Left foot yellow...

So, I had four stories half written then stuff happened and I had to put writing on hold. It was a no brainer. Life is more important than writing. Anyway, I finished one story and I’m pretty pleased that I have almost finished another – but for the sex. My standard way to write is to write all around the sex, sort of leaving a marker, highlighted in yellow, where sex is to go, with notes like – left foot on yellow circle, butt in air, in & out, up & down, dick stage left, boobs stage right, under, over, red rover, red rover, come play in the clover, ooh, baby, baby, oww, ooh, yeah, noooo, okay then, ahhhh….whoa…down girl, up boy, was it good for you…yes, no, yes, yes, yes….ahhhh…

Sex, it rarely makes sense. Highlight it in yellow and see where it goes.          

Absence of arse...

So I was sitting at work today when I looked over at this man’s butt. God no, not someone who is normally in the office. I don’t even consider them men.  They’re just there. Annoying me with dumb questions. Drat them. This was a visitor. He and his non-existent arse had just walked into the office. It was flat as a pancake and I thought to myself how can you possibly sit on an bum like that? Does a lack of arse mean your pelvis bones are jarred every time you sit down? What are you sitting on? Thighs alone? Your tail bone? Do you sort have to slouch? How do you balance? How do your undies not fall down?  While it would be a good thing not to worry if your bum was too big I’m more concerned about the comfort level. And no, it wasn’t because I was bored shitless and waiting for the day to end…okay, maybe it was but it does make you wonder don’t it?  What does a woman hold on to when things are going horizontally well? When someone wants to give you an arse kicking do you laugh in their face because you don’t have one to kick or do you get worried as there’s nothing but bones to kick? Is more flesh better in this case?  Should we celebrate the whole absence of arse thing? Are non-bum people discriminated against?  I tell you, work is exhausting sometimes… 

Thought for today...

So, I was at the Docs waiting to get a flu shot and test results and I was skimming through a magazine as you do.  I came across this article about how easy it now was to have fat sucked out of your arse and put into your face to plump it up and get rid of wrinkles. I don’t know that I would put butt fat in my face because I cover my arse for a reason. I don’t want to look at my arse and frankly, it’s not often I have to contemplate it so having it literally in my face would be extremely confronting. And have parts of your arse on your face? Does that make you a butt head?  I believe that’s a no to being arsed-face.

Bums are bad...

The offending bottom by Isobel Goddard can be bought here - http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/AmarindaJones

Does my bum look big?

So I was pulling on my trackie daks (track pants) for boot camp this morning and I asked myself that age old female question – “does my bum look big in these?”

Why as women do we obsess about that size of ours arses? It’s because we can’t see them without being either a contortionist or using a mirror with a mirror to see said arse. That’s why women ask their partners. They hope their man will give them the right answer. And yes, that can indeed be a trap for a man. There is no right answer. What is the correct thing to say? No – could indicate that you’re not paying attention or you’re lying and a woman can always tell when it comes to bum issues. And if you say yes? Well, that’s never going to be the right answer because we really don’t want to know if our arse looks big and hey stop looking at it if it’s so horribly enormous. Really, no on can win when it comes to bums.

The answer to my question this morning? Yes it does look big but not as big as it used to. Drop a shirt down over to cover it and I can live with that.

Cover up that arse…

“….consider visible women's nipples, areolas and male or female uncovered butts as nudity. A minimum requirement for butt-shots is a thong."

Yeah…sure…a thong covers a lot don’t it? Unless they mean an Aussie thong….

What a funny old world epublishing is.