Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Of Carrots and Men...

Oprah quote....
"We've all lead raucous lives, / some of them inside, some of them out. But only the poem you leave behind is what's important...The voyage into the interior is all that matters" -- Charles Wright
"What the?" --Amarinda
I had a tragedy occur this morning. I could not believe it. It was something I never expected to happen and thought I was well prepared for if by some wild chance it did happen. I ran out of carrots. Quel horreur! I stared at the fridge in disbelief. I always have carrots. Open my fridge at any given moment and you will always find cheesecake flavored yoghurt, alcohol and carrots. Some things just are. You expect them to happen.

Why carrots? Why not? I like them and I feel that by eating and juicing carrots, I absolve myself of all the food sins of the weekend - junk food, alcohol and chocolate. Other non-food sins I just live with. Not having carrots is like not chewing strawberry bubble gum when I am stressed. It is something I do and have. There is something calming in blowing a big pink bubble in someones face. I am not big on rules, but some things are set in stone. So I go to work carrot-less this morning. How much can one woman bear?

A bloody lot it seems… yesterday I went to work after being off sick. Oh – my – god. I now work in a company comprised entirely of men. And you know what? Men aren’t good at organizing things. I walked into total chaos. Not happy, Jan…as we would say in Australia(commercial on television) Men – interesting creatures but then so are sea monkeys.

Dear Amarinda, this is your horoscope for Tuesday, September 18th:Scorpio,
You’ll go through a phase of mental confusion and total apathy towards everything around you. At work, you won't know how to deal with one situation and will try to get out of it by leaning on someone who has more experience than you. In Love, you’ll tend to come out of your shell and will try to free yourself of the desire for isolation; you’ll discover new interests and will spend an exciting evening.
- Mental confusion – no carrots
- At work, you won't know how to deal with one situation – so it will get filed with all other ‘situations’ under ‘b’ for bin.
- and will try to free yourself of the desire for isolation – no, I like isolation. It’s good for my complexion
- will spend an exciting evening – I will be buying carrots after work…and maybe alcohol – it’s a yin yang thing.

On our last episode of where the hell is this blog serial going Kelly introduced two knew weird arsed characters on

“You ready to play with the big boys now?” Pronk reached for her with all four arms. His hands caressed her everywhere. Fiona thought she might melt but knew from experience the house hoover would suck her up and it would take weeks to put herself back together. No, this time she was going to hold on to her sanity and enjoy every minute of silken skin on hers.


Fiona stopped momentarily and looked Pronk over. She sighed. “Nah, stuff it.” She pulled out her pistol and shot him. He dropped to the floor with a thud. Fiona looked up as Beatrice, her faithful servant, rushed in to see what had happened.

“You killed him!” Beatrice was not surprised. Her mistress had a wild temper.

“Yes, he was annoying me.” Fiona lightly blew a wisp of smoke from the gun barrel. “Do I employ someone who cleans up dead bodies? If not I should really hire someone.” A lot of people annoyed Fiona on a daily basis.

“You know women paid dearly for Pronk’s sexual services. Four arms are considered quite a turn on.”

“Really? I don’t like grabby men. Besides I would rather have a new pair of shoes.” Fiona surveyed the dead man critically. “And what sort of a name is Pronk anyway?”

Beatrice shook her head in disappointment. Fiona was beautiful yet selfish. “He was a god among men.”

“I’m over men and sex.” Bor-ring.

“You can’t be. The Oracle has decreed it’s you destiny.”

“A one hundred year old man who smells like old socks?” Fiona snorted in contempt. “What the hell does he know?”

“You cannot change fate. You must mate with the chosen one by this Thursday afternoon at 12:17pm.” Beatrice wanted to slap the willful woman.

“No, I have decided to get my nails done that day.” Nails verses sex? Nails win. “Anyway why do I have to sex with this chosen one to stop the sun colliding with the planet? Can’t someone else do it?”

I already know where Anny is going with her installment and I just shake my head and wonder. Check it out tomorrow on
Anny, you now understand the carrot thing? Boy, these girls have some imagination.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


anny cook said...

Yep. I feel the same way about prunes. Sad when there aren't any in the fridge!

Molly said...

Things I will always have:
1)Extra Polar Ice gum in the van
2)Ice cream in the freezer
3)Chocolate syrup in fridge
4)Chex mix hidden where nosy children won't find it:) Another bag out in plain sight for them!
5)Healthy only be fixed for family dinner.

Kelly Kirch said...

Yes, dear, I understand the carrots now. Though I think Anny and I had much better ideas than merely juicing. And after Anny's tutorial on the proper carrot shape I feel better equipped for my research library. Still have no interest though, juiced or otherwise.

Molly said...

I love baby carrots dipped in ranch dressing. Otherwise, they'd better be cooked. Juicing? Ugh...I only drink Kool-aid, iced tea, or Dasani bottled water. And the aforementioned Adult drinks...

Amarinda Jones said...

Prunes - I'll leave that alone
Carrot shapes - you need to get out more
Chex mix - What the?

Molly said...

Think cheese-flavored trail mix, without raisens. Chex cereal, pretzels, and crackers. I also love the Quacker Oatmeal ones; they're addicting:)

Kelly Kirch said...

Prunes, nasty. Chex mix, way salty. Carrot shapes, what the? Carrots in general? Horse food. See my blog. Or hamsters, but those guys are locked up at the moment.

Kelly must haves: Plain yogurt, cilantro, cheese sticks, Tom Yum Ramen. Uh huh, oh yeah!

Amarinda Jones said...

I'll stick to the four basic food groups - alcohol, carrots, Tim Tams and cheescake yoghurt