Dear IRS....

You suck great big hairy donkey balls.

yours very sincerely on this, 

Amarinda Jones

The tax man's bollocks...

So, the Australian Taxation Office and I have been chatting. It’s due to the ridiculous, crapacious, what-the-hell forms they have sent out to me. Because I stupidly work hard for money in the day job and pocket money in the writing gig, they ping me each year to pay tax in advance – you know, just in case I want to use that money for foolish things like living expenses. When the official time to lodge tax forms comes about, they generally have to pay that money back because they’re stupid. Yes. Correct. Standard tax agency behavior worldwide. It's designed to prop out dole bludgers and 16 year old baby making machines so they can buy cigarettes and McDonalds.

Anyway, back to the forms. I sent in a complaint – no, god no, you don’t talk to a government tax employee over the phone. That’s like sticking a fork into your thigh – painful, pointless and you wish you never did it. So, I banged out a complaint basically stating that unless they could explain the convoluted forms they sent out in standard Aussie then I would certainly ‘pay-as-you-go’ but on a schedule that suited me and they could stick their percentages and the adding of A5 to B6 subtracting F12 from C11 to get an answer at Box A that was 47.5% of Box B but not exceeding the subtracted amount at F12 unless it comes under Section 7, sub paragraph C(iii).

So I had two tax chicks ring me back about my response. Neither could explain the forms that were sent. On each call, I explained that was okay and I would pay what and when I think and keep the receipts. I can’t do this apparently – no wait – actually I can if I have the right form. I know, you’re thinking ‘get the right form sent to you’. There is no right form and they are 'working on that' and they have taken my ‘feedback down and appreciate’ my comments. Bollocks.

So, at the end of each call they asked, ‘are you happy with how we handled the complaint?’ No. ‘Can we close the complaint?' No. I expect another call shortly because having once foolishly accepted a Government job years ago, I know they cannot close the complaint until I say so. It’s a touchy-feeling thing that feigns that they care. In the interim, as always, I will do what I want and they can work around me. 

Nongheads and wanker brains…

So, I get home from work in a good mood due to various reasons which I will discuss in a later blog and I open my mail to see a letter from a debt collector. Pardon me? Moi? Ms Squeaky Clean pay everything on time? I don’t think so, Tim. So I ring the call centre number listed. The operator asked my full name and date of birth for verification of who I was. I said ‘who the hell are you? Why would I give you my personal details over the phone? Where are you? Lower South Botswanna?’ They are in the Philippines. Lovely. Like I’m giving them anything personal to use to de-fraud me later on. I insisted on the Australian office of this company – let’s call them Nonghead Collection Ltd. I call that number and I speak to a bloke who says he is in Australia. I asked for their switchboard number. Why he asked? ‘Because,' I replied. He was a smart man, who could sense I would transcendentally freeze his balls off if he did not do as I requested. I get to the switchboard and then speak genuine Aussie to an Aussie. We discovered the Nonghead Collection Ltd had the wrong person, name, date of birth, email. Riiiight. Their suggestion? Ring Wanker Brain Inc who placed the debt referral.

I rang Wanker Brain Inc and I speak to a Yankee chick who cannot understand Aussie. Hell, we gave you Crocodile Dundee for that reason alone. So I get put through to a UK chick who understands Aussie because so many of us go to the UK when we’re young and have fun getting drunk and yelling Aussie at the top of our lungs that they recognize the lingo. She says –’Oops – you do not owe the debt. We made a mistake.' Damn fucking straight you did and you can stick your oops. The thing with debt collection – and I’ve done it at a Manager level in the past - you have to not just assume everyone with the name of Jones is the same person and assume one Jones is responsible for everything.

Moral of the story? Debt collectors are stupid, everyone should speak Aussie, the Jones’ get a bad rap and I wasted 40 mins of my life tearing strips off idiots which, while fun, wasted my time.

So endth my rant.

You’ll never be as good….

…those were the words someone recently used in an email to me. I won’t go into the whole thing but basically the sender was peeved that I would not bow down to what they considered law. Well no. I’m an Aussie. We’re big on the principle that not only is Jack as good as his master but most times he could kick his master’s arse from here to next Tuesday. And how dare someone declare in a threatening tone that “You will fail.” Oh fuck off. I will not. And what sort of jumped up toss-pot thinks they can intimidate anyone? And by email? So scared…not.

I find those who threaten you with failure are often scared of life so how can you be scared of them? And wishing failure on someone because it’s the company line? Get out of the company and make your own decisions. Mouthpieces are usually full of spit and get thrown out.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Gay? Female? Too bad, so sad…

The Victorian government is expected to announce on Sunday that religious groups will be allowed to discriminate against gays and single mothers in a controversial compromise reached on workers' rights.
Attorney-General Rob Hulls has approved of a plan to let church-run organisations refuse employment to anyone they believe undermines their beliefs, The Sunday Age says.

The newspaper says the plan will allow church groups to discriminate on grounds of sex, sexual orientation, marital status and parental status, but in return these groups will cease being able to discriminate on the basis of race, age, disability, political beliefs, breastfeeding and physical features.
http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/6104482

I had to read this twice because I couldn’t believe anything so stupid could be true. Discriminating “on grounds of sex, sexual orientation, marital status and parental status.” So in essence what this means is women, anyone not straight as a ruler or single parents or those ‘living in sin’ are not acceptable as they undermine the beliefs of a religious body who in theory is preaching God’s word about love, equality and humanity. I’m sorry…what century is this again?

How is this a ‘compromise’ to ‘workers rights’? Does this mean a 60 year old, black, heterosexual male will get precedence over a white, gay man just because he’s straight and they’ll over look the black thing due to him being deemed more ‘normal’? Will a radical feminist raising three kids on her own be shown the door because a woman, with a limp and a big nose, but is married, is more acceptable to these bigoted twits?

No one should be ‘allowed to discriminate’ against anyone let alone a government body condoning it. If this is politics then it’s true any nong with a healthy bank balance can enter the game. If this is religion then I pleased I’m a heathen. I’m often accused of being a rampant socialist. I have this crazy belief that no one is better than anyone else and everyone should be treated equally. Bargaining and compromising with people’s lives? It’s just plain wrong. ‘Victorian government’? Yeah you belong back in that century.

"ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL, BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS"- George Orwell, Animal Farm, Ch. 10

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Rant...

California's Supreme Court on Tuesday upheld a referendum which outlawed gay marriage but said 18,000 same-sex weddings carried out before the vote would remain legally valid.

Gay and lesbian activists had been seeking to overturn the results of the November referendum which redefined marriage in California as being unions between men and women only.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/5604154/california-upholds-gay-marriage-ban/

I have said it before and I will say it again...who the hell has the right to tell people who they can love or marry? How dare they? While it's great that they are going to uphold those marriages that took place, they are stripping away the fundamental rights of anyone else who wants to marry now or in the future in California. I swear to god this makes me so angry. Why? Because it's effectively condemning a section of society for the lifestyle choices they make. I don’t give a rat's arse if you are gay or straight, purple, pink or puce - what you choose to do with your life is up to you and archaic thinking about sex and love is wrong. How dare some people set themselves up as the judge and jury over people's emotions and needs? I couldn’t believe the news when I heard it on the radio. I made me both mad and sad. Human rights are just that. The right to be human and feel and act like every other human regardless of what you believe.

And for those of you who think - well, it doesn’t affect me I’m not gay – I believe you’re wrong - anything that affects one human being’s rights affects all of us and sticking your head in the sand or quoting scriptures to try and prove only men and women can be together is crap. And I am sure there is some do-gooder out there thinking ‘well, at least gay and lesbian couples can still be together. We're not stopping that. We just won’t make it legal, easy or a fundamental right’ - what a load of bullshit. That's no frigging concession to people who love each other and want to be together. And why should they be considered any differently to anyone else? This decision in California sucks big time and those who made it should be ashamed.

Maine, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Iowa have all extended full marriage rights to gay couples, while New Hampshire and New York have edged closer to adopting such a law.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/5604154/california-upholds-gay-marriage-ban/

Good for them. They do not allow prejudice to rule.

As always – you can email me.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Pretty bloody….

…boring…did the laundry, put new Betty Boop car seat covers on Ida, my car, and wrote much. There’s nothing happening here pilgrims.

But just before I go – from the complete and utter wanker files…

“Waterside workers, truckies and rail workers will block the passage of Pacific Brands' government-subsidised machinery when the manufacturing giant moves to ship it offshore.
Pacific Brands, which manufactures household-brand names including Bonds, Hard Yakka and King Gee, this week announced it would sack 1850 Australian staff and move its clothing manufacturing operations to China.”

“Corporate Australia, it would seem, has lost its moral compass," ACTU president Sharan Burrow said.

Chief Executive Sue Morphet saw her pay almost triple to $1.68 million after being promoted from general manager of underwear and hosiery to the company's top job.”

http://business.smh.com.au/business/unions-to-block-pacific-brands-offshore-move-20090227-8jih.html

The outrage in Australia is enormous. They sacked good, hard working Aussies, to send the jobs overseas - after previously asking the government for all sorts of taxpayer funds – and they awarded themselves 170% pay rises for basically screwing workers over. Complete and utter wankers. These corporate types are not human. How can they be when they think they can justify dumping staff due to reasons of profit and economic uncertainty yet put their hand in the till for more pocket money? Because of the backlash they are now “re-thinking” – translation – “oh crap, people hate us let’s do some token time out stuff” - about the job cuts. Really? Do you think you may have done the wrong thing? I also have to ask how are any of these corporate nitwits worth the money and were they born without a soul? The answer is of course no they’re not and they are soulless bastards. And yeah, I’m pissed off at them and I will not be buying my favourite Bonds knickers anymore. I am all for the workers and I hope the Unions give ‘em hell.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

I pause for a moment to go....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, that was good. I needed to scream. I have only been swearing and stamping my feet. Why? Because since last Friday night by internet has been down – again. My internet service provider Promptel – aka compete and utter useless bastards – did not know what was wrong and why it would not work. I pointed out that I believe that they would not know if their collective arses were on fire. The consultant I got, called...er…Wayne…made the mistake of telling me it was my fault. Foolish boy soon to become eunuch. I explained to Wayne he was talking out of his derriere and that he needed to read back on his notes about cranky pants Amarinda not happy with lack of service and the succession of faults - 5 in all. He did. “Oh,” he said. Yes Wayne – that’s a big 10-4 on your ‘oh’ and what are you useless pricks going to do about it now? Short version of this story – because the long is filled with me going off my head, dealing with lying-their-arses-off consultants and cursing the sons of motherless goats at Promptel -they eventually, after much harassment from Ms Jones who pays for a supposed service – ha, ha, frigging ha - fixed the problem again….do I believe it’s fixed properly? Um, that would be a big, fat NO with rainbow sprinkles on top. Promptel could not organize a piss up in a brewery. In the interim I have signed up with another service provider. In Oz, probably the same where you are, there is a complicated procedure for churning from one telephone carrier to another – it’s all to do with being fair to the competition. It takes about a week or in my case 3 as I won’t be home during the week for them to come and do what they are going to do to get me de-Promptelized. But 10th of May I will be Promptel free….hallelujah and pass the gin. All the discounts in the world would not keep me with those wankers.

More tonight when I get home from work.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?