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Showing posts with label hormones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hormones. Show all posts

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Deliver me not unto temptation I can find it myself....



So, I was sitting having lunch with a friend in this hole in the wall not the slightest bit chic cafĂ© frequented by blue collar workers. The people who own it are really nice, salt of the earth people. Now, I’m being all goodly on my diet and eating only judicious, healthy food…but then a luscious slice of the most divine looking chocolate cake comes out and is placed on the table as a freebie to us. Oh god. Don’t you just hate/adore temptation?  So, I’m looking at this cake. My brain is explaining to me that “we have worked very hard to be good. Don’t eat the cake, fatso.” My hormones are dancing naked and urging me on with seductive words to eat. “You are not fat. You are perfect in our eyes. You want the cake. It wants you. How can it be wrong?”

Bloody hormones. I ask you, how can a brain compete?

I only had three small bites. I didn’t inhale and I didn’t have sexual relations with that cake…god knows I wanted to…. 

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Oh lordy….


It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion -- Anatole France

I was in my get-the-hell-away-from-me-I-am-a-seething-volcano-of-evil-hormones-outfit and this perky individual, who always sets my teeth on edge said, “my, don’t you look pretty, Amarinda.” Well, first up I’ve never looked pretty in my life. I generally aim for clean first and neat second. And I looked liked hell and felt it. See yesterday’s post about the human body being designed by drug addicts.

Anyway, this perky person always comments on how people look. I think she thinks it’s a ‘nice’ thing to do. I think it’s patronizing and I believe you have to judge your audience before you speak. If someone looks like crap and has the temper of a she-devil then I reckon back away – and certainly don’t tell her that her socks do not match and let her ‘outfit down.’ I swear to whichever deity was on rostered, cosmic duty, if I had not been holding an extra large skinny latte I would have snotted her. Why can’t perky people see evil and back away? Or do they think they can cure it?
Nuh-uh…

Yeah, I’m pure evil at the moment…

and stupid with it – I did something so idiotic yesterday…I can’t even talk about it. It was so unlike me that I cannot believe how dumb I was. I would like to blame the hormones but it was pure me. When I get over how stupid it was I’ll talk about it. Maybe…possibly…anyway you know who you are and I didn’t mean it and let’s just stick strictly to business. Business is good.

www.amarindajones.com
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

Wednesday once more....


10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

-Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
-You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
-The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
-Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
-You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "How's my driving-call 1-800-***-."
-Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
-You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
-You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
-You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
-The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

I got a letter in the mail today that made my hair stand on end in fear. Oh lord no – it could not possibly be. I re-read the letter again, hoping I was mistaken but no there it was in black and white with a pretty pink banner up the top…

Dear Amarinda

We wish to advise to advise you that you are due to have a mammogram.

Oh crap…don’t get me wrong, I think all women should have regular breast checks, it’s just the thought of a mammogram made me shiver. I am sure those of you that have had them know what I mean. To me it’s like squashing your boob between two bricks until it is as flat as a pancake. My friend Nola reckons it like lying topless on your side as a car drives over your breast. It’s damn painful but it has to be done as cancer is worse. But holy hell I am not looking forward to it. The ladies at the clinic are very, very nice and they have seen thousands of breasts so yours is no treat for them. I do however laugh, as you are standing there without the benefit of hydraulic lifting, when they ask if you have had breast augmentation. Seriously? Do these puppies look like I asked a surgeon to make ‘em this way? I know that have to ask but it always makes we laugh. So, if you have not had a mammogram go and bloody have one. Yes, it hurts – I’m not going to tell you otherwise but it is a necessity. It can save your life.

Age shall not weary them….

….I saw these two ladies today. They had long blonde hair and they were wearing tight Lycra pants and teeny weeny jackets that barely covered their midriffs. No, that’s not an unusual sight. The thing is they had to be at least 80 years old and they were a tad doddery on their 3 inch heels – but they were working it for all it was worth. People were staring at them and whispering but I looked at them and I thought ‘good on them.’ Who says you have to look a certain way when you’re a certain age? If they felt good as blonde 80 year old bombshells then who am I to say they shouldn’t look like that? I believe we spend too much time worrying about what other people are doing and saying. My plan has always been to age disgracefully. I’m going to have blazing red hair and wear all black lycra -maybe with a bit of leopard print but I hate wearing heels so maybe sparkly shoes. So are you going to age with grace or be the one everyone shakes there had over?

I have a sty on my eye lid…aren’t they bloody annoying? Anyway, an acquaintance advised that I have to rub a gold wedding ring on the affected area. This is an old remedy. So, sure why not – who’s to say it’s any sillier than any other cure? I have a gold ring I wear all the time – but gasp – my acquaintance told me it has to be a wedding ring and not just any ring. Okay, what I want to know is how an infected eyelid will know the difference? Real gold is real gold whether it’s a tether or an ornament. So what’s your favourite traditional old/weird arsed cure?

I have been hounding the local city council to get the road surface in the street I live in fixed for months. It’s not a major road by any means. Two cars can just fit down it and we like it that way because its a quiet street. Anyway the council type people have just been fobbing me off with half arsed excuses. So I went and saw the local council member who is up for re-election – next week in fact – and explained the situation to him and what I expected done being a rate paying citizen. The road is getting fixed next week. Now, if there had of been no election, I know that I would have been told me to hurry up and wait. About three months ago a large chunk of the gutter was loose. It annoyed me as it was near my drive and it made my nice, new driveway look sucky. I rang them and got the usual response. I then lied and said the concrete has broken away from the curb and it’s in the middle of the street and I’m worried a car would hit it and the council would be liable. They were instantly in panic mode. Can I some how push it over to the side of the road? I said I would try but they better hurry for as a woman I could only lift concrete so far. They said they would be out in 30 minutes. I then ran outside and dragged the piece of concrete from where it was safe against the gutter and strained to pull it into the middle of the street. When they arrived they were alarmed and thanked me. The gutter got re-cemented. It annoyed me for a long time that I couldn’t think of a similar plan for the road. But thank you lord for elections.


I have not had jelly – or jell-o as some of you may call it since I was a kid. I had some on the weekend with a dessert and now I am a jelly-eating freak. I am out of control man! I have no idea how to break the jelly cycle. Is there a jelly anonymous? It’s such a ridiculous thing to be hooked on…

Anny is talking computers and spam on
www.annycook.com.blogspot.com. No, she is not eating fake ham as she types – I feel I should say that in case you think I may have misled you when you go there. Kelly had fellow Aussie Katie Blu on www.kkirch.blogspot.com. Ms Blu is discussing finding a mate. Check it out and read about a strange woman…not Katie or Kelly…although sometimes…and wanna' win a great prize? Of course you do. Check out http://sandracox.blogspot.com/ and answer one really easy question to win.

No blog tomorrow...but I will be back on Friday…may the force be with you

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Tuesday ramblings…


Oh dear….

I did not want to eat the chocolate cake for dinner but my hormones had a tight grip on me and they insisted I stop and buy the mud cake. I knew it was unreasonable and foolish but what can you do when hormones attack but surrender to the inevitable. I did however stop my hormones from pushing me on to have several glasses of wine. Stupid hormones…you think they would know that dry white wine does not go with sweet chocolate cake. Duh

Comfort Levels…

How comfortable are you in your own skin? If you could change 3 things about yourself what would they be? Someone asked this question of me today. I thought about it for a moment and I then gave my answer. I would change nothing. Am I perfect? Nope, but I like
me as I am. Sure, I could probably be a better person but then couldn’t everyone? When I answered nothing, they just looked at me in surprise. “Come on, there must be something?” No, why does there have to be? Does someone ask this question because they aren’t happy with their own life or are they wanting to hear some angst ridden confessions of another’s faults? I have faults to burn baby but I like ‘em. They make me who I am and I’m not about to worry about them now.

On the radio this morning….

….they were asking “what would you do if the world was going to end?” I know most of us would say be with those we love. But what else would you do it you could because there would be no recriminations afterward? My first thought was ‘stop exercising and thinking about what I eat.’ My second - drink a bottle or two of champagne everyday until the world blew up. My third…well I did not have one because I pretty much do what I want to do now (with the exception of having to work) – and no, luck has nothing to do with it – personality does. So, what would you do if in two days time the world was going to end?


I’ve come a long way baby….

To get to where I had to go today, I had to traverse an old suburb I used to live in. I lived there in a period of my life when I had the bum out of my tweeds (I was broke) and was barely existing on nothing – yes, you all know those times, so I don’t have to explain it further. Anyway for old time sake I turned into Lincoln Street where I used to live and headed towards the block of flats (apartments) I used to live in. I stopped the car outside this god awful dingy looking dump and thought they have not changed a whit. They were ghastly then as there were now. How did I ever live there? Because I had absolutely no choice then. I drove away thinking no matter what crap I may be going through now or later, I have come far in my life. I take moments like this as a sign that says ‘Look where you were, look where you are now, you’ve come a long way baby – so stop frigging whingeing...and PS – listen to your hormones and buy cake.’

Annoying television commercials…

- Okay I refuse to believe that a 3 year old boy will play with a cute dog and an ‘ever so soft’ roll of toilet paper and then use the ‘ever so soft’ roll of toilet paper as a pillow as he falls asleep with his smiling mother watching on. Just pukeable it’s so cute.
- I have to turn the sound down on an annoying woman who is prattling on about vertical blinds as if they are the answer to mankind’s prayers. They’re bloody not – they’re a frigging ugly 90’s fashion statement of crap – for those of you who have them I am sure they look lovely in your home.
- Why does a half clad, busty, trashy blonde have to caress timber on a TV advert for wood? Any man that is dumb enough to think she is going to turn up with his lumber supply is not a man you should be involved with.
- And, any commercial that has a clown in it is demonic. What’s that you say? I believe most of the world’s problems are caused by clowns. Just a theory I have and I will expand on it in a later blog – but just watch your back if there is a clown nearby.

In assure you…

….I do not want frigging insurance. This psycho insurance sales man keeps ringing me to sell me insurance. I made the mistake of asking one question about insurance – head slap – yes, I am annoyed at myself and now Neville Nerd keeps ringing me. But this was definitely the last time. I told him I was going to join a commune and giving all my money away. Ha! Insure that Neville…wanker.


I love…

...The Bold and The Beautiful. I got home in time to discover Stephanie has be shot – gasp – shock – horror – but no one knows by who – but of course. That will take at least several wrongful arrests, imprisonments and one of the characters being pregnant in jail before that is solved. When asked why they hated Stephanie, all the suspects looked cryptically into the distance, on a long shot, as the suspenseful music played. I am going to cultivate that look so instead of lying as a first reflex I will look off into the distance and look cryptic…do you need to have your limps pumped with filler for that? All the characters seem to have pouty lips…maybe it makes you look more cryptic. I may just draw in extra thick lips and see how that goes.

A moment to rant…

Just read something that really annoyed me…

"If I didn’t have children I would be able to write more.”

Yeah, I get that raising kids is a huge undertaking but it’s one you do because you want to. No one has time to do anything anymore – no one – that is just the way the world is – kids or not. If you truly want to write then you will find the time. Some people work full time – others work two jobs and yet they find the time to write. Some people have debilitating illnesses yet that make the effort to bang off a 1000 words each day. I think we spend too much time being comfortable with excuses for why we do not do things. If you can’t do something just say you can’t. Why use the justification of I have kids, work, a sore toe etc? “I didn’t do it” - how hard is that to say? Why blame someone or something else? Excuses may be a comfortable alternative to doing but they don’t wash in the real world. We all have choices in out lives. Make ‘em, live with them and work around them if something is important to you….okay rant over.


I am sure Anny has a perfectly rational blog today on www.annycook.blogspot.com. Kelly is talking conspiracy theories on www.kkirch.blogspot.com. I still think the world is flat – that story about it being round is just a hoax you know.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Tuesday Trivia...


Okay, so I don‘t think I’d make a very good junkie. Why? Well I have to use this syringe thing to suck up this certain amount of progesterone cream (hormone stuff) and spread it on a fleshy part of my body. Now I have fleshy parts to burn, real women do, but that’s not that the problem. For the life of me I cannot suck this cream up in the teeny weeny, frigging syringe that is supplied. I ask you, why give a clearly hormonal woman a challenge like this? Are they mad? So I made executive decision #12638 and chucked the syringe and I am now dabbing my finger in the jar to get the cream. Sshh…don’t tell anyone. Is it the right amount I am using? Who knows? I look at it this way, on the odd, very odd, occasion I cook something from scratch I never follow the recipe because to me it’s only a guideline. I am applying the same logic here. If it kills me, I’ll let you know.

Madnaduk invited me to join the Armitage Army – what is it? It’s a group that is dedicated to all things Richard Armitage. See picture to the right and check out my blog from a couple of days ago - or go to http://thearmitagearmy.co.uk/main/ Did I join? Hell yes, the man has the ability make even the strongest knees wobble.

Naming…

As a writer, I collect names – the odder the better. If I hear a strange name I instantly write it down because I like my characters to have unique names – that’s not to say every day
names are not perfectly good but I like odd. I want people to wonder how the hell did she come up with that name? Being a writer means you are nosy – okay, some purists won’t agree with that but that’s my opinion and I don’t shy from it, as you know. I think you have to be a good snoop to be a writer. Why? Because writers need to observe stuff around them. How can you relate to your readers if your words have no basis in reality? How many times have you read a book I thought – crikey that was boring…okay maybe you wouldn’t say crikey unless you were an Aussie but you know what I mean.

I also check with fellow authors/friends (parts of whose works in progress I am lucky enough to read before they gets published) to make sure I have not inadvertently nicked one of their character names. No it’s not against the rules. It’s more of a courtesy. Writer Anny Cook and I both came up with the name Zipporah and I noticed author Bronwyn Green http://bronwyngreenblog.blogspot.com/ and I have had characters with similar names. It happens. It’s not a hair pulling event, it’s more that we tend to think a like. Writers are not
drama queens - most of the time. I will myself admit to the odd dramatic stamping of feet but I ask you what are Doc Martens double strapped Mary Janes for if not to stomp?

So what’s in a name? Depends. It can make a character sound tough or exotic. Maybe the character is intriguing enough on their own that they don’t need an odd name. It depends on the writer. Sometimes an odd name is better than the plethora of Jakes and Lukes that are constantly found in the pages of romance books. I used Nick in Seducing Celestine and I agreed with my wise Editor it was a name that romantically was done to death yet I wanted a plain name to balance out Celestine. See? Writers do tend to spend time on names.

Speaking of great names….Dakota Rebel’s story 'Kit and Mouse' is part of Bound Brits a great new anthology out now from Total-E-Bound. Dakota kindly agreed, after my email barrage to her, to give me an excerpt for your reading pleasure. Remember it’s just a click on the cover to buy.

Kit and Mouse – by Dakota Rebel - the blurb

Kit is a vampire who had been planning on a quiet evening out at the local pub. But that plan becomes null when Mouse walks in. As soon as Kit meets him she knows that this quiet, shy man is not really what he seems. She instantly knows that she has to have him.
Mouse plays into her hands perfectly, agreeing to accompany her home. But Kit is in for quite a surprise when the nervous veneer fades and this mortal becomes the demanding and dominating man Kit never realised she had been needing.


Excerpt – warning contains adult content

He reached up to softly caress my cheek. I leaned into his palm but he moved it to wrap behind my neck. He grabbed a handful of my hair, snapping my head back and staring into my eyes.

“Are you going to be a good girl and do what you’re told tonight?”

“I’ll try.” It was barely a whisper, but he nodded.

Then his mouth was on mine, our teeth and tongues crashing violently together. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, to hold myself tighter against his body, but I hadn’t been given permission. So I stood with my hands clenched into fists at my side, waiting for his next command.

“Touch me,” he said against my lips.

Immediately, I ran my hands up his back and over his shoulders. He kissed me again, slightly softer but still full of passion and heat. His hand tightened in my hair and he pulled me back again.

“No biting, and you do what I tell you to do,” he said. “Do you want a safe word?”

“No,” I said quickly. Probably too quickly. I wasn’t really thinking about anything but fucking him at that point.

“Just in case,” he said with a small smile.

“Okay, you pick. I don’t care.” The words tumbled out of my mouth, still without any real thought attached to them.

He kissed my ear and inhaled deeply before whispering, “Peaches.”

Then his mouth covered mine again. I ran my hands up his neck and wound my fingers in his hair, not as tightly as he held mine, but enough that he knew they were there. He pulled away to look at me again.


“Can you let a man dominate you, Kit? How long has it been since you weren’t in charge?”

“Years. I don’t know how long exactly.”

“Can you do it? Will you do it for me?”

“Yes.”

“Where’s your bedroom?”

Anny has the continuing saga of dragon romance and sex on www.annycook.blogspot.comwhoa before you hare off over there to see how dragons have sex - I would suggest carefully – Kelly has dragons of a different kind on www.kkirch.blogspot.com – then check out http://sandracox.blogspot.com/ and have a knowing laugh at Murphy’s Law. Yes, how bossy am I? Go - seek -buy - read.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Sweetheart Sunday...



Seducing Celestine – review…another one…

Amarinda Jones’s SEDUCING CELESTINE is filled with a combination of humor and lots of hot sex….The relationship that builds between Celestine and Nick kept me in stitches. The balance of the good and the bad made this a story I wanted to finish reading in one sitting. The fairy tales of my youth came rushing back in adult form as I read how the hero continually saves the day. Imagine waking up and seeing a masked man above you and feeling all kinds of delish things that he’s doing to your body.

Good and evil, love and lust abound and you don’t want to miss it. I highly recommend this story. Be prepared to laugh and cry. It’s a fantastic read!


So the question I am asked most is she pulling his tighty whities off? Or on? Or just gripping them to keep what’s left of her control? I like the idea of the last.
http://www.romancejunkiesreviews.com/artman/publish/contemporary/Seducing_Celestine.shtml
On Sunday, the local radio station I favour - 4KQ – has a programme called Sunday Morning Sixties and it plays, as you’d imagine songs are from the 1960’s. Anyway, you know when you are hormonal when song lyrics piss you off…

"Cute little pussycat nose"WTF? No woman I know has a pussycat nose, Tom. Snap out of it. Then there was something about “trading dancing shoes for apron strings” from Bobby or James Darin or someone. Whoever it was – snap out of it too. You wear the bloody apron if you want to eat. This was followed by Lesley Gore singing “You don’t own me.” Damn straight, you don’t. The lyrics …"Flies are in your pea soup baby…” make perfect sense to me in my hormonal state. Why? They just do and shut up. Then there was Elvis with “Can’t help falling in love me you.” Awwniiiice.

By the way, Elvis is in Parkes (country town) in Australia. They have a big Elvis festival. Why? Why not? I have to admit I love crazy stuff like this. I love people with a passion for something and go all out regardless what anyone thinks of them. I also liked Elvis. I went, as you do when you are in Memphis, to Graceland. I found it kind of sad that we were traipsing through this man’s house. Sad that we were gawking at his stuff. I did not expect to feel that. Anyway some of the spectacular events in happening Parkes during the festival-

- Hunka Hunka" Pancake Breakfast
- TransTank Miss Priscilla
- DinnerElvis Hawaiian Sunset Smorgasbord Featuringdance, sing and look-a-like competitions.Special appearance by Elvis
- Elvis Bingo
- Ghost of Elvis Show
- Cocktails with Elvis Coffees and Desserts with ‘a side of Elvis’

- Set Menu Dinner Dance with Elvis
- Bus Tour To 'The Dish' and to 'Lavender & Alpaca Farms' with Elvis as your Tour Guide – what Elvis has to do with lavender or Alpacas I’m not sure but there it is.
http://www.news.com.au/travel/story/0,26058,23027748-27982,00.html

The Dish’ if you are wondering is the big arsed radio telescope that was involved in the Apollo Moon landings
http://outreach.atnf.csiro.au/visiting/parkes/about.html

I have started putting new blinds up today. They had a sale at a large homewares store so I doorbusted with the other insane Sunday morning shoppers. The metal Venetian blinds I have now were ones that Noah had on the ark. I think he got them second hand even then. Anyway, like any good renovator, I am continuously doing the house up as things come on sale. Am I cheap? Nah, just thrifty. So I wandered in catalogue in one hand and trolley in the other and a get out of my way I am here for blinds and I will get them look in my eyes. So I found them – took them up to the counter and went to pay.
Checkout chick - These are Sorrento blinds not Roman
A – It’s all Greek - or in this case Italian to me.
CC – Well you can’t have them at the sales price
A – Why? Foolish mortal I am in the hormonal zone. Don’t make me hurt you.
CC – They’re marked wrong.
A – Oh well, too bad for you but good for me

CC – Here’s the thing, I can’t let you have them
A – Here’s the thing – get your manager
M – They’re marked wrong
A – And that’s not my problem
M – We won’t sell them to you
A – Come with me to the blind section.

No, I wasn’t taking him there to kill him away from witnesses. I took him to show him that not only can I have them because they are marked on the box at that price, their store advertising had it at that price as did the catalogue. I explained to him that a basically he didn’t have a leg to stand on. I worked in a Telephone complaints department, I can coolly point out someone’s error better than anyone. Basically I won because he realized I wasn’t backing down and I got some expensive blinds for a cheap price. I love me. Is it a good thing to be hormonal and be putting up blinds? Sure, because you get to use a drill and no one comes near a hormonal woman with a cordless drill in her hand.

SSShhh…just between us, here is a sneak peak of out next contest. Don’t tell anyone but the next 75 people you see.

What could you spend an eternity doing? What is your passion? Your hunger? Your deepest desire? Each day beginning February 5 and running through February 14 one of the ten authors will complete the line, "My darling I could spend eternity…" on either their blog or website. Collect all ten answers and e-mail them to
anny@annycook.com with Eternally Yours in the subject line to win some hot, romantic books. There will be three lucky Valentine winners.
The prizes – 1st prize--5 books, 2nd prize--3 books, 3rd prize--2 books
More soon…watch this space

Anny has more of ‘the best things’ on www.annycook.blogspot.com including a recipe. Now only if someone I knew cooked… Kelly is talking about training goldfish to dance on www.kkirch.blogspot.com ….ok, that could be a lie.

As part of her blog tour author Melissa Lopez stops by tomorrow to talk about her new book Boomerang Love. It’s set in Australia so it has to be good. Am I biased? Maybe…

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?