Monday, 17 September 2007

all the goss...

Did you read what Kelly did to the blog serial on I may have said a few descriptive words after reading it and maybe I called her a daughter of a motherless goat but I am okay now. A glass or 17 of wine can mellow me out. So my turn tomorrow. What will I do? Who knows? Whatever havoc I create the Zen Queen Anny will calmly respond to on Wednesday on

So who are Anny Cook and Kelly Kirch really? I wanted to know so I went and asked the hard, investigative questions of Anny’s famous friend and neighbour Jane, whom, you would know from Anny’s blog and Kelly’s brother Quinn – he’s the one we saw half naked on her blog. No, don’t go rushing over to look just yet. Read their answers, then rush off and see the half naked man.

The goss on Anny by Jane....

Okay, Anny comes across all Zen like but is she really that calm and placid in real life?
Unbelievably so. Few things get her worked up—mostly people that don’t respect her writing as her “job” and think of it as a hobby they can just interrupt at will. Those people soon find out that the door no longer opens to their knocks and the phone does not answer when they call.

Give us the gossip on Anny. What is the most annoying habit she has?
The gossip on Anny would be that she is never predictable. Her most annoying habit would be her leaving a particular “toy” out in plain sight (enough said on that one).
*Amarinda - isn't that nice that Anny revisits her childhood and play with toys?

Anny Cook and steamy sex are synonymous. Is it true she has hot male subjects trailing in and out of her apartment all day?
Not all day; she spends the morning catching up on blogs and emails. Mid-day she makes time for visitors – the hot male subjects – but they are always limited to the long haired, often blue variety. She quickly gets rid of them by the time her husband comes home.
* Amarinda – I knew it.

What song would best describe Anny?
I would have to take an old one and adapt it – originally “Once In Love With Amy” would become “Once In Love With Anny” and go on with the original words: Always in love with Anny, Ever and ever fascinated by her, Sets your heart afire…..

Romance novelists are dramatic. Is Anny a diva? Does she flounce around?
A diva in the most earthy way. Anny flounces when she completes a new book, receives a new contract or is headed to the book store. On a normal day, Anny meanders.

What’s it like having a world famous novelist as a friend?
Wow, that’s a hard one: exciting, challenging, entertaining and, most certainly, educational (I had no idea how much I hadn’t learned at 54). I live a great fulfilling life vicariously through my friend Anny and thank her for sharing it with me and reading me excerpts when I’m having my morning coffee – by the time she’s done you hardly need the caffeine to get the blood circulating.

The goss on Kelly by brother Quinn....

Has your sister always been dramatic? Did she flounce around a lot as a child?
Google: Define flounce.... hmm "the act of walking with exaggerated jerky motions". Well, she wasn't a Varsity athlete or anything, so not super coordinated or per se. I wouldn't say she was impaired to the point of flouncing though. On the coordination note, she is in fact the only person I know that has lost, not one, but TWO thumb tips due to "oopsy-daisy" type self inflicted accidents. Probably only her manicurist would notice that on the under side of her thumbs there are square nubs where the top of the nail bed used to be.
Her characters on the blog serial are – well – slightly odd. Did Kelly have imaginary friends with orange nipples as a child?
That last part, I actually didn't read that last part okay. Remember, I'm her brother. So then the question, imaginary friends. YES. I can't remember her name but I think it was when she was around 5-7 somewhere in there. We were living in Georgia at the time. I think there was one that mom couldn't figure out who to send the overnight invitation to. She wanted to contact the girls parents. It took about a day or two for mom to gather clues that (A) she was invisible, and (B) she pretty much was sleeping over all the time anyway. Kelly also personified dolls a lot. One time she asked me to guest lecture her dolls "class". I was like whatever, and started going through times tables. Kelly cut in, "Quinn! come on, they already know that!" Slump.
What is Kelly's worst habit? Give us the goss.
"goss", seriously? Who talks like this? I'm guessing my interviewer is an Aussie, East Coast f'shure. Its okay, I will recalibrate my vocab accordingly. Alright, worst habit. I would say its something like: You cannot tell Kell what to do. CAN NOT. NO CAN. Ya jess kent do it mate! My parents have been trying to do it for years. Its absolutely pointless. Kelly is Kelly, get out of the way. Maybe the reason why Kell and I have such a good relationship is I figured that out at an early age. I think that was the same year I started mumbling.
*Amarinda - I say goss...get over it....seriously who says recalibrate?
What three words describe Kelly best?
Strawberry birth^mark.
There that's kind of 3. Why? That's easy. She has this little birthmark the size of a quarter right between and above her eyebrows. BUT, you can only see it when she is really fired up or emotional. Like if she was a marine drill instructor you could write a character like that his jugular pulsed in his forehead when he was really ticked off. With Kelly its like, uh-oh, I must have accidentally told her what to do, that thing is lit up again. Oh no the red eye of DOOM! Take your children, HEAD FOR THE HILLS....quick before she gets really mad and lobs off another finger tip and throws it at me!!!!!

How do you feel about being featured half naked on Kelly's world famous blog?
Not to be dramatic, but I have spent a lot of my life (more than) half naked. I was a collegiate swimmer, long distance butterflier. I am really proud of that. Its the stroke you do if you REALLY, REALLY want to get on the team. Sh'yeah?! Who else wants to be a distance flyer for state U. Yes, yes I know all the jokes, he's wearing a Speedo-torpedo, banana-hammock, fag-rag. Whatever! Get over it, I did. I'm wearing "the required uniform".
*Amarinda - you forgot 'budgie smuggler"

Please finish this sentence. My sister is…
Absolutely going to kill me when she reads my response to your interview. Please know that I was a loving husband, good father, and lucky brother. Lucky to have Kell as a sister...before she killed me of course.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Kelly Kirch said...

You see?! I am a victim of my environment, I swear it! But I don't have nubs, only one weird looking thumb nail, the other one is quite normal looking. My red eye only appears when I'm pissed or um, pissed. And the invisi-friend was in Saudi whom I referred to as "Jennifer who was a boy". His name was actually Christopher but I thought Jennifer and Christopher sounded the same just as I thought Conditioner and "Cup and Saucer" sounded the same. Go figure.

I did have imaginary friends and all the rest is, unfortunately, true. Don't tell me to piss off, I'll glare red at you.

anny cook said...

I LOVED the interviews. Yeah, Jane has me down. She's got my number! Thanks, Jane!

Molly said...

Tell Quinn I admire him for being a butterflyer. That was one stroke I was lucky if I made it one lap without my legs rebelling and doing the frog-kick..always got me disqualified in meets!

Sandra Cox said...

Loved the interviews. Too funny.
Boy can I relate with that hobby thing. HATE it.