Pumpkin heads....

So I walked into the office this morning to be told that everyone is cooking something made of pumpkin and bringing it into the office. I’d just come from boot camp where I'd had my arse kicked, after the night before having my arse kicked at boot camp. Arse kicking makes me less receptive to pumpkinhead suggestion. These are all blokes. Blind Freddie can see they're just wanting food to be cooked for them and despite my bootcamp be-draggled arse ( yes, Jill Noble, that's not a word, get over it) feeding them is way, way, way, way, way, way x 567 ways far down on my agenda of things  to do. I said - 'Fine, go ahead and cook.' This was the wrong answer apparently. Strangely enough I specialize in wrong things to say when I think people are stupid. 

Beak banging…

So, I was given some budgies. I’ve called them Wayne and Cheryl. They’re said to be incorrigible. They bang their beaks on the cage and annoy their owners. I was asked did I want them? Hmmm, irritating birds who care not what others think and do their own thing? Why yes. Welcome Wayne and Cheryl…

Meat Loaf - Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Just heard this on the radio - a classic

Sex...

In, out, over, under, down, up, pant, moan, groan, ohh…ahh…oh god…yes, yes, yes…harder, faster, slower…condom…no condom, suck, swallow, spit…come, fake, faint…do you think next door heard us? Yes? Excellent….lordy, it’s hard to write sex sometimes. I was talking to a friend and she mentioned there were 64 sexual positions. I said most people would be flat out doing 4 or 5. Are we non adventurous or do we just know what we like? And 64? Who actually counts? I believe if you’re counting you’re doing it wrong.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Having a lovely time...wish you were here...

....especially as I have a free invite to drinks and nibbles at the bar. Lovely. I am already fuelled up on the daiquiri I had at the swim-up bar. What a lovely invention a swim up bar is. I have made a mental note to get one if I ever get a pool.

Cairns - interesting place - it reminds me of a big old country town with palm trees. It's very casual which I like - and warm - which beats the hell out of Brizzie at the moment.

Highlights...other than the swim up bar - walked my pudgy legs off, bought some Doc Martens at a Gothic-Fetish shoe shop. It's most interesting what fetishes people are into. I discussed them indepth with the lady who owned the shop. I also acquired some lovely skull socks as I feel you can never have too many skulls on your socks. What else? Cairns has an astounding amount of sex shops. Yes, I knew you would be interested by this. I was....must be the climate - all that moist heat...other than that, I just wandered aimlessly as you do when you are on hols. I expect I will be knackered tonight. I am off to see crocodiles tomorrow...

Anyway - off to the the free drinks...would be rude not to...

Amarinda

The Amarinda Code...

I have a terrible habit of doing everything fast…real fast. I talk, walk and write fast. I don’t know why because I’m not built whippet-thin fast. I just do things quickly. I sent this email yesterday to er, let’s call him, Harry, and he emailed back ‘what are you talking about?’ Well, with me that could be anything as my thoughts jump all over the place and once I’ve banged off one email I’ll often bang off another straight after as I’ve thought of something else to say. Consequently people wonder if I ever run out of words. I do. When I’m asleep or very nervous. Neither happens a lot. Evil never sleeps and only one person makes me nervous.

Anyway, I read the email that I sent to young Harry and thought ‘well crap, he doesn’t understand the Amarinda code yet.’ That and the fact he’s a man and well, we all know they take longer to understand basic female-ese. That’s the study of female language. Yes, maybe I made the word up but any woman reading this gets it straight away. You can half say things to women in an email, especially so with friends, and they understand instantly. You can uses crap punctuation, hypens – I’m big on those, lots of “……” which to me means fill and the blanks and draw your own conclusions and you can stuff up the spelling without censure because a woman is reading the substance for meaning and not there to correct grammar. Women look at the broader picture. Women are smart.

That’s not to say men aren’t. Men just look at something and think ‘that sentence doesn’t make sense’ and ‘what does she mean?’ I find you have to be ultra specific when you email the male species and half arsed words and fast writing to impart knowledge doesn’t work with them. They never get the whole female-ese and I must try not to use the Amarinda code with them. Sigh…but they have their good points I believe.

I guess it comes down to one simple fact. We all have our quirks. People who really know me understand I am going to do things fast, fast and manic fast. They excuse my half arsed Amarinda code. It’s not that I don’t care about them – I do. It’s just my brain is wired for speed. Will I slow down? I expect when I’m dead. Until then, it’s full speed ahead.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?