Saturday, 18 April 2009

How long….

…can one realistically pine for another? How long do you wonder about an ex-lover? When do you stop thinking about them? Is there a time limit? Are you just supposed to be strong and cut ties and walk off and pretend someone never existed? Do you decide to hate them in lieu of being with them because it makes you feel better? Or do you compare every single person in your life with them? But how good were they if they walked out on you when you were so in love with them? Or do you think ‘fuck it, you don’t deserve me.’

Why the questions? Well mainly because I can…it’s my blog. But more importantly, I have been talking to another about people who come into your life who you love so deeply and cannot forget when they leave it. No, not people who die – I mean we all know how devastating that is. You know you’ll see them again when you yourself die, providing you go to Heaven or get a visitors day pass from hell. But this is more about the people who come into your life turn it outside down, take your heart and romance you until you can think of no one but them – then they leave, for whatever reason, and you sit and wonder what they’re doing, could you have done something better or maybe plot to get them back. Those people suck. No, really they do. No one should leave another to feel like that. And no, that’s never happened to me. I don’t pine.

The current book I am writing has an element of that in it - and other stuff…I won’t say much more as we writers do ‘inadvertently’ nick another writer’s stuff ‘unintentionally’ of course.…but talking to this person really hit home to me how easily we wound each other when it comes to love and how long some of these wounds take to heal. And as I pointed out to him that if it was really meant to be and if you really loved each other and if you had any meaning in her life then she wouldn’t have left so why beat yourself up over the scrag…I mean woman? Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we think we’re to blame? Is the need to be loved so important that once we have it, although everything may not be perfect or great, we hold onto it so tight for fear of losing it that we fail to see what we have is actually pretty average?

You know romance writers write the fantasy of love but rarely ever do we show cold hard you-ripped-my-heart-out-of-my-chest-and-drop-kicked-it- into-a-wall-then-made-me-wonder-what-the-hell-I-did-wrong-and-why- the-hell-am-I-sitting-and-thinking-about-you-as-I-stare-at-your-picture-on-my-cell-phone? And let’s face it no one really wants to read a romance book where the heroine or hero sits on the hood of his car, staring out to sea, raw, ravaged and pining for what could have been the whole book. We want to know that maybe they did have a fight but they will get together. That doesn’t help a great deal when someone is pining does it? That’s not life as we know it, Jim.

If you are pining for someone who walked in – shook your world up and then walked out without a backward glance – stop it - stuff ‘em – you're worth more.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?