The engagement ring...

So, I'm working at a temp job at the moment. It involves liaising with members of the public for a week and a bit and there is a hell of a lot of walking involved. I have another person as my partner on this chatting-walking gig. Never met her before today but she made it very clear to me that she, let's call her, er, Charlene was doing the job to scope out 'talent' to find her future husband. She wants to get married, she already has an engagement ring - her Prince Charming does not have to fork out for this - and she WILL get married. There is no maybe in this. Charlene is a woman possessed. I found her intense need to hog-tie a man to her for marital-there-is-no-way-we-will-ever-divorce-wedded bliss fascinating and scary. On one hand she knows what she wants - man, wedding ring and to become Mrs Charlene X. On the other, in my opinion, she's scary obsessed to the point of not being realistic. I get that some women would like to be a 'couple' but there is also the fact that not everyone marries. Sometimes fate just doesn't make it so. I did point that out to her. Charlene's thoughts on this are because too many women get involved with ' losers' and give up on marriage and 'fate' is stupid. I personally think women like Charlene, who are so marriage obsessed, scare men away. What man wants to be driven to marriage? And to have your own engagement ring to expedite the proceedings? Scary much? It begs the question what happens to the Charlene's of the world if they do not marry?

And...and...and....

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/dating-coach-damien-diecke-offers-words-of-advice-to-single-ladies-looking-for-a-man/story-fnet0gly-1226747756571

Well, there you go. So, let him know you’re interested and that you know what you want in a man and smile and make your intentions clear and reply to his texts and his phone calls and be engaging with him and compliment him and be seductive and fetch his pipe and slippers, have his dinner cooked and...and...and…

I don’t like the idea a woman has to revert back to 1950’s actions to attract a man. What happened to two people meeting and talking and maybe stuff happening. There’s too much pressure on women to be coupled up. I’ve been there, done that, kicked the rule book to the curb.

What I think, non-expert-guru-on-nothing-in-particular-at-all that I am, is be yourself. If something happens it’s happens. If it doesn’t then maybe it’s never going to and that, despite the advice divas, is not the end of the world. You’re with yourself a long time – longer than any partner or lover. Consider complimenting yourself.

And if  “YOU'RE pretty, smart, ambitious and all your friends say you're a catch, yet you're always the one at the wedding or dinner party who doesn't have a date…” you can and are allowed to go alone. Don’t be sucked in by stereotypical bullshit.   

No one wants to see me in my undies…

I was on Facebook, on the lovely Abigail Madison Chase’s page – she’s always interesting reading – and Abby had this article on it –

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2413678/Underwear-model-49-claims-work-looks-TOO-YOUNG.html

“A 49-year-old underwear model has accused the fashion industry of ageism as she says she can no longer get any work because she looks too young.”

Essentially, this chick was having a hissy fit about no one wanting to employ her as an underwear model because she’s 49. I have a confession to make - no one wants to see me in my undies and I’m 49 too. I know, it’s a shocker right? Anyway back to the other woman. I call bullshit on the fact that she thinks it’s because she looks too young. She doesn’t. She looks her age and I think that’s what’s shitting her off and the fact the she knows agencies are passing her up for newer bodies. That’s business. It’s their choice. I’m a realist and an avid defender of the rights of women but that fact is as women we may not like it but as we get older, bodies change and not everyone is going to want your body. Only those living in airy-fairy-dairy land don’t get that. They have to blame someone. The realists among us think ‘Ok, so I’ll choose another path and be so damn amazing at that.’ Its about attitude – whiner or survivor.  

Now I don’t give a crap what she looks like but when I read comments on Facebook like -  

“The lady in the article needs to have work done too if she wants to stay in the game..."

-it annoys the hell out of me. Women are so frigging hard on other women. No one ‘needs’ to have work done unless it’s for medical reasons. The most virulent discrimination women face is from other women.

Sisters shot dead for dancing...

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” ~Martin Luther King Jr

http://www.news.com.au/world-news/asia/pakistani-sisters-shot-dead-after-being-filmed-dancing-outside-their-home/story-fnh81fz8-1226672330529

Genderalization…

"You know, maybe part of the problem is we need to go back into the schools at a very early age, maybe at the grade school level, and have a class for the young girls and have a class for the young boys and say, you know, this is what’s important. This is what a father does that is maybe a little different, maybe a little bit better than the talents that a mom has in a certain area. And the same thing for the young girls, that, you know, this is what a mom does, and this is what is important from the standpoint of that union which we call marriage.”

http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2013/06/19/2182311/gingrey-teach-gender-roles/

Thirty odd years ago, as an army brat, we moved schools. No surprise with that. Army brats move. What did surprise me is I moved from a high school in one region that was progressive to a high school that was so behind the times that I was stunned at the gender stereotypes that were inflicted upon me because I was a teenage girl. I went from choosing subjects where I could learn to weld, drill and do manual, handy person type jobs to being told that my only options as a girl were home economics (cooking and sewing) and mothercraft (how to care for a baby). I felt trapped in a world I was being forced into against my will. I was being told it was expected that I would be a homemaker and a baby machine. They were my only options. My mother wasn’t thrilled about it either. She didn’t believe in anyone pigeon holing her kids. So, at 13, I railed against it. I went out of my way, as teenagers do, to be deliberately crap at these two subjects for two long years. If I had not had a mother who inspired me to be anything I wanted to be despite gender, I would have been less than I am now. Not all kids have that freedom or support.

I am totally against gender stereotypes. No one should be told to follow a certain path due to genetics. Not all women cook, clean and have babies. Not all men do technical, manual labor. People – despite gender – are diverse individuals with their own beliefs and goals. I worry about politicians, like this one above, who advocate what a woman and a man should be like so teach kids that in school. I wonder about people who do not see the underlining threat of stereotyping genders.

I still get gender stereotypes pushed onto me. Just recently, I stood at my father’s funeral, beside my brother, who I had not seen in 13 years. His main concern appeared to be that I was neither married or had a partner in tow. In fact, I believe he would have been relieved if I announced I was a lesbian so I could be slotted into society somewhere. I’m not gay but I get people like him need to pigeon hole others… “She’s not married. She’s not gay. What is wrong with her? Why is she single? How can she stand alone?”

My answer? I can and I do. I am who I am. You are who you are. Bugger off if you don’t like it. Your approval is not required.  

Fight like a girl...

Wrong. Criminal. Unforgiveable.

"Nurbanu is one of thousands of women in Bangladesh who have had acid flung at them by a relative or partner due to domestic arguments, financial woes or even rejected marriage proposals."

http://www.news.com.au/world/wife-forced-to-remarry-hubbie-who-threw-acid-on-her/story-fndir2ev-1226525490341

I have said it before and I will say it again. What affects one woman, affects all. There will never be true equality until all women are allowed to live without fear or prejudice.    

Spies like us...

So, I had two visitors to my house yesterday. One male and one female. The man wandered through as men do not paying attention to much. The woman? Her eyes darted everywhere and took everything in. I wasn't offended, I was amused. Women never miss a trick. Men – visual creatures who would have stopped dead at the sight of a naked woman or a piece of technical looking machinery. Women – can see the infinitesimal in a plethora of things and keep walking looking for more. Would I have done the same as this woman? Oh yeah, because inherently I believe women make the best spies.  

Boob-consumed...

I don’t understand why women get so het up and over emotional about men looking at other women. They’re gonna do it. Making an issue out of it makes it worse. And asking them ‘why are you looking at her?’ I believe nailing jelly to the wall would be less angst ridden and who needs the non-creative 

excuses that if you had to scorecard them you would give the poor dears a 2 out of 10. Men look. That’s the way their brains work. Ooh look – boobs. Ooh, look more boobs. Ooh, look – are they boobs? You gotta feel a tad sorry really. Their minds are boob-consumed. This is why women are the stronger sex. We have boobs and therefore we have the power...as it should be. 

Ah, what?

I was talking to someone I work with quite regularly on the phone. She was annoyed that someone we both deal with on a daily basis said to her ‘you remind me of my mother.’ She’s, at a guess, late 50’s. He’s early 30’s. He’s supposed to be a manager of people. Here’s what I think, to manage people you work with you have to assess who that person is and if unsure of what to say for fear of offending them then shut up and say nothing. And yeah, you could blame lack of life experience for saying something so crass to a woman like that but that would be a cop out. You are paid to be a figure head – someone people are supposed to respect – not an insincere twit. I called him out on it. Me - lowly office manager that I am. I pointed out it was inappropriate and also rude because the lady in question had taken offense at it. I’m not sure he understood but he was very quiet. You know, big corporations talk about equality in the workplace and they have a gazillion policies written on it to show they care but in the end it’s all lip service. I've seen it too many times. Men treat women like crap in the workplace.

You say she looks like your mother? I say you act like your 5 years old and do your parents know where you are? 

Politically incorrect thought for today...

I don’t understand women who stayed married yet absolutely refuse to allow their husbands to touch them. What’s that about? Why are you married? Why are you living together? Is it that you’re over sex, intimacy and the whole being together thing?  So, why are you with him? Scared to go out on your own? Is it safer to be a couple even though you aren’t technically a couple?  Be a real woman and work out who you are and what you want and don’t use, hold on to or blame a man for your inadequacies. Woman up! Holding on to someone because you want to present a ‘together’ picture to the world is hypocritical and frankly sorry arsed and I have no respect for women like this.  I will never understand emotional blackmail and selfishness. No wonder men are confused.

Straddlers....

I went to a friend’s workplace for lunch. It’s a factory and within the factory is the standard bouffy-boys, kicked in lunch room. It’s not glamorous but having worked in factory environments it didn’t surprise me. My friend, to his due, warned me there would be pictures of naked women on the walls. Again, no surprise. Men are visual creatures. I doubt hardly any of them faced with one of these silicon women straddling various objects in real life would really know what to do with them anyway. 

Anyway, as I sat and ate my sandwich and chatted to my friend I looked at the nekkid women. Oh yeah, they were pretty trashy looking. Was I jealous or offended? Nope. Nothing to be envious of and as for offense at these women being viewed as sexual objects? I could have declined going into that lunchroom when first advised of said nekkid women but I’m sure of who I am as a woman so I’m not given to hysterical rad fem tantrums. Besides I can straddle stuff if I wanted to. The thing that I thought about with these women was that in twenty years time they’re going to look like the rest of us. Older, saggier and probably more wrinkled due to sun damage to their carefully tanned bodies. I asked my friend did seeing these same static women on the wall day after day after day in the same poses actually turn men on? He said no. They were just like wallpaper. So the question then is why bother having these straddlers on the wall? What’s the point? Is it to reaffirm testosterone levels on a daily basis?

Open doors and minds....

So, I wrote something on facebook about liking the fact that men still open doors for me. No, I’m not some fluffy, helpless little woman who flutters her eyelids to get want she wants…oh wait…maybe I do the last bit when it suits me. However my point is that I’m a disgustingly independent woman who is capable of opening a door on my own but I appreciate it when a man does it because he wants to and that he was brought up to have good manners. Give me a man with good manners over a supermodel hunk any day.

One comment on facebook observed ‘woman’s lib be damned.’ The women’s liberation movement was never about denying men or castigating them for being gentlemanly or for wanting to do things for a woman. It was about the equality of the sexes – equal pay and equal say. And, nah, so many women don’t have the pay/say thing sorted yet but we have come along way when it comes to women’s rights. We still have a long way to go. But, on the whole, most women can do, say and be things we were shut out of before. That’s huge. Can you contemplate living in a world where the Suffragettes were fighting for the vote and were being taken to prison because of their protests?

Independence? Yes. Gentlemen with manners? Yes, I admire manners. It’s not all about being staunchly one thing or the other. Liberation in any form means freedom and the right to act as your conscience dictates without penalizing another for their thoughts and actions.

We're perfect...

A male friend said to me ‘men don’t discuss their feelings’ Really? What a shocker…

This is why women should rule the world. We say stuff that has to be said. If we waited for a man to articulate something we’d be 89, in support hose and slugging gin out of a botte and trying not to trip over the cat on the way out of the house to buy chocolate.

Women – say, do, act. Damn…we’re perfect.

Unacceptable…

http://www.news.com.au/technology/gaming/the-game-that-makes-a-sport-out-of-beating-prostitutes-with-sex-toys/story-e6frfrt9-1226178720344

When news.com.au asked Barker why there's an option to chase a woman down the street, leapfrog her, punch her in the face then kick her in the groin - he told us it's a war out there.

"I think there's a perfectly good reason as to why people might punch people in the face – there's all kinds of missions," he said.

"We can definitely go down the philosophical rabbit hole, you could ask why Mario does something when he goes to save the Princess," Barker said.

Except that Mario doesn't bash call girls with a giant rubber penis.
"There's all kinds of weapons and we wanted something that was fun and crazy. There's a story to the game that definitely keeps it grounded," Barker said.

Yes, you may say it’s just a dumb game but you have to remember that there are some dumb, naïve, creepy, anti-social people out there whose reality is to play these games and some of them take them so seriously that they mimic what happens in that game in real life. Punching women in the face? Kicking her in the groin? How is this entertainment? And because the woman is labelled as a prostitute? She’s still a woman and a human being and she is not less so because of the job she does.

This is so wrong and anyone who views punching women in the face as just a game has serious issues. As for his ‘philosophical rabbit hole’ one could say he has his head up his arse and his thoughts come from there. Beating women with a 'giant rubber penis'? Where the hell do these people come from?

Violence against women – even in a stupid game – is wrong and unacceptable.

Stop punishing women for being women....

I had this photo on facebook this morning. It’s an important photo. Why? Because women need to feel like they can be normal if they are overweight. In fact – they’re allowed to. It annoys the hell out of me that some women are made to feel less beautiful or inferior by the way they look.

Naturally slim? I’m happy for you. Trying to lose weight? Do it for you and not because some jerk called you fat and ugly. Not ready to lose the weight yet? Do you feel ‘safe’ being the size you are? I get that. I do. When you’re ready you will do it. Only you know when that will be. I have total faith you will find that time. Are you a man who wants a women to have a perfect face, arse and boobs? Is your penis 9 inches long? Do you look like Gerard Butler? Are you as smart as Stephen Hawkings? No? Think about it.

The truest heart beats with honour and integrity despite the body it is housed in.

Tacky, tacky, tacky...

So, I was talking to a woman at work and she was saying that she wasn’t going to allow her husband to do something he really wanted to do. I asked why? Apparently she just didn’t want him to do this thing because it didn’t suit her and he would do as he was told. Now, it was a pissy, harmless little thing he wanted to do that apparently he enjoyed doing and the last time I checked slavery had been outlawed. One of our few male employees came in during this discussion and I said what do you think about that? He said to keep life easy he does what his wife tells him. Now, I’m all for empowerment of women, for females to be in charge, break through glass ceilings and have an equal say and pay but allowing or not allowing someone you’re supposed to love something that’s important to them? What’s that about? I respect equality. That's not it. I respect strong women. There is no strength in degrading another. As for emotional blackmail and powerplay? It’s tacky treating someone in such a shabby way. Is that love? Apparently only if she says so...

Refuse to be labelled...

A survey commissioned by Triumph found women were not fond of having their curves likened to apples, pears or inanimate shapes.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/ipad/forget-fruit-when-it-comes-to-women/story-fn6bfm6w-1226016756295

Well no. I’ve never seen the point of labelling any woman with a fruit label. And labelling them after the styles of great painters? Why is that any better? Do we label a man’s body? His penis as a particular type? Does it make it any better? Less? More? If a man is overweight are we going to call him Rubenesque or a big, strapping man? I’m tired of all this body bullshit. You are what you are and to my mind how healthy your body and mind are is more important than what labels are applied to it. When we stop labelling people and just be defined by our personality and the good things we do then I believe we’ll actually be a better society for it. And no, I don’t see that happening for a while. Why? Because while everyone uses the phrase ‘nobody’s perfect’ they in fact actually want a perfect person for them. Yeah, sure, it’s good to be ambitious in what you desire but the most loyal and noble of hearts often are found in those less then model like bodies.

Fruit? Works of art? We’re women – hard working, strong and smart. Take us for what we are or bugger off.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Random thought 6,257...

So, it was reinforced to me today that it’s true – men are much more romantic than women and yet women are way more sexually adventurous then men.

I believe a man has to put a lot of thought into being romantic in order to get and keep the woman he wants. Let’s face it, women don’t have to get married nor do we need a man constantly in our faces because we’re independent beings who can look after ourselves. How hard is that attitude for a man? Hence why they work harder at romance.

And women? We want sex. We don’t have to marry to get it and we’re not content to lie back and think of England or Bondi Beach or wherever. There is a huge surge in the popularity of pure erotica. I don’t believe it’s the end of romance but I do believe women want to read about things they could do…may do…shall do. Can you imagine a man reading a how to swing from the chandelier sex manual? Women are willing to admit they don’t know everything and yeah, I’ll try what’s written on page 26…

‘Told you…’just a random throw-it-out there thought…

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book