Ah, paperwork...

Every day at the temp job requires a plethora of paperwork –

1. Type all the crap from one piece of paper into a computer program.
2. Click on button that sends info to an official person in another office.
3. Print out all the crap you’ve typed in then staple it to the original bit of paper that you took the info from. Why? I dunno.
4. ‘Get email back from official person indicating you did not scan the original bit of paper.
5. Scan paper.
6. Get another email. You did not tick the box on screen that indicates work all completed. We have rejected your submission.
7. Tick box. Swear under breath. Re-send info to anal twit…I mean colleague
8. Get another email advising the date stamped on the scan is wrong. All info rejected.
9. Play with mobile phone for five minutes while muttering.
10. Stamp the proper date five times and re-scan.
11. Smile when an email comes back rejecting the scan with the five stamps as it’s ‘not policy’. One stamp must be in the left hand corner only.
12. Liquid paper out four stamps and paint two fingernails with the white liquid paper.
13. Email to say scan sent all the time knowing it hasn’t been because you are following a theory that they really don’t want the scan. It’s job justification for them.
14. Email back advising they have no scan.
15. You email back ‘Please see attached’ knowing there’s nothing attached.    
16. They email ‘attachment approved. Please file all paperwork.’
17. Look at bin. Contemplate options. 

Cheer, followed by going home….

So, I got this this work email today of scenarios of what the office would do in the case of five different scenarios. It was a long document with intense instructions that looked like they would take a lot of time to read through. Oh hard. I’m not good with instructions so I skimmed them. Essentially, three pages of corporate bumpf came down to these questions:

1. Police halt access to the office and advise no entry for 48 hours. What do you do? 
Cheer, followed by going home.

2. What action would you take if the computer network was down and unlikely to come back up for 24 hours? 
Cheer, followed by going home.

3. No electricity? Your course of action is? 
Cheer, followed by going home.

4. Car crashes into the building making work impossible due to damage. Your immediate response? Cheer, followed by going home.

5. There is a siege outside the front door of the office. Cheer - use the back door - followed by going home.

I mean, come on. Seriously? Who makes up these dumb arsed questions and what response do they expect from plebs? Well, gee, I would stick around for 24-48 hours, outside the office, dodging possible bullets waiting for the glorious moment I would be allowed back into the office, no matter if it was midnight or raining, to do my work because I’m just that damn dedicated.

Corporate people – justifying their existence through crap, useless documents.