Nongheads and wanker brains…

So, I get home from work in a good mood due to various reasons which I will discuss in a later blog and I open my mail to see a letter from a debt collector. Pardon me? Moi? Ms Squeaky Clean pay everything on time? I don’t think so, Tim. So I ring the call centre number listed. The operator asked my full name and date of birth for verification of who I was. I said ‘who the hell are you? Why would I give you my personal details over the phone? Where are you? Lower South Botswanna?’ They are in the Philippines. Lovely. Like I’m giving them anything personal to use to de-fraud me later on. I insisted on the Australian office of this company – let’s call them Nonghead Collection Ltd. I call that number and I speak to a bloke who says he is in Australia. I asked for their switchboard number. Why he asked? ‘Because,' I replied. He was a smart man, who could sense I would transcendentally freeze his balls off if he did not do as I requested. I get to the switchboard and then speak genuine Aussie to an Aussie. We discovered the Nonghead Collection Ltd had the wrong person, name, date of birth, email. Riiiight. Their suggestion? Ring Wanker Brain Inc who placed the debt referral.

I rang Wanker Brain Inc and I speak to a Yankee chick who cannot understand Aussie. Hell, we gave you Crocodile Dundee for that reason alone. So I get put through to a UK chick who understands Aussie because so many of us go to the UK when we’re young and have fun getting drunk and yelling Aussie at the top of our lungs that they recognize the lingo. She says –’Oops – you do not owe the debt. We made a mistake.' Damn fucking straight you did and you can stick your oops. The thing with debt collection – and I’ve done it at a Manager level in the past - you have to not just assume everyone with the name of Jones is the same person and assume one Jones is responsible for everything.

Moral of the story? Debt collectors are stupid, everyone should speak Aussie, the Jones’ get a bad rap and I wasted 40 mins of my life tearing strips off idiots which, while fun, wasted my time.

So endth my rant.