Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Bad boy...

When bananas go bad…

Have a good day
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday, 30 March 2009


Flat strap (busy) at the moment but a couple of quick observations from the past 2 days….

A ‘complete bitch’ – how does this differ from just a bitch or can you be an incomplete bitch? Why I ask is someone told me someone else was a complete bitch and to give her the swerve (avoid her). Now being a bitch in whatever form is not enough for me to avoid anyone and I never act on what another tells me they think. I’ll take it on board but make my own judgments. And who decides who is a bitch? Is there a bitch scale? Do bitches really exist? Or is it more that strong women with opinions who are not scared to act on them are perceived as threatening to people of no or weaker opinion so naturally they are deemed bitches? What’s a strong man called? Is there a derogatory term there? Should we avoid these men as well? Am I going to avoid the ‘complete bitch?’ Nope – I’ll watch her and listen to her and make my own judgment. I have been called a bitch myself…course I cried myself to sleep over it…

“It’s not fair” – this is the most whiny arsed phrase I know. I mention this as I was watching TV last night – a customs show, sipping a glass of plonk in a state of knackerdom after writing a bazillion words, and this bloke was not being allowed entry to Australia because he was bad bugger (criminal). We have enough of our own without importing them. Anyway he carried on like a pork chop (went mad) about it “not being fair.” Well, if I was the customs officer that alone would make me want to get his whiny arse off our shores. What is ‘fair’ exactly? Again is there some elusive scale that we have to measure the perception of fair against? Or, in this case, is it more that this bloke needed to accept that he had done wrong, that we have our laws and lying on a visa application is then ‘not fair’ to our country? Most people know nothing is fair in life. The sooner that’s learned the better. I don’t why people persist on whining that it should be. It’s not going to make it so.

Okay – that’s it…if you have the answers email me as normal and have a good day….
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Snake oil…

It’s Sunday here in Oz and I was up very, very early. Why? Work load - my choice of course – and I’m perky as hell after 4 hours sleep…okay maybe I’m just hell…anyway, in my current phase to lose more weight – yes, it is working – no, I don’t want to be thin - I just want to lose the small amount of weight I gained when I was sick last year. I’m never going to be thin but I liked the weight I was. I reckon come June I will be back there…maybe sooner…anyway where was I? Oh yes, so I got on the stationary bike, switched on the TV and decided to do 30 minutes of sweaty circling. Being 4am in the morning there is stuff all on TV but for the snake oil commercials.

Do you know what an oven that cooks meat from the inside out, an over-the-top, deep south god botherer (preacher) and a well known model have in common? They are full of crap. How so? Well, they all said the same thing – “I am doing this as a favour to you as I want to make your life easier.” The whiz-bang see through oven had to be as good as they said because Mr T wouldn’t endorse it otherwise now would he? And it’s see through and lights up with an infra red light…come on – that’s really classy stuff that – they trotted out three blokes in chef hats to say just that. And, there are easy repayments to make our lives simpler. "Just give us your credit card number – and we’ll give you the turbo slicer.” It does sound impressive but it’s just the old carrot grater with a fancy name.

The preacher? Preacher Dan really cares for all of us. No, really, he said so and the people in the packed entertainment venue, who were most likely forgoing a mortgage payment for salvation, were all nodding and frothing at the mouth in devotion. So, for a sum of money, paid every month, he will send you out CDs every 30 days that will make all marriages better as it defines what husbands do and what wives do. It will change your life – Preacher Dan said so. So, if you are married – he will save you - if you are single it appears you are going to hell because my understanding, from what Preacher Dan said, god isn’t keen on single people.

Now the perky-face the model – she wants everyone to know she is making no profit whatsoever on her products. That's swell of her. She has summoned a well known Doctor – in a white lab coat so he has to be good – to her side. He decided to tell perky face the secrets of beauty. Apparently he has been waiting for years to divulge this wisdom. Well – he couldn’t just trust anyone could he? He needed a bankable starlet. Anyway – so perky face – who I have never understood her appeal – is offering the latest Tibetan yak spit at a reduce price – but I missed out on it as I was supposed to have rung ‘within in next ten minutes’ to benefit from her benevolence. Bugger…

Make out lives easier? Sure they can do that if they stop preying on weakness and vulnerability. Package it anyway you like but they’re all selling snake oil.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Saturday, 28 March 2009


Bless you Ellora’s Cave cover gods. I wanted smart arse meet urban Goth and I got it. This is number 4...I the vampire books follow on...

Now I could get into a discussion about the whole ‘gauntlet’ verses ‘gantlet’ word deal but suffice to say – I am over it – and no, it’s not a typo – yes it is correct - and a sincere thank you to everyone who was worried I had screwed up on the title. That people were honest enough to tell me is appreciated. I would rather someone be blunt and honest and tell the truth instead of just saying “it’s nice”…and speaking of nice…I think ‘nice’ is the most boring, meaningless word on the planet. Why even both using it? To me it expresses boredom and that the person is not moved enough to have any passion.

I would rather someone say they loved/loathed/detested etc something rather than just saying it’s nice to ‘fit in’ or to avoid trouble. Why do you think people are so scared to give an opinion? Is the need to keep everything ‘nice’ and be ‘nice’ paramount? Or are they as bored as hell and cannot think of another word that fits in with their boredom? Or, is it more that ‘nice’ can be used as a weapon? ‘Oh yes, that’s nice, dear' = it’s crap or meaningless or I am pissed you have it and I don’t so I’ll make it sound insignificant. And then there’s men – god bless their cotton socks - I think ‘nice’ to them is a safe word when they have to give an opinion on an outfit or hairdo. For them I think it’s like an arse saving word…”Crap! I don’t know if her shoes match her dress and her hair is all fluffy…is that good or bad? What does she want me to say?" So he comes out with ‘nice.’ Smart man.

If something sucks – then say it. It’s your opinion and it’s one of the few things you have with you for life and I think you can ‘nice’ yourself to death. And yes, of course, email me if you have an opinion on this….

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate –unknown
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Friday, 27 March 2009

Eye roll news...

“A SWEDISH countess divorcing her CEO husband amid accusations of affairs claims she has too many expenses and cannot live on $63 million a year.”,22049,25209526-5001021,00.html

Jeez…I feel terrible for her. I can’t live on $63 million a year either…oh wait, forehead slap… that’s because I have as much hope of getting that amount to live on as I do flying to the moon on aluminum foil wings using a snorkel. Who raises these people to be selfish, unrealistic sods? Or do they just appear one day, with a title? Boo-frigging-hoo to you, Swedish countess. Ok – he had affairs – cut the crotch out of all his trousers. Put a billboard up to tell everyone he has venereal disease or a teeny weeny penis. Be a real woman. Start a vendetta to teach him a lesson. Other women would support that. Or even take all his money and give it away to help the homeless, the starving, the abused and the ill. I would applaud that. But, in all fairness, I will offer to show the countess how to make meat loaf and buy generic brand goods if she has to accept this terrible sum. So email me Countess when you hit the skids. I’ll show you how to clip coupons…

A man who police said was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and ordered to submit to drug testing.

You’d want to hope he was drugged because having ‘getting your rocks off with a nozzle’ is just something no one wants on their record.

“AN envelope believed to be the earliest known airmail item addressed to Australia has sold at auction for a record price of more than $190,000.
The envelope, or so-called balloon post cover, was flown out of Paris in 1870 by hot air balloon when Paris was under siege from the Prussian army in the Franco-Prussian war.”,27574,25245692-29277,00.html

I’m all for history but what do you do with an old, used envelope? Ever notice how some people have way too much money?

“A British school has sent a letter to the family of a girl who died two months ago that threatens to ban her from an end-of-year function if she doesn't improve her attendance.”

The school has blamed a ‘software problem for the oversight.’ Yes of course. That’s the standard thing to blame isn’t it? It’s not me – it’s the computer. It’s a cop out and they should be ashamed at their appalling stupidity. Own up to it. How hard is it to say – “I stuffed up”?

“A small but significant minority of mental health professionals in Britain offer treatments to lesbians and gays so they can become heterosexual, according to a study released on Thursday.”

Yes – gays and lesbians must all immediately become normal like us – or maybe use the Countess as a role model, have sex with a vacuum cleaner, buy old envelopes and blame technology for your short comings – ah yes, the normal people will inherit the earth and fuck it up well and truly.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Back on my high horse…

SYDNEY Lord Mayor Clover Moore has banned Tim Tams from council events for fear they're partially produced through cruel child labour on Africa's Ivory Coast.

An Arnott's spokeswoman said only a very limited supply of chocolate was from the Ivory Coast.


Okay - so the bit about Tim Tams caught my eye. I worship at the altar of the mighty biscuit. However – this, to me, is another case of over the top political correctness. Why? I get what this woman is saying. Exploitation of any individual – any worker – is wrong – but do we ban all clothes or shoes from overseas that are probably made in less than ideal working conditions? How about carpets, coffee, tea, any food that is harvested in our own countries or in others? Do we think about the crappy minimum wage people are on and say ‘well hell no – I’m not going to eat or buy that product any more.' What about people who work in call centres? If you have done that job you know capacious it is. Do we refuse to deal with any company that times staff loo (toilet) breaks? Do we say ‘oh no’ to anything where people could or are being exploited? How do we then keep economies going if we don’t buy anything? How do we trade with each other? How do we keep people employed if we ban stuff?

And yeah, there are some items I will never buy. For example, I always buy free range eggs as I don’t like the idea of hens in cages - but I am damn sure I eat or use or buy goods that have been made in less than idea conditions. I try and buy Australian made but that isn’t always possible. Do I know if the employees who manufactured a can of salmon are being treated fairly in Alaska? Are the fish killed humanely? Regardless what stance we take, we’re probably screwing someone over somewhere. And no – I am absolutely not advocating exploitation of workers. If you only knew how many battles I have fought on that front. But singling one product out – and it could be anything – smacks of tokenism to me.

I don’t think there will ever be an answer to the exploitation of workers. It’s been happening since day dot. Greedy people will use needy people. It’s a viscous circle and I don’t see it changing any time soon.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

No time to spit….

….rush, rush, rush…what’s the point of it all? I am beginning to wonder. I am up to my arse with stuff at the moment… you know what it’s like. I don’t have to tell you. No one has time to spit any more…not that I am advocating spitting….back tomorrow when I can breathe again.

Winner in the Rowdy contest – as always thanks for all the entries. It’s great to see so many readers out there....the winner is – Jenn. However never fear, there will be another contest soon.

Defer no time, delays have dangerous ends.” -- William Shakespeare
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Are you kidding me?

So I got this email in my Amarinda mail from an agent in New York. My first thought was to delete it straight away without reading it, thinking it was spam mail. I am a great deleter of emails when I think they look sus (suspect). Actually I delete them even when they don’t look sus then I act all innocent when someone says “didn’t you get my email?” No…when did you send it? I like a neat inbox and unless the subject line is something like ‘read the bloody email Amarinda then I may just delete it. I am a deleting fiend. Everything else is messy in my life but that.

Anyway I opened and read it. Uh huh…I emailed all the usual suspects I know and said ‘Ha, ha – great joke…I know it’s you.’ They emailed back saying ‘nah, too obvious a joke – wait ‘til next week when you see a seal and a man in a Batman mask.’ Good to be forewarned. Must buy fish…thankfully I have a bathtub…Batman? Kinky but interesting. Anyway, I emailed the agent back and said – “Are you kidding me? Is this a joke?” Yeah, I really did. Why? To be absolutely honest it had never occurred to me to write anywhere but in the e-book market. I like it here. I’m not a writer who ‘must’ be published in New York or die…dying at the moment would be very inconvenient as I just bought a new car and I am 1000 words off finishing my next book and no one would be able to decipher my form of typo-shorthand to work out the ending. But in saying that I’m not averse to chatting about new projects. So I have said I will write a proposal…not like I have anything else to do in work time and it will make me look busy. Will I fall on my arse? Maybe. Probably. Who knows? Life is too short to worry about things like that. Give it a go and move on is my motto.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday, 23 March 2009

I want to know….

- why do people walk along and pull their undies out of their butt? Yes, I know technically why - but why in public? It’s so unattractive. Do they realize that or do they just not know or care? Is doing something in private to sort yourself out not considered by them?
- why do people blow their nose and then look inside the tissue or hanky…what’s they about? ‘Not like it’s going to be anything in exciting in there.
- why do people leave a public bathroom without washing their hands? Are they not going to be using their hands for anything else that day or do they have some film over their hands that protects them from germs?
- Why do people at a gathering where food is involved always leave one thing on a plate? What’s they about? “Oh yeah we ate everything but look – we’re not complete pigs we left something.”
- Why do people not wear deodorant? Are they so used to their own smell it never occurs to them that the stink until you tell ‘em?
- Why is it that loud people get upset when you tell them to be quiet? Hasn’t it never happened to them before?
- Why is it that people who take potshots at you about how you look and think never look at themselves in the mirror or listen to what comes out of their own mouths?
- Why do men think a confident woman is a pushy bitch?
- Why is it thin people can eat whatever the hell they want and they do it in front of you when you’re on a diet…it’s just wrong.
- Why is it some people are incapable of saying please or thank you? Were they scared by the good manners fairy as a child?
- Why is it people let their animals roam the street unchecked? The thing is if we wanted an animal tearing up our yards we would have bought our own.
- when did 'squeeee' become a part of the English language? I must have missed that at school. Always reminds me of the noise a pig makes.
- Why is it some people ask so many dumb arsed questions? Stuffed if I know…could be that’s it’s Monday

Yes – the contest ends today midnight – yes you still have time providing it's not a minute past midnight when you send in the entry – what entry? What contest? See below…go on…scroll down…
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sunday, 22 March 2009

And the ants shall lead the way…

I was sitting on the back steps last night contemplating my navel, metaphorically that is, it’s too scarred to actually look at, and I was wondering about life and stuff I could have done better and the whole why-didn’t-I-do-this-or-that-or-the-other thing when I saw all these ants. Actual ants – not metaphorical ants…and I said to myself – what the bloody hell is going on here? We have been inundated by ants at the moment in Brizzie. I don’t know whether it’s like a sign of the apocalypse or something – you know the whole biblical plague of locust thing – but we have had a shit load of ants around at the moment. Why? What are they doing and more importantly why did they keep crawling up the legs of my sleep shorts when I was trying to be all deep and meaningful? You can’t do that and brush ants from your knickers.

The answer of course was to stop being all deep and meaningful and just get on with life and forget about all the other stuff that gets in the way…that and get up and stop the ants in my pants. Have you ever noticed ants never stop moving? They keep moving and never falter in what they are doing. I seriously doubt they get all wound up about things or wonder about stuff. I think they’re probably too busy ensuring their survival to worry about navel gazing – actually they probably don’t have a navel so that probably makes it easier for them to just deal with life. I believe all the problems of life centre around having a navel…it’s one of my many theories…

So here’s to ants – pragmatic little buggers who I intend to be more like.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Saturday, 21 March 2009

Yeah right…sure…okay…

I got an email from…well, let’s call him an acquaintance. He wanted to see what Amarinda Jones looked like so he Googled my name. He came up with the photo above. Yeah right…sure…okay…that’s me in an alternative universe where no one has cellulite and I have lost my mind and allowed someone to tie me up and whip me…but in the real world where I live 97% of the time – nope – that’s not me. It’s a picture someone sent me on my MySpace page for my birthday. Somehow it got tagged to me….and I could only wish I had thighs like that…and my hair is shorter and I would probably be slapping him back…but I digress…why is it important what someone looks like? I am plain, average, boring…I can’t see why anyone would need a photo of that. I also have this theory – which will no doubt thrill other authors, as I do, but I believe all romance writers look alike. I know – it’s a pretty big call but I swear to god I look at photos from various get togethers and I think everyone is interchangeable. It’s sort of like all firemen look alike – gorgeous. All nurses look alike – efficient, professional. Yes, you can email me and tell me differently and I’ll happily put your comments –good or bad - on the next blog.

If you are emailing – enter the Rowdy contest – see below…may as well make the email worth it.

Other than that, it’s been a hormonally charged day – shut up it has – I had to eat a packet of Tim Tams when I could not get the automatic windows in the new car to work. I finally broke down and read the manual to get them working…pesky buttons to push…what happened to winding them up and down?

Good news…I was offered another contract on a book so that was good. Always nice to know you don’t suck completely. I thought this would spur me on to finish the current book I am working on. It’s 98% finished and the characters are marking time until I get in the zone – or they work it out themselves.

On finishing - I absolutely love this song - click below. It’s from the seventies when I was a kid but every time I hear it I crank up the radio and sing at the top of my lungs and torture the neighbourhood, as I did this morning at 6am…sometimes ya just had to sing out it out baby and whose going to stop me?
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Friday, 20 March 2009

A plethora of nothing….

….I got nothing…zip, zilch, nada….’been writing sex all day. It’s a wonder I don’t go blind.

If you haven’t entered the Rowdy contest – check it out below – and take a crack at may just win.

That’s it…naught to say… I'll be back tomorrow…be safe, be good or at least look like you are. You can fake a lot as we know…
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Thursday, 19 March 2009

I give you the tunic….

IT'S the rock uniform that inspired thousands of fantasies through the decades and now Chrissy Amphlett's school tunic is up for grabs.,22049,25203883-5012327,00.html

The Divinyls were a huge band in Australia in the 80’s-90’s. When I heard Chrissy Amphlett was auctioning off the school box pleated uniform she used to wear on stage, it reminded me of wearing the real version when I was at school in the seventies – stop counting your fingers and toes – I’m 45 – god, it was a ghastly thing – not at all like Chrissy’s. There was nothing sexy about it. The only photo I could find that could give you any idea of how bad it was is the one above – no, that’s not me…but I will try and find one…anyway – the tunic I had was navy blue. My mother liked the old box pleat uniform, because as Army brats, travelling from school to school, it was a standard uniform of a lot of schools back then and that meant mum did not have to keep forking out dosh – money – every time we changed school. The box pleat was de-rigueur.

Now, I am a great believer in uniforms for school. They give everyone, regardless of wealth or family background, level pegging. But the old box pleat – bloody hell it was uncomfortable. It was wool and itchy on your thighs – and when I say thighs, it had to be worn so many inches above the knee and no more. I remember kneeling down so mum could pin it to get it the right height. There wasn’t anything sexy about that tunic. It had a belt and you looked like a chaff bag tied around the middle. Of course, a lot of girls ‘lost’ the belt and then they looked preggers. That teemed with a prissy white blouse, tie and knees socks…the whole thing was gaggable.

Yes, what a lovely thing it was and as you developed it didn’t have any give whatsoever– so boobs grew but the fabric had no mercy and it would cut you under the arms. Ah, those were the days. You can get copies of these uniforms now made to dress up in to have fantasy sex…seriously? Is that with the tie and knee socks as well? I would have to view any man who asked me to dress up in one of these with great suspicion as he’s not out to give me any pleasure at all….

So, Ida – my car - see picture – left me today. Behind Ida is the shambolic abode known as Chez Amarinda – notice the bins out to the side? That’s to reminder to put the bins out when I get home. Good in theory but does not always work in practice. Anyway – out with Ida, stoic soul she was and in with Patrick, the car. Why Patrick? I don’t know. The car just looked like a Patrick and who am I to question these things?

And yes – there is a contest – scroll to the blog below and feel free to enter.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Wednesday, 18 March 2009


Let the pigeons loose! Rowdy is released today at Ellora’s Cave. To those who have asked me – yes, this is the follow on from Tantalizing Tilly but either can be read alone…and yes, you can click on the cover to buy...

The blurb…

Fate may have decreed for Agron Cardissan to crash into Rowdy Lawrence's world but that doesn't mean she has to like it. He is the last thing she wants and because of him she is also discovering needs she never imagined she possessed. Hot sex with the immortal guy is as good as it is bad for her.

Argon is enchanted by Rowdy and that she is less so of him is no deterrent. Making love to break down her reluctance is a challenge he cannot resist. He knows they are meant together. Rowdy's body is already his. She has his heart, now he wants hers. This love is forever.

But that's not the only problem they face. Zombies are roaming the streets and an old friend becomes a foe. The two star-crossed lovers must unite to save a city and to fulfill a prophecy. Who knew love could be so exhausting?


The prize – one lucky person will win the lovely, kitsch water globe of Sydney Harbour. See below. I love things like this. What does it have to do with Rowdy? Absolutely nothing. I just like it – I bought one for myself. Added to this immortalization of Sydney in plastic – the winner gets an e-book copy of Rowdy.

The contest – very, very hard question…go to and tell me the names of any two authors listed on the “links” page – then email me on The first correct answer drawn at random will win the lovely prize. The contest closes Monday 23rd March at midnight EST USA time. Go for it.

Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

The mysteries of life…

The Fall Girl is out sometime in November with Resplendence Publishing. It follows on from Taking the Fall. Interesting feedback on TTF - some people were upset at the was happy but it wasn't. I wasn't really surprised by this feedback. The ending was left so it would follow one of the male characters on. It's good to know people liked him enough to care what happened to him….hmmm…what does happen to James? Anyway - The Fall Girl follows the character of Jonties's best friend Tosh.

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious” – Edna O’Brien

It’s St Patrick’s Day and like any country with a large Irish ancestry, we’ll celebrate in Australia. I’m descended from Kennedys, Mahoneys and Hempenstalls – it’s the last name that intrigues me and one relative in particular – actually the only known relative with that name – Jane – my great maternal grandmother. She has long since passed but Jane had a story that my mother and I tried to work out when we were in Ireland. Jane came from County Wexford. She’s an interesting lady by virtue of the fact that we know nothing about her other than the story she gave everyone when she landed in Australia in the 1800’s with a baby. The trip to Ireland told us nothing. I’m not even certain that was her real surname. Oh sure, it’s on documents but anyone back then could have plucked a name out of the air to hide who they were.

Anyway Jane arrived, unmarried, with a kid in tow, yet she told this amazing story about herself and a sea captain. Nah, I’m not going to give you all the specifics – and they’re pretty wild - as I will write her story one day but let me just say this…having kissed the Blarney Stone myself in Ireland, I am pretty damn certain Jane did as well. And of course now, a young woman with a baby and a story that you could shoot holes through is just par for the course but back then it would have taken a single woman guts to sail the ocean to a pretty wild country that was months away by sea. She had nerve and I have to admire her as she never faltered or fell apart – she just made what she could of her situation. She married John Boatwright and had a slew of kids. Unfortunately, like a lot of strong, adventurous people, she died young and no one, but maybe John knew the truth.

So here’s to the Kennedys, the Mahoney’s and particularly Jane Hempenstall – a woman of mystery I’m proud to be related to.

My fave comedian also happens to be Irish – check Dylan Moran out here -


Once more thank you for all the entries in the Pushing Fate contest. The winners - Maggie and Becky. Because Rowdy is released from Ellora’s Cave on Wednesday – busy, busy - I’ll have another contest – stay tuned for details.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday, 16 March 2009

I got another condom email….

Have you got sponsorship was a condom company? You should because you write about them all the time.”

Yes – I do and that’s a good point. I must look into a sponsorship deal. Thank you for the email and the suggestion.

Recently at the Australian Romance Readers Convention in Melbourne I asked the audience at the erotica panel how they felt about condoms for the heroes. They didn’t like them. This makes sex hard…why? Because I don’t want the heroine getting preggers – yes, she’s on the pill but what if she missed a day? Haven’t we all done that? And, sexually transmitted disease is neither sexy nor romantic. So, write sex and be responsible yet make it romantic and not awkward – well – that’s just sex for you isn’t it?
Touch me there – not so hard – oh harder – faster – slow down, what’s your rush? Hurry up I’m going to come – where’s the condom – no condom ? Bummer - today’s Monday right - so if I take Sunday’s missed pill today with Monday’s and throw in Tuesday’s for luck – a orange condom – seriously - who even makes those? Well, yes a condom is important - I’ve never looked good in orange – What? I know I’m not wearing it – well hurry up then – where are you going to put it when we finish – oh no, not in my Little Miss Kitty waste basket – I wonder what’s on television – don’t put it in there – why? I’m not in the mood – oh yeah there’s good – you weigh a ton – do I look fat to you? O-o-o-h my goddddd…I have a leg cramp…

I was given some free books at the convention. One of them was about a surgeon who got his nurse preggers. She did the angst ridden oh-dear-he’s-going-back-to-tend-the-sick-in-upper-Kumbucka-west-how-noble-I-will-not-tie-him-down-with-me-and-a-child-so-I’ll-go-off-and-tell-everyone-it-was-a-virgin-birth…..riiiight. I have to ask why are all these doctors getting nurses in an ‘interesting condition.’ I know it’s fiction but as I reader I have to wonder if they missed the lectures on how babies are made. I know when I was at uni I often skipped lecturers but it only have got me a lower grade and never pregnant.

This made me laugh and reminded me of someone a long time ago….

The contest finishes at Midnight Monday – scroll below and email me your entry if you haven’t – if have you have than thank you. There is an Amarinda contest this week too…who am I again? I have no idea sometimes. Rowdy is released at Ellora’s Cave on Thursday.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Amazing Grace…

A lover asks you to pose naked for pictures. What do you do? Are you shocked? Excited? Scared? Do you think for five seconds, before stripping off, what the ramifications may be?

It constantly amazes me how people – women in particular - will allow someone to take intimate/naked/obscene photos of them and then they get upset when they’re published on the Internet or somewhere else for everyone to see. Did they think for a second that the man of the moment may not be the man of forever and that maybe if they become famous that their one time fling may sell the photos to the highest bidder? And how can you get all outraged at something you choose to do coming back on you?

I was reading in the Sunday newspapers about a female politician who’s ex-lover sold naked photos of her and how that may ruin her electoral chances – yes – we have an election coming up. Yes, I believe in doing things on the spur of the moment but I also think dropping your kit and posing naked requires some thought. I’m, not saying don’t do it – it’s your choice but for god sake don’t get all pissed off when it comes back to bite you on the arse. Face it – you were naked – everyone has seen what there is to see – you’re no more unique that anyone else unless you have three boobs or something - so move on. I think we all admire someone who admits to past mistakes and does not get all defensive over it. I would much rather vote for a person who accepts they are flawed and they stuffed up in their life than someone who is outraged that what they did X number of years ago coming to light.

And, what is the point of posing naked anyway? The human body is just plain weird looking – like a science experiment gone wrong. And yes, I get that pin ups make good money doing it but in the end it’s just a naked body and all women have the same parts just in different proportions - as do men… I don’t understand why anyone wants to see people they don’t know naked… everyone has an arse after all.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Saturday, 14 March 2009

Just another suburban Saturday...

Around 100,000 litres of oil from the cyclone-stricken Pacific Adventurer have washed up on the shores of Moreton and Bribie island and parts of the Sunshine Coast.

The areas have been declared disaster zones and state and federal authorities are responding, while the maritime watchdog is investigating the spill.

Charges may be laid over what Premier Anna Bligh says could be "the worst environmental disaster Queensland has ever seen".,23739,25179213-952,00.html

What an environmental nightmare. It’s a disaster on so many levels – but I had a WTF moment when a news reader reporting this on the TV news asked the question ….“But how will this affect Easter prawn (shrimp) supplies?” Yes - let’s all forget about saving the waterways, the sea life, the beaches and tourism – what will people eat at Easter for god sake???? Hmmm…I often believe people care more about their stomach than the world at large.

Australia needs to stop thinking of New Zealand as the "cousin at the party who's got the short trousers" and treat their neighbour more seriously, a leading historian says.

Why do people – academics especially – have to over analyse everything? Yes, yes, they probably have stuff all to do and have to justify their existence or whatever grant they are on – but the fact is – ask any Aussie - we consider New Zealanders mates. This is a bond that was forged over hundreds of years and solidified in WW1 with the ANZACs (Australian New Zealand Army Corp) in places like Gallipoli. It is a bond that can never be broken. If you cannot be Aussie then be a Kiwi. And the thing with Aussies is if we like you then we will take the piss* and tease the hell out of you. If we don’t then we’re just polite. The Aussie-Kiwi bond of friendship is so solid between our two countries that no other country could step in and take its place. And duh, of course large countries with small populations, isolated as we are, will look North for trade and to make alliances….hello…no brainer alert.

John Curtin – a very smart Aussie Prime Minister during WW2 – realized the value of an alliance with the USA. Before, our ties had always been with Blighty. I forever admire John Curtin. Why? Because in WW2 when the Japanese army was in Papua New Guinea and knocking on our door to invade, he basically told the wanker war machine in Britain – who considered Oz expendable - to bugger off - that Australia would not be sending more troops to the middle east but bringing our men back home to defend Australia in PNG. That was a huge call to make back then. Up until then we had never told the likes of Winnie Churchill to bugger off – officially that is - before but after the horrendous debacle in Gallipoli (read Gallipoli by Les Carlyon) we suspected Britain could not organize a piss up in a brewery at that time.

Anyway – back to the topic…Kiwis are our cousins. We love ‘em and we tease each other. Maybe this academic should look at another question like where does the other sock go in the washing.

*Piss off – please leave me alone now
Taking the piss - teasing
Pissed – can mean both drunk and angry
Blighty - Britain

Remember to check out the contest below – still time to enter and as always I am agog at the amount of entries – thank you…
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Friday, 13 March 2009

Urban Goth…

Currently, I look like Morticia Adams. I couldn’t find time to go to the hairdresser to have my normal red streaks so I thought – 'bugger it – I’ll whack a packet colour through my hair until next month.' The colour I chose – copper brown. The colour result – dark-oh-my-god-what-the-hell-have-you-done-brown? Lovely. It will eventually fade of course but the looks I have been getting are priceless. I have the whole gothic deal going on at the moment. And, you know, the thing is this is probably the closest I have ever been to my natural colour – which I suspect – going by my eyebrows is dark brown. I say suspect because I can’t exactly remember as I have been dying my hair various colours since Billy was a pup (that’s a long time in Aussie speak).

The comments have been – "wow – those are nice earrings" (translation = what the hell has she done to her hair?) to “trying something new?” To which I like to look vague as if I don’t understand what they mean and then they become uncertain as to whether what they think has changed has really changed or not. One must have some fun in life. So, the moral of the story? Obvious – no matter how rushed you are do not believe the colour on the side of the box and if you wear black with dark hair then you will look more scary than normal – bonus.

Dear Friend, (PRIVATE/CONFIDENTIAL).I am Mr Peter Nouri bank manager of B.O.A Bank in Burkina faso.I would like you to indicate your interest to receive the transfer of 14,000,000 M Dollars. I will like you to stand as the next of kin to my late Descease customer Mr.Sheu Yuan-dong whose account is presently dormant for claim. urgent

The B.O.A Bank in Burkina Faso seems to be very, very busy at the moment. I get a lot of these and frankly I wasn’t aware I could be related to so many people. As far as I know, there no Shen’s in the Jones family. But we’re a dodgy lot. And is Mr Shen dead or just ill? And what’s an M dollar? Is it ‘M’ as in Monopoly dollars? Can I buy a couple of hotels in Mayfair and still have change to buy an electric company? And where the hell is Burkina Faso – yes - Africa but where? Have a burning desire to know? Click
here. It states in this article they started out as hunter gatherers…seems nothing much as changed.

Contest – see wonky picture on blog below… The deal – very, very hard question…go to and tell me the name of one the other Janet books listed there – then email me on The first 2 correct answers drawn at random will win the prize. The contest closes Monday 16th March at midnight – cause it always sounds more dramatic – EST USA time. Go for it.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Pushing Fate

Pushing Fate - by moi

Ainslie Croft is a dreamer. The problem is her dreams aren’t pleasant. Ghosts haunt her asking for help. When she crashes into a dream where one man is running from her and another towards her, Ainslie knows her life is about to change forever. But can she overcome the emotional and physical scars to let anyone into her life?

Ramsay Balfour is a man on a mission. He has to find an evil necromancer and destroy his power. Ramsay also plans to seduce Ainslie back into the land of the living by teaching her how to love again.

I have a book released today – Pushing Fate at Cerridwen Press. Yes, you can click on the cover to buy. What’s that you say? You’re not Janet Davies. I am too. I am both Janet and Amarinda but people tend to know me more as Amarinda. We’re one and the same. There is no difference. One of us writes mainstream romance and the other erotica. If I am in trouble I blame one or the other. It’s very handy at times. It’s not me – it’s her – she’s the bad one. You’re never alone when you have a pen name…

So - Pushing Fate – we do it everyday by taking a chance, a risk – we tempt fate to take us on and do its worst. I wrote this book based on a dream – ah, dreams – useful things those. I was going to write it as a new age spiritual thing but I discovered I don’t have a spiritual bone in my body – just the usual jaded ones I’ve had for years so I went with what I knew.

There is a contest…and I took a photo – see below - sure it’s wonky but at 4am in the morning the world is wonky. Shut up and tell you what and how you could win? Sure.

The stuff – bought on my travels in Melbourne, Australia - 1 XL T-shirt, a pop up snow globe (I love these), a boxing kangaroo pen, a kangaroo road sign to confuse people especially if you aren’t an Aussie, an Amarinda cap, a pen set that has – wait for it - souvenir nail clippers – laughed my arse off when I saw those - and a packet of Tim Tams. Why? Because you need something delicious to eat when you read the e-book copy of Pushing Fate you may win.

The contest – very, very hard question…go to and tell me the name of one of the other Janet books listed there – then email me on The first 2 correct answers drawn at random will win the prize. The contest closes Monday 16th March at midnight – cause it always sounds more dramatic – EST USA time. Go for it.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

You and me against the world…

“It’s Amarinda.
“And what a lovely name for a lovely lady. What I’m trying to make you understand is I’m not doing this job to make my boss or the company money, I’m doing this job for great people like you who want a good, honest deal. I’m fighting on your side against my boss. This is all about what you want Amanda.”
“I see Bert.” (translation = you are full of crap)
“It’s Brett.”
“Oh really? You look like a Bert.”
“My friend, you can call me anything you like because it’s you and me against them.”
“Uh huh…” Pardon me while I laugh my arse off.

So I have been torturing, er…I mean - negotiating with car salesman. I’m upgrading Ida, my car. I’ve had her for 6 years and it’s time to move her on to calmer pastures as she is just about to pass her warranty period. I did explain this to her. She said nothing. I feel Ida’s silence means she understands and agrees with me. We’re very sympatico – it’s almost like a Zen type relationship we have. The car is calm and I’m not – very yin-yang. Anyway – enter the Bert’s- er – Brett’s of the world. Lordy they be full of crap. The expression ‘don’t pee on my head and tell me it’s raining’ came to mind a lot listening to Bert/Brett. What is it with car salesman? Lone woman comes into a dealership. He makes a judgment. Average, by herself and probably knows stuff all about cars so I’ll flatter her some and tell her a load of bollocks to make her buy. Yeah, I’m average to look at – it works in my favour – ever notice that people like Bert/Brett never expect the average people to arc up and turn on them? So, I listened to him crap on, worked out by his body language and the careless info he slipped that - A – they were desperate for sales and - B – Ida was a damn good car as a resale. Then I told him what I wanted – “And no, this is not a you and me thing – it’s all about me. I’m not here to piss around Bert.”

Did I go with Bert/Brett? Oh hell no. I’m not leaving Ida with him. I used what Bert/Brett had said and made a better deal with the next car salesman. It made me wonder – do the Bert/Brett’s go home and think – ‘bloody hell I talked some rot today’ or are they like that in real life? Quiet scary. But then so am I when I want something. Do I feel bad Bert/Brett lost a sale? No - that’s life and I know he will sucker someone else without being sorry for the tactics he uses. Life is a game – we all know that – play it whatever way you have to.

The new car – it’s going to be a purple-blue colour…the name – unknown as yet. It arrives in a week. Then I will look the car in the headlights and a name will come to me. Thankfully I have managed to un-stick the Best of Chris Isaak CD from the CD player…whew…well who knew you had to use a pin number to re-set up the radio/CD after the battery was replaced? Oh sure, there’s a car manual but no one reads those...

Just a reminder…I have a contest coming up tomorrow – Thursday 12th March. What’s up from grabs? Check it out tomorrow…I’ll have taken the picture by then….
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Well, bloody hell…

Last night on Channel 7 Mr Rudd dropped the word "shit" as he spoke to sacked Pacific Brands workers about the Government's decision to spend billions stimulating the economy.

"People have to understand that, because there's going to be the usual political shit storm, sorry, political storm, over that," he said.

His comments were applauded by the audience.

Does the opposition party in Australia think the Prime Minister swore to appeal to people who are losing their jobs and will lose their jobs? Of course they do. They’re only pissed they didn’t think of it before Kevin did. The thing with Kevin, as with all good pollies (politicians) – be they Barack or…um…well, I’m sure there are others – they appeal to the masses – the everyday people who think ‘well, he’s a good bloke, I think I’ll vote for him.” They have street credibility – they reckon they could have a beer and a chin-wag with them (chat). That’s the name of the political game – balance that with good advisors and a family pet dog and the required cute kids and bingo – you have a leader. Did Kevin say ‘shit’ to appeal to voters? Maybe he did. What’s wrong with speaking to appeal to his audience? Doesn’t everyone judge who their listeners are and speak accordingly?

Swearing is now so much a part of the general everyday vernacular whether anyone likes it or not. People swear. And no, swearing is not pleasant to hear but it happens because people are human and in a dismal economic period with people facing ruin and hardship a skilled leader is hardly going to pat them on the head and say ‘Never mind old fellow, begging is a noble profession – I’m sure I read something in the bible about the meek inheriting the earth – after I'm finished with it of course - now here’s a fiver – smile for the camera with me - and now be on your way as I am off to a corporate lunch with the hoi polloi who just fired your blue collar arse.’ So Kevin swore. Stone the bloody crows. Let’s impeach him for saying shit. It’s the least of our problems. The thing is times are tough and we are indeed embroiled in a shit storm. Tell it like it is and worry about who scored what points later when the economy is better…that’s pretty much a bloody no brainer to me.

This story was immediately followed by…

Man wrestles kangaroo in Canberra home

"My initial thought when I was half awake was: it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window," Mr Ettlin said on Monday.
"It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in."

Look – if you haven’t been to Oz you really need to book a ticket and come on down under – it’s all happening here – though I would advise against wrestling ninja kangaroos as they will tear your hide off and if they come through the window make sure you wearing more than your undies.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday, 9 March 2009

Just plain wrong...

A senior Vatican cleric has defended the excommunication of the mother and doctors of a nine-year-old girl who had an abortion in Brazil after being raped.

He also said the accused stepfather would not be expelled from the church. Although the man allegedly committed "a heinous crime ... the abortion - the elimination of an innocent life - was more serious".

OMG…this is a nine year old girl who could have died giving birth to these twins and all this church can say is she should have taken her chances that she or the babies would have lived. And what about her innocence? And why wasn’t the rapist – a criminal - expelled from the church? Absolute frigging disgusting. Men in frocks making the rules when they have no concept of the real world? Condemning a nine year old for having another chance at life? For a mother to want more for daughter? For doctors to care? Great little world they’ve got going there. You know I’m not religious but my understanding of faith and humanity is somewhat different to this skewed version. Rape is rape and no matter what any church or any state says it’s never going to change nor can it ever be acceptable and pedophiles should be shot. Good on the mother. She has more sense and strength of character than any do-gooder who can quote a passage in a book and to validate hypocrisy. It’s just disgusting what some people think they can justify. It just makes me so angry and sad that this child is denied her faith and innocence and being punished for being helpless.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Navel gazing…

So, I was talking to a friend today and we were discussing those times in your life when you just want to be quiet and reflect on your thoughts and not deal with other people intruding. You know those times…call it ‘me’ time…call it whatever you like. It’s a time when you want to not think about anyone else’s problems but what’s on your mind, in your heart, in your soul – where you want to go, be and feel. I think it’s an essential need of all humans to say to people “piss off and leave me alone – I am going to stare at my navel for as long as I have to and no you can’t join in. This is about me – not you. I deserve time alone.”

But then what do you do with people who won’t back off? The ones that keep asking if you’re all right? That’s nice they care. It’s good to have people like that in your life. But what if they keeping asking and each time they are a little more pissy that you won’t tell them anything? What do you do? Break your retreat to soothe them – and in affect stuffing up the reason you wanted to be quiet? Ask them to respect your silence and that you just need time to do whatever you have to? And what if they won’t? Can you tell them to back off without it being a drama? I suspect not.

So why can’t we let people be do you think? Is it something in us that makes us want to know everything about a person because we have a need to tell all about ourselves? Maybe we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget to respect the needs of others even though they keep telling us over and over they’re fine. And yes, you’re right, some people aren’t fine. We all know of someone who was so not fine that they made terrible, irrevocable choices. It’s a hell of a balancing act isn’t it? Be there to listen but don’t smother the person who asks for a couple of hours quiet time. How do you know when someone’s fine but not fine? Well, you don’t do you? I think you have to trust your judgment and hope for the best - be there when they call, drop the odd email to see if they want to talk but basically understand there are times people need to be quiet.

Just pondering on individuality and respect.…
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Saturday, 7 March 2009

Dear Amarinda…

So I got this email last night in relation to yesterday’s blog – see below – the one about eye for an eye.

“Do you hate men so much that you would advocate the cutting off of penises?”

As promised to the sender I would not put her name on the blog. Firstly – thanks for the email. Opinions are always good and the best ones come through

My answer – no, on the contrary – I love men – they fascinate me. They are funny, complex, moody, smart, smart arse, loving, boyish, arrogant silly, crazy, sweet, stroppy, maddening, strong individuals. As for hatred, my mother always instilled in us the belief that ‘you only hate what you fear.’ I fear very little and the only thing I truly hate is baked beans…not sure how that works in line with childhood teachings…but there is it… However – and there is always a ‘but’ or a ‘however’ lurking – I am intolerant to injustice and prejudice against any minority group who has no power or voice. I am against people who preach one thing and then do another. I am against people feeling helpless. I am intolerant of bullies who use the name of religion to keep others under the thumb.

“I could suggest cutting off his penis to even things up – be a warning to others - maybe then he could know what it feels like to be a woman in a world where being born without an appendage between your legs gives you no power.”--AJ Blog 06/03/09

It was merely a suggestion, not an advocation. It is the thought that sometimes those people in authority need to have power taken from them – to become one of the downtrodden – to understand that the their idea of justice or beliefs is inhumane and wrong.

And on the whole, I find penises quite useful…

Will I write a similar blog to this again? Most certainly. And yes – absolutely email please. I am interested by all thoughts.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Friday, 6 March 2009


An Iranian woman living in Spain said on Wednesday she welcomed a Tehran court ruling that awards her eye-for-an-eye justice against a suitor who blinded her with acid.

Ameneh Bahrami, 30, told Cadena SER radio, "I am not doing this out of revenge, but rather so that the suffering I went through is not repeated."

Late last year an Iranian court ruled that the man - identified only as Majid - who blinded Bahrami in 2004 after she spurned him, should also be blinded with acid based on the Islamic law system of "qisas", or eye for an eye retribution, according to Iranian newspaper reports from November.

I’ll be honest – I’m in two minds about this. The arsehole that attacked and scarred this woman should be punished. He is an arrogant male sod who ruined a woman’s future because she said ‘no’ to him. What a childish, spoilt, prick of a man. Reasonable, rational, real men do not act like this. Sure, they may be pissed at a knock back but they move on. They do not blind for life in a childish attempt to make an inferior woman suffer for denying them some manly right they perceive is theirs.

And if this case wasn’t sick and insane enough, the court has ruled that because the victim is an inferior woman who was blinded in both eyes, the man should only be blinded in one.

"They have told us that my two eyes are equal to one of his because in my country each man is worth two women.”

So while I do believe that an eye for an eye is justified in some cases, what is the point of this? How is this a ‘win’ for this lady? And no, you are right, none of us can know how she feels and what justice she demands to move on with her life. But the ruling alone indicates that prejudice in this archaic, male dominated society and religion is never going to change. How is taking the sight in the one eye of the attacker going to help her or change anything if they deem she is only worth half of what her attacker is? I could suggest cutting off his penis to even things up – be a warning to others - maybe then he could know what it feels like to be a woman in a world where being born without an appendage between your legs gives you no power. Yes, revenge can be sweet and no one will ever really know how this woman suffered. If it gives her peace then I cannot deny her that but once again I am saddened and angry at how stupid these penis based societies are and how they never learn the value of the people they have.

From ridiculous pretend men to…

Four firemen stripped to their underwear in Melbourne's CBD today to protest against Pacific Brands' decision to axe nearly 2,000 Australian jobs.
Hundreds of Pacific Brands workers rallied in Bourke Street to call for the company to reverse the decision.

The firefighters, who are members of the United Firefighters Union, drew huge applause when they stripped off their Pacific Brands-made uniforms to reveal Bonds boxer shorts while Men At Work's _Down Under_ song played.

Click on the video for the full story.

Good one boys. I am 100% behind the workers at Pacific Brands and with the nation at the appalling greed of a company that can dump workers yet reward the executives. I refuse to buy anything – not even my fave Bond undies – from these corporate leeches and any protest – and this was most excellent – that draws attention to the plight of the workers who are losing their jobs, in this company and others, due to cooperate greed I support.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?