Sunday, 31 March 2013

Old, new, stuff...

The old…

I get the rights back to the ménage romance called Male Me in April. I’m putting it back out there at a way cheaper price because frankly $5.49 is a blood lot to ask ebook readers to pay. I’ll be charging $1.49.  

The new…

Deadly Single and Deadly Together are the first two stories in the five part The Outcasts series. What are they about? Romance set in a world where single women are ostracized by law.

Working on…

The sequel to The Vampire’s Bride and The Vampire’s Kiss. It’s The Vampire’s Redemption – Polly and Aran’s story. Thank you to all those readers who keep asking for it. I have finally pulled my finger up and I’m trying to finish it.  

It’s hard to fit writing into real life. Thankfully, there’s work time for that.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Sanctimonious sods...

Maybe it’s because I have the freedom to think, do and say whatever I want that I believe others should have that right as well and that love and marriage cannot be legislated for or against. Love. It happens. It’s not gender specific. People. Go figure. They’re crazy. They fall in love. How dare they upset bigots? 

If all the gay and lesbian couples were legally allowed the right of all human beings to get married and live their lives the way they want to, what would the bitter and the twisted, sanctimonious sods who require the world to be a certain way do with themselves? Hmmm….maybe possibly mind their own damn business? 

Friday, 29 March 2013

Wastes of space...

So, my Amarinda email got hacked. It’s fixed now but it got me thinking about the total waste of space losers who hack into email. Why do we have these losers on the planet? They hack email and then what do they contribute to society?

Day job?

Email hacker


Email hacking followed by jerking off

Can you think of any reason why we as a society need you on the planet?

Well, I can hack into email.


Play with myself.


I’m thinking of going into politics.


Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Want, get, have and do...

I’ve been thinking a lot about determination. It beats fashion and beauty. It’s not dependent on race or gender nor church or state. It’s not divisive or cruel. It just is what it is and dependent on the strength or tenacity of the individual and their will to want, get, have and do. Funny how we don’t covet that like we do the need to be thin or to be perceived beautiful or have the latest thing that everyone else is buying.

Determination – you can’t buy it. It’s inherent. Find it. Use it. Be more.  

Tuesday, 26 March 2013


I got a phone call this arvo at work from a colleague in New Zealand. He was laughing. I queried why and he said ‘You sure shut them up.’ Yes. I did. It was about a meeting of me and just 6 men. While all trying to prove they had balls (the jury is still out on that) these men were trying to yell each other down. Having had more than an adequate sufficiently, I told them to ‘Shut the fuck up.’ It’s a very effective move when said quietly yet with meaning. No really. Try it. After they were stunned into quiet, I explained what should be done and how. They agreed. I swear to god, do not interrupt my writing time with meaningless meeting bullshit or I will invoke the power of shut-upped-ness. And let’s be honest here, real men who have nothing to prove don’t get into petty fights do they? 

Monday, 25 March 2013

Longest Monday ever...

I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring ~ David Bowie

It's all just a means to an end...repeat that 17 times over, Amarinda.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Ebook land rejection…

  ‘The subject is not one we feel our readers will be comfortable with’.

The subject? The erosion of female rights set in the future.  Nah, of course we don’t want to read about women wanting more and being an equal to the men they love. That's anarchy, man.

What the fuck was I thinking?  Oh wait...I was thinking.

Friday, 22 March 2013

Zorro...that's me...

Of late, I’ve taken to signing for things delivered to the office as Zorro. Why? Why not? Added to that none of the delivery guys give a crap what I sign as their job is done once I scrawl on the electronic tablet they present me.

So, this week I have been Zorro. I’m thinking I may be Batgirl next week…  

Thursday, 21 March 2013

I’m just the Admin chick…

So, a  high faluting manager type nonghead from  Sydney called me in a panic about an engineering structural change and what did I know about it? Had I sent it? Passed it on to anyone? Been asked about it? Er, that would be no, no, no and fuck no man, I’m doing personal printing I don't have time for work stuff today. I also added that as an office manager I managed the officey type thingys and didn’t deal with feral engineering people who, in essence, were quite yucky and reminded me of pubic hair. He then said he would send me info on the engineering thing. I pointed out if he had the info why was he asking me about it because frankly that seemed pretty damn dumb to me.

Anyway, so he sent it to me and said can you format this – he couldn’t – and send it out to everyone. I said sure, whatever. Everyone? Yes everyone.  So I sent it out to everyone. Five minutes later I get a panicked phone call asking me had I sent it out to everyone? Yes.  Every single person in every single office? Yes. Dead silence over the phone before he said did you read it? Er no, I don’t care about metal things with screws and holes punched in them. Did I see the mistake they made in it in it? No. He seemed relieved by this until I mentioned that as a non engineering person if I had of read that sticking steel girders together with spit and sticky tape was the new trend I would have said ‘whatever.’ Silence again. Are you there?  Can we recall the email, was the panicked response.   Sure, but I lets face it that’s not all that effective is it because the minute you send a recall out there like "Amarinda Jones would like to recall the email entitled ‘Spit – the new wonder glue for steel super structures’ due to a boo-boo in it” pretty much everyone is going to want to read that email to find out why the recall. What will we do when they ring and ask about the email? My standard defence to everything in the office? “I’m just the Admin chick man, I don’t know anything.”  Did they ring? Yeah. I said my line and transferred them onwards and upwards as a good admin chick does. I had printing to do.   

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Weird thing…

 ….I was running up a hill Monday morning thinking I hate this, it hurts, I’m going to die or at least drown in my own sweat, that is if I don’t run out of breath and expire before my legs drop off – and then, when I got to the top and went back down and looked back up the hill, ready to run it again, as only the insane do, it occurred to me that I need the challenge of doing the seemingly impossible. I need to feel exhausted and broken knowing that I can and I will regenerate and do it all again.

Weird the things we need.

Monday, 18 March 2013

Limp handbags with knobs on them…

So, I was thinking today, at the gym, when I had just finished having a shower and I was having one of those moments when standing naked with your hands behind your back, and it’s not some kinky, sexual thing, but more you can’t put one hook into one eye of your bra despite the fact you’ve been doing it for a zillion years, and I wondered what would happen if all women did away with bras and we just let them all hang loose. Would men be as interested in boobs that hang down like limp handbags with knobs on them? Would we start reading about heroines who still fall in love despite having 40DD’s, back pain, nipple rash on their knees and nipples sticking out through the fabric on their midriff because their boobs were no longer hydraulically up there either through cunning lyrca or the innocence of bouncy youth? Would celebrities go to plastic surgeons anymore? Would we just buy oversized pants and tuck our boobs in at the top leaving our shoulders free because we’ve always had nice shoulders? Would we unite as women because we would no longer be imprisoned by the lace confines of bras?

Nah, probably not.   

Sunday, 17 March 2013


“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” ~ Christopher Reeve

No reason why a duck can't be all that...

Saturday, 16 March 2013


If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere ~ Marilyn Monroe

Friday, 15 March 2013

So tell me what you want what you really, really want…

So, I was running along the Cairns Esplanade this morning at god-awful 5:30am, nodding and hello-ing the usual crew of walkers and runners who are all up and about cursing the need to be fit, when I saw a group of shadowy people ahead of me. Now, I’m not a scared person by nature but neither am I about to thrust myself into trouble in the half dark. I kept up a steady pace as I ran towards them, sussing them out. As I came closer I heard loud voices, saw people pushing each other and jumping on and off skateboards. Right. Possible trouble I thought until I heard - “…So, tell me what you want what you really, really want…”

Hmmm…urban thugs cranking out the Spice Girls. I ran closer. “If you wanna be my lover...” Yes, scary, scary stuff. I ran up to them. A couple of young blokes said ‘good morning’ as they moved off the pavement to let me through. One warned me to watch out for a skateboard nowhere near me. I said ‘no worries’ and ‘thanks’. As I ran on further I heard a young woman singing along with - “Make it last forever, friendship never ends…”

Spice Girls. Crank it up and have a good time.

“I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha”

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Fight like a girl...

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

From While You Were Sleeping...fave movie...

Lucy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody and you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?

Jack: I'd say that she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her. She drives you so nuts you don't know whether to hug her or, or just really arm wrestle her. She would go all the way to Europe just to get a stamp in her passport. I don't know if that amounts to insanity, or just being really, really... likable. 

Monday, 11 March 2013

Zombie free zone...

So, every zombie called in sick today at work. On a Monday. To be honest, being the only one in the office was like a normal working day because the zombies never speak unless they are in fear of missing out on free food.

The world’s second most boring man, let’s call him Lester, who is in the Sydney corporate office and I do not answer to in any way, shape or form, called me, to justify his existence, after I sent the email to Sydney advising I was the only one in the office today.

Lester: - So, no one but you is in the office?
Me: - Correct
L:- So, zombie one isn’t there?
Me: - No
L:-Is zombie two also away?
Me:- Yes, did you read my email?
L:- Yes I did. Is zombie three there?
Me: - Did I write that he was on the email? I wrote no one in the office but me. By no one I mean not a soul, nada but for me, on my Pat Malone, bugger all, zombie free.
L:- I wasn’t sure when you said everyone was away that you meant the whole office.
Me:- Uh huh
L: So, no one’s coming in?
Me:- No Lester
L: - So, it’s just you?
Me: - Correct
L: - No one else is expected in?
Me: - Is there a point to this conversation Lester?
L:- what do you mean?
Me:- what do you want, Lester?
L:- just checking who’s in.
Me: - dead silence
L:- So, you’re not expecting anyone in.
Me: - dead silence
L:- So, it’s just you?
Me: - Bye Lester

Reply email from Lester. “Thank you for your email advising the absences in the office. Please advise when the staff come in to work today.”


Sunday, 10 March 2013

Give me strength over beauty any day...

I went for a long Sunday morning amble through the Cairns Botanical Gardens. They have massive trees that are undoubtedly a gazillion years old or maybe not. Maybe half a gazillion. This one, in the pic above, while not one of the prettier ones, impressed me the most by its sheer girth and strength.  It had a look that said ‘I’ve been standing here longer than any of your buggers have been alive and I’m not about to move or change for you or anyone.’  Yeah. I like that. Strength and determination kicks pretty’s arse.    

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Get on with it…

My 79 year old father has cancer again. We’re not getting emotional about it. We’re all just talking about it in a way that it’s just one more battle to face and deal with. We’re not hard, unfeeling people but like many, who been through hard, shitty times we’re damn tough and have learned to confront the impossible and the ghastly and get on with it.

Cancer is the most massive wake up call you can get. We rise to meet the challenge because cancer wants a fight and fuck it we’ll give it one. 

Thursday, 7 March 2013


So, I was bored shite-less at work – not unusual – and I was in QuickBooks (accounting program) looking at something when I noticed a box that said ‘Ask a Question.’ Okay. I will. I typed in the quintessential ‘what is the meaning of life?’ It came back with ‘Discount available’. That’s probably fair enough… 

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Dear IRS....

You suck great big hairy donkey balls.

yours very sincerely on this, 

Amarinda Jones

Tuesday, 5 March 2013


So, I went into town, did bootcamp, the gym and then got in my car and realized I had left not only my lunch and my specs behind at home but more importantly, I left my USB stick with my current work in progress (wip). Quel horreur! How am I supposed to be at my day job all day and not do personal stuff? It would be just wrong. I would probably get a leg cramp or a headache or something. It was only 7:50am so I drove home and I ran into them. Oh the unspeakable, insidious horror of them. I couldn’t believe what was happening on the way into my perfect lovely rainforest suburb. They were everywhere. I couldn’t move because of them. How could there be so many? There were a massive cluster of them choking the streets. I looked left, then right. There was nowhere to turn to avoid them. They closed in on me and I wanted to flee, to scream and fight my way free of them. But it was impossible. They were slow, crawling, deceptive and sinister, all having the same mark of Satan on them – the ‘my family’ sticker. Them. The parents of the snotty Jeminas, hormonal Harrys, precious Tarquins and soon to be pregnant Brittanys. It was the school run. Eeeek! 'My family' are scary enough on normal streets. But outside schools? On the inhumanity of it.  

Monday, 4 March 2013

Because I can...

It occurred to me today, as I ran up a steep hill nine times – I am so counting the first trial run – that I’m doing okay at 49. But then determination to be, do and act is like that. You're okay because you make damn sure you are.

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.” ~ Og Mandino

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Assassin in waiting...

I read this quote when I got up this morning and it reminded me of when I was younger and people used to question why I was so quiet and what was wrong or they would make fun of it. At the time, I didn’t feel the need to explain it to these people because they didn’t know me and their opinions were irrelevant to me. I’m still quiet today. I call in my assassin it waiting mode.

Never assume that a quiet person is shy or deficient in some way just because they don’t fit into what you think is normal and acceptable in your mind. You may not be so ‘normal’ yourself. As for a quiet person having a loud mind?  I would deafen you with my thoughts.

Judgements – by all means make them but expect that you’re going to be wrong.  

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Google, you owe me $38.00 an hour…

So, I’ve been dealing with the Indian call centre in Google on behalf of work. Basically it’s all to do with Google SEO – Search Engine optimisation – yes, sounds more impressive as initials. The company had been paying money into it on a regular basis because, well, I don’t know, companies do stuff like that. Google, in its infinite wisdom, allowed India to handle this area of their ops and essentially they suck badly at it. I had to explain to half a dozen very polite Indians, who were clearly reading an approved answer off a script – if you have worked in a call centre you know exactly what I’m talking about – if not – the script is placed beside you to answer any query a customer has that you’re not sure of the politically correct answer to.

Example –

Customer - my bill is too high. How can that be?
Script –I suggest you buy an answering machine.
Customer – What? Why?
Script – Your account number is in the top left hand corner
Customer – Are you listening to me?
Script – To set up call waiting…
Customer – I said my bill is too high.
Script – I am happy to send you a brochure on our disabilities services.
Customer - You’re an idiot.
Script – We do not show an idiot in our catalogue. I will transfer you through to faults.  
Anyway, back to the Indian call centre. The main issue was they couldn’t find all the money that had been paid.

-Madam, you don’t understand. We cannot see the payments on screen.
-Madam bloody understands that you’ve had had zip training.
-What is zip training? Is it new?

So, I got the manager of the call centre to log into the work account while I was also logged into it. I then walked him through THEIR billing system, where the payments were and on what date and which bill the payments corresponded to. He responded that he was ‘most interested’ and would discuss with his ‘specialist team.’ It turns out his specialist team isn’t that special and I had to walk them through their billing system while sitting in Australia.

Here’s the thing Google – I work out I have spent at least 15 hours of work time on this at $38.00 an hour and it’s still ongoing as the specialists try to now allocate the money because there’s no script for that.