Space cadets...

I sent my last email to this space cadet yesterday afternoon saying, it’s not me, it’s you. This person had so many strange dictates and decrees of what I should do, over several emails, that I thought, nah, life is just too short to deal with you. I get that others, in this case, writers will do anything for a contract and put up with all sorts of crap to get it because – I don’t know – maybe they’re scared of not getting another one or burning bridges or are people pleases. I dunno. I do know that life is short and Shakespeare was spot on when he said ‘to thine own self by true.’ I’m not into selling my soul or accepting less. But that’s me.

I wished the space cadet well. Maybe she’s got issues. Maybe it’s about toying with writers for this person. Don’t know. Don’t care. I can only do as my conscience dictates and no one else has to agree with it or like it. That’s what 2014 is about. Being myself, being authentic and avoiding space cadets.   

It’s a new day – a new year. I feel pretty good. Bring it 2014. I can deal.   

Just let the writer write

Okay, so you all know you cannot at any time have sex without a condom. There are diseases you can get and there’s the whole pregnancy thing and some would say it’s not ‘nice’ dealing with sticky stuff. What? You've heard all that before?  It’s not what you believe?  Oh, you don’t care for the dictates of others? You’re saying you can do as your conscience sees fit and you are aware of consequences? Wow…well, okay, if you have a mind of your own that’s your choice. 

Here’s the thing, stories are just that – made up fiction. An author has an idea. They write it. It may or may not be based on their beliefs. A reader buys a story and reads it. The reader has a mind of their own. They read and evaluate using their belief system. It’s a no-brainer really. When someone reads a story with vampire sex – chances are pretty slim of sleeping with a vampire  - but if the question came up then the reader would make a decision based on her beliefs and not on what was written in a story. Sex with a condom or without a condom – same thing. A reader isn’t instantly going to change her sexual preferences based on whether a writer has a to semen or not to semen ethic. And writers? Hell, they’re not responsible if you get pregnant by a gargoyle just because the heroine in their story did. Gargoyle sex is a personal preference and not a decree by an author.

No writer is ever going to say in a story have sex or don’t have sex or use a condom or don’t use a condom or don’t ride a cowboy or be sucked by a vampire during sex or have gay sex, lesbian sex, man on the moon sex, clown sex…ok, I am going to draw the line at clown sex because clowns are creepy. It's no ones business what anyone else does - except for the clown thing of course. That'll send you straight to hell.

  

The thing is everyone is accountable for their own lives. No book or story or any piece of romantic or erotic fiction is going to make you do something you know in your heart you’re morally against. I wouldn’t expect that of anyone. I do, however, think some publishers are getting sillier by the second when they assume readers cannot make judgments for themselves and that as publishers, what makes their teeth grit, is not necessarily a moral indicator of what’s good and bad in the world. Sure, sure, they know what the trends are. They don’t want to buck the system. Buck it I say. Let the individual decide for themselves. Trends only come about when someone challenges the norm. 

Years ago, when I was writing for Ellora’s Cave, and every hero had to have condoms on or else you wouldn’t get published -  it’s probably still the same at EC -  I had a reader email me saying she liked one of my stories but she was – SICK OF CONDOMS!!!! I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS ABOUT SEX!  STOP THE CONDOMS! Yes, it was all in capitals. I’ve never forgotten it. I have it somewhere in my files. And I thought then as I do now, yep the woman is right. Readers are individuals who will read sex on their terms and make decisions based on their beliefs as to whether there is latex snapped on or not. 

Just let the writer write.           

Sex...meh...

The truth is writing sex is hard and no writer, despite what they may want and tell you to believe in their 'about me' section, looks like the woman in this picture. Sex is hard to write and writers are generally people in sweat pants or shorts and t-shirts or pyjamas, their hair screwed up on their head, a pen behind their ear, wearing smudged specs as they try and think hot, dirty thoughts to type frantically before they forget what the hell he did to her with what, all at the same time as drinking too much coffee or coke or chocolate milk while kicking, with their unpolished toenail, the discarded sandwich, on a chipped plate, on the floor, where they put it because the desk is for scraps of paper with half scribbled notes on it all about sex. Just so you know when you read sex again…     

Whiskey over the rocks...

I chatted, on the phone, to mate and US based author Anny Cook today.  Whenever I speak to the husky, smooth whiskey-over-the-rocks sounding Ms Cook, I see in my mind’s eye a sultry Ava Gardner who knows what’s what. We spoke about everything from conspiracies to politics, chooks to the weather, books to badgers…okay, maybe not badgers but I expect she would have an opinion on them. I like that. I like people who think outside the square and the conversation is not all about their books. Writers who talk only about writing does my head in. But, not so with the articulate Anny. Good convo mate. We’ll do it again.

Never heard of Anny Cook? Seriously? Well you should. Go immediately to www.annycook.com and buy a Cook book. 

Secondhand books...

I bought a job lot of 20 second-hand books, dirt cheap on eBay. The author? Nora Roberts. They worked out to be 50 cents each in the end. I blame author Anny Cook. She started telling me about a couple of good Nora books to read, no, I’ve never read Nora and I suspect Nora has never read Amarinda. Anyway, I took wise Anny’s advice and scanned eBay and whiz-bang-presto – there were Nora’s books cheap.

So, what I want to know is this – do authors like Nora get pissed that their paperbacks, once read by the initial purchaser, are then sold second-hand? While everyone knows ebook pirates suck big, hairy donkey’s balls, isn’t what they do kinda similar to what the sellers of second-hand paperbacks do? They pass on ebooks to others. I’m guilty of buying cheap paperbacks and I know I’m not the only one. Is it just because ebook writers probably don’t sell as many as the Noras of the writing world that they get more emotional seeing their books shoved back out there on the internet by people who are not the initial seller and therefore the ebook writer doesn’t get the income? The second-hand paperback market I’m sure doesn’t send Nora her cut of the 50 cents per book that I just bought.

Just a thought… 

Multiple orgasms...

I’ve started reading the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K Hamilton. I’ve just finished book 4. What I find interesting about the series is the heroine, kick-arse, strong, in control, deadly Anita, isn’t into pre-marital sex – sex has to mean something – it’s a commitment.  I find her an intriguing character in a book where sex doesn’t sell the story. It made me think about heroines in ebooks. It’s no secret that sex sells ebooks and in many cases fills in for plot when the author can’t think of a plot other than the hero/heroes (depends what the current trend is and how hungry you are for a contract) protects the heroine while indulging in mutual shagging two minutes after meeting her and oh yeah, there’s something about a bad guy but back to the multiple orgasms. You don’t seem to get that in paperbacks, except for E.L's Shades of Monotonous Tedium but then that’s just a rip off of Nine and a Half Weeks and while kudos to the author for making a shite-load of money, it’s still just two tedious people having ho-hum-gosh-gee-blink-gasp-he wouldn’t-giggle-snore-stupid slapper-sex.

Is sex in ebooks easier and vitally necessary to write in because most writers don’t go past the 50k mark and sex adds to the word count? If you can write past this word count, does it mean you have the ability to write a plot and therefore while sex is important, the characters don’t have to fuck like bunnies – an ebook writer expression – to get a contract and therefore should consider writing for real publishers?  Am I being hard on ebook writers lacking wordage and plot? Yes. But I can be. I’m one of them. I have first hand experience of the industry. This Anita Blake series has me thinking about what women want, about writers and publishers and I’m thinking ebooks = cheap sex and paperbacks = plot. 

Petunia J L’amor…

Here’s what I think, take it or leave it. If you want a fellow writer to do something for you and you send them an email asking them to do this and that and the other thing, I believe it’s probably a good idea to actually personally address the author in question by name at the start of the email and then rabbit on with what you want and not add them in as part of a group or list of people to use. Sure, sure, copy and paste the email twenty or thirty times to all the different authors but do it individually.

Dear Imelda Bliss-Bottom Snodgrass,

I have this amazing book that I wrote with my own lily white hands and I want you to promo it for me because it’s so damn good and I want sales.

Petunia J L’amor

That I’d respond to. But a generic ‘I want this from you and email me back’? Er, no. Yeah, time is short and you want to promo stuff but where the hell did basic etiquette go? Or as writers is it that we don’t give a crap because we want what we want? I like ballsy people but I also like manners.    

The long and the short of it...

I was reading a thread on facebook and they – writers – you know – them folk -  were talking about the length of what other people write and how can some people write stories so fast? Are they short? Do they bother reading through them and fixing them up before submitting? Then there was the usual writer who brought up that others ‘churn out’ stories, inferring she of course wouldn't.

My response to all this? Look to your own writing. Pay attention to that and not what other people are writing. Some people may consider your wordy epics to be just that. You don’t like short? Don’t write short. You don’t care for long? Ditto. Who gives a crap what others are writing? Look at the chick who wrote that tedious, amateur, oh-god-when-does-this-book-finish Shades of Grey. She spun that out into three long books. Is it any good because it’s long? Personal opinion? No. And that’s it. Personal opinion. Concern yourself with your own writing. 

Dunno...

So, I am in the middle of writing a story that is unlike any I have written before. Huh. Where did it come from? Dunno. Will it sell? Dunno. Does a story need to have rampant, dick spraining sex in it to make it sell? Dunno. Can really nasty-arsed heroes be allowed to redeem themselves? Dunno. Will someone at work – any of the jobs I’ve worked at – finally twig that I write mostly at work? Dunno. 

The one thing I do know is there are a lot of ‘dunno’ moments when you dabble in the writing lark. If you actually think you know stuff when you write then maybe you need to wonder why, as a writer, you’re not making more money. But what do I know? 

No Cynthia, it ain’t different…

So, I rarely read books purely because like everyone else on the planet I’m busy. The only time I do get to read is on the plane or if I take myself away from civilization for a couple of days and zone out. Then I read. Paperbacks. No, I don’t read e-books. I like paper. Weird considering I write e-books but then in a world of great weirdness ‘tis only one more thing to add to the weirdness pile.

Anyway, I bought some books by a particular author. It’s a series. I bought them at a second hand market about a year ago. I don’t have the whole series…probably why they were selling cheap. So, I mentioned to a writer friend that I’ll have to have a look around for the ones I am missing. She said to buy them second hand from the internet. I found that interesting as this particular writer, let’s call her Cynthia, continuously bitches and whines about e-book pirates who sell/trade e-books – hers - on line cheating the writer – her - of said e-books out of money.  Hmmm…double standard?  

Now let me just say that e-book pirates are pond scum in my eyes. Their only redeeming feature is…er….ah…well, I’m sure maybe their pet ferret loves them and undoubtedly they enjoy playing with themselves.  

I am always amused by authors who get all het up and emotional over e-book scum ripping off their work – “taking away our hard earned money” – but then these same writers would happily buy a paperback second hand - not from the author’s publisher - but a Joe Blow seller on the internet. The money doesn't go back to the writer. And no, I don’t go with the argument that the paperback author  is only expected  to get the money from the first virgin sale of said paperback. It’s a dumb argument and you could apply it to e-books so why use it?

So, is it that e-book writers are more emotional about things? More into double standards? Do they spend more time then they need googling their writer names to see how many times they are mentioned on the internet and that’s when they see the e-book rip-off sites?  Are paperback writers less angsty? And from what I gather unless you are a world famous writer adored by gazillions, paperbacks don’t get you as many royal as e-books.            

By all means have your double standards but keep ‘em to yourself.

And no Cynthia, it ain’t different…

Protection by multiple men with enormous penises isn't everything...

So, other writers always say to me that going Indie and speaking your mind means that no epublisher will EVER want you and aren’t you afraid of that? The short answer? No. The long answer? It takes a lot to scare me and publishers are not god. No really. They’re not. However, the thing is, I do get emails from regular publishers who want me to write stuff for them. Why? I think it’s because I’m very direct about what I want and where I’m coming from and negotiations should always start that way. I’m not going to be all Susie Sunshine and beg them to have me because I don’t have to. I also find it interesting that publishers write what Indie authors read. That tells me that maybe they’re looking for something that doesn't toe the company line like the multiple-every-single-story-is-the-same-virgin-menage-five-cowboy-we’ll-protect-the-heroine-with-our-dicks-sex. Being Indie means you can write whatever the hell you want without some publisher telling you there is not enough sex and can’t the heroine be shagged in each chapter by different men with enormous penises so the reader has to wonder how she will walk each time.  But seriously, that has happened to me…er, the editor thing not the being shagged by enormous penises...

So…want to go Indie because you’re tired of the epublishing bullshit? Do it. Protection by multiple men with enormous penises isn’t everything and Indie writers are getting read by publishers. Got the tits to do it? 

Jane Austen...and things less noble...

…I watched this doco on TV about Jane Austen and I wondered how many romance writers in 100 years from now will still be remembered as Jane is? Not bloody many I reckon. 'Heck of a woman she was. Described as having a 'mean' face yet she perservered in a time when women were supposed to be quiet and pretty. Well done, Jane.

On to all things not Jane...

Reminder...

Another respectful reminder...please do not buy any Penn Halligan or Amarinda Jones story from Noble Romance Publishing. Due to non payment of royalties this publisher officially sucks. Why the naked man? Visual aids help the memory.  Thanks...

True love stuff...

So, I was listening to the car radio on the way home from work and the question that came up was does having your heart smashed to pieces by someone you thought loved you make you more likely to recognize true love when you see it? This all came about because they were talking to men who wanted to find partners and they were trying to figure out what was wrong with them. Firstly, I would say you’re on radio spilling your guts about personal stuff to people who wonder why you’re spilling your guts about personal stuff on radio. Why do you reckon people do that?  Getting all angsty, overly emotional and soppy in front of hundreds of people seems like a dumb thing to do unless you’re a writer and then say no more. Writers are strange. Secondly, I would say that broken hearted people, desperately seeking true love, either jump on the next person in desperation or they stay the hell away from getting hurt again because sometimes it just ain’t worth the pain.  

Does true love exist? Or do we just want to believe in happily ever after so badly because we’re too scared to be alone? Do movies, TV and romance novels set people up with the illusion of true love when in theory it’s just a myth made up to sell films, books, chocolates and flowers? And if true love really does exist why it isn’t equal for all? Why can’t everyone have it? What’s the deal there? True love could then by called elitist, unobtainable and all these people wanting to find it so badly may just be spitting in the wind.  

I reckon love is speculative and what you want it to be. I reckon two people meet, have stuff in common and decide to take a punt on each other. That’s about as true as it gets. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s just another shoulder shrug moment. 

Cosmic Voo Doo...

I got an email from a radio show asking that I consider spending X amount of money for X amount of time on air to discuss my tips on romance, dating and finding love. Yes, I’m sure many writers got the same email. While I wish that radio show luck, being a writer has nothing to do with being an expert on romance. 99% of the time we’re not. We’re no smarter with love than any other bugger on the planet. Yes, we may use our imagination more but in my opinion love is just a weird emotion that plays with your mind and to be successful at love is something that comes from within you and that speaks to another person and some other cosmic voo doo that no one can work out.

Some people never fall in love. Some people fall so madly into it that they stay with the one person forever. Others fall in love with someone they can never have. As I writer can I tell you why that happens? Nope. It just does. There is no advice I can give someone on romance other than to be yourself and do what feels right for you and if it never happens then get on with your life. 

Again, love is weird. Genuinely like who you are first – you’re with yourself a long time - and worry about the rest later.

Authors...

….who call their 5,000, 10,000 or 15,000 word piece of writing a book are essentially playing with themselves and the public. It’s a short story, lovie. I wrote 10k essays when I was at Uni. I didn’t hand one in and say here is my book on the Linguistic vagaries of urban, tattoo Pigmies living in non-monogamous relationships who ride scooters in socio-economically challenged areas of the Simpson Desert. By the way…pretty much no one lives in the Simpson Desert. It’s hot and dry and there’s nothing for miles…but I digress…it’s not a book. It’s a short story. Writers don’t want to hear that. Why? Well a butt load of them are churning out fast stories to make a quick buck. I get that. I really do. Money makes the world go round and every writer, myself included, has done it. But don’t call a hastily written 5 men and one woman fuck-fest a book. I’m not doubting it sells but calling it a book gives readers expectations of more. It also – and this really annoys me – allows publishers to put inflated, ridiculous prices on short stories. $3.99 for a 15,000 word story that is written once, is formatted into different versions in the blink of an eye – and don’t let anyone try and tell you there’s a lot of work in formatting because that’s crap. There are programs that do that with very little thought from a human. $3.99 for 10-15k of words. Seriously? I can go to Kmart and get books on sale that are bigger and a better price. I can go to a junk shop and fill a bag with cheap books.

Yes, yes, yes…you have an e-reader. It’s the way of the future. I just wonder how many readers actually considered how expensive the future of stories and proper books was going to be. The greed of authors, publishers and giant corporations is bleeding readers dry. No, I haven’t been sucked into an ereader yet. And no, I do not ever plan to charge $3.99 for a short story. Why? Because readers deserve more.   

 Dicking Around…$1.16…

The Perils of Paula…$1.16

Strip for Me….$1.16

If Nor For You….$1.16

Hush…$1.16

Eat Me Up…$1.16

Bad Girl….$1.16

etc…etc…etc…

Don’t talk to me about expensive overheads. That’s bullshit. Treat the reader fairly.   

   

www.amarindajones.com

Start message…

Yes, yes, yes, every writer writes a unique story that isn’t like any else’s and of course no writer would dream of cashing in on a trend – and yes absolutely anyone who gives an opinion against your genre has to be wrong or misguided or unable to understand the angst ridden moments you've had writing about whatever you’re writing about because you are very deep and meaningful. Just like me…sorta…kinda…blah, blah, blah.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Anyone can write. Look at self publishing – and no, don’t roll your eyes. Some people are kicking arse when it comes to doing it by themselves and I say kudos to them. I wonder about the mindset of writers who cling to established epub sites, disrespecting others for what they do, yet at the same time being too scared that if they’re cut off from XYZ publishing they’re doomed. You’re only doomed if you allow yourself to be.

So in essence, as I recently wrote on another blog, opinions are like arses. They’re prevalent, they’re everywhere and those who own them will still function regardless what anyone else thinks.

Opinions = arses.

End message.

Rate it, write it, trash it….

A thousand years ago when I first stared writing I had no idea what I was doing. I figured I’d put something out there and see what happened. The first story was called Rose Perfect and it had no sex at all in it. One well known publishing company at that time, who has since gone under, said it would never sell and give up. The words ‘Give up’ to me are a challenge. I sold it to Cerridwen Press, the now defunct arm of Ellora’s Cave. As I got more confident as a writer I started to write for EC. Big money could be made there. At that time there was a rating system when it came to sex at EC. I can’t remember what it was exactly but it basically ran along the lines of hot romance stories were sensual and no plot, anal sex/ménage/ MM stories were extreme and that’s where you made the big money. So people wrote to get the hotter rating and the bigger sales. Writers on writer’s loops agonized over whether they could write anal sex to make more sales. No really. It’s true. Then EC got rid of the rating system and that’s when I think it all went down hill and got sluttish in eBook land How so? Well, at that stage Ellora’s Cave was the premier place to write at. To get a contract there was huge. Now? It’s no better then anyone else. No, I’m not bashing EC. They’ve about done bashed themselves to death over issues of payments and loyalty. But that’s another story. The point is ratings divide writers and talents – and no talents. Five flames? I want that rating. I only get 4? Are you kidding me? Did you read what he did to the heroine in chapter 3 with the coffee cup, a pen, a hair clip and three candy bars all while riding a horse? That was 5 flames baby.

Why am I bringing all this up? For the last couple of days I have been solidly writing. It’s a romance story with a plot and some sex. Yes. Bizarre. Will it sell? I have no idea but I’ll put it out there and see what happens. But in writing this story it reminded me why writers are supposed to write. It’s not because we all want to jump on whatever bandwagon is hot at the moment. For god sake isn’t every single bloody ménage ebook the exact same? Its fifteen thousand words of in-out, three up two down, Baby oh baby I love you and you and you – please save me from the evil-doer then please shag what little brains I have left out. All of you. Harder. Faster. Now. Yes, bring the horse along too. And we’ll all live happily ever after. It’s like the seven dwarfs discover Snow White’s a girl with whorish tendencies. Yes, yes by all means email me if that upsets you as a writer.

There are writers who specifically write no plot ménage because they know it sells. And it does. So what does that say about us as writers and readers? The hotter the perceived rating is or best selling genre may be we’ll sell our soul to write it? Is that a good thing? Do we write from our soul or for the money? Do we have any respect for readers? As for readers - are we so blinded by the need to read sex that we no longer realize there’s no plot? Do we have any soul left at all? Do we know what real romance is?

I dunno…it certainly has me thinking that things are about come full circle…

Years ago….

…there were these three writers who set up this Yahoo group so they could chat/bitch amongst themselves about writing, other writers, publishers etc. Nothing unusual there except they forgot to lock their posts and they went viral and the whole romance e-book community read a lot of stuff they weren’t meant to. Oh dear. Anyway, one of their posts I read had one of them saying something along the lines of she was off to ‘write porn.’ Yes. An e-book romance writer saying that. Shock. Horror. Ho hum. I remember that post, along with the many others I have filed away, because the writer chick who wrote it was at least honest. The more stories that get subbed to Scarlet Harlot Publishing the more I realize e-book land is equating porn for romance, in ever increasing amounts, and I’m not seeing that same parallel with established print book market. It asks the question - are e-book writers money hungry I-do-anything-for-a-buck writers? Yes. Are they pandering to women who are tired of ‘normal’ sex? I believe so. Are e-books, as one person pointed out to me, ‘corrupting the moral fabric of society’? My answer to that is for corruption to work, people must be open to temptation and you cannot corrupt without need or greed.

My point? As much as I have been thinking about the stuff that gets sent to me – and no, Harlot is not technically open for submissions because I barely have time to spit - I find I am led by business sense and the lure of $$ when it comes to publishing. Yes, I will and have published e-book porn/romance and make no apologies for it.

E-book land - Welcome to temptation.

Unbreakable...

I was looking at the sales on a particular book – thank you to all who have faith and keep buying – and I thought back to the words a particular publisher said to me when I was first starting in the writing gig. She was known for being a ‘bitch’ and enjoying ‘terrifying authors’. Oh yeah, she had power but no class. Wise people use power wisely. Others hide behind it and take jabs at the vulnerable. Anyway, this publisher sent me a ranting email, which I kept, about how the hero of my book was an ‘asshole’ – that’s arsehole to Aussies – and that she basically wanted me to justify them publishing it. My response back was along the lines of publish the arsehole hero book or not. They did. Bullies only win if you allow them and there are a bucket load of them in publishing. Why? Because they use what powers they have to scare an author into conforming to their anal-power-hungry world by threatening not to publish them. And yeah, there are lots of authors out there who are scared a publisher will drop them. There are also authors out there who think fuck you, I’m worth more and I’ll go elsewhere. So they do. My point is? Measure your worth as a person first and a writer second. Are you unbreakable? Can you put up with the tremendous loads of shite diva publishers will dump on you and yet not change who you are as a person? Talent is all well and good but perseverance, a thick skin and a good sense of humour is what will save your arse as a writer.

Good mate Sandra Cox...

Weird Body Stuff...

Writers and readers deal with the human body all the time, especially inventive erotica writers. So readers and writers, did you know?

Scientists say the more you dream the higher your IQ. (Sigh. I dream so little.)

The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

You use 200 muscles to take one step.

The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man. (Hmm. I'm out of that category too.)

Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three. A pair of feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.

A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

The human brain cell can hold five times as much information as an encyclopedia. (If mine does, its like a hard drive, when it gets too full it deletes itself.)

It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

The average human dreams last two to three seconds. (I don't buy this one. It takes longer than that to wake me up from a bad one.)

Men without hair on their chest are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair. (Huh?)

At the moment of conception you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. (Lots of information on feet here.)

Your body gives off enough heat in thirty minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. (I think males have a better shot at the temperature thing.)

The enamel on your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

Your teeth start growing six months before you are born.

Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

Since it’s the month of Tricks and Treats, you can get 50% of Vampire Bay by using the code LS73D at Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/72332

All the best,
Sandra Cox
www.sandracox1.com
downtownya.blogspot.com
sandracox.blogspot.com
sevennightwriters.blogspot.com