Sunday, 31 July 2011

Random thoughts #30976

…never trust a publisher with an apostrophe anywhere in it’s name.
…the ability to touch your toes is something you should never take for granted.
…War is just a pissing contest. Get the troops back home.
…people love the darnedest people.
…vampires don’t sparkle. I read that on someone’s blog. I have to go along with that.
…if you don’t think you’re good no on else will either…it’s all just a game of who can out bluff who.
…while the world is a giant melting pot and we all must get along – could the US economy please get it's economic act together before you drag us all down.
…some people are writers and others observe life and comment on it.
…the wisest words in a song? ‘Let it be’ by the Beatles.

Saturday, 30 July 2011


...sore back...I would like to say it's due to non stop sex with a wildly exciting and demanding man who drove me on to wild screaming orgasms...but alas and alack, that ain't the truth. I've been wrestling with the garden at XH (my home).

This self publishing gig...

…reminds me of when I was an army brat and I was the new kid at school and I always knew no one and nothing much but I managed to work it out through sheer persistence because there was no alternative. Those who are self publishing or who have set up sites like Scarlet Harlot Publishing – a constant work in progress – know exactly what I mean. It’s about breaking through barriers and hard work but damn when a reader take a punt on you and buys your books? Priceless. Thank you.

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Who needs it?

I was called into a meeting today to discuss something. Problem was it turned out to be two men screaming like 6 year olds at each other, me, the desk, the phone, the carpet, themselves. I had enough after a couple of minutes so I stood up and announced they could scream themselves hoarse and that I would be going back to my desk. Life is too short for that shit. Thankfully I have an escape plan....

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Nongheads and wanker brains…

So, I get home from work in a good mood due to various reasons which I will discuss in a later blog and I open my mail to see a letter from a debt collector. Pardon me? Moi? Ms Squeaky Clean pay everything on time? I don’t think so, Tim. So I ring the call centre number listed. The operator asked my full name and date of birth for verification of who I was. I said ‘who the hell are you? Why would I give you my personal details over the phone? Where are you? Lower South Botswanna?’ They are in the Philippines. Lovely. Like I’m giving them anything personal to use to de-fraud me later on. I insisted on the Australian office of this company – let’s call them Nonghead Collection Ltd. I call that number and I speak to a bloke who says he is in Australia. I asked for their switchboard number. Why he asked? ‘Because,' I replied. He was a smart man, who could sense I would transcendentally freeze his balls off if he did not do as I requested. I get to the switchboard and then speak genuine Aussie to an Aussie. We discovered the Nonghead Collection Ltd had the wrong person, name, date of birth, email. Riiiight. Their suggestion? Ring Wanker Brain Inc who placed the debt referral.

I rang Wanker Brain Inc and I speak to a Yankee chick who cannot understand Aussie. Hell, we gave you Crocodile Dundee for that reason alone. So I get put through to a UK chick who understands Aussie because so many of us go to the UK when we’re young and have fun getting drunk and yelling Aussie at the top of our lungs that they recognize the lingo. She says –’Oops – you do not owe the debt. We made a mistake.' Damn fucking straight you did and you can stick your oops. The thing with debt collection – and I’ve done it at a Manager level in the past - you have to not just assume everyone with the name of Jones is the same person and assume one Jones is responsible for everything.

Moral of the story? Debt collectors are stupid, everyone should speak Aussie, the Jones’ get a bad rap and I wasted 40 mins of my life tearing strips off idiots which, while fun, wasted my time.

So endth my rant.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011


I was driving home from work, listening to the radio as I do, and the newscaster said in his serious newscaster voice, ‘Researchers have discovered that most people who lose weight will put it back on within a year.’ Uh huh….no brainer that one. The news guy then added, ‘Researchers have discovered the best way to lose weight is not to stack on the pounds.’ Brilliant. Absolutely amazing that years spent in universities amassing knowledge and then working in laboratories, and no doubt being assisted by our tax payer $$ these nongheads have deducted that.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Random thought # 57836

If it came down to picking the ideal job candidate and an average woman was up again a beautiful blonde with big boobs, who would win?

If a man with a beard and a clean shaven man went for the same job and each were equally qualified who would get it?

If someone is overweight do we consider them lazier than a thin person purely based on the fact we’ve seen overweight people in the past stuffing their face with fried food? Do we make an assumption that all fat people are greedy?

If we see a drop dead gorgeous women who is considered 'stuck up' when a man tries to chat her up, is she stuck up or is she frustrated with people seeing only the outside appearance and making an assumption?

We all say looks aren’t important but do they subconsciously colour our opinions?

Sunday, 24 July 2011

The Casting Couch...out now....

Caroline has a plan. Teach the man who used her sister a lesson he won’t forget. Sexual blackmail is the answer. Teasing a man to breaking point and then letting him go? Priceless.

Marcus is stunned by Caroline. She is everything he craves in a woman. He wants to learn more about the strong woman who reacts to his touch and yet refuses to be mastered. What is her secret?

Saturday, 23 July 2011


I spent all day outside in the garden at XH – house with very long street name hence the nickname - and I know two things…first I’m knackered and the second – life is about dirt. How so you say? Well, think about it…as a kid your parents tell you not to eat dirt, you go out on your own and learn to clean, then while out on you own all you want to do it get down and dirty with a luscious partner, that leads to getting a home where you have to clean up, sort out and garden – more dirt, we read dirt in the newspapers and some try and get dirt on others and eventually we all go back to dirt. Basically, life is dirty but fun…go on – get down and dirty.

Friday, 22 July 2011

Show and tell...

It was people’s day at the Carins Show and I had the day off work so I shucked off my good, professional clothes – more on that in a later blog – and yes, I can be both good and professional sometimes - and I donned my jeans and Betty Boop T-shirt and hauled my derriere to the show. My thoughts on the show…the weather was beautiful, I saw two of the most enormous, prize winning, cabbages on display – alas and alack the batteries carked it in my camera so I couldn’t take a picture of them but they were big bastards and well worth wondering things things why? What do you do with them? How much cabbage can one person eat...and there was so much fried, fatty food on sale that I swear I put on weight just walking past it. What else could you want in a day out?

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Hallelujah and pass the gin…

…tomorrow is a public holiday in Cairns. No work. Blessed be. Why? Its people’s day at the Cairns Show. It’s like the equivalent of a county fair for the non Aussies among. See here ~

I’ll be there checking out all things show-like.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

I'm fatal darling...

Someone sent me this today. There are eleven steps – why eleven? Clearly because a femme fatale doesn’t need to explain herself.

Femme fatale literally means "fatal woman" in French. According to the movie Mildred Pierce, it can be defined as "the kind of woman men want...but shouldn't have!". Ever seen females who are seductive and alluring, yet clever, a bit evil, and mysterious? Like Poison Ivy or Cat Woman? Allure, mystery, and classy, dark glamour embody the femme fatale. You can become one too!

Yep, consider me fatal….

Click here to see if you're fatal too.

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Of boobs and Humpenagelfelderkirks...

I always have the radio on in the car. Two talk shows had me pondering stuff today. The AM one was talking about is it right for a man to look at a woman’s breasts? The answer is no but of course a man is going to look as he’s genetically inclined to so why bother asking the question I say? Then they brought up women who have breast implants to boost the size of their boobs and do those women have any right to complain if a man stares at them when technically they had enhanced them – usually to an extreme state – for them to be noticeable - so is a woman putting her boobs out there to be stared at? Really good question. The feminist in me says a woman can do what she bloody wants to her body and men need to get a grip. Would a man want people staring at his groin and trying to work out length? The other side of the coin is if a woman has implants to make herself look better she should expect men will stare at her overly fake breasts so deal with it. Hmmm…that’s a valid point too. My theory on boobs is they're essentially fatty tissue so ipso facto fat thighs, arses, arms and bellies should be given the same adoring stare by men as they do boobs.

The PM discussion…whether a woman should invest in a relationship with a man if he had a surname she didn’t like regardless how much she loved him. That is if she was viewing him as a potential husband but he had a weird surname like Humpenagelfelderkirk (apologies to Humpenagelfelderkirks out there) is she justified dumping him? A lot of woman called into the show and said that had ended relationships because of the man’s surname. My thoughts? People spend years looking for love. Some never find it. If you love someone enough to marry them and be with them for life but you hate their surname? Bloody use your own.

Monday, 18 July 2011

I cannot get this bloody song out of my head...all 'cause I had to have a heroine called Paula...The Perils of Paula coming soon...

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Here’s what I think…

...because I swapped a bottle of Midori for a pushbike any calories I may accrue in the next week should be negated due to this swap.

…reading the car manual before asking a man a stupid, dumb girl question about said car means I should be applauded for my ingenuity.

…sending a finished story off to a publisher entitles me to be a sloth at work for the rest of the week. No, they won’t know why and I don’t feel I need to explain.

…writing sex is hard work so just actually doing it makes more sense and to hell with the words…actions speak louder anyway.

…hair dye means you're not hiding grey hairs you’re just adding to the multi coloured effect and keeping B grade actresses in a job promoting it.

...and Monday is pukeable and it comes waaaay too fast. I’ll happily vote in any politician who swears on their mistress they’ll abolish it.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Constant Craving...Dirty, Sexy, Yours

Out now...

The blurb...

When Ceinwen meets Jameson the attraction is wild, instant and binding. After hot, torrid sex he tells her he's married. She's torn between constantly craving him versus doing the right thing by pushing him away. Ceinwen has other lovers but only Jameson had a hold on her heart. Can she give up the love of her life?

Always so many questions in life...

Friday, 15 July 2011

Oh the drama…

It’s been an angst filled underwear day today. It first started when I finished having a shower at the gym and quell horreur! I had no bra. This is just not on. I cannot go bra-less in public. It’s just too much information for people to take on and not lose their minds. Added to this I had a see-through purple shirt on. Oh the drama. So I had to wear my old, sweaty sports bra under my clothes. Not happy. Then at work we had knicker dramas. People had them either too tight or too loose and there was great discussion whether to remove them or endure. I blame the full moon…pardon the pun…it’s a bad time for undies…

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Shake it baby...

So a work colleague said to me today that she didn’t like Pink or Lady Ga Ga. Why? “Well you think they would dress better than they do seeing they’re so rich.” She went on to comment about them showing off their boobs and arse. Well yeah. They’re in the business to attract and thrill fans. They dress for them. As for showing off boobs and arses? I do not for one second believe any woman worth her salt has not used those to attributes to make a man lose the plot. Are women sluts? No. I believe it’s more we have power and we use it. There’s nothing wrong with that. Use what you got I say...

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Limit me not...

So, I was talking to a friend and he was telling me of a plan he had in mind and journey he was about to undertake and all I could think was "holy crap, that's going to require max effort” and frankly I was worried about him. Why? I don’t know. He's a big boy. Others had told him he was crazy - he is generally - and that his idea to do what he was going to do was silly. It occurred to me as I was talking to him it's more that we try and impose our limitations or lack of faith or zest for life on others when we call their plans silly.

Is the plan silly? No. It’s his plan. Hell, today I bought a giant set of footprint pavers – a left and a right foot – and that wasn’t all at silly.

It's an Aretha attitude day...look out...

Monday, 11 July 2011

Random thoughts # 19108…a, b, c, d...

"I wonder if everyone realizes I'm just spewing my mental crap on the page..." author Willsin Rowe

Write what you know… a load of bollocks or a way of keeping people line? You know I can’t help but wonder how many of us have met or intrinsically know all about vampires, dragons, multi-partnered ménage, gay romance, BDSM or cowboys etc. I would hazard a guess and say not a lot. Writing is all about imagination, making up worlds and lying your arse off…really when you think about it if you acted that way in real life, out on the streets in the non-writer world, you’d get arrested or in trouble in a way you don’t want to know. So why do writers lie their arses off and make up stories? Why do people need to read about vampires et al falling in love? Yes, yes, you can talk about Mary Shelly and Frankenstein and how that has endured over time but is a sensitive werewolf in a ménage with a gay vampire and an oriental school marm with a powerful need for fetish, lesbian sex going to endure just as well? Hmmm…no. Have we lost the art of writing deep and meaningful stories due to quick fixes, pop psychology and easy money? Ah...yes…I believe we have. Do we want to find our way? Nup, too hard...reality detour this way...mind games to the left.

The I love you thing…

I was watching a movie – an Aussie one – on TV the other night. The story revolved around a man who had never said ‘I love you’ to his girlfriend. She wasn't happy with that. She wanted proof of his love and his belief in their relationship and the whole declaration of love was what she needed or basically she was going to leave him. Big sook I say…anyway, while it was a really good movie it did make me think a lot of what we ask of others. None of us really know what’s in the minds of those we love or how hard it may be for them to express their feelings or reconcile their feelings or how they worry about disappointing us. That the heroine of the movie needed to be reassured constantly told me more about her emotional problems and the need to be loved than the hero’s...actually, she needed a good slap back into the land reality...but that's probably another movie. The hero seemed to be happy regardless of what words were said. So here’s what I think. I believe while saying ‘I love you’ makes the receiver of that message happy, is it worth getting that message after harping on someone to say it? Isn’t love all about the unspoken things you do for the one you love? Why should there be a constant need to hear the words? Can’t we just be with someone because they make us happy and feel good? I think 'I love you' is vastly overrated and of course romance writers perpetuate this. So, from now on, no more ‘I love you’ in my books. Love – it’s not all about one person.

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Road trip....

I love fake, tacky stuff like this photo at Innisfail.

The giant gumboot at Tully. It usually has the highest rainfall in the area and I think you will agree, like the fake fluorescent orange palm trees above, it is a thing of beauty.
Tully, along with Mission Beach was one of the towns that had the shite kicked out of it in February this year when Cat 5 tropical cyclone Yasi paid us a visit.

Mission Beach...not a soul on it. Made me a tad suspicious...

Mission Beach a deux...This area is known as the Cassowary Coast. Cassowaries are endangered birds. The speed limit is low around this area due to the number of birds that cross the road - and I saw an actual cassowary do just that. No, I don't have a photo as I was too surprised to see one but I do have a nifty shot of the car seat when I was startled by it's appearance . Sure, there are signs everywhere telling you to watch out when you're driving but I never expected to see one. But, in saying that, the cassowary I saw could have been a tame one that wanders out on cue - "Hey Carl, it's 1pm - time to cross the road and bedazzle the tourists..." Consider me bedazzled....

Saturday, 9 July 2011

Here today…

…back tomorrow. Just off answering a call of the wild…sans snow and dogs of course...

Thursday, 7 July 2011

One nighters…

So, I asked a question on facebook about what women thought about one night stands. Why did I ask? It’s for an upcoming project. I got a lot of really good private and public messages. Some people were against, some have indulged in stranger sex and many have had one nighters with good friends because it felt right and they could be themselves. The one thing that came through with everyone is this - we still want the one – be it a man or a woman – a kindred spirit – who is the one person who understands us. Many found that person and others will find them soon. I think that’s nice. It proves in a crass and heartless world we still believe in love and yeah, we may detour and stumble along the way but we eventually get it right.

Box of rocks….

I got an email from a company about private business dealings between myself and them. No biggie right? Emails are a way of life - but what if you were one of many who were all tagged on the same private email and those people had their private business added in with yours and you could see their private email addresses? What if they didn’t want other authors knowing what they were doing and not knowing their email address? Is that company as dumb as a box of rocks and unaware of universal privacy regulations or as someone said to me ‘maybe they’ve done it deliberately.’ My answer to that is for what? What gain? I go the box of rocks avenue. Business etiquette. It’s lost on some companies.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Get the troops out of Afghanistan…

Now you can give me any bloody ideological thinking you like about the global fight against whomever is the current bad guys and how we all must rush in to help fight tyranny. Yep – tyranny sucks. Dictators must be brought down and some form of freedom must be instituted but for god sake how many lives do we have to lose in Afghanistan and other places before we actually get the balls to withdraw? And yeah, I was an army brat. I understand how the military works. I also understand that it’s not right young men and women continue fighting a pointless war. I’ll fight any fight that is justified but this no longer is. I am proud of the Australian defence forces but it’s time to go.

Get the troops out of Afghanistan

Rats. Ship. Off.

“All the best stories are but one story in reality - the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape.”

Arthur Christopher Benson quotes (English Writer, 1862-1925)

Monday, 4 July 2011

Writer prostitution…

Here’s an interesting discussion between erotica writers. Is it deemed better to write a load of books without plot that sell really well but get constant poor reviews or write books that sell ok or moderately well that people like?

So, if a book sells constantly well due to the genre – say ménage – do you ride that horse into the ground and over capitalize on the need women have to read it? How much is too much? Remember the MM craze? Everyone was writing it but it appears to have died in the arse…so to speak. Or do you think stuff it, I like ménage, it makes money and I will write it until the cows come home….never thought I’d put cows and ménage in a sentence…Is it greed verses need and speed?

Bad reviews? They’re based on opinion and the reviewer’s outlook on life. You can take 'em or leave 'em. But when you get multiple bad reviews on every book on a constant basis because every book you write sells really well based on the fact it’s got three, four, five people on each cover should you re-think your position? Is the cover selling your book or your story? Do you care? Should you care? Is it about the deep need to write verses the need for money? Are writer’s prostitutes writing whatever fantasy the client wants regardless of the cost?

So, write for profit or write because you love it and will readers actually know the difference? And writer prostitution? If you are selling yourself and your skills, is it anyone else’s business but your own?

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Spot the handbag…

So, I was zoning out last night, pj clad, curled up on one of my armchairs watching some movie – I came into it towards the end - and the hero and heroine were running to or from something to get or get away from something. Anyway, the thing that interested me most was she was running with a handbag over her shoulder. Now, those who have actually met me know I always carry a handbag because inside that handbag is everything humanity will require to set up a new civilization if/when the world ends. People depend on me for that reason alone. The world has ended!! Where’s Amarinda’s handbag? So I did sort of understand why the heroine was running with the handbag because you never know when you need a nail file, a band aid or your address book. But in various scenes during her run, the handbag kept appearing and disappearing. I became engrossed in spot the handbag. I think I enjoyed the movie more because of the loss of continuity. We need more handbag spotting movies.

Saturday, 2 July 2011

Mine Forever - All Romance Ebooks

Out now...

The Beatles - Let it Be...

Let it be...exactly....