The tax man's bollocks...

So, the Australian Taxation Office and I have been chatting. It’s due to the ridiculous, crapacious, what-the-hell forms they have sent out to me. Because I stupidly work hard for money in the day job and pocket money in the writing gig, they ping me each year to pay tax in advance – you know, just in case I want to use that money for foolish things like living expenses. When the official time to lodge tax forms comes about, they generally have to pay that money back because they’re stupid. Yes. Correct. Standard tax agency behavior worldwide. It's designed to prop out dole bludgers and 16 year old baby making machines so they can buy cigarettes and McDonalds.

Anyway, back to the forms. I sent in a complaint – no, god no, you don’t talk to a government tax employee over the phone. That’s like sticking a fork into your thigh – painful, pointless and you wish you never did it. So, I banged out a complaint basically stating that unless they could explain the convoluted forms they sent out in standard Aussie then I would certainly ‘pay-as-you-go’ but on a schedule that suited me and they could stick their percentages and the adding of A5 to B6 subtracting F12 from C11 to get an answer at Box A that was 47.5% of Box B but not exceeding the subtracted amount at F12 unless it comes under Section 7, sub paragraph C(iii).

So I had two tax chicks ring me back about my response. Neither could explain the forms that were sent. On each call, I explained that was okay and I would pay what and when I think and keep the receipts. I can’t do this apparently – no wait – actually I can if I have the right form. I know, you’re thinking ‘get the right form sent to you’. There is no right form and they are 'working on that' and they have taken my ‘feedback down and appreciate’ my comments. Bollocks.

So, at the end of each call they asked, ‘are you happy with how we handled the complaint?’ No. ‘Can we close the complaint?' No. I expect another call shortly because having once foolishly accepted a Government job years ago, I know they cannot close the complaint until I say so. It’s a touchy-feeling thing that feigns that they care. In the interim, as always, I will do what I want and they can work around me.