Ah, Frank...

I wrote stuff today...

I haven't written in ages due to various things, situations and life stuff. But, I picked up one of 4 half finished stories and banged out a bunch of words. I'm happy with that. 

Life - don't it just get in the way of stuff?  

Yeah...that's pretty much it...

...in light of being blessed, I think I will grow my hair...

But that’s life and stuff for you....

The first thing I saw on the internet hit me so forcibly that I could only stare at the image for several long minutes thinking to myself, “Bloody hell. You have to snap out of this, girl.” What was it? Stuff. Painful, oh-for-god-sake stuff. But we all have stuff in our lives. Some stuff hits you harder than other stuff. Actually, it’s been a year of stuff that has hit hard – very fucking Chuck Norris hard. Luckily, I am made of tougher stuff and staring at this image on the internet made me realize that I’m pretty much unbreakable now. It also made me start writing again in a massive stream of words about this woman dealing with stuff and the very-possibly-stupid stuff she does to handle stuff in her life. I haven’t written for ages due to the stuff that had been going on. But I’m back to it. Will anyone be interested in my stuff filled epiphany? Who knows? The thing is with writing you put your stuff out there and if someone buys it great. If they don’t? Well, just move on, baby…there’s other stuff to deal with.    

And hey, thanks to everyone who kept on reading or checking up on the blog even though I hadn’t written stuff for ages due to stuff. I appreciate your stuff.     

So, I bunked off…

 …early from work this arvo. I was bored and it’s Friday. I just said that I had to do 'that thing' and when that was done I’d go over and 'get the stuff 'I need for next week 'when they arrived.' I said it all with a sense of purpose, car keys in hand and everyone nodded because they have no idea what I do and to be honest there are times I really don’t either. Basically, I just left early and bought sushi…that’s technically stuff…

Of rabbits in tiaras…

“That proves you are unusual, returned the Scarecrow; and I am convinced the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed.” ~ Lyman Frank Baum quotes


"A wine hangover is the wrath of grapes" ~unknown


“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

“Oh yes, well, I find myself unconventional everywhere.” ~ Anna Godbersen

"Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple" ~unknown

Weirdness...

So, I rarely cook – not because I can’t cook - I can – I just can’t be bothered. Microwave and ultra quick stir fries and of course yoghurt – I can’t live without yoghurt – are the go for me.  However, I heard about these recipes that are low fat, low carbs, low sugar, low expectations and thought I’ll have a look at those on the website. I haven’t looked at a recipe for years. I do have a very old 1950’s Common Sense cook book my mother had. You can find any recipe in the world in that. I kid you not. Want to sauté a wilderbeest in one pan while making an enticing sauce and vegetables to go with it? They tell you how and also what dessert is best to finish it with.

Anyway the new healthy website place had some good recipes too. I saw one for ultra healthy carrot cake. I like carrot cake – chocolate is better of course but there is it. I’m being all healthy and stuff. Stuff is so hard sometimes.  Stuff is running 3 – now 4 kilometers each morning when you would rather sit down and drink lots of coffee and eat baaaad, lusicous things for breakfast. But now, after having found I had a cake tin several weeks ago – who knew - I have decided to cook the ultra healthy carrot cake. Yes, colour me a domestic goddess. It’s in the oven at this moment doing its thing. Yes, amazing, Grace. I expect I’m go for world domination tomorrow…that is if I don’t burn the house down.    

It’s been a week….

….where I’ve run and rushed and sat on my arse and pondered life. I’ve eaten healthy yet lusted after the evil of life. I’ve read about censorship, obscenity and dealt was tinpot god bureaucracy and I still believe everything I do is right. Sex is wrong, right, never gonna happen and yet who’s that over there? I’ve lusted, lied and longed for sleep. I’ve been asked ‘why don’t you ever stress out?' I’ve responded that I stressed out in my early life and now nothing can break me. No, you don’t have to understand me nor I you. I’m unique and frigging fearless. I’ve smashed words, watched books strand and romanced e-books. I’ve fixed, manipulated, watched and waited. I’ve been told I look much thinner but as only the overweight can, I only see fat. I am fearless, fantastic and a fatalist. I know what I’ve learned in this life I’ll take to the next and probably bugger up different stuff. I don’t care, I don't know, I don’t need but yes, I’ll have some chocolate please. And the universe’s gift to me? That I am who I am and I would never want to be anyone else – and its Friday….ahhh…how sweet it is. Hoping you are the same...or different...that's up to you.

Stuff…

* If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
*The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Wow!)
*A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
*A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy...)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
*Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
*The male preying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
*The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes!! Lucky pig! Can you imagine?!!)
*Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
*The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
*Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
*Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
*A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out . )
*Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
*Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

**thanks Sparky for the info….

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Amarinda minutiae…

Email feedback on the doability of the mile high club is mixed. See yesterday’s blog. Men say yes – definitely possible but they don’t elaborate how and women say ‘no way’ am I having sex in a cramped, smelly toilet cubicle. So, without positive proof – and I’m not flying anywhere until March - I’m going to have to call mile high clubbing it unlikely. Sorry boys, I have to go with my fellow women on this. Comfort and nice smells matter and I have to wonder how many women would have sex in what equates to a sardine can.

‘Been editing and revising all day. That’s always scads of fun – not – but it must be done “so shut and do it” I say. But – I did pick up a contract on a vamp book…always good to know I don’t suck completely.

The bathroom reno dudes have been here – on and off – renovating. I haven’t really seen them as they arrive when I’m at work and have buggered off by the time I get home. Today I saw them. Well, I glanced, smiled and chatted some before going back to my editing. Actually, when you think about it, it’s the perfect relationship. Do what I want and I can choose to see you or not. Excellent stuff.

I made a decision to go to Tassie (Tasmania) in July. Why? Because I Can. It also gives me a chance to drop in on my long suffering, stoic editor for the day. So the monsoonal heat of Darwin in March and the freezing cold of Hobart in winter. I do love extremes…

‘Got a funny review… I actually quite enjoyed it and passed it on to several friends. Basically the reviewer hated the book and the characters and it was all just wrong, wrong, wrong. She gave me 3 out of 5. Hmmm…pretty good for getting it all wrong. I don’t stress out of reviews. They’re just opinion.

So, it’s Sunday once more in Oz and its back to revising for me. Monday I get my foot tattoo. I’m looking forward to it. Am I planning another one? Why, yes, I am….

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

And you are?

Now that I sent off my werewolf book to my editor several days ago, I’ve been thinking about the next book. I knocked a lot of the dialogue up for it at work. I just couldn’t think up a character name for the hero. I started with…let’s say John – he’s not called John…no, there’s no reason a hero can’t be called John but in this book I want a particular vibe and John doesn’t fit it…anyway so I had my generic ‘John’ and I just needed a surname.

On my way to the gym this morning I drove along mumbling names to myself. If you see a person mumbling in the street, 4 to 1 odds they’re a writer or a lunatic…same difference some times. I tend to mumble a lot as I work through dialogue in my head. I also have a habit of staring into space visualizing the practicalities of what a character is doing. People who know me say “Uh-oh, she’s gone again.”

Anyway, as I drove I was looking at signs. The gym is near my work which is in an industrial zone. Signs like pallet and truck and bobcat abound. John Truck, John Hydraulic, John Steelmesh, John Safety-glass. At the gym I came up with John Stairmaster, John Rower, John Treadmill, John Kickbag. They just don’t fly do they?

As I drove home all hot and sweaty, I looked at street names. Drott? Um no. Campbell? Nope, not if your affiliated with the McDonald Clan. John Jeenly. Weird. John Coolabah. Nah, too Aussie. And then I saw the name. I screeched the car to a halt and grabbed a pen and notebook from the passenger seat and scribbled the name down. Perfect name for my smart arse hero. What will the book be about? It’s based on my time working in the manufacturing side of the music industry. Lots of interesting stuff happens there. Work 29 jobs and you’ll always have the basis of a story.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Freebie

Why a freebie? Many reasons…because I can…just a little experiment in stuff…but be warned – this is Adults only – very adult concepts and highly unedited…

Possibilities © Amarinda Jones

**** Yeah the freebie was here but it's gone - it's now under contract

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Oh look! Bright, shiny things....

The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness – William Saroyan

You know when you have those days that your mind is so preoccupied with stuff you have to contemplate that any bright, shiny object can attract you within seconds and set you on another course? I had that today. Anything and everything had my attention wandering all over the place. These are most useless days to me as nothing meaningful or profound comes out of them and you waste time…but that’s life huh?

The new fridge came this morning just as the old one gave up the ghost after 19 years…nothing lasts forever does it? It was almost as if it knew it no longer was needed. They took it away to rest at the old fridges retirement home and replaced it with a shining new whipper snapper one. Did I want the cardboard box it came in they asked? Er, no. The delivery guys told me most people keep them. Really, why? It’s a tall box that is not even good for packing things in because you have to cut it down – unless of course maybe you wanted to ship a person in it then I could see the point of it for packing – though there’s not a lot of call for that of course. But by all means correct me if I’m wrong. The guys asked if they could have it – sure – knock yourselves out. What are you going to do with it? The reply - All sorts of stuff. Okay, well there it is, I don’t have ‘stuff’ I only have things so I can see how I would have no use for the box. Stuff needs tall, useless boxes.

The fridge beeps annoyingly by the way if you have had the door open too long. What’s that about? I am the mistress of my own destiny not a bloody fridge and beeping at me is not going to get me to shut the door any faster - I will when I’d ready and no large white thing is going to change my mind. I would have got married years ago if that was the case.

By the way I have only 121 fridge magnets…I was strong and threw 30 out…not sure I have enough now.

I wandered out to buy a birthday gift. I’m very good at buying gift vouchers. I believe people would rather the money to buy what they want and besides most people pretty much know what gifts cost so it’s not like they are going to get all offended knowing the price of a voucher – well, those I know aren’t but I know some realistic types. While out I was forced to buy saturated fat -aka chips – some days you just need extra saturated fat to appease the call of the wild hormones. Yes, my body is a temple – but this is the off season and there’s no tourists visiting.

‘Had a long chat with Ethel this arvo. Isn’t it great when you can talk to someone who knows you and you don’t have to explain yourself, they just understand exactly where you are coming from? May everyone be blessed with a friendship like that. We have decided that we must win the $40 million lotto on Tuesday night. While people like to quote you that ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ – you know what? We want to make up our own minds on that. Okay?

I was repairing some boot heels today with this handy dandy repair kit I have for shoes. For a moment it occurred to me that I could just buy another pair and chuck those ones out instead of fixing the heels and getting glue everywhere - but that’s another story - and yet I remember a time when I would not have contemplated doing that as I had no money. You are often your past. I’m not a tightwad with money but you remember the years when you had no money, don't you? I do. I prefer not to go backwards.

A blog reader asked me what the chaos theory was as apparently I mention it a bit. Do I? Could be I like to live in chaos as I feel one with it. But, my chaos theory, is more about not worrying about doing everything the right way and just living, possibly in a half arsed manner, simply. The text book version of the chaos theory is –

In mathematics and physics, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain nonlinear dynamical systems that may exhibit dynamics that are highly sensitive to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of perturbations in the initial conditions, the behavior of chaotic systems appears to be random
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaos_theory

Well fuck hey? That’s pretty deep and meaningful. I particularly like this bit – ‘an exponential growth of perturbations.’ Yes, I always thought so. You have to watch the growth of perturbations. Sometimes they get so big you can’t fit them in the cupboard with your other exponential stuff and that’s really annoying. Maybe this is when you need a empty fridge box…

The chaos theory as per Amarinda Jones

- Due to lack of time, file everything in a haphazard manner, then run round madly swearing when you have to find a vital piece of paper you need to prove something. This burns up calories.
- I rarely have earrings that match – 2 pierced holes each ear – due to the fact that I dump all the earrings in together. If you wear mismatched ones then people will consider you unique and quirky as opposed to messy.
- No time to fold clean clothes after washing? Leave ‘em in the laundry basket because you’re probably going to wear them next week anyway. This means your life is less stressful as you don’t have to find time to fold things.
- May nothing ever be found when you want it to be. Challenge in life is good. Seek, swear, forehead slap, find,
- People who annoy you? Avoid them. Life is too short and you deserve better. Some people just steal your aura man.
- Bills – wait until you are in the mood to look at them. After work is always bad. Take them to work. Open them there and use your pissed-offed-ness to good effect.
- Worry? What’s the point? Whatever is going to happen will and all the worry in the world ain’t gonna’ change it. I think this is probably when Marie Antoinette suggested the French people eat cake. I think she wanted them to worry less and eating cake does that.

Anny, Kelly, Sandra and Barbara, are most likely doing something intensely exciting or not – I recommend go see or not…up to you – use your own chaos theory on that. Or wander over and check out teh wise words of newbie author Anika Hamilton. Read, enjoy, think, eat chips and stop chasing bright, shiny things as you get no work done.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Next stop Sunshine…

I am always up at sparrow’s every morning – I was going to say at sparrow fart but that’s vulgar so I won’t say it – anyway I am usually awake at 3-god-damn –pukeable-am and I get up at 4am. Why? Because apparently evil never sleeps and I must be paying for past sins – I have a few thousand. I can go to bed at 2am and automatically I am awake and up at 4am. Payment is a bitch. On the bright side I am considering going Goth as dark circles under your eyes is in apparently. Anyway – the point is….hmmm…oh yes, I had to drop the car off for a service this morning. In my infantile wisdom I bought a car in Windsor which is several dozen suburbs away from my own. My work is a billion suburbs away from Windsor…okay maybe not a billion but lots. So, this required leaving home at 5:50am (start work at 7:30am) and driving to the mechanics that weren’t open because lets’ face it no one in their right mind is open then – leaving the car then walking 20 mins uphill to get the first of two trains to connect to work. Yes, whinge, bitch, grizzle, moan…it’s my story so I can. The first train headed into Briz city. Everyone of that train was bored looking, dressed trendy and wearing all sorts of ipodistic (new word of mine) things attached to various parts of their body. It was the train of clones. Where do we get these people who all look the same? Anyway I got off at the connecting station and caught another train to get to my work. This train headed north. It had real
workers on it – people in flanno shirts, fluro safety gear and real, kick arse boots. They swore and joked and I had to out-stare two men who decided to stare at me. Yes, I am stunning but at 6:30am in the frigging morning but you would have to offer me gold to be interested in you. I don’t become human til at least knock off time during the working week – and why do men stare at you like that? How many women actually take them up on their suggestive leer? So…where was I? Yes, I’m on the train outstaring people – yes, I am a piece of work but I am adorable in an annoying way – when the train person/announcer said “The next stop is Sunshine.” That was the station I had to get off at. The bizarre thing is that there is no suburb in Briz called Sunshine. The station is smack bang in the middle of an industrial area and it could not be less sunshiney if it tried. Who names these places and what drugs were they on when they did?

I heard on the news this morning that Australia is well placed financially to handle the oncoming recession that is expected to hit the USA this year. Yes, we all knew that was going to happen. Fingers crossed the financial gurus here are right. And yes, I believe in global peace and friendship but we don’t want your financial problems USA - thanks all the same – I’m sure you’re swell people but we don’t want to share.

There is this commercial on TV that annoys me big time. It is a car ad and a woman is standing on the roof of a car in a car yard. No, I don’t know why – I’m sure she has her reasons as anyone does when they stand on a car. Anyway, these two car salesmen ask if they can call her husband in this patronizing way as if to say clearly a man needs to take control of this crazy woman standing on the roof of a car. When did it become illegal to stand on top of a car? And does the woman need a man to deal with her standing-on-the-roof-of-a car-thing? Maybe she wants to stand there? Why is a man needed? No I have no idea what the commercial is about but it annoys me with its interference that a crazy woman can only be controlled by her husband. What if she’s single and has no husband? Huh? Who controls her then? Bloody stupid commercial people.

I went to buy a fridge this arvo. The one I have is about 18 years old and it is rusting. I believe the only thing that is holding it together is the 200 odd – I kid you not – fridge magnets. I bought it when I was broke many moons ago. It’s one you have to manually defrost. What a crap job that is. Anyway, I’ve decided it’s time to buy a new one because every time I go into house-frau mode and wipe the fridge white paint comes off.

Luckily fridge magnets cover rust. So I wandered into the store after work to look at fridges. Of course I thought I would get a stainless steel one until I saw the price. Seriously? You could buy a small car for the price of some of those. So I decided a boring white one was just as nice and amazingly cheaper. The salesman asked what features did I want in a fridge? Coldness and the ability to freeze – a bit like myself really. Have you seen those fridges with the internet in them? Why would anyone need the internet in their fridge? Is it me or is that frigging insane? What are you supposed to do? Pull up a chair to the fridge and email or surf the web? Who thinks of these ideas? And who buys them? Anyway I bought no fridge. Nothing appealed to me in the white boring line…okay and the prices did not grab me either. I like to bargain. The salesperson’s idea of a good price sucked – so no fridge. Tomorrow is another fridge day.

I have made a sacred vow to myself. I will comb my hair when it is wet instead of letting it dry then going to bed and waking up with it in knots. I was an absolute fright this morning when woke up. I screamed when I looked in the mirror and had to slap myself to calm down and realize it

was me and not the bride of Frankenstein. The other vow I made today - I squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle and it annoys me and that by now I should have programmed myself not to do that. Clearly, I am incorrigible even to myself. From this day forth as god is my witness I will attempt to squeeze from the bottom…there is a story I could go into there but I’ll save it for another day.

Mervina, the possum from hell...I have discovered that if I stomp really hard on the floorboards she will shut the hell up and desist from kicking things off the shelves in the laundry and storeroom. See? I am one with frigging nature

Anny and Kelly are doing Anny and Kelly blog stuff – go see. Sandra’s contest is still going – see what you can win.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?