Friday, 27 March 2009

Eye roll news...

“A SWEDISH countess divorcing her CEO husband amid accusations of affairs claims she has too many expenses and cannot live on $63 million a year.”,22049,25209526-5001021,00.html

Jeez…I feel terrible for her. I can’t live on $63 million a year either…oh wait, forehead slap… that’s because I have as much hope of getting that amount to live on as I do flying to the moon on aluminum foil wings using a snorkel. Who raises these people to be selfish, unrealistic sods? Or do they just appear one day, with a title? Boo-frigging-hoo to you, Swedish countess. Ok – he had affairs – cut the crotch out of all his trousers. Put a billboard up to tell everyone he has venereal disease or a teeny weeny penis. Be a real woman. Start a vendetta to teach him a lesson. Other women would support that. Or even take all his money and give it away to help the homeless, the starving, the abused and the ill. I would applaud that. But, in all fairness, I will offer to show the countess how to make meat loaf and buy generic brand goods if she has to accept this terrible sum. So email me Countess when you hit the skids. I’ll show you how to clip coupons…

A man who police said was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and ordered to submit to drug testing.

You’d want to hope he was drugged because having ‘getting your rocks off with a nozzle’ is just something no one wants on their record.

“AN envelope believed to be the earliest known airmail item addressed to Australia has sold at auction for a record price of more than $190,000.
The envelope, or so-called balloon post cover, was flown out of Paris in 1870 by hot air balloon when Paris was under siege from the Prussian army in the Franco-Prussian war.”,27574,25245692-29277,00.html

I’m all for history but what do you do with an old, used envelope? Ever notice how some people have way too much money?

“A British school has sent a letter to the family of a girl who died two months ago that threatens to ban her from an end-of-year function if she doesn't improve her attendance.”

The school has blamed a ‘software problem for the oversight.’ Yes of course. That’s the standard thing to blame isn’t it? It’s not me – it’s the computer. It’s a cop out and they should be ashamed at their appalling stupidity. Own up to it. How hard is it to say – “I stuffed up”?

“A small but significant minority of mental health professionals in Britain offer treatments to lesbians and gays so they can become heterosexual, according to a study released on Thursday.”

Yes – gays and lesbians must all immediately become normal like us – or maybe use the Countess as a role model, have sex with a vacuum cleaner, buy old envelopes and blame technology for your short comings – ah yes, the normal people will inherit the earth and fuck it up well and truly.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?