Sunday, 29 March 2009

Snake oil…

It’s Sunday here in Oz and I was up very, very early. Why? Work load - my choice of course – and I’m perky as hell after 4 hours sleep…okay maybe I’m just hell…anyway, in my current phase to lose more weight – yes, it is working – no, I don’t want to be thin - I just want to lose the small amount of weight I gained when I was sick last year. I’m never going to be thin but I liked the weight I was. I reckon come June I will be back there…maybe sooner…anyway where was I? Oh yes, so I got on the stationary bike, switched on the TV and decided to do 30 minutes of sweaty circling. Being 4am in the morning there is stuff all on TV but for the snake oil commercials.

Do you know what an oven that cooks meat from the inside out, an over-the-top, deep south god botherer (preacher) and a well known model have in common? They are full of crap. How so? Well, they all said the same thing – “I am doing this as a favour to you as I want to make your life easier.” The whiz-bang see through oven had to be as good as they said because Mr T wouldn’t endorse it otherwise now would he? And it’s see through and lights up with an infra red light…come on – that’s really classy stuff that – they trotted out three blokes in chef hats to say just that. And, there are easy repayments to make our lives simpler. "Just give us your credit card number – and we’ll give you the turbo slicer.” It does sound impressive but it’s just the old carrot grater with a fancy name.

The preacher? Preacher Dan really cares for all of us. No, really, he said so and the people in the packed entertainment venue, who were most likely forgoing a mortgage payment for salvation, were all nodding and frothing at the mouth in devotion. So, for a sum of money, paid every month, he will send you out CDs every 30 days that will make all marriages better as it defines what husbands do and what wives do. It will change your life – Preacher Dan said so. So, if you are married – he will save you - if you are single it appears you are going to hell because my understanding, from what Preacher Dan said, god isn’t keen on single people.

Now the perky-face the model – she wants everyone to know she is making no profit whatsoever on her products. That's swell of her. She has summoned a well known Doctor – in a white lab coat so he has to be good – to her side. He decided to tell perky face the secrets of beauty. Apparently he has been waiting for years to divulge this wisdom. Well – he couldn’t just trust anyone could he? He needed a bankable starlet. Anyway – so perky face – who I have never understood her appeal – is offering the latest Tibetan yak spit at a reduce price – but I missed out on it as I was supposed to have rung ‘within in next ten minutes’ to benefit from her benevolence. Bugger…

Make out lives easier? Sure they can do that if they stop preying on weakness and vulnerability. Package it anyway you like but they’re all selling snake oil.
Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?