Coupledom...

I was at a friends place the other day.  They’re a couple. I find coupledom somewhat of a cult and frankly weird. Have you noticed couples always seem to be together and they go out with other couples or they actively search for couple friends and they often tell you that which makes you, as a single, person query the weirdness of couples telling you this and you start thinking cult and whether you should contemplate an intervention. And if you’re at a function where there are only couples? It’s weird. My father has a saying ‘it’s like being a spare dick at a wedding.’ I didn’t say it was a poetic saying or one of deep spiritual meaning but it basically indicates you’re on your own because couples speak in a couple language that omits every third and fourth word to confuse the single. No really. You listen to a gaggle of couples and they say things like “We went ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­______   ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­______ with Binky ________   ________ and Bonky said _________  ­­­­­­­­ ___________ and we _______ __________ blue umbre­llas." It’s like that sound only dogs can hear. It’s weird man.   ­

But the freakiest thing is when faced by a gaggle of couples at a party and they listen to what you’re doing, as a single person, and their eyes glaze over because you’re not in a couple, you don’t have a precocious, snotty kid and you don’t even have a family dog called Jemima to redeem you as you tell cute remember when flea ridden Jemima ate the postman and how we laughed stories. Essentially Dr Seuss was correct. If you find someone weird you fall in love and become a couple. Ipso facto – couples are weird and single people are normal.