Sunday, 30 September 2007

Because we can...

An old friend rang today. When I say old, she is actually ten years younger than me, but as I am ageless, that means nothing. Katie, no not her real name, and I worked at Promptel together. Promptel, for those of you who do not know, is a made up name I use for a very real telephone I used to work for. It was a crap place to work but I made some really true friends there.

Katie hated me on first sight and she made no secret of it. Why? It was because she was in the call centre and I was in the complaints area. Unlike the call centre workers I was not bound by tight schedules (or I probably was, I just did not follow them) and I was not hooked to a headset like a battery hen answering call after call until you are so demoralized that you wanted to puke. The complaints area was no picnic either. You dealt with people who regularly wanted to kill you and everyone at Promptel, who were not going to f***ing pay their f***ing bill until you f***ing sorted their f****ing problem or people who regularly threatened to go to the media or another phone company. Fine – go I felt like saying - let me give you the phone numbers to call. The complaints area was considered glamorous as ‘they did not do any work.’ While it was true a lot of the complaints ‘team’ did stuff all and lauded it over the call centre staff, I never did. But mud sticks.

So when Promptel started to downsize, they threw all the complaints people into the call centre. This was mainly to shift the work elsewhere but also hoping that people would quit if forced to be a battery hen. It they quit, then Promptel did not have to pay a redundancy when the call centre closed for good. There was no way in hell I was leaving that rat hole without a redundancy in my chubby little fist. I earned it. It was mine.

So they placed me beside Katie. She gave me the evil eye then ignored me. Whatever. I wasn’t about to fall apart if she didn’t like me. I surreptitiously watched Katie and soon discovered that we had a lot in common. We were both very good a manipulating the system to our own advantage. Any call centre worker worth their salt knows how to cheat on the phones to cover up anything else that they should not be doing. All I will say is the ‘transfer’ button can be your best friend and not for the reasons it was designed for. We also discovered we were fighting the same battles in the call centre and joined forces to kick arse. From an I loathe you beginning we became great friends who stood side by side in every pissy little battle with management and we cheated the system something chronic - and yes, we both praised all the gods we had been praying to the day redundancies were announced. I am sure those gods don't expect us to keep any of our wild promises due to getting the redundancy...

I believe some of the strongest friendships are formed under fire. Katie and I don’t see as much of each other now, but like true friends we keep in touch. We know everything about each other and we are not upset if two weeks go by without a phone call from the other as we know we can pick up exactly where we left off. May everyone have a friend just as good.

To all the call centre workers. I admire you. I know what you put up with. It’s not an easy job to do. So next time you feel the need to take out your frustration on a call centre worker, remember they are human beings trying to earn money just like you or me and all the swearing in the world is not going to get you what you want.

NB – A reviewer remarked how well I researched call centres for my book Because I Can. I believe in writing what you know as readers are smart enough to know what’s real and what’s not.
The blog serial returns Monday on For Sunday words of wisdom please visit Anny on, Molly on and Kelly on They are all extremely wise and zen like today - it's actually quite frightening. I expect them to snap out of it Monday.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Saturday, 29 September 2007

Deal of a Lifetime

Rambo called me – no, not her real name, but she is very Rambo-esque in her approach to life. I used to work with her at Promptel. She both fascinates and appalls me with her behavior but that’s another hair-raising story. Anyway Rambo called to offer me a ‘fantastic’ deal. It seems all I needed to do was to send $10,000 over to a certain company in a certain city in Asia and then they would send me back $4,000. What the? No, Rambo said it’s ‘all legit’ and ‘you would see the rest of your money triple and quadruple in the next month.’ Yeah, right sure.
A –What do they invest in?
R – Not sure
A – It’s a half arsed pyramid scheme, Rambo. Pull your head in.
R - No way! They have an office right beside the Palace of …..
A – Oh well, they have to be legit then (serious eyeroll). So you‘ve seen their office? Their brochures? Googled them on the net? Stopped taking illicit drugs long enough to realize you are talking crap?
R - I thought you were a risk taker, A.
A – Whatever…have you invested money in this company beside the Palace?
R – Well, no
A – Why not?
R – Well, I wanted to see what they were like first…
A – Talk to me when you’re sober, Rambo.

Speaking of deals of a lifetime. Author Barbara Huffert has kindly allowed me to put the excerpt and blurb for her Deal of a Lifetime book on the blog today. Being the good girls we are, we have opted for a pg rated excerpt. However, rest assured this book has serious sizzling heat and kick arse, erotic romance. Check Barbara’s website for more – or better still buy the book. You will not be disappointed.
Next week I’ll give you a sneak preview of Barbara’s next book My Last Dark Day which is released 8th October from Total-E-Bound. I love that title.

Blurb - Deal of a Lifetime available from Ellora’s Cave

Annette thought she had the perfect solution to prevent what was meant to be a pleasant anniversary celebration from deteriorating into a never-ending lecture from her older sister on the sub-standard status of her entire life. Inventing a fictitious boyfriend, reportedly detained in an unavoidable, albeit imaginary business meeting, seemed like a harmless fib if telling it would ensure a festive evening. She even had a plan to cover his exit from her life later on.

Rich’s estranged wife had gone too far this time and he’d had enough. He had no clue what setting him up as another woman’s date for an evening of drinks, dinner, and theater with the woman’s family was supposed to accomplish but he was determined to find out. When his new better half didn’t so much as blink at his unexpected arrival he decided right then and there that he wasn’t letting her out of his sight. He’d play his role of escort to the hilt to get to the bottom of it even if he had to tie her to the bed and seduce the answers out of her once the other couple said goodnight.

Excerpt - Deal of a Lifetime available from Ellora’s Cave

..."That's good," he licked the same spot. "Fight me so we can honestly say we tried to resist each other," he encouraged, forcing his tongue between her lips.
Annette had no idea how it happened. One second she was pushing her hands against Rich's shoulders to stop the insanity and the next she was clutching those same shoulders to hold him to her, urging him to continue. His persistent tongue explored her mouth and she heard a moan. It suddenly dawned on her that the sound came from her and she decided she was even more insane than he was. What was wrong with her, letting, no, encouraging a complete stranger to ravish her mouth? And how could it possibly feel so amazing when his only reason for kissing her was to punish her for her role in some non-existent plot? The minuscule portion of Annette's mind that was still functioning snagged her attention. She had to end this before it got totally out of hand.
Every nerve in her body screamed in protest as Annette freed her mouth from his demanding plunder. She twisted her head to the side and fought both of them when Rich sought to recapture her. "Stop it! Just stop it! Get off me!" This time she remembered she was supposed to push him away.
"Still playing?" Rich sneered. He flopped back where he had been and rubbed his hand over his face. Eventually he sighed,focusing on her with a cold stare. "Great strategy. Let me applaud you, darling. A perfect balance of teasing and indignation. Can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve for the next round."
Annette meant to slip from the bed but was halted by Rich's hand clamping around her arm. A quick glance at his face warned her not to make demands. "Rich, please. This is not a game. I know how it seems but I swear this really is just an unbelievable coincidence."
"Unbelievable being the key word here."

Check out I killed Sam on the last installment of the blog serial but Anny has brought Sam back. What will Kelly do on Monday on Who will arise from the dead or their hamster like state? And more importantly will Gabrielle get to eat the ice cream?

Friday, 28 September 2007

What are men like? Well…

I bought a birthday card for a friend today. It said -
What are men like? Well…

Men are like Blenders – you feel you may need one, but you’re not exactly sure why
*Hmmm…I can’t get through the day without my juicer. Not sure I need a blender or can I blend many men into one? Something like a carrot juice smoothie with chocolate and a slug of gin.

Floor tiles – Lay them properly in the first place and you can walk all over them for life.
*Terribly politically incorrect of course – however true it may be…not that I would ever do it – just an observation.

Coffee – The best types are rich, warm and can keep you up all night
*No, I just want to sleep.

Mascara – Run at the first sign of emotion
*And don’t we use this to our advantage? Any woman worth her salt is a part time Scarlett O'Hara.

Photocopiers – good for reproduction but nothing else
*I don’t agree - men are very good for getting tight lids off jars. Also, if you have a dead mouse of something, they are exceptionally good of disposing of it. Also doing mechanic things. Yep, I’d keep a man around for those reasons alone.
The ongoing blog saga - what the bloody hell is happening now?
Kelly on left us with...
Marcus peeled off his faux human skin revealing his full stony glory and leathery wings. With an unconscious sigh of relief his wing stretched out and shivered in the night air. “She’s one of them, you idiot. You let one of her kind out and now there’s virtually nothing that can stop her.”

“Flick your Bic, baby. Do it,” she taunted. “I dare you.”
Good one Grasshopper...okay, I may have cursed you yesterday but it was done with great fondness...or something.
My turn - it may or may not be influenced by with 'moments' with the opposite sex this week.

The sound of wings approaching made Gabrielle look up into the sky. She laughed when she saw the large eagle headed towards them. It carried a bomb in one razor sharp claw. The eagle swooped in, picked Gabrielle up and dropped the bomb in one neat movement.

“You took your time Leonardo,” Gabrielle murmured as she held on to his claw as they flew through the air. “I nearly got bic’ed.” A loud explosion sounded below them. “That’ll teach ‘em.”

“It was head winds over the Pacific Ocean,” the eagle replied. “Do you want to go back and make sure they’re dead?”

“No, I’m hungry.” It was at least two hours since her last Tim Tam.

“Then I will take you back to the fortress. The last of the Omega force agents await you.”

Sam was such a smart arse thinking the Omega Force was decimated. There were three left. They were deadly and out for revenge. Gabrielle’s two favourite past times.

“One thing, Gabrielle, Maximillius is at that fortress.”

“Oh bugger.”

“He is demanding to see you.” Humans. So complicated.

“When will he get it into his head I married him to save myself from the giant sloth I had been betrothed to in childhood by my father?” It was pretty damn simple to her.

“He says he loves you.” For the life of Leonardo he could not understand why. Gabrielle was a bitch.

“Max wouldn’t know if his bum was on fire,” she responded coolly. He had a fine butt but that was not reason enough to be with any man.

“What will you do?”

“Kill him I expect.” Gabrielle yawned. “Do you know what’s for dinner Leo?”
Anny, I know, will take this is some totally weird arsed direction that no one expects. So tune in on on Saturday and once again be amazed.
Thief of Mine - review

A great light hearted run for your life with a good looking guy/gal treat. With the adrenalin pumping as the chase is on and the hormones rushing into overdrive as well, it is a volatile combination. The moral conundrum of wanting a man who was a thief and had no problem with using sex to get what he wanted was hard for her. It made interesting reading to see the changes each underwent for the other.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Thursday, 27 September 2007

Job slutting....

The first work email that I opened this morning was from my counterpart Sara overseas. I would print the email out for the blog but it was full of wild, frustrated, swearing. Not blog material for the faint hearted. Sara was a tad stressed. I don't believe most of what she mentioned in the email is physically possible but who am I to question biology? And certainly some of the people she mentioned in the email could probably use a out. Anyway at the end of it she had written – “I apologise for the swearing.” I emailed her back and said she could swear to me any time. I understand and I do. Sara is extremely frustrated in her job at the moment. I sent a copy of her email to Ethel, who rated it eight out of ten on the swearing scale. This is a very good score as Ethel is an excellent swearer. Though, to be honest, I think Ethel makes some of the words up - but they sound good anyway. She said she understood where Sara was coming from. Ethel spends her day job slutting.

What is job slutting you ask? It is a word I came up with a year or so ago when Ethel and I were applying for jobs willy-nilly. We used to apply for so many jobs we had no idea what job we were being interviewed for or offered – hence the term job slutting. We are still quite obsessive about it. Why? Because we are both looking for news jobs – again. I have been to several interviews over the last two weeks and yes, I got those jobs. No, I did not take them. Why? Because they were no better and in many cases much worse than my present job. So I will continue to job slut, along with Ethel for we believe – in case we don’t win the $10 million Powerball tonight – that we have to get out of the current jobs we are in before we explode and intestines I suspect are hard to clean up.

I also spoke to, let’s call her Nola, from my old job at Promptel. I keep Nola informed of all my doings – the successes etc – so the gossip grapevine at Promptel is suitably busy and pissed off discussing what Amarinda is doing now. It's my gift to them. Nola is also looking for another job as she loathes where she is. Promptel does sucks badly. Leanne, a woman in Sydney, I speak to on a daily basis, was depressed today. Why? She hates her job. So, here we have five separate women, from different backgrounds, ages and ideals who hate their jobs. Why is that? Do we ask too much? No. We want and deserve more – be it respect, a pleasant environment or money. I also think that’s why in Oz at the moment there are so many vacant jobs. People are demanding more.

I don’t expect or ask anyone to agree with or understand the need to want more when it comes to a job. I am a firm believer that jobs are not real life. But fantasy should not suck this badly. If you love your job, I think that’s great – in fact I would love to here about someone who does as damned if I know anyone at the moment who is happy in the workplace. Yes, it is a job and yes, no one guarantees you happiness. Yes, I could shut up and accept my lot in life but I’ve never done so before and I doubt I’ll start now. Vent over.
I was at work when I read Kelly's next installment of the blog serial on I sat there and thought uh-huh. What do I follow that with? The answer? Stuffed if I know. In the words of Scarlett O'Hara - I'll think about it tomorrow. Meanwhile to refresh your memory go to and the episode before. While you're there relax with Anny's mellow dog for a moment.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

The Wednesday Interview

This week brilliant author is Anh Leod. Her latest book Bijou’s Bonds is released today through Ellora’s Cave. Next week Ashlyn Chase drops in with her book Demolishing Mr Perfect.

Bijou's Bonds – The Blurb

From the first moment shape-shifter Bijou saw Magnus Pompey she knew he was going to be big trouble. Even though he was tied to a cross at the time she could see the alpha male was far from helpless. She should have known her unnerving tarot reading earlier in the evening had pointed correctly to the disaster about to overtake her life but Pompey just couldn’t be the true mate of her scholar’s heart. Granted, he was the hottest werewolf she’d ever seen, but she had a purpose within her Brotherhood clan and none with Pompey.

Could incendiary sex make up for the death of her dreams or would it be better to escape her mate? She needed a solution to her magical dilemma. Maybe ancient scrolls would lead her to the truth…

*** Amarinda – I love this line – Even though he was tied to a cross at the time she could see the apha male was far from helpless – it makes me instantly want to read this story.

The Interview

1. You have some sizzling sex scenes in your book. How hard is it to write sex and make it convincing?

I try to put myself in the moment, almost like going into an altered state so I’m really feeling the heat. Sometimes I run them by my husband to make sure the scene sounds sexy to a man too. He tries to make me promise that I won’t write a sex scene we haven’t acted out first, but considering I write about werewolves etc. I haven’t agreed to that one yet! Back when I was a beginning writer, I used to delete any parts of my sex scenes that made me laugh when I reread them…

2. Romance and the condom. How hard do you find to slip it in or on when the action is hot between characters?

I always use them in my Heather Hiestand novels. It’s just part of the action in a contemporary novel. Otherwise you end up with a possible pregnancy subplot, which doesn’t sell well at my publisher. My Anh Leod erotic romance novels are pure fantasy, with paranormal creatures or futuristic people so I don’t use them there, though I might throw in some oddball anti-conception/anti-disease device. My upcoming 2008 novel, Recreating John Doe, has one of those.

3. Do you think romance just happens or do you make your characters work for it?

Work for it, definitely. If it just happened there wouldn’t be much of a novel. There’s always the challenge of a balance between keeping the characters together long enough to fall in love but also in active conflict. In Bijou’s Bonds there is a forced marriage situation that keeps them together.

4. What is it about your hero that makes him irresistible to women?

Magnus is the alpha werewolf of his pack. When he’s in werewolf form he’s literally unbeatable and therefore highly dangerous. He’s pure alpha male, furry style!

5. Do you think readers want to escape or do they want to identify with a character?

In “regular” romance, I think they want to identify with the heroine and love the hero. With erotic romance, I have to think they want escapism. So many popular scenarios in erotic romance are forbidden fantasy-type situations.

6. What do you think is the most important thing to remember when writing romance?

There has to be real conflict, with a connection and respect the hero and heroine feel at a subterranean level no matter what they go through.

7. What are you working on now?

I’m working on a proposal for a non-fiction book about an aspect of natural medicine. Wish me luck!
***Click on the cover and buy the book! Released today!!****

Last weeks brilliant author – Solange Ayre and One Thousand Brides

Breaking news – Anny Cook's latest release Everything Lover’s Can Know is released today. Rush to and buy all three books because you deserve hot sex and a great story.

Speaking of Ms Cook, once you have wisely snapped up her books, check out She has brought bloody Sam back to the blog serial. Kelly, as always, will have me gnashing my teeth and wasting work time writing a response after I read her installment on on Thursday. The girl is trying to drive nuts. Ha! Been there, am that.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Walk the walk...

I have decided, for reasons of my own sanity, to go for a walk each lunch hour. As you may know, I work in a male dominated office. The fact that I am the only woman does not bother me. I can hold my own with any man. However, these men are anything but intimidating. I liken them to a bunch of drunken six year olds all demanding attention.

I exercise every morning – puke, spew. I hate exercise. The only reason I do it is to be able to drink alcohol and eat junk and still fit into my jeans. I plan on dying a relatively slim if not diseased corpse. I want other women to view my dead, denim clad body and think ‘what a bitch, she’s still wearing the same size jeans.’ But I digress – back to the drunken six year olds. If I stay in my office during lunch, I get inundated with dumb questions.

I work in an industrial area. There is nowhere exciting to go at lunch time and it has become clear to me the less time I spend in the office the better. So, yesterday, I headed out for a walk. The men all wondered what was going on. ‘What will we do if we have a problem?' What if someone rings?' I explained that if the building was on fire, my suggestion was to get the hell out and if someone rang , use one of the pretty pink message pads beside the phone and write a message on it. “What did you think they were there for?” Answer? “Dunno. We just thought women liked pink.” Yes, of course…

So I headed off. I am a fast walker. Keep up or I'll leave you for dead. I pounded along Sandgate Road on my power walk. Brisbane-ites will know how not exciting this major road is. Trucks scream by, horns blare and people have spectacular crashes hourly. But you know what? It is so much more peaceful than being at work. When I returned all wind blown, I felt better. Yes, I hate exercise but walking to me is not exercise. It’s a stress relief.

***Post walk note.
On my power walk I found a nifty little shop stuck in amongst all the Industrial buildings. It stopped me in my tracks. The shop was full of all sorts of ethnic knick knacks. Just my sort of place. I feel you cannot have too many hanging, dangling chimes that clang together or Chinese, red tasselled objet d’art that guarantee good fortune or wild sequinned cushions or Budda key rings (no, I am not a Buddhist. He just seems like a peaceful guy to me). And, it would have been against all the genetic laws of nature if I did not buy a heap of stuff I did not need. I had to. It was ten percent off everything in the store. There was no other choice. Added to that, I told myself l deserved it. And I believed me. Besides, the ten percent I saved on the stuff I bought there is money I can use somewhere else. If you look at it like that I would have been foolish not to buy something. I shop, therefore I am
On yesterday, Kelly presented us with this piece of madness ....

Sam scribbled further. Shade and Rafe popped on to the scene only to meld into one, perfect, intelligent male who immediately bowed before Emmeline’s naked form.

For Bambi everything faded to black as she was written out, her clothes given to Emmeline.

“Great. Here we go again,” Emmeline groused.

My sojourn into blog serial land today...

“Gabrielle do you know why I called you in here today?” Marcus Flint, Professor of Epizootics, asked his student.

“You are wildly in love with me?”

“No, you’re because you are a pain in the arse.” He waved a sheaf of papers before her. “The assignment was about man’s esoteric struggle against the existential environment of being. But you Gabrielle had to write about feral hamsters, idiot, fanged twins and a quilled warrior woman.”

“I take it I didn't get an A?” Gabrielle knew she had to play this flip and cool if she was to succeed in her mission. The gargoyle before her was good but she could see through his disguise. Granite could only wear human skin for so long before it puckered as it did around his neck.

“Let’s cut the crap Gabrielle.” Marcus reached over and picked up the loaded stapler from his desk. “We both know what game you’ve been playing. You’re no student.”

“And you’re no lecturer.” Gabrielle kept her eyes focused on the stapler. The last Omega Force agent had been stapled to death. “I know who you are Marcus and you will not succeed.”

Marcus laughed at her words. “But I have already my dear. I have impregnated half the women on campus. They soon will give birth to a superhuman breed of gargoyles.”

“Oh but you’re wrong,” Gabrielle smiled at his supercilious tone. “They weren’t real women you impregnated.”

“What? I don’t believe you.”

“Oh poor Marcus shall I tell you who you’ve been screwing?”
Whatever will Anny do on Wednesday. I already know. She's a wicked woman. Check out
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday, 24 September 2007

Screw 'em...

Breasts…what is the point of them? Yes, I know the various biological and sexual answers to this question but really aren’t there times when you wished you didn’t have them? Breasts can be painful and problematic. For a while now, I have held this belief that screw on- screw off breasts would be a distinct advantage. What am I talking about?

Advantages of screw on-off breasts –

- At period time when they start to ache – screw ‘em off and put them in a box until they are no longer painful to carry around.
- Mammograms are painful. Solution? Unscrew breasts – hand them to the technician to check while you wait outside in the waiting room.
- Gravity making your breasts sag? Unscrew ‘em and get new ones.
- Flat chested? Buy a bigger screw on size. Need a breast reduction? Buy a smaller size. No surgery involved.
- Using breasts to your advantage - “Hmm…a D cup today to get the boss off the subject of my slack arsed performance at work? Yes, I think so.” Men are so easy to get off track.
- Author Anny Cook’s suggestion - if you get mugged and you decide to fight back and chase the mugger, as you run you can unscrew a breast, throw it and bean him. The only problem with this is there could be case for assault with a deadly nipple and the legal ramifications of that.
- Author Kelly Kirch’s suggestions - public breast feeding would not be an issue as you could unscrew them and feed your child without moralistic people getting all offended. Also while taking a bath, if you don’t have a bath plug, unscrew a breast and use that. My only caution on that is make sure they don’t get suctioned into the plug hole too hard as you would be up for a replacement screw-on breast.
- Before you get dressed to go out women could look at an outfit and say “Does this need boobs or not?” Sort of like do I need a necklace or not? Think of all the clothes you could wear that would not pull across your bust.
- Twisted bra strap? Do you have permanent dints in you shoulders from wearing a bra? The answer is simple. Free yourself from bras. Get screw-on breasts that remain perky and need no hydraulic lifting.
- Weighing in for a diet check? Unscrew your breasts and be instantly pounds lighter.
- Not in the mood for sex but your partner is? Hand him the breasts and say “Knock yourself out.”
- Like to jog? Hate sports bras? Unscrew your breasts.
- They could be used for doorstops, exercise weights, ear muffs, paperweights, headrests – the uses are endless.

So, I put it to you – is this a good idea or what? Damn shame I was not around when they were drawing up the plans for the female of the species.

Speaking of females, did you see what Kelly has done know to the blog episode on Mind you she was only following the Mistress of the blog serials lead. Check out and see where the madness all started.

Maid For Death - released October - don't you just love pumpkin boy on the cover?
Cassandra Kent has a problem. Two men want her. Fantasy is great, reality can kill you.

One would be lover is a pissed off ghost. Once a year Miles returns on Halloween to kill a maid as an act of vengeance. The other is a dark, sexy Scot who is hunting the ghost. Sebastian plans to make sure the ghost stays dead and buried. Cassandra is the means to do it.
Cassandra is under threat from both men. Both want to have sex with her and both could be the death of her. What's s girl to do? ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Food of the gods continued….

Okay, so yesterday I talked about the amazing properties of Vegemite and how I believe world peace can be achieved if everyone started the day with Vegemite on toast. No, I have not heard back from the UN on my Vegemite Peace Accord but I expect to soon. Today I bring you other wondrous food stuffs from OZ.

The lamington
What is it? Why heaven on Earth. Actually they are squares of butter cake that are rolled in chocolate icing and then rolled in desiccated coconut. They can also be cut in half and have jam (jelly) and fresh cream smothered in the middle. They are divine. Many a school or Scout group has made big bickies (money) out of lamington drives because Aussie can’t resist them. There is debate as to whom the lamington is named after. My own theory – who cares – lets just eat them.

The Pavlova
Invented in the 1920’s – some say by an Aussie – some say by a Kiwi but in the true Anzac tradition we won’t fight over it. The one thing we can agree on is it’s named after a Russian ballerina called Anna Pavlova – ‘light as Pavlova.’ It has a meringue base that is crisp on the outside and moist on the inside. It is then filled with whipped cream and topped with whatever fresh fruit you like. No Aussie barbie or function is complete without someone whipping up a pav.

Check out Anny has Sam suddenly reappearing on blog serial. Will he disappear on Monday’s episode on with Kelly?

Excerpt - Swift of Heart – out now

“Bloody hell!” Stephanie cursed out loud. She looked around her. “Great! Perfect! Here you are wandering along darkened streets in an unknown world talking to yourself. Way to get yourself killed Stephanie.”
She took another look at her surroundings. Either this part of city was falling apart or this was the bombing Mac had mentioned. Strange how fickle fate could be. Saving one building but blowing up another. Even in the eerie darkness, the shadow play of light and dark on the hollowed out buildings seemed incredibly sad and spooky to her.
She stopped in her tracks and wondered where all the people had gone. One minute she had been pushing past crowds and the next there was no one. If the derelict state of the buildings was any indication, it meant no one with any sense was wandering around in the dark ruins of the city. Normally Stephanie was full of common sense and she would have paid attention to where she was and left a breadcrumb trail home. Normally.
“Not like anything is actually normal at the moment!”
She had been beamed up or into a foreign dimension by a man she may or may not love, who may possibly be a liar and who had a plastic fiancée. Nothing normal with any of that.
The sudden sound of footsteps alerted Stephanie that she was not alone. Maybe this should have comforted her but it didn’t. If sensible people did not go walking around bomb sites at midnight, then that only left the abnormal, the crazy and the violent.
She knew nothing about Melotia, however she was not dumb enough to believe there was no crime. Stephanie weighed up her options. Try and walk back the way she came or run like a frightened ninny as fast as she could the other way. She opted for the latter as she heard the footsteps moving towards her in the direction she had just come.
“Damn it! I hate running.”
Normally Stephanie hated the sound of whiners but it was okay when she did it. She shot off at a fast pace that she knew in her state of athleticism she could only keep it up for maybe five minutes. She had no idea where she was running to but it gave her a weird sense of control to have made a decision. Whoever was behind her had also increased their pace. She could hear their footsteps break into a run.
Stephanie dodged and weaved and tried to utilize the shadows as she ran pantingly ahead. She knew that she had no chance of out running whoever it was that followed closely behind, so she skidded to a halt and looked for a weapon. She had no intention of going down without one hell of fight. The glint of metal caught her eye and she bent down to pick up a rusted metal bar, holding it like a baseball at her shoulder.
“I am armed and dangerous and you are in for the biggest ass kicking of your life!”
As Stephanie yelled the words, she was fairly impressed with how mean she sounded. She would have been scared if the positions were reversed. She could only hope whoever followed her was as terrified or…was that laughing she heard?
“I am a woman on the edge! I am not joking! Do not mess with me!” Again, the laughter. Stephanie squinted into the darkness at the figure that approached. “Back off sunshine! Don’t make me hurt you.”
She swung the bar menacingly at the figure. The bar flew out of her hands and the man was upon her. She fought like a wild woman, punching, kicking and yelling. But Mac just pinned her hands behind her back and smiled down at her.
“I got to tell you, Steph, I was terrified. The bit about ass kicking had me shaking.” Mac chuckled in amusement.

 ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Saturday, 22 September 2007

The Happy Little Vegemite Song (sing along if you know it)

We are happy little Vegemites as bright as bright can be,
We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea,
Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single week,
Because we love our Vegemite,We all adore our Vegemite, It puts a rose in every cheek!

Vegemite. What is it? It’s a concentrated yeast extract that was invented in 1922 and it’s full of vitamin B and Aussie kids grow up on the stuff. I think that’s why we all turn out so smart and attractive. It’s just a theory of mine. Yes, Vegemite is salty but it’s also delicious. You can spread it on thinly or if you are a hardier soul, such as myself, smother it on crunchy bread with lots of butter and some slices of cheese. Vegemite is low in calories and fat. So, I feel, it counteracts the lashings of butter, the cheese and the bread. It’s called the Amarinda diet. Any half arsed excuse is a good excuse and any time is Vegemite time.

When I used to travel overseas I used to take a large jar of Vegemite with me. Many times I would come across an enclave of fellow Aussies who would weep with joy at the sight of the familiar jar. So the power of Vegemite - it brings people together. And what about Men at Work’s song Down Under? Would that have worked so well if it went “…gave me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” No. Vegemite is also fantastic as a song lyric. And who can forget the 2006 crisis/urban legend when the FDA said no to Vegemite in the USA? What the? People know their Vegemite rights. So it's also socio-political tool for justice. You may as well ban the elixir of life. Vegemite - it’s been around forever – from the Aussie diggers in World War Two ….

Vegemite fights with the men up north! If you are one of those who don’t need Vegemite medicinally, then thousands of invalids are asking you to deny yourself of it for the time being.”

…to every Aussie household having a jar. So I ask you – how can you live one moment longer without this wonder food in your cupboard? Go immediately to your local supermarket and if they don’t stock Vegemite demand they do. I feel if everyone had some Vegemite everyday there would be no wars as everyone would be ‘happy little Vegemites. ’ Yes, I have suggested that to the United Nations…I am just waiting on feedback to my Vegemite Peace Accord.

For those of you who are avidly following Anny’s acorn cooking experiments on no, I don’t understand it but it keeps her off the streets – I have sent Anny a recipe for Vegemite scrolls as Veggie can make anything taste good. Kelly has some weird fixation with Nutella so check out her blog to see how she craps on, I mean waxes lyrical over it. Hmmm…nuts and Kelly…I'll say no more.

How To Eat Vegemite (I love it when someone has to write this stuff out)
Using your favorite bread, some butter or margarine, and of course, Vegemite.
Spread butter on a piece of toast or bread.
Cover very thinly with Vegemite (for the optimum Vegemite sandwich you only need a dab). Dip your knife in the Vegemite, and scrape up just a bit (it will mix right in with the butter and spread easily). Some people like to "marble" the Vegemite into the butter.
Eat it open-faced and enjoy!

Tomorrow I will discuss lamingtons and pavlova...hmm yum.

Back to Anny – she’s a funny girl isn’t she? She takes our blog serial to new and amazing dimensions. Check out now. Monday is Kelly’s turn. She likes to drive me crazy…it’s only a short drive of course. See what mischief she stirs up for the blog serial gang and on
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for

Friday, 21 September 2007

Beware the hamsters...

Kelly and her gnome incident on yesterday…

The Oracle remained hidden from view with naught but the five garden gnomes gracing the steps of the altar. Unable to help herself as the urge broke over her, Fiona climbed upon the pointed red cap of the nearest gnome. “Take me, you dirty dirty gnome,” she panted, her culmination close upon her. “Bad gnome. Baaaaaaad little bearded statue. Oh my. Oh, oh my!”

“No!” The Oracle bellowed from the shadows. “Not the statue! You are meant to mount me!”

“You didn’t specify,” she gasped, riding hard. “You said the altar and sex. That’s what’s going on here. Deal with it.”

Amarinda – the sane one - with today's episode

Cut!” Mortie yelled angrily. “How many times do I have to tell you Bambi that Princess Fiona does not mount the gnome! How are they supposed to act like statues when you do that? ” He swore and waved the film script wildly in the air. “This is a classy film for crissakes!”

“The gnomes don’t seem to mind.” Bambi slid off the gnome and gave its chubby red cheek a pat.

“You are contracted to play Princess Fiona who unselfishly saves the planet by giving up her virtue to a good cause.”

“Been there, done that. From memory it was when I was sixteen in the back seat of red car - though I can’t remember the cause.” Bambi pulled off the pointed ears that were a part of her costume. “And what’s with the Spock ears? I loved Dancers Delight but these are giving me hives.” She flung them off across the room. They hit the hamsters that sat quietly in a group in the corner. Bambi shivered in distaste. “Are you sure those things are safe now?”

“There hasn't been a hamster attack in years,” Mortie assured her.

“I don’t know Mortie, they look kind of pissed off.” Bambi’s eyes widened at the sound all human feared. “They’re humming.”

“Bloody hell! They only hum before they attack.” Mortie and the rest of the film cast and crew backed away quickly from them.

Bambi was directly in front of the hamsters. “Help me Mortie.”

“I need bananas to do that and…oh god no! Run Bambi!”

Does your hamster hum? Where are Emmeline and the gang? What of Zoltan and Beaky Sprott? Who is really dead or are they rest resting their eyes? Has the nympho queen turned pure? Tune in tomorrow on and see what Anny does.

I was exceptionally busy today. The personal emails came in thick and fast and it consumed a great deal of my working day. I feel it’s rude not to answer personal emails. I also think my employers would agree with this so I believe they would consider it polite and honorable to down tools and chat with friends. No, it’s not a great defense but it’s one I am going with if questioned – that or I burst into tears. You have to be flexible in the workplace and men can’t deal with tears.

Anyway while I was being good mannered and chatting to friends on line, I was also chatting on msn messaging, to my work colleague, let’s call her Sara, in another office on the other side of the world. Sara was upset at the aggro (aggravation for the non-Aussie speakers) she was getting from a woman in her office. Now it would have been wrong and uncaring of me not to have gotten the goss on the situation. This woman, who we call ‘the cow’ was bossing Sara around and supervising her work. What? In a workplace? I had to agree with Sara that this seriously affected her ability to do personal stuff during work time. How rude. And then Sara told me they had foisted a trainee on her and she was expected to teach her stuff. And no, this was not the sort of trainee you could corrupt. She wanted to do everything the ‘right’ way. That sort of thinking ruins an office place.

So I was busy, busy, busy. Do I feel bad? Hmm…no. I blame anything bad that I do on the fact that I have convicts as ancestors. You can’t help genetics can you?
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Thursday, 20 September 2007

The games men play…

Last Man Standing - released today at Cerridwen Press.
My editor sent me this. I think we can all relate…

"Out Of Office" Automatic Email Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $4.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

I don’t know whether you remember several blogs back to Merv the possum. I know, it was unforgettable. But if you did forget…Merv is a possum that sits on the pergola and waits for me to get home every night after work. I like to think it’s because he is worried about me but it’s probably more that he resigns himself to the fact that the human is back and he no longer has the run of the place. Merv appears to me to be a very jaded soul. That I am human and have thumbs does not seem to impress him. Him? Or her? Yes, the truth is out Merv is actually a Mervina. How do I know? I drove home this evening and found Merv…I mean Mervina in the usual spot on the pergola and there was a baby Mervette on her back. I was dumbfounded. Mervina was having sex at my house without my knowledge? Though I suppose it’s good to know someone is…but that’s another story. Mervina looked deadly unimpressed as always to see me. The Mervette looked at its mother in query and I suspect Mervina explained who I was and just to ignore me. So once again city girl bonds with the local wildlife...wildlife unimpressed and city girl went upstairs to drink wine. Status quo maintained.

It was explained to me at work that another man will be hired. I am the only woman. No, this is no cause for excitement. While, in my experience, women are calculating and manipulative shrews in an office atmosphere, myself included (please don't be shocked) you always know where you stand with other females. With men, it’s different. I find they take everything so seriously. They don’t understand the need for the third desk drawer down to be filled with chocolate instead of the vital files I have stashed in a box under my desk, they don’t get that painting your toenails is a perfectly reasonable thing to do because who has time at home to do it and they assume every time you are unhappy with them it’s that ‘time of the month.’

The powers that be have not hired this man yet. I know it will be a man as they have decided only a man can do this upper level management job. Why? My understanding is because women don’t have penises and apparently this job requires one. Why? Well I asked that and was told “we need someone to take control.” Ah, said I, “So an extra appendage is needed for stabilization?” No, its more “men are more rational.” “I’m not rational?” I asked, my death stare boring into the speaker’s forehead. “No it’s just that we need someone older and knowledgeable.” Uh huh, wanker-like answer. I said “What happens if only - god forbid – women apply for the role?” The answer? “Then we’ll let the position go.” I pointed out, in my own sweet way, that this was “pretty bloody stupid.” They weren’t taken aback as I speak my mind frequently. Why do they keep me on especially as I don’t have a penis? Because, in between writing books and sending personal emails, I run that office like half-arsed clockwork. It’s mainly done by flirting and fear. I can be very charming when I choose to be and very frightening when I don’t get my way. And, apparently, being an office manager is a female job, not requiring a penis. I said, “What if a lesbian with a strap-on applies for this testosterone job you are advertising? Or a tranny (transvestite).” I was met by blank stare then that fake laugh people do when they have no idea how else to react. Why do I work there? Money and I do what I want when I want and it has all the office supplies I need to do it. So let ‘em play their little boy games. I am woman and I know I am damn good and I don’t need an extra appendage to prove it.
**PS- three women have applied for the job. No men. Aww...isn't that sad?

Well, what did you think of Kelly and the gnome incident on Who knew gnomes were like that? As always it's Anny fault for leading her down the garden path, so to speak. Check out to see how the gnome thing all came about. What am I going to do about it? Tune in same blog time tomorrow and take a squizz.

Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

The Wednesday Interview

Ahoy maties…had to get that in as it is International Talk like a Pirate Day. However, it's also the Wednesday Interview with a brilliant author day. This week it’s Solange Ayre and her current book One Thousand Brides. And check out Wizard’s Woman released October 1st.Next week Anh Leod drops in to chat about her next release Bijou's Bonds.

One Thousand Brides - The Blurb

Janis Stone awakens on an alien colonization ship, one of a thousand human women destined to become Brides of the Terilian colonists. At first outraged by the kidnapping, Jan soon finds herself intrigued by Delos, the Terilian doctor who serves as liaison to the human Brides. They embark on a sensual journey, exploring their species' sexual compatibility.

But their new love is threatened when a higher-ranked male desires Jan. As she plans a mass wedding for the Brides, she dreads the upcoming "Spring Running", the mysterious rite where Terilians will mate with their Brides. Will the wrong groom claim her?

The Interview

1. You have some sizzling sex scenes in your book. How hard is it to write sex and make it convincing?

Actually, I think the difficulty is to make the sex scenes different from book to book, so that they are unique for each couple.

In my novella One Thousand Brides, the hero is a Terilian, an alien with some catlike characteristics. I didn’t want Delos, the hero, to make love just like a human male. It was a challenge to come up with some differences that would still be sexy to human readers. So I said the Terilians didn’t kiss, but were very good at licking.

2. Romance and the condom. How hard do you find to slip it in or on when the action is hot between characters?

I just finished a contemporary jewel novella, Emerald Eyes, that my editor is considering. The hero is a quirky guy so I used the condoms as a humorous point a few times. For instance, he buys a red, white and blue condom and tells the heroine, “If we don’t use this, the terrorists will have won.” (*Amarinda - I love that line)

I don’t think it’s difficult to mention “he sheathed himself” or something like that—I actually think the disposal is a little more of a problem, since that part isn’t sexy.

3. Do you think romance just happens or do you make your characters work for it?

In my books, the characters usually fall in love quickly, but an external force keeps them apart. In Brides, Jan and Delos wish to choose each other at the alien mating ritual, but a higher-ranked alien male has decided that Jan will be his bride. My Halloween quickie, Wizard’s Woman, is coming out October 1. In that story, the heroine has disguised herself as a young man and apprenticed herself to a wizard. She’s desperately in love with the wizard and wants to take him to bed, but she has to do that without revealing she’s his apprentice.

4. What is it about your hero that makes him irresistible to women?

I write about heroes who are intelligent, considerate, and sensual. Much like my dear departed husband, St. Georges Ayre, who not only had all those qualities, but was also one of the wealthiest men in the world. All of my heroes have a little bit of St. Georges in them.

5. Do you think readers want to escape or do they want to identify with a character?

Definitely both! When I read a book, I want to escape into the world the author is showing me, whether it’s a fantasy world, a science fiction world, or merely a different contemporary setting than I live in. (Although being lucky enough to live on an island-republic named after me—Ayriana—I have a nearly idyllic life). But I also want to identify with the characters, whether they’re wizards or aliens or police officers.

6. What do you think is the most important thing to remember when writing romance?

Keep the emotion high and the sex hot!

7. What are you working on now?

I’m writing a novella, tentatively titled Bride Reborn, about another one of the thousand human women kidnapped by the Terilians. This heroine is happy about the kidnapping because she’s ill and in a nursing home on Earth. The Terilians cure her and put her under the care of a handsome and muscular physical therapist.

***Click on the cover and buy the book!***

Last weeks brilliant author – Rena Marks and Born Again
Anny, as always, has surpassed herself in creativity and insanity for our blog serial . What do I mean? Check out And what's all this about hamsters? All I know it has something to do with Kelly. Lord know what madness she will bring us on to Thursday's edition on
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Of Carrots and Men...

Oprah quote....
"We've all lead raucous lives, / some of them inside, some of them out. But only the poem you leave behind is what's important...The voyage into the interior is all that matters" -- Charles Wright
"What the?" --Amarinda
I had a tragedy occur this morning. I could not believe it. It was something I never expected to happen and thought I was well prepared for if by some wild chance it did happen. I ran out of carrots. Quel horreur! I stared at the fridge in disbelief. I always have carrots. Open my fridge at any given moment and you will always find cheesecake flavored yoghurt, alcohol and carrots. Some things just are. You expect them to happen.

Why carrots? Why not? I like them and I feel that by eating and juicing carrots, I absolve myself of all the food sins of the weekend - junk food, alcohol and chocolate. Other non-food sins I just live with. Not having carrots is like not chewing strawberry bubble gum when I am stressed. It is something I do and have. There is something calming in blowing a big pink bubble in someones face. I am not big on rules, but some things are set in stone. So I go to work carrot-less this morning. How much can one woman bear?

A bloody lot it seems… yesterday I went to work after being off sick. Oh – my – god. I now work in a company comprised entirely of men. And you know what? Men aren’t good at organizing things. I walked into total chaos. Not happy, Jan…as we would say in Australia(commercial on television) Men – interesting creatures but then so are sea monkeys.

Dear Amarinda, this is your horoscope for Tuesday, September 18th:Scorpio,
You’ll go through a phase of mental confusion and total apathy towards everything around you. At work, you won't know how to deal with one situation and will try to get out of it by leaning on someone who has more experience than you. In Love, you’ll tend to come out of your shell and will try to free yourself of the desire for isolation; you’ll discover new interests and will spend an exciting evening.
- Mental confusion – no carrots
- At work, you won't know how to deal with one situation – so it will get filed with all other ‘situations’ under ‘b’ for bin.
- and will try to free yourself of the desire for isolation – no, I like isolation. It’s good for my complexion
- will spend an exciting evening – I will be buying carrots after work…and maybe alcohol – it’s a yin yang thing.

On our last episode of where the hell is this blog serial going Kelly introduced two knew weird arsed characters on

“You ready to play with the big boys now?” Pronk reached for her with all four arms. His hands caressed her everywhere. Fiona thought she might melt but knew from experience the house hoover would suck her up and it would take weeks to put herself back together. No, this time she was going to hold on to her sanity and enjoy every minute of silken skin on hers.


Fiona stopped momentarily and looked Pronk over. She sighed. “Nah, stuff it.” She pulled out her pistol and shot him. He dropped to the floor with a thud. Fiona looked up as Beatrice, her faithful servant, rushed in to see what had happened.

“You killed him!” Beatrice was not surprised. Her mistress had a wild temper.

“Yes, he was annoying me.” Fiona lightly blew a wisp of smoke from the gun barrel. “Do I employ someone who cleans up dead bodies? If not I should really hire someone.” A lot of people annoyed Fiona on a daily basis.

“You know women paid dearly for Pronk’s sexual services. Four arms are considered quite a turn on.”

“Really? I don’t like grabby men. Besides I would rather have a new pair of shoes.” Fiona surveyed the dead man critically. “And what sort of a name is Pronk anyway?”

Beatrice shook her head in disappointment. Fiona was beautiful yet selfish. “He was a god among men.”

“I’m over men and sex.” Bor-ring.

“You can’t be. The Oracle has decreed it’s you destiny.”

“A one hundred year old man who smells like old socks?” Fiona snorted in contempt. “What the hell does he know?”

“You cannot change fate. You must mate with the chosen one by this Thursday afternoon at 12:17pm.” Beatrice wanted to slap the willful woman.

“No, I have decided to get my nails done that day.” Nails verses sex? Nails win. “Anyway why do I have to sex with this chosen one to stop the sun colliding with the planet? Can’t someone else do it?”

I already know where Anny is going with her installment and I just shake my head and wonder. Check it out tomorrow on
Anny, you now understand the carrot thing? Boy, these girls have some imagination.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Monday, 17 September 2007

all the goss...

Did you read what Kelly did to the blog serial on I may have said a few descriptive words after reading it and maybe I called her a daughter of a motherless goat but I am okay now. A glass or 17 of wine can mellow me out. So my turn tomorrow. What will I do? Who knows? Whatever havoc I create the Zen Queen Anny will calmly respond to on Wednesday on

So who are Anny Cook and Kelly Kirch really? I wanted to know so I went and asked the hard, investigative questions of Anny’s famous friend and neighbour Jane, whom, you would know from Anny’s blog and Kelly’s brother Quinn – he’s the one we saw half naked on her blog. No, don’t go rushing over to look just yet. Read their answers, then rush off and see the half naked man.

The goss on Anny by Jane....

Okay, Anny comes across all Zen like but is she really that calm and placid in real life?
Unbelievably so. Few things get her worked up—mostly people that don’t respect her writing as her “job” and think of it as a hobby they can just interrupt at will. Those people soon find out that the door no longer opens to their knocks and the phone does not answer when they call.

Give us the gossip on Anny. What is the most annoying habit she has?
The gossip on Anny would be that she is never predictable. Her most annoying habit would be her leaving a particular “toy” out in plain sight (enough said on that one).
*Amarinda - isn't that nice that Anny revisits her childhood and play with toys?

Anny Cook and steamy sex are synonymous. Is it true she has hot male subjects trailing in and out of her apartment all day?
Not all day; she spends the morning catching up on blogs and emails. Mid-day she makes time for visitors – the hot male subjects – but they are always limited to the long haired, often blue variety. She quickly gets rid of them by the time her husband comes home.
* Amarinda – I knew it.

What song would best describe Anny?
I would have to take an old one and adapt it – originally “Once In Love With Amy” would become “Once In Love With Anny” and go on with the original words: Always in love with Anny, Ever and ever fascinated by her, Sets your heart afire…..

Romance novelists are dramatic. Is Anny a diva? Does she flounce around?
A diva in the most earthy way. Anny flounces when she completes a new book, receives a new contract or is headed to the book store. On a normal day, Anny meanders.

What’s it like having a world famous novelist as a friend?
Wow, that’s a hard one: exciting, challenging, entertaining and, most certainly, educational (I had no idea how much I hadn’t learned at 54). I live a great fulfilling life vicariously through my friend Anny and thank her for sharing it with me and reading me excerpts when I’m having my morning coffee – by the time she’s done you hardly need the caffeine to get the blood circulating.

The goss on Kelly by brother Quinn....

Has your sister always been dramatic? Did she flounce around a lot as a child?
Google: Define flounce.... hmm "the act of walking with exaggerated jerky motions". Well, she wasn't a Varsity athlete or anything, so not super coordinated or per se. I wouldn't say she was impaired to the point of flouncing though. On the coordination note, she is in fact the only person I know that has lost, not one, but TWO thumb tips due to "oopsy-daisy" type self inflicted accidents. Probably only her manicurist would notice that on the under side of her thumbs there are square nubs where the top of the nail bed used to be.
Her characters on the blog serial are – well – slightly odd. Did Kelly have imaginary friends with orange nipples as a child?
That last part, I actually didn't read that last part okay. Remember, I'm her brother. So then the question, imaginary friends. YES. I can't remember her name but I think it was when she was around 5-7 somewhere in there. We were living in Georgia at the time. I think there was one that mom couldn't figure out who to send the overnight invitation to. She wanted to contact the girls parents. It took about a day or two for mom to gather clues that (A) she was invisible, and (B) she pretty much was sleeping over all the time anyway. Kelly also personified dolls a lot. One time she asked me to guest lecture her dolls "class". I was like whatever, and started going through times tables. Kelly cut in, "Quinn! come on, they already know that!" Slump.
What is Kelly's worst habit? Give us the goss.
"goss", seriously? Who talks like this? I'm guessing my interviewer is an Aussie, East Coast f'shure. Its okay, I will recalibrate my vocab accordingly. Alright, worst habit. I would say its something like: You cannot tell Kell what to do. CAN NOT. NO CAN. Ya jess kent do it mate! My parents have been trying to do it for years. Its absolutely pointless. Kelly is Kelly, get out of the way. Maybe the reason why Kell and I have such a good relationship is I figured that out at an early age. I think that was the same year I started mumbling.
*Amarinda - I say goss...get over it....seriously who says recalibrate?
What three words describe Kelly best?
Strawberry birth^mark.
There that's kind of 3. Why? That's easy. She has this little birthmark the size of a quarter right between and above her eyebrows. BUT, you can only see it when she is really fired up or emotional. Like if she was a marine drill instructor you could write a character like that his jugular pulsed in his forehead when he was really ticked off. With Kelly its like, uh-oh, I must have accidentally told her what to do, that thing is lit up again. Oh no the red eye of DOOM! Take your children, HEAD FOR THE HILLS....quick before she gets really mad and lobs off another finger tip and throws it at me!!!!!

How do you feel about being featured half naked on Kelly's world famous blog?
Not to be dramatic, but I have spent a lot of my life (more than) half naked. I was a collegiate swimmer, long distance butterflier. I am really proud of that. Its the stroke you do if you REALLY, REALLY want to get on the team. Sh'yeah?! Who else wants to be a distance flyer for state U. Yes, yes I know all the jokes, he's wearing a Speedo-torpedo, banana-hammock, fag-rag. Whatever! Get over it, I did. I'm wearing "the required uniform".
*Amarinda - you forgot 'budgie smuggler"

Please finish this sentence. My sister is…
Absolutely going to kill me when she reads my response to your interview. Please know that I was a loving husband, good father, and lucky brother. Lucky to have Kell as a sister...before she killed me of course.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?