What I've learned about publishing...

- just because you’re a big publisher, it doesn’t mean you can produce quality work.
- check if the person responsible for final line editing and formatting isn’t on drugs or should be on drugs
- trust no one
- believe in yourself
- walk softly
- carry a big stick
- be prepared to use that stick
- be ready to fight authority
- realize that those in authority are not to be feared
- write what you believe
- who cares if you get more money for writing anal sex. You’re not a prostitute
- be prepared to go it alone
- to thine own self be true

One step closer to the weekend...

Still only Tuesday.....f**k it!!

The power of acute observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it--George Bernard Shaw

Well, I feel just terrible. I got my MasterCard bill and for the third consecutive month they have not charged me for about $400 worth of purchases. Golly…should I tell them or do you think it would embarrass them if I pointed out their mistake? It might make

them feel incompetent and then I would feel bad about hurting them. No, I won’t tell them. It’s for their own good. ‘Can’t have them doubting themselves and their ability to produce accurate bills. Yes, maybe somewhere down the track I’ll get hit with the charges but maybe not…I’ll let fate decide.

Reasons not to exercise…I was doing stomach crunches this morning – yes, how wrong is that? But I aspire to a flat stomach although I know it isn’t going to happen but hope always springs eternal and my delusions are grand. Anyway, I managed to pull a muscle in my shoulder and now I am in agony…I tell you – all exercise is wrong and as part of my campaign platform to run the world one day, see yesterday’s blog, I will abolish all thought or need for exercise and all women will be encouraged to aspire to be shaped like the ancient fertility figures – in fact they will get paid extra to do so….and showered with chocolate – yes that’s it.

I got a new mobile (cell) phone today. As part of the mobile plan I selected I got a new, free phone. It’s very whiz bang with all sorts of bells and whistles which to be honest are completely lost of me. I purely want to make and receives calls, collect messages and sms(text) friends. I don’t need cameras or music being
played or games or the internet and I always think people walking around with the headset thing in their ear look like they’re out of Star Trek. Besides who has time for gadgetry?

‘Agonized over whether to name 3-4 Ellora’s Cave books of mine, due to come out soon, under a series title all day at work. It wasted the day very nicely indeed. My wise, stoic editor – she with the dints in her head from slamming it on her desk as she edits my work - made the suggestion of the series name. Her suggestions are always good and I always take them on board seriously. When I set out to write Anyone But You, Penned Again and Tantalizing Tilly I had no plans to turn them into a series but characters from one book wandered into the next one and well, what can you do with them but write them a story because otherwise they’re just standing there and readers wonder what the hell they’re doing there. So, I asked the legendary Frogspond – a group of amazing writers that I know – what their thoughts were on a series name and should I have one. My very first, gut instinct was no. I always follow

that instinct but I thought I would see what others of the writing sorority thought. They all believed it a good idea – and most likely they are correct. However, after much discussion and thought, I reverted back to first instinct and decided on no series name. Isn’t it amazing how such a small thing can consume your time? If I had of been home doing personal stuff I would have sorted the matter out very quickly. But work time means time to waste so I let it drag on most of the day as any practised half-arsed worker does.

I also got my FLEs – front line edits or final line edits or whatever they are called - for Unbreakable. This is the last check of your book before it goes to be published. As always, I got a slap on the wrist for speaking in Australian in my writing. The thing is being an Aussie for such a long time it’s hard to snap out of that habit and I’d like to point out that English is from England and not America. Okay – hissy fit had – I move on. There were not many things that needed to be changed and those that were questioned were to do with sex. Now, I don’t

know about you but having to deal with sex as soon as you walk in the door after a day at work is not easy. I’m so not in the mood – but I changed what I had to. I pointed out to my editor that ‘we’re really not normal people’ – and by this I mean analysing the specifics of sex….well, we’re probably not normal in other ways but I’ll restrict it to the writing sex thing for the moment. Let’s face it, normally sex just happens without all the specifics of whether he can really do this or that and what about a fresh condom and can she really bend that far over backwards without crippling herself? Imagine someone critiquing sex as you do it and maybe holding up score cards and that is sort of what a FLE does. But they are necessary to the whole process as they are the last line of defence to stopping you looking like a idiot when your book comes out.

As I write this, Mervina, the urban possum, is, I believe, putting together Scandinavia furniture under my house. She is making a hell of a racket and I keep thinking I have to trap her and let her be put out into the wild with the other possums but I also don’t think she would be good at camping out like they do. What to do? I guess I’ll have to keep jumping up and down on the floorboards to shut her up. Imagine having a normal life?

That’s it – Tuesday done and dusted. What fresh hell will Wednesday bring?

As always please check out the words of wisdom for Anny and Kelly on their blogs as well as the intensely smart and attractive people listed on the left.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

The write way....

I got my FLEs for Mad About Mirabelle today. What is a FLE? Good question. I am never 100 % sure what FLE stands for. It could be Front Line Edits or Final Line Edits or Formalized Liquor Etiquette or something similar – maybe Feed Leslie Eggs. Anyway, basically just before your book hits the shelves or cyber space a FLE person goes through your book with a fine tooth comb and questions stuff you may have in there. I am lucky as I have a bloody good editor and before it gets to FLE stage, she has already gone through the book and put comments like “What the hell are you thinking?” or “Speak in American” or “The hero would have to three hands and a toothpick between in his teeth and a chisel between his toes to do that manoeuvre” or the ever popular “Fix.” So writing the book is only just a very small part of the whole deal. I would not be an Editor or FLE person (I am sure they have a specific name) for quids. Too hard. I am way too half arsed in my approach to things.

I thought I would share some of the recent words the FLE person pulled me up on. I am an Aussie. I tend to write as I speak. It can be quite colourful but I am slowly learning to tone it down for the books as requested. My Editor is also an Aussie and the odd Aussie word will slip past her as it’s completely normal for us to speak Aussie. I also have a habit of making words up. Every book I write I try to slip in some of my more favourite made up words just to see how alert the FLE person. Anyway, below are the words or phrases that apparently non-Aussie’s wouldn’t understand.

penially challenged- so named in 2004 after Pee Wee, a manager who slept with various office staff, until one of them made a very, very public announcement about the size of his tackle(penis). It was one of the few days we really enjoyed ourselves at work.

pukeable – I love this word. It says it all. I am waiting for the Webster’s people to put it in the dictionary …you know, something like ‘pukeable – see Amarinda Jones’…okay maybe not like that but you know what I mean.

Chance would be a fine thing – This is a pommy (English) saying. It’s from when I lived and worked in Blighty(England) for a couple of years. It means if I could be so lucky.

Does a chicken have lips? One of my favourites - translation - that’s a ridiculous question to ask.

mod cons – I thought this was obvious but apparently not. Its modern conveniences – that which the Jones girl refuses to live without.

carry on a treat – I could have said carry on like a pork chop or have a spak attack or throw a wobbly but I restrained myself. It means to get upset.

she lobbed in – she arrived, she appeared. I lob, she lobs, they lob, we all lob.

shag on a rock – no, not what you think. It means to be left waiting for someone to arrive.

Spruik – talk, speak, annunciate

turn up for the books – how unusual

having her on – kidding, joking or pulling one’s leg

I did find the fact that I wasn’t allow to imply that women are nosy very odd. Why? We are. I’m a woman, I am. It’s our job and we’re good at it. What’s the problem with that?

Am I annoyed at the FLE? No, of course not. She and my Editor stop me looking dumb…you gotta love that....now on to something completely different...

Bye, bye birdie...

I have had this bird nesting in a hanging wall ornament that is beside my front door. It has been a tad inconvenient for both of us as every time I arrive home from somewhere I forget the bird’s there and I charge up the stairs and scare both the bird and myself. She scarpers and I usually swear. Anyway, we had gotten into this strange pattern and the bird continued to nest there. I can be a total bitch – no, really – but I was not about to evict her with an egg in the nest. This morning the bird was doing what birds do and the egg was there. When I got home this arvo, no bird and no egg – also no note. You would think after free rent she would have least said goodbye. I suspect a lizard played toe cutter and ate the egg. That’s nature and circle of life…

Do you want to win some fantastic holiday reading? Of course you do. If so come celebrate the Twelve days of Romance with 12 authors from Ellora's Cave, Wild Rose Press, Total-E-Bound and Cerridwen Press. Each day beginning December 8th and running through December 19th one of the twelve authors will tell what their "True love gave to them" on either their blog or website.Collect all twelve answers and e-mail them to anny@annycook.com with 12 days of Romance in the subject line to win some great books.

There will be three lucky winners. The prizes –1st prize--6 books, 2nd prize--4 books, 3rd prize--2 books. All books and prize winners will be drawn randomly

Anny Cook Winter Hearts

Sandra Cox Boji Stones

Bronwyn Green Ronan's Grail

Heather Hiestand Cards Never Lie

Barbara Huffert Deal of a Lifetime

Amarinda Jones Mad About Mirabelle

Kelly Kirch Time for Love

Cindy Spencer Pape Cowboy's Christmas Bride

Brynn Paulin Fallen

Jacquéline Roth Access Denied

KZ Snow Mrs. Claws

Lacey Thorn Earth Moves

All answers must be received no later than the stroke of midnight 21st December (Northern hemisphere time) or worlds collide and you don’t want to be responsible for that now do you?

Anny is again talking xmas on www.annycook.blogspot.com and Kelly has the next episode in the blog saga on www.kkirch.blogspot.com.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/

Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?