Randomania…

- I don’t understand how people can celebrate the giving of thanks one day and be pepper spraying each other the next in order to grab the best bargain at a sale.
- Some people are animals. Scratch that. Animals have better manners.
- I’m in the midst of contemplating the infinite possibilities of my life. I do this best in my pj’s.
- I’m wondering if the turtles in the Freshwater Creek have a preference for white or multi-grain bread or do they indeed go with the flow.
- How does one cock block? Is it about abstaining from sex?
- If you can fool some of the people all of the time I say forget the people you can only fool half the time.
- Do budgies get bored?
- I’m thinking of taking a trip to Broome or Uluru.
- I’m contemplating looking for my spiritual side. Just can’t remember if it’s left, right or my backside.
- Getting blonde streaks tomorrow. Why? Why not.
- I wrote a story without sex in it. I expect I’ll go to author’s hell. Oh wait, I’ve been to a book convention already.
- Doncha’ wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
- If you could have a ménage would you?
- If you were naked and had to cover one body part I bet it would be your arse.
- Do you wonder about why we have fingernails?
- Sex as a weapon? Bang, bang.

Of geckos and guns...

- It’s nice to wake up to find a gecko in you bathroom sink
- Geckos don’t speak when you chat to them
- Why do I always want to blow my nose once I have my boxing gloves on?
- I don’t think you could successfully pick up a gecko when wearing boxing gloves
- Always be wary of those who tell you you’re a ‘gun’. It indicates a huge volume of work coming.
- Point to the paper cut on your finger when you suspect a huge volume of work coming your way.
- Is sex in the city any different to sex in the country other than wearing Manolo Blahniks?
- Do you ever wonder if Manolo Blahnik would have been as successful if he had a normal name?
- Do you think Paris Hilton and that other chick Lohan are upset that the Kardashian person is taking all the limelight?
- Do plastic people think?
- Can you have sex wearing gumboots?
- I don’t think men give a damn what a woman wears. They’re honest in that they prefer naked.
- Ever notice in a gym change room women are careful not to look at other women when naked?
- I haven’t seen a gecko in a change room. What does that say about gecko living preferences?
- Would Manolo Blahnik ever make shoes for geckos?
- Or designer boxing gloves?
- Naked men are lovely to look at but be careful where you put your hands
- Probaby best to wear boxing gloves with naked men

Random thoughts #2378…

Few people will ever understand you a little bit let alone know who you are as a person. That’s probably a good thing. Be exclusive.

I think we should all start wearing capes and boots…possibly masks. We need to have more fun

I need a fairy godmother…not a godfather as I can do the horses head in the bed thing myself if need be.

One day, all chickens will be liberated and allowed to smoke, drink and get fat and die of heart disease.

Do you think sloths get pissed off that everyone thinks they’re lazy? Maybe they’re just slow or free spirited hippy-love children who reject fast paced, commercialism.

The one thing we all agree on is sex and it doesn’t require having a university degree to do it.

Do you want fries with that?

If ‘legend has it’ shouldn’t it stay with legend?

You should always wish upon a star ‘cause you never know…

Random thoughts #8667….

I wonder if Sleeping beauty ever woke up and looked at herself in the mirror and thought “Jeez, talk about the walking dead…”

Did the prince ever wonder that? You know, considering he probably would have married her on the whole Sleeping ‘beauty’ name thing?

What was Sleeping Beauty’s real name and did she get pissed off being called Sleeping Beauty all the time?

Did she get sick of birds following her?

Were any of those birds called Wayne or Cheryl?

Did she and Prince Charming, if that was indeed his name, have kids?

What happened to the wicked witch? I’d like to know. Now, she was interesting.

I often wonder if Sleeping Beauty got fat and let herself go after marrying the prince.

Were there ever any overweight fairy tale heroines? If not – why not?

Would the Prince have shagged the local wenches like most princes do?

How much does fairytale royalty pay to shut up an ex-lover or do they just give them a poisoned apple?

Hmmm…

Random thoughts #30976

…never trust a publisher with an apostrophe anywhere in it’s name.
…the ability to touch your toes is something you should never take for granted.
…War is just a pissing contest. Get the troops back home.
…people love the darnedest people.
…vampires don’t sparkle. I read that on someone’s blog. I have to go along with that.
…if you don’t think you’re good no on else will either…it’s all just a game of who can out bluff who.
…while the world is a giant melting pot and we all must get along – could the US economy please get it's economic act together before you drag us all down.
…some people are writers and others observe life and comment on it.
…the wisest words in a song? ‘Let it be’ by the Beatles.

Random thought # 57836

If it came down to picking the ideal job candidate and an average woman was up again a beautiful blonde with big boobs, who would win?

If a man with a beard and a clean shaven man went for the same job and each were equally qualified who would get it?

If someone is overweight do we consider them lazier than a thin person purely based on the fact we’ve seen overweight people in the past stuffing their face with fried food? Do we make an assumption that all fat people are greedy?

If we see a drop dead gorgeous women who is considered 'stuck up' when a man tries to chat her up, is she stuck up or is she frustrated with people seeing only the outside appearance and making an assumption?

We all say looks aren’t important but do they subconsciously colour our opinions?

Random thoughts #61297, 61298, 61299….

Who invented fluorescent lights and are they aware of how bloody annoying they are with all that flickering business when you turn them on?

Did the person who invented the vibrator patent it? Was it an enlightened man or a frustrated woman?

And who came up with the saying "opening up a can of worms"? Were they trying to can worms and if so for what reason?