Wednesday, 1 April 2009

I don't get it...

A nudist farm-stay in central Australia has moved one step closer to becoming a reality this week.

The head of Tourism Central Australia has confirmed a homestead, 130 kilometres east of Alice Springs, will be reserved for nudists during several months of the year.

I don’t understand nudists. I really don’t. I don’t get why you would want to wander around naked with strangers. What’s that about? Oh yes, I support anyone’s right to do whatever they want – but naked? With strangers? Why?

And no, I don’t think the human body is beautiful. I think it’s a science experiment conducted by drug addicts – “yeah man, put that long dangly bit there. Oh that’s cool. It looks like an elephant’s trunk. Very existential dude.”

The human body is weird. And I sure as hell don’t want my bits and pieces on display to people I don’t know. Yeah, I admit it. I have hang ups about my body. Most women do. I try to avoid looking at my naked self in a mirror – especially in the morning ‘cause screaming upsets the neighbors. And despite what a TV guru said about how ‘standing naked in front of a mirror shows your real self’ – well, I’m happy not knowing and I prefer living with my unreal, clothed self. And god knows I don’t want to see naked arses on mass or other’s wobbly bits fighting gravity. So why do people do it? And I certainly don’t get why people drop their clothes to be part of a mass-arses-up-in-the-air street portrait when that photographer guy, who visits cities around the world, turns up with his camera. One arse is pretty much the same to me.

And no, I don’t believe nature intended us to be naked and free otherwise we wouldn’t have evolved to wearing clothes now would we? How would people like Armani earn a crust? And what sort of people turn up at nudist retreats anyway? Are they all there for the natural experience or to take a gander? And I have to say those that you see on TV docos walking around naked or playing tennis or whatever are either completely comfortable in their literal skin, possibly on drugs or are aliens from another planet conducting an experiment or they have no idea how dumb they look – but maybe they don’t give a rats arse…or their own. And where exactly do you look in a nudist colony? Is attention all on people’s eyes? If your gaze wanders is that nature? Curiously? Or wanting to have a perv?

And Central Australia? Seriously? Heat, sunburn, sunstroke, skin cancers, mozzie bites – not to mention the dozens of creepy critters we have that could kill you – how could that be a peaceful retreat with the elements on one hand and strange, naked bodies all around you? I swear to god I would rather attend a baby shower – resisted that horror for years – than go to a nudist retreat. But that’s me.

There are lots of things I am game to try but nudity on mass? I would rather stick a needle in my eye.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?