Got the tits for it?

Okay, so I’m looking for a new job. Nothing new in that. I jump job from job to job because essentially I am one of those people who always wants better and more and I’m not into stagnating in crap jobs because life is too damn short and I’m not scared to take a chance. Anyway, I was at work looking at jobs online, no, I don’t feel bad about that. If you give me access to a computer then you bring that upon yourself. This simple job advert interested me –

Bikini Topless. No experience necessary. Good $$$. Backpackers welcome.

So I was thinking to myself what would they do if someone like me turned up and said I wanted the job? Would they hire anyone over 25? Would they be looking for a particular body type? Can you be too fat or thin? Big boobs preferred or a fried eggs okay? Do men want to just see nubile young things with perky breasts? Are men aware that breasts only stay perky for so long? And if they wanted job experience what sort of experience what you have to have? Give me a drink and I’ll flash you experience or do you have it on a resume or a series of photos you hand them? And if you really wanted the topless gig and didn’t get it, could you have them up for discrimination? Would anyone do that?

I wanted the job but they said I was too droopy and that the nipple rash on knees was a turn off.

Right. We’ll have to investigate. Any witnesses?

Only one guy with a black eye.

A black eye?

Yes, I swung around too fast and one of my boobs took him out.

Hmmm….