Friday, 21 September 2007

Beware the hamsters...

Kelly and her gnome incident on yesterday…

The Oracle remained hidden from view with naught but the five garden gnomes gracing the steps of the altar. Unable to help herself as the urge broke over her, Fiona climbed upon the pointed red cap of the nearest gnome. “Take me, you dirty dirty gnome,” she panted, her culmination close upon her. “Bad gnome. Baaaaaaad little bearded statue. Oh my. Oh, oh my!”

“No!” The Oracle bellowed from the shadows. “Not the statue! You are meant to mount me!”

“You didn’t specify,” she gasped, riding hard. “You said the altar and sex. That’s what’s going on here. Deal with it.”

Amarinda – the sane one - with today's episode

Cut!” Mortie yelled angrily. “How many times do I have to tell you Bambi that Princess Fiona does not mount the gnome! How are they supposed to act like statues when you do that? ” He swore and waved the film script wildly in the air. “This is a classy film for crissakes!”

“The gnomes don’t seem to mind.” Bambi slid off the gnome and gave its chubby red cheek a pat.

“You are contracted to play Princess Fiona who unselfishly saves the planet by giving up her virtue to a good cause.”

“Been there, done that. From memory it was when I was sixteen in the back seat of red car - though I can’t remember the cause.” Bambi pulled off the pointed ears that were a part of her costume. “And what’s with the Spock ears? I loved Dancers Delight but these are giving me hives.” She flung them off across the room. They hit the hamsters that sat quietly in a group in the corner. Bambi shivered in distaste. “Are you sure those things are safe now?”

“There hasn't been a hamster attack in years,” Mortie assured her.

“I don’t know Mortie, they look kind of pissed off.” Bambi’s eyes widened at the sound all human feared. “They’re humming.”

“Bloody hell! They only hum before they attack.” Mortie and the rest of the film cast and crew backed away quickly from them.

Bambi was directly in front of the hamsters. “Help me Mortie.”

“I need bananas to do that and…oh god no! Run Bambi!”

Does your hamster hum? Where are Emmeline and the gang? What of Zoltan and Beaky Sprott? Who is really dead or are they rest resting their eyes? Has the nympho queen turned pure? Tune in tomorrow on and see what Anny does.

I was exceptionally busy today. The personal emails came in thick and fast and it consumed a great deal of my working day. I feel it’s rude not to answer personal emails. I also think my employers would agree with this so I believe they would consider it polite and honorable to down tools and chat with friends. No, it’s not a great defense but it’s one I am going with if questioned – that or I burst into tears. You have to be flexible in the workplace and men can’t deal with tears.

Anyway while I was being good mannered and chatting to friends on line, I was also chatting on msn messaging, to my work colleague, let’s call her Sara, in another office on the other side of the world. Sara was upset at the aggro (aggravation for the non-Aussie speakers) she was getting from a woman in her office. Now it would have been wrong and uncaring of me not to have gotten the goss on the situation. This woman, who we call ‘the cow’ was bossing Sara around and supervising her work. What? In a workplace? I had to agree with Sara that this seriously affected her ability to do personal stuff during work time. How rude. And then Sara told me they had foisted a trainee on her and she was expected to teach her stuff. And no, this was not the sort of trainee you could corrupt. She wanted to do everything the ‘right’ way. That sort of thinking ruins an office place.

So I was busy, busy, busy. Do I feel bad? Hmm…no. I blame anything bad that I do on the fact that I have convicts as ancestors. You can’t help genetics can you?
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Kelly Kirch said...

It would do more for the female psyche if the offices would employ your cover models instead of the usual over ego-ed nutheads that work there now. Men who flex their dragons, look longingly at you from the doorway, agree to your every wish, or er, hold smokey pumpkins (yum) for your perusal would assist in lightening the mood ever so much. Poor Sara. Poor AJ. I thought all Aussie me were hunky. I am horrified to be wrong.

Molly Daniels said...

Great way to plug Anny's book!

I've worked with both men and women, and in some cases, I'd rather work with men. It worked for me; I found the women catty. The men I had wrapped around my finger...and one special summer, wrapped around my...oops, TMI:)

anny cook said...

Hamsters, bananas, and Bambi, huh? Y'all are just a barrel of laughs. I salute you, Amarinda! That was prettttty good!

Amarinda Jones said...

You always know where you stand with women in an office. They are out to get you as you are with them. Cold? Hard? Manipulative? Yes but I get it. As for Aussie men being hot - like the world over - some are some aren't and I am never attracted to men I work with. And yes, gice me that man with the smoking pumpkin...mmmmm

Kelly Kirch said...

Anny, does pumpkin qualify as a juicy fruit? I'm not into smoking but the pumpkin trick is nifty.