So, dear reader, the men were hugely well hung...

So, I’ve been trying to get through reading a series that started off really, really well with this kick arse, heroine Vampire Hunter. I really enjoyed the first 6 books. But now, with only just barely finishing number 12 in the series? All I can say is I don’t care how well endowed the multiple men she has sex with are. Really I don’t. I don’t care if it’s because they’re shape shifters or vampires that makes them so big. And actually, if I understand the heroine correctly who feels the need to discuss size, all the men are enormous and bound to make a woman faint with one glance at said meaty appendages. Did I mention all the men are written as well hung?  I don’t care the heroine appears to be screwing men with big dicks without any reason at all other than somewhere I think the books are trying, in a hazy way, to make out her taking on all well endowed comers is all about finding her authentic self or enhancing her powers or saving the world one supernatural penis after another or the author just decided to weaken the character dramatically by making her into a slut with chapter after chapter focused on penises. Don’t get me wrong. Sluts have their place in literature and penises are fun – well endowed or not. But when a strong, independent heroine becomes a trollop due to a hazy story premise spent discussing how well hung a man is and whether he ‘hurts’ or frightens the woman into an attack of the vapours inadvertently with this well hung-ness and I’m skimming pages to work out what the story was about and is this the same heroine as in Book 4, I say enough of her and the men and their HUGE appendages. I get it. They’re GIGANTIC. I get it. She’s been turned into a weak ninny. I get that and that sex sells. But holy hell enough already! Bring back the character and zip up those pants!  

Can you say penis?

Today, we had a heavy work training session on medical terminology and joy, oh frigging joy, there will be an exam on it. Anyway, during the training the trainer, in all seriousness, said 'Does anyone have a problem with saying penis or vagina?' The woman beside me replied, without thinking ' I love penis.' Of course, we all laughed. What she meant was she loved the word penis. I don't know why. But then I like the word pukeable. And, no none of us had problems with wordage of said penis and said vagina. Apparently, people do. I recall a writer, years ago, haven't heard much of her on the writing scene probably also for the same amount of years, went on a rant on her blog at the time about writers who called vaginas, well, vaginas. Why she was ranting? No idea. To my mind, body parts are just that. There is no mystery any more. Things just are.

...drink, smoke pot, lie a lot and have copious sex at 2:30am...

I was watching this pukeably sweet show this morning at 2:30 am when it was freezing cold and I couldn't sleep due to the cold and other reasons. It was Seventh Heaven – a schlock Yankee TV show about a bunch of god-botherers hell bent – okay – maybe heaven bent - on the fact that no one was supposed to have sex until they were married or all these terrible and dire things would happen like getting detention at school, sleeping in a tent in the backyard and arguing with parents over having sex before everyone forgiving everyone for having a penis and a vagina. The parents in question were this sappy, sickly sweet pair who made me want to drink, smoke pot, lie a lot and have copious sex at 2:30 am just to spite them. Basically, with this pair, it was a case of keep your legs together, think pure thoughts, eat cookies and be ridiculously annoying with sappy smiles and holier than thou bullshit sermons on goodliness. Plu-ease…

Did I mention there was nothing else on TV and I couldn’t sleep? Yes? Ok…good…anyway, I was thinking to myself who watches this bullshit, other than insomniacs? Who came up with the no sex until married bit and decided to force feed it in a TV show to insomniacs, and others, who have undoubtedly had sex before marriage and more than likely enjoyed it? Also, what message does it give to women? Without a man you can’t enjoy yourself? Be pure until married? What if you can’t remain pure? What if you’re an inherently impure insomniac? And the men in the show? Oh lordy…who’d want to have sex with them and their moralizing bullshit?

This sappy show went for 10 years on US TV and then it was forced on the rest of us drinking, whoring, pot smoking insomniacs. How did it go for 10 years?  I say take it off early morning TV and leave us impure  insomniacs alone. 

Interim-dude....

So, the last manager at work resigned – actually he was pushed because he screwed up in monumentally, superbly stupid, inane, fuck-wit-ish ways and we have a new interim manager dude looking after the place until they get all their ducks in a row and employ someone else to oversee the circus known as our office. The interim-dude pulled me aside, shut the door and said ‘what’s with the bell on the wall?’ Well, if you have been following my blog/facebook on Quasimodo and his need to ring a bell or  have read Accidentally in Love, you’d know the guy who got sacked absolutely insisted on having a frigging bell he could ring in the office to generate excitement. No, he wasn't 6 years old… at least I’m pretty sure…anyway we had some knock-down-drag ‘em out fights over this bell. So, I explained the situation to interim-dude. He looked at me like I was mad, and that’s a fair call in many ways, however his basic line of thought is the bell is wrong, wrong, wrong and we’re all grown ups and this is not kindergarten. Correct.

So, riddle me this, why did it take over a year  before the corporate dudes, where interim-dude comes from, realize that the shit-fest that had become our office had become a dangerous, business situation? The answer? If you’re a man in business where other men are in charge, they look after their penises and other men’s penises and refuse to believe someone who has a penis can be as useful as a chocolate fireguard. Penises – very useful things in the right hands…that's why a woman need to be in charge. She knows how to direct a penis. 

Help or something else wanted…

Legit job adverts sent to me…

Cairns- Male - Strippers Urgenty Required [ No Experience Ok ]

Urgently Required for up coming Xmas Period. Male Strippers 18- 40yo. No experience required, however you must have good toned, athletic, Muscular body.

I wonder how many people answer these jobs? And urgently required over xmas? Urgent strippers?

Cairns Males Back-packers/Locals 18 - 60 Urgently Required
Cairns QLD

Hi guys : I am a local male artist/Photographer who is Urgently seeking Male volunteers who would allow me to photograph their well-endowered... P-e-n-i-s...

I have no idea why penis is spelt with hypens unless it is to indicate size.

So looking forward to living in the tropics with urgent, naked strippers with hyphenated genitals….

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book