I was at a friends place the other day. They’re a couple. I find coupledom somewhat
of a cult and frankly weird. Have you noticed couples always seem to be
together and they go out with other couples or they actively search for couple
friends and they often tell you that which makes you, as a single, person query
the weirdness of couples telling you this and you start thinking cult and
whether you should contemplate an intervention. And if you’re at a function
where there are only couples? It’s weird. My father has a saying ‘it’s like
being a spare dick at a wedding.’ I didn’t say it was a poetic saying or one of
deep spiritual meaning but it basically indicates you’re on your own because
couples speak in a couple language that omits every third and fourth word to
confuse the single. No really. You listen to a gaggle of couples and they say
things like “We went ______
______ with Binky ________ ________ and Bonky said _________ ___________ and we _______
__________ blue umbrellas." It’s like that sound only dogs can hear. It’s weird
man.
But the freakiest thing is when faced by a gaggle of couples
at a party and they listen to what you’re doing, as a single person, and their
eyes glaze over because you’re not in a couple, you don’t have a precocious, snotty
kid and you don’t even have a family dog called Jemima to redeem you as you tell
cute remember when flea ridden Jemima ate the postman and how we laughed stories.
Essentially Dr Seuss was correct. If you find someone weird you fall in love and
become a couple. Ipso facto – couples are weird and single people are normal.
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