Get back in your box...

So, I was a boot camp and we had to pair up with someone else to run through a course. The pairing up did not depend on being of equal fitness nor did you have to do the same thing at the same time. It was more about balancing numbers and everyone having an equal chance to do a particular exercise. Sounds simple? Sounds fair? Well no, of course it can’t be if you are a so called pretty or cool girl and you are paired up with one you perceive as being less than magnificent than yourself. What am I talking about? Yesterday, I experienced something I had not come across since high school. Someone tried to dismiss me as not worthy of being in their presence. Oh fuck off, I say. That person? A skinny, angular chick who considers herself too beautiful to be around anyone less than her supposed equal. When paired up with me she made it clear I wasn’t in her league. What is it with these women? Why do they never grow out of that high school mentality? Are they frozen in time and too scared to move on fearing that if they do not maintain that plastic, bitchy edge then they have nothing? I tend to believe that is the case. Lordy they’re sad, pathetic creatures. And being in your league? No thanks. I’d rather eat bark.

Anyway, I stepped away from exercise Barbie and paired myself up with an ‘uncool’, dishevelled bloke who was standing all alone. No one should be discriminated against when it comes to exercise or sport because the thing with sport is that it’s universal. It matters not who you are, the colour of your skin, your weight, how you look or if you have the longest legs or the shortest shorts. It’s sport. It’s sweat. It’s effort. It’s determination. It’s about having a go. Frankly, I don’t give a crap if you deem yourself too damn beautiful to associate with others and I'm sure as hell not going to fall apart if you don't like me.

For the so called ‘cool’ girls who think they are just too perfect? Grow up or get back in the box you came in. We need real people not the simulated kind. We have enough of those in politics.

Toad Day Out...

Bob Irwin will join with Cairns Regional Council to protect Cairns’ unique ecosystem at this weekend’s “(Not Just a) Toad Day Out”. The event will provide information about pest species of both animals and plants, combined with children’s activities and a cane toad collection point.

“We will have prizes for the heaviest, live toad brought in and the heaviest
collection of toads but, as the name suggests, we’re concentrating on more than just toads this year,” said council’s coordinator of natural areas management, Russell Wild.

//www.cairns.qld.gov.au/about-council/media-and-public-notices/media-releases/releases/toad-day-out-puts-spotlight-on-pests

See what excitement we have in the tropics of Cairns? More importantly we have to beat slack arsed rival town Townsville’s count. Shouldn’t be hard. They’re soooo average. Come to Cairns. We’re fun, quirky and hot. What else could you want?

Insert superficial here…

I was having a long chat, as I do, with the lady who pours hot wax on my skin and tears strips off me – and I pay for it – yes, madness does abound in the Jones family – and we were talking about her clients and the weird things they do and want. Its fascinating stuff and excellent conversation despite the circumstances. Anyway we were talking about men and what they have waxed – amazing things that I had never contemplated before - and waxing their backs came up. Neither she nor I could fathom why some women – insert superficial here – object to body hair on a man. What is that about? Who is so frigging perfect that they can point at another and demand perfection?

Have you ever noticed in romance novels that men rarely have hair anywhere? Is it a requirement to be hairless in order to be loved? Here’s the conclusion we came to. We like men to be men. We expect a certain rough masculinity because essentially a man is a man and we like that he’s not a Ken doll. You want him to wax his back for you? How would you react if he tells you to lose weight, have a Brazilian or have your boobs done before he will love you? Think you’re perfect? I can guarantee you’re not. Remember that when you expect someone to change for you.

I believe anyone can do whatever they like….

…as long as they do not willingly hurt another by their actions…this brings me to smokers. I do not understand why people who smoke feel that because they have this habit we all have to cut them slack and that it’s apparently unfair that they’re barred from smoking in certain areas. Boo frigging hoo. Take your second hand smoke somewhere else.

In Australia we have very strict rules on where you can smoke. Today, at work, a bunch of people, not related to my workplace tried to challenge those rules. So there I am at my desk and I look up and it appears outside the building is on fire. It’s not. It’s smokers standing bang at the front of our office door inflicting their poison on our staff who are coming and going and too polite to tell the smokers to bugger off. This is where I come in. No, I’m not big on rules at all but people who believe they have a right to smoke where they want without regard for anyone else? Na-ah. Not on my watch. I went out and politely told them to bugger off. They did.

Smokers – you want to smoke? Do it away from everyone else. We’re trying to remain as healthy as we can. Whining about having to smoke in certain areas and not being allowed extra smoke breaks to compensate for a weakness? When we all get extra chocolate eating time off work then we’ll support you. Until then – suck it up and realize that we don’t have to be politically correct and support, condone, indulge, have it inflicted upon us or understand your habit.

Miss Jones....

“For god sake isn’t every single bloody ménage ebook the exact same? Its fifteen thousand words of in-out, three up two down, Baby oh baby I love you and you and you – please save me from the evil-doer then please shag what little brains I have left out. All of you. Harder. Faster. Now. Yes, bring the horse along too. And we’ll all live happily ever after. It’s like the seven dwarfs discover Snow White’s a girl with whorish tendencies. Yes, yes by all means email me if that upsets you as a writer.”

http://amarindajones.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/rate-it-write-it-trash-it

So, I got an email from…well, let’s call her Lottie Lust. She’s an author who writes ménage and she was kinda pissed at the comment above.

“You have no idea what you are talking about. Not all ménage is the same. Mine aren’t. Miss Jones ménage means sex. I write erotica. Erotica means sex.”

First up – thanks for the email. Secondly, it depends what day of the week it is as to whether I know what I’m talking about. If it’s after boot camp then never. And no, of course your book is different to everyone else who is writing ménage…if you say so. Miss? I prefer Ms. And ménage means sex? I would say bollocks to that. Actually bollocks is as close to sex as ménage is…maybe closer...

menage - a social unit living together;
family, household, home, house
broken home - a family in which the parents have separated or divorced
conjugal family, nuclear family -
a family consisting of parents and their children and grandparents of a
marital partner
extended family - a family consisting of the nuclear family and their blood relatives
foster family - the family of a fosterling
foster home - a household in which an orphaned or delinquent child is placed (usually by a social-service agency)
menage a trois - household for three; an arrangement where a married couple and a lover of one of them live together while sharing sexual relations
social unit, unit - an organization regarded as part of a larger social group;

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/menage

bol·locks
n. Vulgar Slang
1. The testicles.
2. Nonsense.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/bollocks

But hey, opinion is good and if we all agreed on everything there would be peace in the world and that would be bizarre.

As always, I stand by my words.

Help...

So, I got stuck in a flash flood yesterday and Verity, my car, died on me. Later many, many people would tell me it never floods in that part of the city. It does. It did. Been there. Done that. Have a cranky car to prove it. Anyway, I got me and the car out of the flood water by phoning a friend when my half arsed girl efforts to start the car failed. My friend turned up and told me what to do. It worked.

You know, sometimes you can’t do everything yourself. Yeah, I know. Freaking amazing concept but it’s true. I’m not good at asking for help but I did and it wasn’t hard as I thought it would be.

Thank you friend.

Need help? Ask. We would willingly rush to the aid of another yet when it’s our turn? We’re dumb about raising our hand.

Another huge lesson learned.

Rate it, write it, trash it….

A thousand years ago when I first stared writing I had no idea what I was doing. I figured I’d put something out there and see what happened. The first story was called Rose Perfect and it had no sex at all in it. One well known publishing company at that time, who has since gone under, said it would never sell and give up. The words ‘Give up’ to me are a challenge. I sold it to Cerridwen Press, the now defunct arm of Ellora’s Cave. As I got more confident as a writer I started to write for EC. Big money could be made there. At that time there was a rating system when it came to sex at EC. I can’t remember what it was exactly but it basically ran along the lines of hot romance stories were sensual and no plot, anal sex/ménage/ MM stories were extreme and that’s where you made the big money. So people wrote to get the hotter rating and the bigger sales. Writers on writer’s loops agonized over whether they could write anal sex to make more sales. No really. It’s true. Then EC got rid of the rating system and that’s when I think it all went down hill and got sluttish in eBook land How so? Well, at that stage Ellora’s Cave was the premier place to write at. To get a contract there was huge. Now? It’s no better then anyone else. No, I’m not bashing EC. They’ve about done bashed themselves to death over issues of payments and loyalty. But that’s another story. The point is ratings divide writers and talents – and no talents. Five flames? I want that rating. I only get 4? Are you kidding me? Did you read what he did to the heroine in chapter 3 with the coffee cup, a pen, a hair clip and three candy bars all while riding a horse? That was 5 flames baby.

Why am I bringing all this up? For the last couple of days I have been solidly writing. It’s a romance story with a plot and some sex. Yes. Bizarre. Will it sell? I have no idea but I’ll put it out there and see what happens. But in writing this story it reminded me why writers are supposed to write. It’s not because we all want to jump on whatever bandwagon is hot at the moment. For god sake isn’t every single bloody ménage ebook the exact same? Its fifteen thousand words of in-out, three up two down, Baby oh baby I love you and you and you – please save me from the evil-doer then please shag what little brains I have left out. All of you. Harder. Faster. Now. Yes, bring the horse along too. And we’ll all live happily ever after. It’s like the seven dwarfs discover Snow White’s a girl with whorish tendencies. Yes, yes by all means email me if that upsets you as a writer.

There are writers who specifically write no plot ménage because they know it sells. And it does. So what does that say about us as writers and readers? The hotter the perceived rating is or best selling genre may be we’ll sell our soul to write it? Is that a good thing? Do we write from our soul or for the money? Do we have any respect for readers? As for readers - are we so blinded by the need to read sex that we no longer realize there’s no plot? Do we have any soul left at all? Do we know what real romance is?

I dunno…it certainly has me thinking that things are about come full circle…