‘Been paying someone….

…to yell at me…huh? Yep, I have joined a gym. Still can’t believe that phrase is coming out of my mouth. Sure, I walk for exercise and to keep by crap metabolism moving – but last week I said – “Amarinda get thee to a gym.” Yes, I am losing the weight I put on when I was sick last year but I had this weird urge to do more. And yes, I would normally resist weird, unnatural urges like this but for some reason I couldn’t…maybe because there was no chocolate in the house. Maybe I was out to prove a point. Spite is a great motivator.

So I wandered into the gym and negotiated a deal – because it’s what I do – beating down the price and hey – whizz bang presto – I’m a gym member. Now, people who really know me were not the slightest bit surprised at this latest move. I go off on wild tangents all the time. Oh? You’re writing sex Amarinda? That’s nice. You’re going to a gym? Okay. You’re plotting world domination? Will that leave you open for lunch on Sunday? You’re going to buy a pet duck? Can I borrow your ladder?

I organized a personal trainer person for at least a month as I have no idea what the machines all do and I have a very bad habit of tinkering with things when I think they could work better my way. The trainer is very perky. I said – “Listen up” – let’s call him Hugh, ‘cause he reminds me of Mr Jackman - "I cannot do perky at any time of the day let alone 6am in the morning. Let’s cut to the chase. I’m not here to piss around. I need someone to yell at me to do stuff with machines – I can’t guarantee I won’t yell back - and you – like it or not - are the man to do it.” He was a tad taken aback but he got with the program – always better to go with me than against me. So I am lifting and running, pumping and sweating, climbing and possibly swearing a bit and thinking of terrible things to do to bossy Hugh.

What do I get out of it? Not sure at the moment. I am never going to be thin. I’m not genetically inclined that way. I just want to lose some weight and tone up what’s left. Will Hugh be glad to see the back end of me when the month is over and I can sweat competently on my own? Nah – I see him giggling when I’m hanging upside, turning red and swearing… I’m entertainment for him.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?