Greased nipples...

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have typed in ‘greased nipples’ today. In a story you ask? No, at work. At a brothel pandering to nipple fetishes, you wonder? No, in a car/fleet mechanical type place where I’m temping. Lots of nipples get greased. And, cars have nipples. Who knew? And, in some ways I don’t want to know because I feel a car has a right to its private bits and pieces.

Anyway, I can tell you 99.9% of the mechanics cannot spell nipples, which is funny cause they’re men and men have a fondness for nipples. Most common spellings? Nipple’s, Nipels, Neppels and Nippals. Yes, nipples are a problem. Not just in the need or lust for them but in the spelling of them. I think maybe, in future, I will input them in as ‘greased pointy things'. Hell, I’m the temp. I can do stuff like...well, I can't but I do because life is short - so do stuff.

And it's nifty...

So, I’m doing this temping job gig working in an office where they deal with stuff to do with cars, trucks and mechanical type things. Anyway, I get to deal with people dropping off and picking up said mechanical things. I also put their orders in for their mechanical things to have whatever mechanical things need to be done mechanically to them. No – god no – I have no idea about cars let alone trucks.  I look blank a lot of the time and use the microphone in the office to call out to the workshop to ask a mechanical person to come into the office – i.e – “Harry come to the office. Mechanical things to discuss. Harry to the office.”

And there there’s all the coding to the right mechanical area. And no, it’s not logical like – e = electrical, m = mechanical, t = tyres…you get the drift.  It’s ‘this is a flange so it goes under G.’ Why? I dunno. A Valve replacement? It’s an E. Tyres? An O. Okay, I know what you’re thinking ‘cause I thought it too. Tyres are round and an O is round.  Nope, that’s wrong. It’s an O because it’s an O. “Don’t you know anything about cars, Amarinda?” Well, yeah, of course. Mine is lime green. It has a flowery steering wheel cover and it’s pretty damn nifty. What else is there to know?   

Him. Me. Sex. Go....

My god, it’s hard to write sex at your desk at the day job when the phones keep ringing and people want to know stuff and all you really know at that moment is what he is doing to her on the word document before you. I find writing sex mechanical. You have to pay attention to where everyone's hands are and what they're thinking and feeling and if you had to do that in real life you'd never have sex because he should know where his hands are and she should - like any real woman - know what she's doing because sex is a feel-good no brainer. Him. Me. Sex. Go. I'm a doer not a writer nor am I one of those authors who wait for their 'muse' or their characters to talk to them. God damn it you're having sex - now go! Tell the muse to piss off and be all sensitive and validated somewhere else. 

I think you see my point. It’s valid to write sex at the day job because all work is equal and if you don’t get caught it’s all justified. And if you're dumb enough to get caught? Lie, burst into tears or fainting might be good. 

I rest my case.