No, you shut up...

Brain – Wake up.

Body – Go away. I’m trying to sleep.

Brain – It’s 4:30am. It’s time to exercise! We love exercise!

Body – It’s Sunday. Piss off. Go without me – and no, we don’t. You’re deranged.

Brain – Oh come on, you know you like getting up early and torturing yourself.  

Body – Er, no, actually I don’t. All that endorphin shit you try to flood me with is plain annoying.

Brain – Come on fatso, get up. Don’t you want to grow up big and strong?

Body – Seriously, fuck off and let me sleep.

Brain – I can’t, Tubby.

Body – I know. You’re a pain in the arse. Anyway, it’s pouring down rain outside. I’ll get wet and melt.  

Brain – Shut up and stop whining.  

Body - No, you shut up.

Brain – Don’t you want to look all trim and lovely?

Body – Right now, podgy and feral looking work for me.

Brain – I’m just doing my job.

Body – Yes.

Brain – Work with me.

Body - No, rack off.

Brain - You're difficult but I like you and I believe -

Body – You’re not going to shut up are you?

Brain – Come on – you know me - I’m annoying. You love that about me.

Body – Fine. Whatever. I’ll get up.

Brain – That-a-girl! Go team! You can do it!

Body – Did I mention shut up before?

Brain – I knew you’d get up.

Body – Smart arse.

Deliver me not unto temptation I can find it myself....

So, I was sitting having lunch with a friend in this hole in the wall not the slightest bit chic café frequented by blue collar workers. The people who own it are really nice, salt of the earth people. Now, I’m being all goodly on my diet and eating only judicious, healthy food…but then a luscious slice of the most divine looking chocolate cake comes out and is placed on the table as a freebie to us. Oh god. Don’t you just hate/adore temptation?  So, I’m looking at this cake. My brain is explaining to me that “we have worked very hard to be good. Don’t eat the cake, fatso.” My hormones are dancing naked and urging me on with seductive words to eat. “You are not fat. You are perfect in our eyes. You want the cake. It wants you. How can it be wrong?”

Bloody hormones. I ask you, how can a brain compete?

I only had three small bites. I didn’t inhale and I didn’t have sexual relations with that cake…god knows I wanted to….