Wednesday, 5 March 2014

The dreaded 'I love you' thing...

So, I was reading this magazine article on why you should never ever, ever be the first person in a relationship to say “I love you.” Why? Well, there are lots of reasons, said the magazine writer, that indicate those three words lead to doom and doom is bad. 

Why do we need to contemplate the perplexing who says “I love you” first situation? Well, according to the article you apparently don’t want to say it and not have it said back because it can be awkward. There’s also the issue of “I love you too” when its said too fast after your declaration of love. They say this can be bad because the fast "I love you too" can indicate panic from the other person. Panic is akin to doom, it seems. To counter this it appears you have to wait for the perfect “I love you” moment and even if this serendipitous moment does occurs, you can’t be sure that the object of your affection loves you back because apparently they could just be trying to make you happy by saying what they think you want to hear. See above. The after the fact “I love you” is a minefield that must be negotiated carefully due to the need to please factor. 

If by now, you’re still thinking – “Bugger it, I still want to say  ‘I love you’" to someone, I say go for it you crazy fool you but remember there’s the theory you’re not to say it until you’ve been on 5 dates and then it’s better for the man to say it first because…well, I’m not sure. The article just reckons its better that way as it gives the man the edge and feeling of control. But I gotta say if he says it and she doesn’t or she runs screaming away then I’m thinking there’s not a lot of control going on there.  

Then there’s always the right way to say “I love you” apparently. You have to create ‘a moment’ and never ever say it when you’re drunk. Yep, I’d have to go along with this because drunks love everyone and sincerity isn’t their strong point. You should also never apologise for saying "I love you" even when he or she doesn’t love you back. I think you’re supposed to smile, be all stoic like and make light of pouring out your deepest feelings and pretend your heart isn’t  stomped on by an uncaring sod as you go off to get stinking drunk enough to say “I love you” to complete strangers who will smile and pity you but it doesn't matter because you won’t remember saying those three words to them. And for god sake, if you do say those possibly three doom ridden words, the article says don’t answer for the other person. I’m not sure how that goes unless Bob says, “I love you, Mary and I know you love me so it’s a done deal. You’re in this for life with me so don’t even think of arguing with me because no man will ever love you as I do.” In this case I would say step away from Bob, no matter how much he loves you. Bob is a problem.  

All in all, my personal opinion is it’s probably best if you just slug someone in the arm and forgo the ‘I love you’ thing. I’ve said those words and I’ve done the slugging someone in the arm thing. Go with the arm.