Come to Cairns, George…

So George Clooney is in Australia for some reason doing something. I would have paid more attention if he was coming to Cairns. He foolishly decided not to. George, George, George… you may be sexy, rich, a humanitarian, a fine actor but I swear to god man you pick the wrong women. It’s none of my business but if you stopped picking up with thin, pretty women and instead looked at the pudgy, persistent and dangerously downright smart women that abound in the world you’d be happier. Come to Cairns George and I will show you the error of your ways and find the right woman for you. No, it’s not me. I’m too much for any man to handle.

So George – haul arse up here and we’ll find you a nice Cairns woman. You know I’m right.