Pondering...

‘Been doing quite a bit of that lately. My boring little world has taken a shaking and I’m not real sure how to deal with it – okay – well, I could do what I normally do – duck and weave and do the avoidance thing but it’s not working – damn it. You know when you’ve been smacked in the face with reality and you think – “huh, that doesn’t fit with everything else I thought I knew so how do I deal with this other than fight it?” Yeah, don’t you hate having to think about things? Life is easy to run on auto pilot – sort of phoning it in if you like.

One thing I have been contemplating is monogamy. Up until just recently I was very black and white on this issue – married or in a committed relationship equals no screwing around or body parts would be lopped in vengeance. Nah, just kidding. Cutting the crotch out of every pair of trousers that a man’s owns is much better retaliation…so I’m told…um…anyway…so I was very fixed on the whole monogamy thing. Yeah, how boring and old fashioned am I? But, I have been dealing with another who made me start to wonder about how fixed I am in things in life. Yes – I absolutely believe you can be attracted by more than one person and that attraction does not stop when you get married or go into the whole ‘we’ll-move-in-together-oh-my-god-is-that-your-sofa-no-way-are-you-keeping-it’ deal. But it would never occur to me to act on that attraction.

So this very free sprit has wandered into my life, started screwing with my mind and made me see lots of things differently from lovers to my writing to every god damn thing I do. I hate that. I am even asking him questions about this and that after denying I even thought he had a point. The monogamy thing? Nah, I still believe if you’re going to tie yourself to someone then don’t screw around as that person deserves better – but I will say I do understand a different point of view. I know he doesn’t read the blog – he’s a doer not a writer - so I will say he is right about some stuff. See? I can be generous and admit I may be, on the odd occasion, possibly not quite correct or maybe just a little too obsessive with my opinion sometimes…you know like on a full moon or something…

I’m here spruiking on about stuff today as I am wont to do – come and check it out or not – your call. I’ll expect you if I see you.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sex...

…I think you really have to be in the mood to write it – and I don’t mean candlelight, soft music and a glass of red wine. It’s more about being focused, determined and sitting on your arse and making two characters come together in a believable way. It’s about putting four hands in the right places without suddenly realizing a fifth hand has appeared. Recently a gentleman argued the point with me that you cannot write sex just sitting at a computer – that was it too clinical, too logical, too safe. You had to do it. Well hell honey, you can’t write it flat on your back under a man either for where do you put the lap top…unless you are on top, with it resting on his chest, but I venture many a man would not take kindly to you stopping every minute to see where his hands were, measuring the length of his cock – possibly shaking your head because you visualized the hero longer and thicker - asking him how he felt, what you felt like against his skin or getting him to alternate between fast and slow so you could describe the feeling. Now that would be clinical.

Actually, this same gentleman pointed out to me something that had never occurred to me before…well why would it…I don’t have a penis…anyway, he said going ‘commando’ was not really a ideal preference for a man. How did we get into this discussion? It’s a very long story but basically it eventually came down to the fact that a lot of romance heroes drop their strides (trousers) and their penis is all ready to – er - go. This gentleman pointed out that going commando makes sitting an issue and not many men prefer it. Huh…right – I never thought of that before. Don’t you have the most interesting conversations sometimes when you least expect it?

But I digress – sex – it’s hard – it should be if it’s done right. So what is the point? Well there is always one with sex, but in this case – it’s about making yourself knuckle down and write regardless how you feel…and now I have to re-think the whole commando deal…it’s hard being a writer some times.

Other news…

I picked up another contract…proof that I do not completely suck – and I had a wild Scorpionic moment – I love it when they happen as they are my true self – and decided to ditch sending the NY proposal thing in and write as I have always done and let the cards fell where they may…life is way more exciting that way.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

The things people do…

So I spent Good Friday writing until my fingers were pulp trying to finish what I call the NY thing – a proposal type do-hickey to an NY agent who had asked me – “what have you got in your bag of writing tricks Amarinda?” Well, I had stuff all but I came up with something. It should be done and sent in the next couple of days. If it gets shot down in flames – so be it. I’ve been shot down before. I know how to fall. Tuck and roll, baby, tuck and roll…

On to other things…like, say…plagiarism…

I was reading this blurb the other day of an another writer’s upcoming release and I thought – holy crap – the story sounded exactly like that of a well known writer whose book, part of a well known series, sounded precisely like this blurb. Hello? Am I the only one who can see that? It screamed obvious to me. Bloody hell…this author either has huge balls, doesn’t care or hasn’t worked out the direct correlation between her story and that of another’s…good luck with that if the body of the story is as direct a rip off as the blurb.

Writing romance books is difficult in the fact that the premise is falling in love – and no, that cannot be plagiarized because love is all to do with life. I suppose some cosmic being could stamp their feet and have a hissy fit but no one owns human life – as far as I know. I could be wrong. So making a book distinctive and different especially in a climate where women are falling in love with demons, vampires, shifters, zombies, robots…okay – I don’t know about robots…maybe someone can correct me on that too – but being unique is hard to do in romance land and cheating happens.

I will admit I do shamelessly plagiarize events from my own life and some personal emails. “Is that me on page 7 Amarinda?” Maybe…Yes, shocking of me but I reckon you get your best ideas when you base them on real life. It’s not rocket science is it? But, in saying that, I don’t mean real life as in sitting and reading someone else’s book one night when you can’t sleep and then thinking – well, crap I could write a story exactly like that. That’s just asking for trouble. Or what happens when you ‘inadvertently’ nick someone’s else’s story and you realize it? Do you fiddle with it so it seems different or do you think “stuff ‘em I spend X numbers of hours writing this so too bad for them.” What happens when you don’t realize it and someone points it out to you? Do you do the right thing and scrap it or cross your fingers and hope that no one will know like the blatant one I saw? Yes, yes – we all assimilate stuff we hear or see but if something belongs to someone else how far would you push it to get ahead in a competitive industry?

When I was at University – they would kick your arse from here to billy-o – billy-o being a very long way, away…no, I’m not sure how far, it’s an Aussie measurement but it’s probably equivalent to ‘as far as the crow flies’ which is pretty far…if you plagiarized. They do the same if they catch you in the publishing world. Why would you even take the risk? Who do I think is going to get their arse kicked for blatant nicking when their book is released? Hmmmm…

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

See how she runs....

Why are there so many floor to ceiling mirrors in gyms? I was running on a treadmill and I looked at myself and thought – 'holy crap – that is not poetry in motion.’ Why would you want to see yourself bouncing along like that? It’s just feral. I asked Hugh, my trainer, who I believe is secretly trying to kill me, what was the go on the mirror deal and he said “it makes you feel good and motivates you – now chase me as I run around the room and try and hit me with the boxing gloves.” Running is just pukeable – no it really is. You feel so much more of your body than you really want to - and he can run fast. If I was ever going to have a heart attack it would have been then…sadistic sod. He dodges and laughs his arse off as I try and take a swing at him. I’ll get him one day.

What I do like about the gym is the women’s only exercise room – no men are allowed in to exercise. Actually all the men in the gym are very nice and respectful so there is no really need to go in there but for the fact it overlooks where the men are lifting weights – we can see them – they can’t see us – I think you know why women ‘need’ to exercise in there.

That’s it. I’m knackered. I have four days off due to Easter – public holidays - yay! Correct. I am an atheist but to get a day off work I’ll be whatever you want.

If you are travelling this Easter - be safe. If you are relaxing – you deserve it. If you are eating Easter chocolate – calories don’t count because it’s a gift.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

I gotta’ tell ya…

…I’ve been dealing with some very trying men of late. As much as men fascinate me with their egos, their charm and their intelligence, they can also be bloody stupid, arrogant and dumb.

Why do men think they know it all? Yeah, I know…it’s the riddle of the sands and the sands are always shifting so you have no bloody idea how to work out what’s going on at any given time so why bother? I don’t know -but every so often I do wonder and then I realize why I haven’t in so long. Men are strange.

I got a letter from ‘A’ in Nicaragua. She is 6. I sponsor her schooling. ‘A’ wants to be a Doctor. I hope to whichever cosmic deity is winning the pissing contest amongst the others that she will. I hope ‘M’ in Bangladesh will get to be the school teacher she dreams of being. These girls – like millions of others in 3rd world countries, have been born into a world where gender marks equality. If you saw Sunday’s blog I was wild at the Afghan President for turning the clock backwards on women’s rights. I still am. But ‘A’s’ letter and the week I have had brought home to me that while I am incredibly lucky to be born in Australia, with all the benefits that go with it, women are never going to be truly equal.

I live in a fantastic country. It’s the best one on Earth but men rule the world and always will and I don’t care what rad fems say. You go into any workplace in any free country and I guarantee you, I have worked in 27 jobs, that while there may be a female in charge somewhere in the organization, the power of the penis still rules. Five women at work have pointed this out to me this week. And I have seen it myself. Men talk without thinking. I don’t know whether men are aware of what they’re saying or whether it comes out of their mouths before they think but jeez Louise, I’ve had to fight a few battles this week because of men assuming they are the chosen ones due to the extra appendage. Well, they’re not and I have pointed that out and the fact that I’m just as good as them. But for every one woman who says something another stays quiet or complains to another woman.

So, my point is – and I do have one –as much as I would love to see a female Afghan President or the barriers to gender smashed down, I believe they will always be there regardless of what reforms are pushed through to make sure so many women hold a percentage of jobs or power or whatever feel good thing creates publicity. So if we cannot get it right in our ‘lucky’ worlds how the hell will we get it right in developing worlds?

No, I’ll never give up on equal rights but weeks like this make me wonder how a kid in Nicaragua with everything against her can rise if western women are still fighting inequality on a daily basis. I don’t hate men. I just wish they would think for five seconds before they speak.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

‘Been paying someone….

…to yell at me…huh? Yep, I have joined a gym. Still can’t believe that phrase is coming out of my mouth. Sure, I walk for exercise and to keep by crap metabolism moving – but last week I said – “Amarinda get thee to a gym.” Yes, I am losing the weight I put on when I was sick last year but I had this weird urge to do more. And yes, I would normally resist weird, unnatural urges like this but for some reason I couldn’t…maybe because there was no chocolate in the house. Maybe I was out to prove a point. Spite is a great motivator.

So I wandered into the gym and negotiated a deal – because it’s what I do – beating down the price and hey – whizz bang presto – I’m a gym member. Now, people who really know me were not the slightest bit surprised at this latest move. I go off on wild tangents all the time. Oh? You’re writing sex Amarinda? That’s nice. You’re going to a gym? Okay. You’re plotting world domination? Will that leave you open for lunch on Sunday? You’re going to buy a pet duck? Can I borrow your ladder?

I organized a personal trainer person for at least a month as I have no idea what the machines all do and I have a very bad habit of tinkering with things when I think they could work better my way. The trainer is very perky. I said – “Listen up” – let’s call him Hugh, ‘cause he reminds me of Mr Jackman - "I cannot do perky at any time of the day let alone 6am in the morning. Let’s cut to the chase. I’m not here to piss around. I need someone to yell at me to do stuff with machines – I can’t guarantee I won’t yell back - and you – like it or not - are the man to do it.” He was a tad taken aback but he got with the program – always better to go with me than against me. So I am lifting and running, pumping and sweating, climbing and possibly swearing a bit and thinking of terrible things to do to bossy Hugh.

What do I get out of it? Not sure at the moment. I am never going to be thin. I’m not genetically inclined that way. I just want to lose some weight and tone up what’s left. Will Hugh be glad to see the back end of me when the month is over and I can sweat competently on my own? Nah – I see him giggling when I’m hanging upside, turning red and swearing… I’m entertainment for him.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

I just knew it....

Have a good Tuesday

RIP Cameron…I don’t know…sometimes life just sucks so bad you can barely stand it.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

I demand answer….

So, I was reading my runes today – you know – those stones with symbols on them that are supposed to give you insight into your life…they’ve been around since day dot…anyway I wanted to know what was going to happen with something in particular my life. Confused with life events? Take a stone out of a red velvet bag and confuse yourself further. What did the runes tell me? That the outcome was unknown and that I should trust my judgment and I would be where I had to be. Well, hells-bloody-bells I was looking for ancient spiritual wisdom. I don’t want to rely on my own judgment. And where exactly do I have to be? How much petrol money does it require? Do I need to bring lunch? Can I have a hint? I want an easy answer handed to me on a plate. You know – do this – don’t so that – go there, wear red knickers not blue and make sure you have your get out of jail free card with you.

Disappointed in the runes, like any rational person in search of the truth, I then read my tarot…oh-for-god-sake – what is it today? The cards basically told me to wait, stand still, assess what I want and move forward. Uh huh…where to? Is forward good? Would sideways be better? You know, sort sneak up on the problem and attack it. Give me an answer. I don’t want to deal with this on my own. I want someone to blame when I screw it up.

Not one to give up – I read my horoscope – Scorpio - apparently I am going through a confusing period in my life. No shit Batman – really? But apparently, if Cosmic Katie is to be believed, at the end of the week I will have news regarding a certain situation. I don’t want to wait until the end of the week. I’ll have done something stupid by then. I can feel it in my bones. I’m good at stupid.

So, why do I, a capable woman of the world dabble in these arts? I don’t really know. I believe there are cosmic forces in play in our lives. I believe certain situations are placed in out paths to test us. I just really wish they wouldn’t all happen at once.

I know I am going to do something really dumb today. How? I just know me. It’s how I handle situations when I am put on the spot as I am now.

Maybe I should do the I-Ching before I go to work…

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Hits and misses....

Miss…

Afghan President Hamid Karzai has turned back the clock to the days of the Taliban, signing a law that strips women of basic rights protected by most civilized nations. The new Shiite Personal Status Law, which applies to the country's Shiite minority, is a disastrous step backward for millions of women, who suffered most under the Taliban's Islamic fundamentalism. It severely restricts their rights in every area of life: A Shiite woman would need her husband's or father's permission to leave the house, pursue an education, hold a job or even go to a doctor's appointment. Only fathers and grandfathers would have child-custody rights, and by stipulating how often a husband is entitled to sex, the law permits marital rape.

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/editorials/la-ed-karzai4-2009apr04,0,6515825.story

This saddens and angers me so much. I want to go over and shake him. I actually thought this bloke had a clue but I think he is more interested in being a fashion plate than a leader. As far as we have come as women – and I mean women of the world – because I believe what effect one woman effects the other - because we are all one – there is some idiot man trying to drag us back. You are a wanker mate. Develop some balls and stand up for the women in your country.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton explained clearly why the country's progress cannot be separated from that of its women. "You cannot expect a country to develop if half its population are underfed, undereducated, under-cared for, oppressed and left on the sidelines," she said. "And we believe strongly that that's not in the interest of Afghanistan or any country."

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/editorials/la-ed-karzai4-2009apr04,0,6515825.story

Damn straight Hillary.

Hit…

The Iowa Supreme Court today ruled that a ban on same-sex marriage violates the state constitution's equal protection clause, striking down a 1998 state law limiting marriage to a man and a woman.
The ruling makes Iowa the first state in the heartland, and the first key swing state, to legalize same-sex marriage.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0409/Iowa_court_backs_samesex_marriage.html

I don’t care if you are purple, green or spotted. I don’t care who you love. The thing is you love that person and that is all that matters and if you want to be with them then you should be regardless of what religious bigots think. Good on you Iowa. The oppression of anyone is wrong and needs to be fought against and anyone who thinks otherwise should pull their head out of their arses and contemplate for one moment how they would feel if someone took away their rights. I don’t think you’d like it.

‘Want to piss me off? Piss around with human rights and that will do it every time.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Who rules? Drake does….

I would just like to say men are the most odd creatures…

On to other stuff that makes more sense…

Drake’s Rules – by author and good mate Barbara Huffert is out now at Cerridwen Press. This is just the sweetest, most romantic excerpt I have read in a long time and I am not one to go ‘awww’ over things. Nor do I get all warm and fuzzy about stuff…okay – I do fuzzy but that’s only when I really need to shave my legs… anyway – back to sweet, soulful romance – you want it? This book has it. Click on the cover to buy. You will not regret it. It’s a real ‘awww’ book.

Drake’s Rules – the excerpt.

“Not a chance. Now back to my question. You haven’t answered yet.”
“Hmm.” Megan stroked his shoulder as one song blended into the next. “Do I want to be seduced?”
“That’s the one. Perhaps I should be more specific. So there’s absolutely no misunderstanding. What I should have asked is do you want to be seduced now by me?”
“Now. By you. The best-looking man here who just happens to be my date. The one who looks like he stepped right out of every girl’s fantasy in that dinner jacket you’re wearing. You know, I used to think those formal white jackets made all guys look like waiters. You, however, are so handsome my knees get weak every time I look at you. Goes to show you what I know.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. You’re very flattering but you still haven’t answered my question.”
“I know. I’m stalling because I’m enjoying this part so much that I’m not ready for it to be over.”
Drake chuckled. “Neither am I. I wasn’t going to drag you straight to bed if you say yes. Think adult male seduction with extended foreplay, not teenage boy race to the finish.”
“Oh,” Megan’s breath caught at his sensual smile. “Sorry. Guess my lack of experience is showing again.”
“I can’t comment since part of me does want to rush like a greedy teenager.”
Megan kissed his cheek. “Thanks for saying that. Part of me does too.”
“Is that a roundabout way of saying yes?”
She shrugged. “Since you were so clear with the question, shouldn’t I be equally clear with the answer?”
“Please.” Drake forced himself to breathe.
“All right, Drake. Since you asked so nicely then yes, let’s seduce each other.”
“Megan,” he whispered against her lips. The song changed again as the kiss lengthened. Though it remained gentle, it was as potent as it would have been if they’d forgotten where they were and let it turn more passionate. When it ended, Drake urged her cheek to his shoulder. “Picture this. We’ll stay here until the band takes a break. Then we’ll go to my place and turn on something soft so we can dance in the moonlight.”
“On your balcony.”
“Yes. But we’ll light a few candles inside first, so we don’t have any interruptions later.”
“And we’ll kiss too?”
“Definitely. Lots of kissing. All kinds of kissing.”
“All over?”
“Everywhere. At some point we’ll move to the bedroom so we can undress each other while we continue to dance.”
“And kiss.”
“And kiss. We’ll also be caressing each other. I love your soft skin as much as I love to feel your hands on me.”
“Drake,” she sighed into another kiss. “Then what?”
“Then, when we’re both so overwhelmed with desire that we’re trembling, we’ll lie on the bed. We’ll take our time. We’ll touch and kiss until our skin is tingling with anticipation. When we’re ready, I’ll cover you with my body as you urge me between your thighs.”
“I’ll feel you pressing against me, hesitating so we both have a chance to change our minds. But I won’t. I’ll open up even more to show you how much I want you.”
“I’ll see it in your eyes. Without saying a word, you’ll arch your back so your nipples graze my chest. You’ll be so wet.”
“And you’ll be so hard.”
“Slowly, very slowly, slower than you ever thought possible I’ll slide into you.”
“Slowly, yes but you won’t stop until you’re all the way in. You’ll stretch me as you go so you fit but I’ll be so tight around you that I’ll feel every bit of your, uh, your…”
“Say it, Megan. Tell me what your beautiful pussy is going to be wrapped around,” Drake whispered harshly as he licked her ear.
Megan shivered. “Ooh.” She titled her head in invitation. “Your cock.”

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

The cultivation of helplessness…

It’s been one of those weeks…

Yesterday, Patrick my car, lost the plot and set the alarm off on me in the car park after work...beep, beep...frigging beep, beep over and bloody over again. Why? Oh who knows? All I did was open the boot (trunk) and toss stuff in. Then I opened the car and got in to drive it – that’s when it spakked out as if I was an intruder. Sod of a thing. “It’s me – Amarinda - you big lug.” Patrick didn’t care so I started yelling at him to shut up. He kept beeping. I turned the car off and pulled out the key. It kept beeping. “What do you want from me I yelled? I have been a work all day! I have problems to burn and now you want to try it on?” I don’t think Patrick is the compassionate sort. This may stem from the fact he has Betty Boop car seat covers and a crystal and a Buddha hanging illegally from the rear-view mirror. But he has to deal with it. I require these things in the car.

Anyway, I got out of the spakking out car and opened the boot and then shut it. I figured Patrick was having an issue with me touching the boot….prissy bloody thing. Sure enough, the beeping stopped carrying on. O-kay. We were both once more calm. I got in the car and started it. Beep-frigging-poxy-beep started again. I did the open shut boot thing again and eventually Patrick shut the hell up. Yeah, but for how long? Since we were both momentarily calm I knew what I had to do. I was forced to get out the car owners manual. It had no help in it at all. Typical. I always knew instructions were a waste of frigging time. After another couple of rounds of beeping and swearing I got out of the car, locked it, paced around and explained “I am not in the mood for this Patrick.” I believe he sensed that by my pissed-offed-ness and that possibly I was going to kick him for when I got back into the car he was purred like a kitten when I turned the key. Just like a man. Make a big song and dance about nothing to get my attention.

Anyway this morning when I got to work various males told me they heard the alarm and watched what I did until it stopped beeping. “Hmm…did you think of helping me?” The response? “No - you look like the capable sort.” Right. Thanks - not. Yes, I am capable and of course I can do everything so no one ever thinks to help me. It’s my own fault. Everyone assumes I am capable. I am thinking about cultivating helplessness…that or get a duck or maybe two for the backyard. How does a duck help me – in any way? Well it doesn’t but then as I said it’s been one of those weeks… a duck can’t hurt surely….

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Oh lordy….

It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion -- Anatole France

I was in my get-the-hell-away-from-me-I-am-a-seething-volcano-of-evil-hormones-outfit and this perky individual, who always sets my teeth on edge said, “my, don’t you look pretty, Amarinda.” Well, first up I’ve never looked pretty in my life. I generally aim for clean first and neat second. And I looked liked hell and felt it. See yesterday’s post about the human body being designed by drug addicts.

Anyway, this perky person always comments on how people look. I think she thinks it’s a ‘nice’ thing to do. I think it’s patronizing and I believe you have to judge your audience before you speak. If someone looks like crap and has the temper of a she-devil then I reckon back away – and certainly don’t tell her that her socks do not match and let her ‘outfit down.’ I swear to whichever deity was on rostered, cosmic duty, if I had not been holding an extra large skinny latte I would have snotted her. Why can’t perky people see evil and back away? Or do they think they can cure it? Nuh-uh…

Yeah, I’m pure evil at the moment…

…and stupid with it – I did something so idiotic yesterday…I can’t even talk about it. It was so unlike me that I cannot believe how dumb I was. I would like to blame the hormones but it was pure me. When I get over how stupid it was I’ll talk about it. Maybe…possibly…anyway you know who you are and I didn’t mean it and let’s just stick strictly to business. Business is good.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

I don't get it...

A nudist farm-stay in central Australia has moved one step closer to becoming a reality this week.

The head of Tourism Central Australia has confirmed a homestead, 130 kilometres east of Alice Springs, will be reserved for nudists during several months of the year.

http://au.travel.yahoo.com/090330/4/25h62.html

I don’t understand nudists. I really don’t. I don’t get why you would want to wander around naked with strangers. What’s that about? Oh yes, I support anyone’s right to do whatever they want – but naked? With strangers? Why?

And no, I don’t think the human body is beautiful. I think it’s a science experiment conducted by drug addicts – “yeah man, put that long dangly bit there. Oh that’s cool. It looks like an elephant’s trunk. Very existential dude.”

The human body is weird. And I sure as hell don’t want my bits and pieces on display to people I don’t know. Yeah, I admit it. I have hang ups about my body. Most women do. I try to avoid looking at my naked self in a mirror – especially in the morning ‘cause screaming upsets the neighbors. And despite what a TV guru said about how ‘standing naked in front of a mirror shows your real self’ – well, I’m happy not knowing and I prefer living with my unreal, clothed self. And god knows I don’t want to see naked arses on mass or other’s wobbly bits fighting gravity. So why do people do it? And I certainly don’t get why people drop their clothes to be part of a mass-arses-up-in-the-air street portrait when that photographer guy, who visits cities around the world, turns up with his camera. One arse is pretty much the same to me.

And no, I don’t believe nature intended us to be naked and free otherwise we wouldn’t have evolved to wearing clothes now would we? How would people like Armani earn a crust? And what sort of people turn up at nudist retreats anyway? Are they all there for the natural experience or to take a gander? And I have to say those that you see on TV docos walking around naked or playing tennis or whatever are either completely comfortable in their literal skin, possibly on drugs or are aliens from another planet conducting an experiment or they have no idea how dumb they look – but maybe they don’t give a rats arse…or their own. And where exactly do you look in a nudist colony? Is attention all on people’s eyes? If your gaze wanders is that nature? Curiously? Or wanting to have a perv?

And Central Australia? Seriously? Heat, sunburn, sunstroke, skin cancers, mozzie bites – not to mention the dozens of creepy critters we have that could kill you – how could that be a peaceful retreat with the elements on one hand and strange, naked bodies all around you? I swear to god I would rather attend a baby shower – resisted that horror for years – than go to a nudist retreat. But that’s me.

There are lots of things I am game to try but nudity on mass? I would rather stick a needle in my eye.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Bad boy...

When bananas go bad…

Have a good day

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Questions...

Flat strap (busy) at the moment but a couple of quick observations from the past 2 days….

A ‘complete bitch’ – how does this differ from just a bitch or can you be an incomplete bitch? Why I ask is someone told me someone else was a complete bitch and to give her the swerve (avoid her). Now being a bitch in whatever form is not enough for me to avoid anyone and I never act on what another tells me they think. I’ll take it on board but make my own judgments. And who decides who is a bitch? Is there a bitch scale? Do bitches really exist? Or is it more that strong women with opinions who are not scared to act on them are perceived as threatening to people of no or weaker opinion so naturally they are deemed bitches? What’s a strong man called? Is there a derogatory term there? Should we avoid these men as well? Am I going to avoid the ‘complete bitch?’ Nope – I’ll watch her and listen to her and make my own judgment. I have been called a bitch myself…course I cried myself to sleep over it…

“It’s not fair” – this is the most whiny arsed phrase I know. I mention this as I was watching TV last night – a customs show, sipping a glass of plonk in a state of knackerdom after writing a bazillion words, and this bloke was not being allowed entry to Australia because he was bad bugger (criminal). We have enough of our own without importing them. Anyway he carried on like a pork chop (went mad) about it “not being fair.” Well, if I was the customs officer that alone would make me want to get his whiny arse off our shores. What is ‘fair’ exactly? Again is there some elusive scale that we have to measure the perception of fair against? Or, in this case, is it more that this bloke needed to accept that he had done wrong, that we have our laws and lying on a visa application is then ‘not fair’ to our country? Most people know nothing is fair in life. The sooner that’s learned the better. I don’t why people persist on whining that it should be. It’s not going to make it so.

Okay – that’s it…if you have the answers email me as normal and have a good day….

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Snake oil…

It’s Sunday here in Oz and I was up very, very early. Why? Work load - my choice of course – and I’m perky as hell after 4 hours sleep…okay maybe I’m just hell…anyway, in my current phase to lose more weight – yes, it is working – no, I don’t want to be thin - I just want to lose the small amount of weight I gained when I was sick last year. I’m never going to be thin but I liked the weight I was. I reckon come June I will be back there…maybe sooner…anyway where was I? Oh yes, so I got on the stationary bike, switched on the TV and decided to do 30 minutes of sweaty circling. Being 4am in the morning there is stuff all on TV but for the snake oil commercials.

Do you know what an oven that cooks meat from the inside out, an over-the-top, deep south god botherer (preacher) and a well known model have in common? They are full of crap. How so? Well, they all said the same thing – “I am doing this as a favour to you as I want to make your life easier.” The whiz-bang see through oven had to be as good as they said because Mr T wouldn’t endorse it otherwise now would he? And it’s see through and lights up with an infra red light…come on – that’s really classy stuff that – they trotted out three blokes in chef hats to say just that. And, there are easy repayments to make our lives simpler. "Just give us your credit card number – and we’ll give you the turbo slicer.” It does sound impressive but it’s just the old carrot grater with a fancy name.

The preacher? Preacher Dan really cares for all of us. No, really, he said so and the people in the packed entertainment venue, who were most likely forgoing a mortgage payment for salvation, were all nodding and frothing at the mouth in devotion. So, for a sum of money, paid every month, he will send you out CDs every 30 days that will make all marriages better as it defines what husbands do and what wives do. It will change your life – Preacher Dan said so. So, if you are married – he will save you - if you are single it appears you are going to hell because my understanding, from what Preacher Dan said, god isn’t keen on single people.

Now the perky-face the model – she wants everyone to know she is making no profit whatsoever on her products. That's swell of her. She has summoned a well known Doctor – in a white lab coat so he has to be good – to her side. He decided to tell perky face the secrets of beauty. Apparently he has been waiting for years to divulge this wisdom. Well – he couldn’t just trust anyone could he? He needed a bankable starlet. Anyway – so perky face – who I have never understood her appeal – is offering the latest Tibetan yak spit at a reduce price – but I missed out on it as I was supposed to have rung ‘within in next ten minutes’ to benefit from her benevolence. Bugger…

Make out lives easier? Sure they can do that if they stop preying on weakness and vulnerability. Package it anyway you like but they’re all selling snake oil.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Niceness...

Bless you Ellora’s Cave cover gods. I wanted smart arse meet urban Goth and I got it. This is number 4...I think...in the vampire books follow on...

Now I could get into a discussion about the whole ‘gauntlet’ verses ‘gantlet’ word deal but suffice to say – I am over it – and no, it’s not a typo – yes it is correct - and a sincere thank you to everyone who was worried I had screwed up on the title. That people were honest enough to tell me is appreciated. I would rather someone be blunt and honest and tell the truth instead of just saying “it’s nice”…and speaking of nice…I think ‘nice’ is the most boring, meaningless word on the planet. Why even both using it? To me it expresses boredom and that the person is not moved enough to have any passion.

I would rather someone say they loved/loathed/detested etc something rather than just saying it’s nice to ‘fit in’ or to avoid trouble. Why do you think people are so scared to give an opinion? Is the need to keep everything ‘nice’ and be ‘nice’ paramount? Or are they as bored as hell and cannot think of another word that fits in with their boredom? Or, is it more that ‘nice’ can be used as a weapon? ‘Oh yes, that’s nice, dear' = it’s crap or meaningless or I am pissed you have it and I don’t so I’ll make it sound insignificant. And then there’s men – god bless their cotton socks - I think ‘nice’ to them is a safe word when they have to give an opinion on an outfit or hairdo. For them I think it’s like an arse saving word…”Crap! I don’t know if her shoes match her dress and her hair is all fluffy…is that good or bad? What does she want me to say?" So he comes out with ‘nice.’ Smart man.

If something sucks – then say it. It’s your opinion and it’s one of the few things you have with you for life and I think you can ‘nice’ yourself to death. And yes, of course, email me if you have an opinion on this….

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate –unknown

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Eye roll news...

“A SWEDISH countess divorcing her CEO husband amid accusations of affairs claims she has too many expenses and cannot live on $63 million a year.”

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,25209526-5001021,00.html

Jeez…I feel terrible for her. I can’t live on $63 million a year either…oh wait, forehead slap… that’s because I have as much hope of getting that amount to live on as I do flying to the moon on aluminum foil wings using a snorkel. Who raises these people to be selfish, unrealistic sods? Or do they just appear one day, with a title? Boo-frigging-hoo to you, Swedish countess. Ok – he had affairs – cut the crotch out of all his trousers. Put a billboard up to tell everyone he has venereal disease or a teeny weeny penis. Be a real woman. Start a vendetta to teach him a lesson. Other women would support that. Or even take all his money and give it away to help the homeless, the starving, the abused and the ill. I would applaud that. But, in all fairness, I will offer to show the countess how to make meat loaf and buy generic brand goods if she has to accept this terrible sum. So email me Countess when you hit the skids. I’ll show you how to clip coupons…

A man who police said was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and ordered to submit to drug testing.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5090611

You’d want to hope he was drugged because having ‘getting your rocks off with a nozzle’ is just something no one wants on their record.

“AN envelope believed to be the earliest known airmail item addressed to Australia has sold at auction for a record price of more than $190,000.
The envelope, or so-called balloon post cover, was flown out of Paris in 1870 by hot air balloon when Paris was under siege from the Prussian army in the Franco-Prussian war.”

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25245692-29277,00.html

I’m all for history but what do you do with an old, used envelope? Ever notice how some people have way too much money?

“A British school has sent a letter to the family of a girl who died two months ago that threatens to ban her from an end-of-year function if she doesn't improve her attendance.”

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/793852/dead-girl-sent-letter-for-wagging

The school has blamed a ‘software problem for the oversight.’ Yes of course. That’s the standard thing to blame isn’t it? It’s not me – it’s the computer. It’s a cop out and they should be ashamed at their appalling stupidity. Own up to it. How hard is it to say – “I stuffed up”?

“A small but significant minority of mental health professionals in Britain offer treatments to lesbians and gays so they can become heterosexual, according to a study released on Thursday.”

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5451794

Yes – gays and lesbians must all immediately become normal like us – or maybe use the Countess as a role model, have sex with a vacuum cleaner, buy old envelopes and blame technology for your short comings – ah yes, the normal people will inherit the earth and fuck it up well and truly.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Back on my high horse…

SYDNEY Lord Mayor Clover Moore has banned Tim Tams from council events for fear they're partially produced through cruel child labour on Africa's Ivory Coast.

An Arnott's spokeswoman said only a very limited supply of chocolate was from the Ivory Coast.

ttp://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25238282-1242,00.html

Okay - so the bit about Tim Tams caught my eye. I worship at the altar of the mighty biscuit. However – this, to me, is another case of over the top political correctness. Why? I get what this woman is saying. Exploitation of any individual – any worker – is wrong – but do we ban all clothes or shoes from overseas that are probably made in less than ideal working conditions? How about carpets, coffee, tea, any food that is harvested in our own countries or in others? Do we think about the crappy minimum wage people are on and say ‘well hell no – I’m not going to eat or buy that product any more.' What about people who work in call centres? If you have done that job you know capacious it is. Do we refuse to deal with any company that times staff loo (toilet) breaks? Do we say ‘oh no’ to anything where people could or are being exploited? How do we then keep economies going if we don’t buy anything? How do we trade with each other? How do we keep people employed if we ban stuff?

And yeah, there are some items I will never buy. For example, I always buy free range eggs as I don’t like the idea of hens in cages - but I am damn sure I eat or use or buy goods that have been made in less than idea conditions. I try and buy Australian made but that isn’t always possible. Do I know if the employees who manufactured a can of salmon are being treated fairly in Alaska? Are the fish killed humanely? Regardless what stance we take, we’re probably screwing someone over somewhere. And no – I am absolutely not advocating exploitation of workers. If you only knew how many battles I have fought on that front. But singling one product out – and it could be anything – smacks of tokenism to me.

I don’t think there will ever be an answer to the exploitation of workers. It’s been happening since day dot. Greedy people will use needy people. It’s a viscous circle and I don’t see it changing any time soon.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

No time to spit….

….rush, rush, rush…what’s the point of it all? I am beginning to wonder. I am up to my arse with stuff at the moment… you know what it’s like. I don’t have to tell you. No one has time to spit any more…not that I am advocating spitting….back tomorrow when I can breathe again.

Winner in the Rowdy contest – as always thanks for all the entries. It’s great to see so many readers out there....the winner is – Jenn. However never fear, there will be another contest soon.

“Defer no time, delays have dangerous ends.” -- William Shakespeare

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?