Ding, dong, Mervina's gone...

Okay – here’s the cover for Tantalizing Tilly. I love it and I love the cover gods at Ellora’s Cave. This book follows on from Penned Again but in saying that they are all stand alone books hence the reason I was against a series title. This one’s released early January. What? Yes, you have to wait. Why? Because happily I have lots of books released right up until then.

The Blurb…

Tilly Moor’s life is complicated. She is in debt up to her eyeballs and a bunch of freaks are out to kill her for revenge. The last thing she needs is an immortal being in her life offering her knee wobbling sex when staying alive is her prime objective.

Spellbinder Titch isn’t about to let anything happen to the woman he knows is his true love. Fighting off freaks is easy, getting Tilly to admit she loves him is anything but.


Ha! Trapped like a fat rat. I heard Mervina get her comeuppance last night. The trap is under the house. My under the house is your standard messy basement where I drive in and park the car, where the laundry is and it’s full of amazingly useless crap that I can’t throw out because what if I need some of it? Anyway I am an exceptionally light sleeper. Stuff three blocks away will wake me up. I heard the trap shut on the possum last night. I heard said possum kicking at the trap door as if pissed off and I am fairly sure I heard some pretty graphic swearing. I snickered…okay I laughed because I was in charge now and not some kamikaze rodent. I wandered down on my way to work to take a squiz at her. Mervina gave me the evil eye. Ever had a possum do that to you? It ain’t pretty. Anyway, I stood and explained to her that if she just stayed outside in her natural surroundings in and amongst the trees and the large cement animals that adorned my backyard, then she would have been okay. She said nothing – what could she say…you know if she could speak? She did not have a furry leg to stand on in her defence. It’s quite interesting having an in-depth conversation at 7am with a possum. You ask
yourself two things. Am I mad? The answer – yes, most definitely. The other thing…I wonder if I can knock off work at 3pm instead of 4pm…well not everything is about the possum and it is Friday.

Speaking of which I am going out west to the country so no blog Saturday. My eye is twitching madly at the thought of being out in the country. It’s so rural and full of cows and crops and stuff. I have the necessary survival equipment – mobile phone, laptop, strawberry bubble gum – so I can face anything. Talk to you Sunday…if I make it back alive that is… Thar be animals in the country that can kill…cows, tractors, cowboys…hhmm…cowboys…

Emerald Green is now on sale now at Ellora's Cave. Author Desiree Holt had kindly passed on an excerpt for you to enjoy and yes, you can click on the cover to buy. The Amarinda Blog brings you only the best books.

Emerald Green – the blurb

Meredith Kincaid wouldn’t be at her grandmother’s bed & breakfast in Maine in October instead of enjoying the warmth of the Caribbean if she hadn’t discovered her fiancé in bed with two of her bridesmaids before the wedding. Tired of seeing her hiding away, her grandmother sends her off to the village for the afternoon. In the village candy cum jewelry store, she meets a handsome stranger who buys her an emerald pendant and offers to share his fudge with her. Mesmerized by his sensual good looks, she agrees to take a ride along the coast with him. Before she can blink her eyes, she is naked on a private, secluded beach, and the mouth-watering stranger is coaxing her into sexual situations that both startle her and bring her more fulfillment than she’s ever had. The afternoon is an initiation into the pleasures of the flesh, but sadly, all good things must come to an end. When Meredith wakes up at her grandmother’s, she wonders if the afternoon really happy or did she just dream it? But life is about to hand Meredith another surprise, one which will open yet more doors to her own sexuality.

The Excerpt – be warned – this is for adults only

“That looks like it belongs on you.” The voice was deep and warm like honey.
Meredith turned her head and found herself pressed full length against the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. Dark hair brushed the collar of his shirt and thick lashes framed whiskey-colored eyes. His tanned face, more rugged than handsome, had deep grooves etched into the sharp planes and a sharp scent drifted past her nose. Pulses throbbed instantly in her breasts and her cunt.
“Oh!” Her breath felt rapped in her lungs. “Thank you.”
She tried to move slightly away but his body enveloped her, keeping her in place. She knew she should feel threatened but instead she only felt turned on. The heat from his body was like a cloud of air around her and she could feel the thickness of his cock just touching her buttocks.
He must have gestured to a sales clerk, because in a moment the case was unlocked and the pendant lay displayed in its glory on the counter.
“Allow me.” He lifted it with long, slender fingers and fastened it around her neck.
As his hands fell away they brushed across her breasts, so briefly she wondered if in fact she’d imagined it. His fingertips lifted her chin and moved her head so she was looking into the mirror on the counter. The pendant glowed as if it was alive.
“I knew it,” he said, his hands resting on her shoulders. “It matches your eyes perfectly.” He bent his head so his lips were almost touching her ear. “Do you know in ancient times emeralds were coveted for their magical powers? They were believed to heighten sexual desire in women.”
Liquid dampened her panties and her nipples tightened. What was she doing here with this stranger, his voice slowly seducing her? She touched the little tree, running her fingertips over the miniscule stones, hardly aware that he was paying the clerk. Her eyes widened as he pocketed the receipt.
“I can’t let you buy this for me. It’s way too expensive. I don’t even know your name.”
“Connor.”
The smile undid her again.

Have a great weekend....

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Be very, very careful, we’re hunting possums….

The possum man…let's call him Neville…rang me at work to advise he was at my house and 'going in' to set traps. "How many possums are there?" he asked. I said as far as I knew only Mervina. This threw him slightly until I explained that was her name. "Uh huh," he said. It seems not many people name pests. I explained it was a Jones family tradition. We name everything…hence Flo the 50kg cement chook (chicken) in my garden, Maurice, the big cement frog, Terry the old ram’s skull and Murphy the snail riding cement gnome. I could go on but I suspect you have the picture. My mother had a cement flamingo called Monique and I would have taken her but for the fact that her metal legs bowed then broke under the weight of her cement body and she looked dumb without the legs.

Anyway…where was I? Oh yes…Neville then went on to ask was I sure it was just the one. Well no Nev, to be honest they all look the same to me – like a really big, rat with a long black tail. Neville tells me that apparently you can tell. I'll take his word for that because I don’t want to check and I simply don’t care. Anyway he says there are probably 2 as they are couples. Yes, how frigging cute. Possum romance. And no, I'm not writing a were-possum love story. I'll leave that up to some other crazy person. Anyway, my job is now to check the traps and alert him as soon as Mevina and partner are nabbed. I admit I am looking forward to the little bugger leaving Chez Amarinda. I can only stand so many surprise jump-outs in a week. She is becoming too big a smart arse and as far as I am concerned one of us at Chez Amarinda is more than enough. They catch her and take her to the home of someone you don’t like…okay, no, they don’t…I asked if they could…they relocate the fat rat.

I was in charge at work for a large percentage of the today. This was excellent – no, not because I wanted to prove what a great worker I was so people could look at me with management potential…huh? No, it was excellent because I still haven’t worked out all the whiz bang things my mobile (cell phone) can do and it gave me time to read the instruction book. From my understanding I can call Mars while ordering pizza and writing my blog. You never know when that could be handy.

I got sent something today that I had to look into and apply for as part of a contract. You know when you are reading stuff but none of what is written on the page is actually taking hold in your mind and all you can hear is white noise in your ears? Yes, that’s is me when I really am bored with something and I just go into the I-don’t-want-to-deal-with-this-who-can-I-hand-this-to-zone. I am exceptionally good at ignoring things then acting vague when someone says ‘but I sent/told you that’….thankfully I was the dumb look down pat.

**************************************************************

Sandra Cox – who is she? You already know? Good. If not she is a talented multi-published author that has a new release out today. I have read many of Sandra’s books. They are excellent. Black Opal is released today at Cerridwen Press. You will not be disappointed if you buy this book and may I suggest you check out the other Sandra Cox titles on offer. How? Click on the cover and you will be magically taken there.

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Black Opal…the excerpt

**************
She stared intently at the computer screen. She'd broken the code and figured out her father's password. It'd been easy. The warden said her father had written her name and the word amulets in his own blood before he died.

Scanning the screen, she read:

'Legend has it that out of all the mortals on earth five women found favor with the gods:

Sophia whose face was pitted and ravaged by pox,
Pelagia who had the body of a woman and the mind of a child,
Olympia a poor widow with children to feed,
Helen, who lost four of her children to the plague and begged the gods to spare her remaining child, and
Zoe, a young queen whose village was razed and plundered and, she herself taken as a slave.
Moved, the gods created five special amulets in the form of armbands for the women to wear on their forearms.
For Sophia an amulet forged with beauty and creativity.
For Pelagia an amulet forged with knowledge.
For Olympia an amulet forged with wealth.
For Helen an amulet forged with healing and
For Zoe a golden amulet, with a black opal at its center, forged with power.'
The air conditioning in the room was cold enough to leave goose bumps but Victoria Price didn't notice. The black leather chair creaked in protest as she leaned back, her breath leaving her lungs in a hiss.
The pain in her hands made her glance down. They were fisted so tight the moon-shaped crescents in her palms, where her nails dug in, were filling with warm red blood.

Sandra has a blog of her own. Click here to see it. After you peruse Sandra’s I suggest wander over to Anny’s for further enlightenment and Barbara has some very wise words on her blog.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

What? Sunday again...oh crap Monday tomorrow...

A friend sent me these Maxines this morning – I love Maxine. I want to grow up to be exactly like her. I believe I am on the way
It is cold here…yes, sure, it’s nearly winter but that doesn’t make it right. It’s also windy enough to blow a dog off a leash.

Update on Mervina the possum. I left the lights on under the house last night and will again tonight, as per my wise Editor’s suggestion. See? Editors have to deal with all manner of problems – anyway there was no sign of Mervina today. I suspect she is pissed off about not being able to wander around in the dark knocking things over – nor has she been able to sleep today as I kept the lights on. Jump out and scare me will you? I think not. You’re going bush whether you like it or not fatso.

I was talking to a reader who said that she wished she had the ‘gift of imagination’ so she could write. No one lacks imagination. It’s just a matter of belief in yourself and your abilities. As for writing? I have said this before but I believe anyone can write. I am sure there are probably
some authors that would disagree with this sentiment. But I think anyone that has a voice and spirit of their own can bang out a book. The only thing it takes is time and patience. If you can find both then have a go and write. No writers I know are any smarter than anyone else and you may just surprise yourself. Do it.

So, I would like to say I did something exciting today but I didn’t. The highlight was putting a colour through my hair – I have no idea what my natural colour is any more. I’m sure it’s not toxic red. And I schlepped around in my purple chenille dressing gown and rainbow fuzzy slippers for a large percentage of the day while I wrote the continuing story on from Tantalizing Tilly (coming soon from Ellora’s Cave) – though I have left out huge chunks of sex…in the book that is. I personally don’t do sex any more. I prefer chocolate and schlepping around in purple chenille. Same feeling anyway – instant gratification

and warmth. Anyway I typed in the usual notes on the WIP to myself – ‘insert sex here’. It’s hard to write sex sometimes. I also think that cold doesn’t help as things shrivel and it’s too cold for any of my characters to be naked so I am giving us all a break. What else did I do? Well, I de-trashy-fied a manuscript that a publisher wanted to see. What is de-trashy-fy? Yes, it is a made up word. Thanks for noticing.

With writing erotic romance - and I am sure I’ll get myself in trouble saying this but what the hell, that’s who I am – there are different types of erotica which I am sure you know. And no, I’m not saying any particular author writes porn so get a grip if you feel otherwise. Anyway, I write differently for different publishers. Well, it makes sense doesn’t it? Different publishers have

different markets. Anyway, I wrote this one piece of work that was probably – okay not probably, - was a lot hotter and also trashier than a lot of my usual work. I planned to give it to a particular publisher, different to my normal one, but in the end chose not to because I wasn’t happy with how trashy it was. Sure, it probably would have sold quite well but I think there are times in your life when money is not the most important thing. Yes – gasp – shock – horror. Who knew I would ever say that? I feel dizzy now. But there it is - I had a moment of integrity and I decided to de-trashy-fy the book. It’s still hot and it’s still ménage but I don’t wince as I read it.

And yes, there is always a debate over what is erotic romance and what is soft porn. I have my own thoughts as I know anyone reading this does. That’s good. Wouldn’t it be boring if we all thought the same? I respect anyone’s right to read and write what they like. I personally will draw the line. I wonder what Maxine would say? Hmmm…

So that’s Sunday…other then ignoring the doorbell, answering the odd phone call and as writing requires, eating junk food, that was the sum total of my existence. Oh yes, and I bought an Armitage Army t-shirt –for charity – because every Armitage Army soliderette has to support RA. So yes, quel non- excitement. What do thou doest today?

I suspect Anny could talk about sex on her blog – not sure. I know Kama Sutra Lovers will be out very soon through Ellora’s Cave - it will singe your eyelashes together. I have read snippets. Maybe she will be kind enough to add an eye singeing snippet on her blog. As for Kelly she is too much of a good girl for any singeing of bodily parts.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

It's me or the possum...

So, I just finished talking online to author Barbara Huffert this morning and I headed down stairs to the laundry to start washing clothes. I opened the door and Mervina, urban possum and all round pain-in-the-bum, springs off a shelf and scares the life out of me. Holy crap! I screamed then swore at her but all she did was grin at me and I am sure I heard a giggle. I then explained to Mervina, probably much to the interest of my neighbors at 6am, that this relationship is just not working and she needs to move on. She ignored me and went back to sitting on the shelf with the laundry liquids. I know two things – I must trap her and give her to the wildlife people and she is getting awfully fat. What the hell is she eating down there? I think I am going to have to check the phone numbers on my phone bill and my credit card statement as I have a feeling she may have been ordering pizza in. Damn, I wish I had a digital camera so I could send a picture of her to the blog. The one above is of a normal possum living outside in a tree. Mervina isn’t normal. She doesn’t do the great outdoors. The thing I don’t get is that my house is surrounded by huge trees and she wants to hang out with soap power and fabric softener. I suspect it has a lot to do with the drought…and she is a perverse possum.

Speaking of the drought…the Queensland Government has a very good program going at the moment. Because of the drought and the need for people to save water you can get a plumber to come to your home for $20 only and he will change 3 washers, put in flow adjusters and you get a new low flow shower head. It’s a good deal from the Government as people use less water and the washers, I did not want to stuff around changing, get fixed for very little. Yeah, I can change washers but why would I when a man can do them in less time? I truly believe men are good at many things and tap washers are one of them. And who knew there were so many choices when it came to free shower heads? I mean seriously, is it something you think about that often? In the end I went with the one he suggested – ‘the massager’ – hmmm, looking forward to that shower later….well as much as any one with 4 minute shower restrictions can.

Anyway the guy that came out was very nice and we chatted about plumbing and stuff and somehow we got onto the topic of men dyeing their hair and how grey hair is not perceived as sexy. How did we get on this topic? I am as I write on the blog. Conversations with me can jump from anywhere to anything. Yes, I can be exhausting, Anyway, I cannot agree about the grey hair not being sexy. I mean look at George Clooney and Richard Gere. What’s not sexy there?
But I think men can get away with grey hair easier than women. He thought men looked dumb when they coloured their hair. Yeah, I have seen a few men try to go jet black and it looks about as natural as a Vegemite moustache. But then women do that as well…the hair colouring not the moustache…jeeze (eye roll) we spend a great portion of out time ridding ourselves of the possibility on a mo. What do you think? To colour or not to colour? Is grey sexy or not? I personally think do what you want as long as no one loses an eye.

These were in my email this morning…

From: Moham Bello -
$7.6MILLION FOR TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT URGENTLY/CALL ME +226 XX XXX XXX
From: UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.
FILE FOR CLAIMS!!! CALL +44-XX-XXX-XXX

Yeah…I’ll be doing that….I am just that stupid…

Update on the Mervina situation….I read the wildlife page of the State government. It says ‘live with the possum – share your surroundings with this delightful creature, encourage it to find a home in the trees.’ Right. Delightful? Huh. Apparently if I trap the little bugger and have her relocated it’s just as likely another possum will take her place…perfect. So what to do? Do I find a ‘nesting box’ and put it into a tree and encourage Mervina out into the trees where normal possums live? I just don’t know if I can fit all her Scandinavian furniture in one small box or I trap her and have her sent away to the country? Lordy…why me? I am as one with nature as I am with quantum physics.

Best line on a blurb I have read all day?

“Having lived for close to three millennia, he has seen and done everything there is to do in the universe, including bedding thousands of women over the years.” Perhaps Love by Madison Blake – out now at Ellora’s Cave. Doesn’t it conjure up a picture? Click here to buy. And Madison is running a contest…check out this note from Madison below…

Go to my website: http://madison.thelovechronicle.com . You'll notice I have two other books upcoming with Ellora's Cave. Pick one of them and tell me the names of the three characters. So, here's the information I want:
- Title
- 3 names
Send the email to madison@thelovechronicle.com with the subject line "Perhaps Love Contest". At midnight of May 25, 2008, I'm picking TWO winners from the pool of submissions. Each winner will get a download of Perhaps Love.
Winners will be announced on the EC Chat loop on May 26, 2008.
Good luck!

Well? Can you get an easier contest than that? I will have my own contest up and running for the release of Unbreakable on May 30th. Wanna’ win some Aussie stuff? Stay tuned.

Blogs to check? Anny, Sandra, Kelly and Katie – just to name a few… and when finished with those may I suggest you check out the fine blogging talent to the left.

Have a possum free Saturday...may nothing make your scream at 6am unless it’s in passion.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

One step closer to the weekend...

Still only Tuesday.....f**k it!!

The power of acute observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it--George Bernard Shaw

Well, I feel just terrible. I got my MasterCard bill and for the third consecutive month they have not charged me for about $400 worth of purchases. Golly…should I tell them or do you think it would embarrass them if I pointed out their mistake? It might make

them feel incompetent and then I would feel bad about hurting them. No, I won’t tell them. It’s for their own good. ‘Can’t have them doubting themselves and their ability to produce accurate bills. Yes, maybe somewhere down the track I’ll get hit with the charges but maybe not…I’ll let fate decide.

Reasons not to exercise…I was doing stomach crunches this morning – yes, how wrong is that? But I aspire to a flat stomach although I know it isn’t going to happen but hope always springs eternal and my delusions are grand. Anyway, I managed to pull a muscle in my shoulder and now I am in agony…I tell you – all exercise is wrong and as part of my campaign platform to run the world one day, see yesterday’s blog, I will abolish all thought or need for exercise and all women will be encouraged to aspire to be shaped like the ancient fertility figures – in fact they will get paid extra to do so….and showered with chocolate – yes that’s it.

I got a new mobile (cell) phone today. As part of the mobile plan I selected I got a new, free phone. It’s very whiz bang with all sorts of bells and whistles which to be honest are completely lost of me. I purely want to make and receives calls, collect messages and sms(text) friends. I don’t need cameras or music being
played or games or the internet and I always think people walking around with the headset thing in their ear look like they’re out of Star Trek. Besides who has time for gadgetry?

‘Agonized over whether to name 3-4 Ellora’s Cave books of mine, due to come out soon, under a series title all day at work. It wasted the day very nicely indeed. My wise, stoic editor – she with the dints in her head from slamming it on her desk as she edits my work - made the suggestion of the series name. Her suggestions are always good and I always take them on board seriously. When I set out to write Anyone But You, Penned Again and Tantalizing Tilly I had no plans to turn them into a series but characters from one book wandered into the next one and well, what can you do with them but write them a story because otherwise they’re just standing there and readers wonder what the hell they’re doing there. So, I asked the legendary Frogspond – a group of amazing writers that I know – what their thoughts were on a series name and should I have one. My very first, gut instinct was no. I always follow

that instinct but I thought I would see what others of the writing sorority thought. They all believed it a good idea – and most likely they are correct. However, after much discussion and thought, I reverted back to first instinct and decided on no series name. Isn’t it amazing how such a small thing can consume your time? If I had of been home doing personal stuff I would have sorted the matter out very quickly. But work time means time to waste so I let it drag on most of the day as any practised half-arsed worker does.

I also got my FLEs – front line edits or final line edits or whatever they are called - for Unbreakable. This is the last check of your book before it goes to be published. As always, I got a slap on the wrist for speaking in Australian in my writing. The thing is being an Aussie for such a long time it’s hard to snap out of that habit and I’d like to point out that English is from England and not America. Okay – hissy fit had – I move on. There were not many things that needed to be changed and those that were questioned were to do with sex. Now, I don’t

know about you but having to deal with sex as soon as you walk in the door after a day at work is not easy. I’m so not in the mood – but I changed what I had to. I pointed out to my editor that ‘we’re really not normal people’ – and by this I mean analysing the specifics of sex….well, we’re probably not normal in other ways but I’ll restrict it to the writing sex thing for the moment. Let’s face it, normally sex just happens without all the specifics of whether he can really do this or that and what about a fresh condom and can she really bend that far over backwards without crippling herself? Imagine someone critiquing sex as you do it and maybe holding up score cards and that is sort of what a FLE does. But they are necessary to the whole process as they are the last line of defence to stopping you looking like a idiot when your book comes out.

As I write this, Mervina, the urban possum, is, I believe, putting together Scandinavia furniture under my house. She is making a hell of a racket and I keep thinking I have to trap her and let her be put out into the wild with the other possums but I also don’t think she would be good at camping out like they do. What to do? I guess I’ll have to keep jumping up and down on the floorboards to shut her up. Imagine having a normal life?

That’s it – Tuesday done and dusted. What fresh hell will Wednesday bring?

As always please check out the words of wisdom for Anny and Kelly on their blogs as well as the intensely smart and attractive people listed on the left.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday frigging Monday....

There is a new blog out called Oh Get A Grip. Supposedly they are going to give an opinion. I haven’t seen it yet. I think they’re scared. They are a bunch of good girls who wanna be bad – so I have called them out and slapped them with the glove of challenge.

The Amarinda Blog challenges the Oh Get a Grip Blog to put their money where their mouth is and give an opinion. I want to know the 5 things that totally and utterly piss you off beyond all reason. No namby pamby responses will be accepted.

‘Just got an email from the ‘grippers’ and already they have put their own interpretation on this challenge. It is 5 things each not 1 thing each as they like to believe. I have explained this in depth to them – even pulled out the sock puppets to help them understand – so let’s see what other ways they can think of to get out of the challenge. To give you a clue grippers – this is what I mean….

5 Things that piss me off…

1. Pushing in front of me or others in a line – don’t do it unless you want to be embarrassed because I will embarrass you big time. I am the person that stands there and announces to all that ‘it’s not your turn and get back in line.’
2. Bad manners – if you cannot say please or thank you, prepare to meet thy doom. Example of this, I was forced to buy Tim Tams yesterday and this man was ahead of me at the checkout and he dropped his money on the ground. The check-out chick got down on her hands and knees to pick it up. She handed it to him and he did not say ‘thank you’ – he just ignored her. Not good enough. I pointed out what she had done for him and that he needed to thank her as she was not his slave. Yes, men can blush. Did he say thank you? Yes. I can be pretty scary clutching a pack of hormone soothing Tim Tams in one hand with the death stare going on…you either say sorry or gnaw your leg off to get away from me.
3. Men who believe all women should have a Paris Hilton -like body and consider anyone else a ‘dog.’ Well you know what? Real women don’t want men who think Paris Hilton in the essence female beauty. Real women don’t want boys…go ahead – play with Barbie or yourself – probably the only real action you’re going to get that you don’t have to pay for.
4. People who sniffle!! Use a handkerchief or tissue – I don’t want to hear you snorting up and re-circulating snot throughout your body – it’s pukeable and yes I will tell you.
5. Want to see me really stamp my feet? I hate and loathe surprises. The only good surprise is one that I know of in advance. I hate to be surprised – it pisses me off big time. Go surprise someone else is my theory…

Yes, how annoying I am and I could go on and on….

So….everyone appears to be in a frenzy to change their blog template at a moment. Is it a full moon or something? They all look very nice and creative but there seems to have been this sudden rush to change. Did a memo come out that I missed? Will I change my template and follow the trend – nope… that’s just not me. I like to dig my size 8 heels into the ground and be stubborn and buck the trend. I’m perverse and I like that about me. So what is it with blog land at the moment? Why the blog changes? Is it because everyone is doing it or is it some existential moment of your own realization as an individual amongst the faceless masses in blog existence? No really, I want to know.

Speaking of feet…were we? Yes, I mentioned size 8 heels…I got an email about my blog comments yesterday about what a drag it was to have a big bust. The email was from a friend, lets, call her…er…Melanie, who read my blog and said and I quote – ‘yeah, boo hoo, I feel so sorry for you.” Yes, sarcasm – I love it. She is flat chested and she is right – we whine about stuff that other people would kill for. So, I will not mention the big boob issue again. So what does this have to do with feet you ask? Well, nothing really other than I have flat feet (flat chest, flat feet – no it doesn’t have to make sense) and someone told me today that my feet were dainty – and no they did not appear to be drunk. And yes, they wanted something from me. I have to say complimenting my flat feet is a new one on me. Did they get what they wanted from me? No, but I awarded them a 9/10 for originality in sucking up. So what is the weirdest compliment you ever got?

Let’s all say a soothing prayer for my editor tonight as she edits my latest book. I swear she thinks I torture her. I really don’t…I just consider it playing with her mind….she has a brilliant mind…I’m trying to warp it. People are 'who' and not 'that' - see I do get it. Remembering it is the hard thing.

Do you remember Mervina the possum? No? She is a possum that hangs out at my place and looks really pissed off to see me when I come across her. Hey! I own the place you ball of fluff- don't be giving me attitude. Well, Mervina has taken to living under the house in my store room Okay, fine, whatever...you need your space I get it. What I don't frigging get is why Mervina delights in making noise at 2 am in the morning. She knocks stuff down under the house and it sounds like a herd of wild elephants have rampaged through. Now, fine have a night life - go out and rage with the other possums but for god sake shut up. I have been told to get a cage and trap her. I am against this because I think she is too smart to be caught and she will delight in driving me nuts. I also think that if she gets trapped and released in the bush she can no longer play with the native wild life because she is such an urban smart arse. So, what the hell am I to do with this wild child possum? Sandra Cox - author and animal lover - what's the answer?

Anny and Kelly are doing Anny and Kelly stuff – go check them out.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

The games men play…

Last Man Standing - released today at Cerridwen Press.

http://www.cerridwenpress.com/AuthorsBooks.asp?AuthorCode=JDav. Let the pigeons loose!

My editor sent me this. I think we can all relate…

"Out Of Office" Automatic Email Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $4.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

I don’t know whether you remember several blogs back to Merv the possum. I know, it was unforgettable. But if you did forget…Merv is a possum that sits on the pergola and waits for me to get home every night after work. I like to think it’s because he is worried about me but it’s probably more that he resigns himself to the fact that the human is back and he no longer has the run of the place. Merv appears to me to be a very jaded soul. That I am human and have thumbs does not seem to impress him. Him? Or her? Yes, the truth is out Merv is actually a Mervina. How do I know? I drove home this evening and found Merv…I mean Mervina in the usual spot on the pergola and there was a baby Mervette on her back. I was dumbfounded. Mervina was having sex at my house without my knowledge? Though I suppose it’s good to know someone is…but that’s another story. Mervina looked deadly unimpressed as always to see me. The Mervette looked at its mother in query and I suspect Mervina explained who I was and just to ignore me. So once again city girl bonds with the local wildlife...wildlife unimpressed and city girl went upstairs to drink wine. Status quo maintained.

It was explained to me at work that another man will be hired. I am the only woman. No, this is no cause for excitement. While, in my experience, women are calculating and manipulative shrews in an office atmosphere, myself included (please don't be shocked) you always know where you stand with other females. With men, it’s different. I find they take everything so seriously. They don’t understand the need for the third desk drawer down to be filled with chocolate instead of the vital files I have stashed in a box under my desk, they don’t get that painting your toenails is a perfectly reasonable thing to do because who has time at home to do it and they assume every time you are unhappy with them it’s that ‘time of the month.’

The powers that be have not hired this man yet. I know it will be a man as they have decided only a man can do this upper level management job. Why? My understanding is because women don’t have penises and apparently this job requires one. Why? Well I asked that and was told “we need someone to take control.” Ah, said I, “So an extra appendage is needed for stabilization?” No, its more “men are more rational.” “I’m not rational?” I asked, my death stare boring into the speaker’s forehead. “No it’s just that we need someone older and knowledgeable.” Uh huh, wanker-like answer. I said “What happens if only - god forbid – women apply for the role?” The answer? “Then we’ll let the position go.” I pointed out, in my own sweet way, that this was “pretty bloody stupid.” They weren’t taken aback as I speak my mind frequently. Why do they keep me on especially as I don’t have a penis? Because, in between writing books and sending personal emails, I run that office like half-arsed clockwork. It’s mainly done by flirting and fear. I can be very charming when I choose to be and very frightening when I don’t get my way. And, apparently, being an office manager is a female job, not requiring a penis. I said, “What if a lesbian with a strap-on applies for this testosterone job you are advertising? Or a tranny (transvestite).” I was met by blank stare then that fake laugh people do when they have no idea how else to react. Why do I work there? Money and I do what I want when I want and it has all the office supplies I need to do it. So let ‘em play their little boy games. I am woman and I know I am damn good and I don’t need an extra appendage to prove it.

**PS- three women have applied for the job. No men. Aww...isn't that sad?

Well, what did you think of Kelly and the gnome incident on www.kkirch.blogspot.com? Who knew gnomes were like that? As always it's Anny fault for leading her down the garden path, so to speak. Check out www.annycook.blogspot.com to see how the gnome thing all came about. What am I going to do about it? Tune in same blog time tomorrow and take a squizz.

www.freewebs.com/janetdavies

Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?