Got the tits for it?

Okay, so I’m looking for a new job. Nothing new in that. I jump job from job to job because essentially I am one of those people who always wants better and more and I’m not into stagnating in crap jobs because life is too damn short and I’m not scared to take a chance. Anyway, I was at work looking at jobs online, no, I don’t feel bad about that. If you give me access to a computer then you bring that upon yourself. This simple job advert interested me –

Bikini Topless. No experience necessary. Good $$$. Backpackers welcome.

So I was thinking to myself what would they do if someone like me turned up and said I wanted the job? Would they hire anyone over 25? Would they be looking for a particular body type? Can you be too fat or thin? Big boobs preferred or a fried eggs okay? Do men want to just see nubile young things with perky breasts? Are men aware that breasts only stay perky for so long? And if they wanted job experience what sort of experience what you have to have? Give me a drink and I’ll flash you experience or do you have it on a resume or a series of photos you hand them? And if you really wanted the topless gig and didn’t get it, could you have them up for discrimination? Would anyone do that?

I wanted the job but they said I was too droopy and that the nipple rash on knees was a turn off.

Right. We’ll have to investigate. Any witnesses?

Only one guy with a black eye.

A black eye?

Yes, I swung around too fast and one of my boobs took him out.

Hmmm…. 

Of boobs and Humpenagelfelderkirks...

I always have the radio on in the car. Two talk shows had me pondering stuff today. The AM one was talking about is it right for a man to look at a woman’s breasts? The answer is no but of course a man is going to look as he’s genetically inclined to so why bother asking the question I say? Then they brought up women who have breast implants to boost the size of their boobs and do those women have any right to complain if a man stares at them when technically they had enhanced them – usually to an extreme state – for them to be noticeable - so is a woman putting her boobs out there to be stared at? Really good question. The feminist in me says a woman can do what she bloody wants to her body and men need to get a grip. Would a man want people staring at his groin and trying to work out length? The other side of the coin is if a woman has implants to make herself look better she should expect men will stare at her overly fake breasts so deal with it. Hmmm…that’s a valid point too. My theory on boobs is they're essentially fatty tissue so ipso facto fat thighs, arses, arms and bellies should be given the same adoring stare by men as they do boobs.

The PM discussion…whether a woman should invest in a relationship with a man if he had a surname she didn’t like regardless how much she loved him. That is if she was viewing him as a potential husband but he had a weird surname like Humpenagelfelderkirk (apologies to Humpenagelfelderkirks out there) is she justified dumping him? A lot of woman called into the show and said that had ended relationships because of the man’s surname. My thoughts? People spend years looking for love. Some never find it. If you love someone enough to marry them and be with them for life but you hate their surname? Bloody use your own.

Sometimes it all comes down to boobs…

I was at the gym lifting weights – I do that after cardio – why? I don’t know…something to do with not being a weak arsed old lady years from now. Anyway, I was taught the correct way to lift weights. It’s all about pushing your breasts forward. As I was lifting this morning I thought about that and really, for a woman, it’s always comes down to boobs.

How so you ask? Well, if we’re not thrusting them forward to lift weights, we’re putting them out their to entice, confuse and mesmerize. They give comfort, they excite and while they’re a pain in the arse nuisance at times, they give us a power over men that is priceless. How so? When a man is staring at your breasts he can’t see what plans and schemes for world domination are formulating in your eyes. I like that…

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
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