles and think ‘way too much information.’ It’s like looking at a train wreck - you want to pass by quickly but you can’t help but look and wonder and think oh-my-god. Yeesh. But in one way it’s good. It makes you more determined to get rid of the fat…that or run really past fast the mirrors to burn off fat. Win-win really.  

Get back in your box...

So, I was a boot camp and we had to pair up with someone else to run through a course. The pairing up did not depend on being of equal fitness nor did you have to do the same thing at the same time. It was more about balancing numbers and everyone having an equal chance to do a particular exercise. Sounds simple? Sounds fair? Well no, of course it can’t be if you are a so called pretty or cool girl and you are paired up with one you perceive as being less than magnificent than yourself. What am I talking about? Yesterday, I experienced something I had not come across since high school. Someone tried to dismiss me as not worthy of being in their presence. Oh fuck off, I say. That person? A skinny, angular chick who considers herself too beautiful to be around anyone less than her supposed equal. When paired up with me she made it clear I wasn’t in her league. What is it with these women? Why do they never grow out of that high school mentality? Are they frozen in time and too scared to move on fearing that if they do not maintain that plastic, bitchy edge then they have nothing? I tend to believe that is the case. Lordy they’re sad, pathetic creatures. And being in your league? No thanks. I’d rather eat bark.

Anyway, I stepped away from exercise Barbie and paired myself up with an ‘uncool’, dishevelled bloke who was standing all alone. No one should be discriminated against when it comes to exercise or sport because the thing with sport is that it’s universal. It matters not who you are, the colour of your skin, your weight, how you look or if you have the longest legs or the shortest shorts. It’s sport. It’s sweat. It’s effort. It’s determination. It’s about having a go. Frankly, I don’t give a crap if you deem yourself too damn beautiful to associate with others and I'm sure as hell not going to fall apart if you don't like me.

For the so called ‘cool’ girls who think they are just too perfect? Grow up or get back in the box you came in. We need real people not the simulated kind. We have enough of those in politics.