H364...

Because the engine spakked out in my almost new car and had to be replaced, I had to go into Queensland Transport and let them know about the new change of engine because it affected my car registration. So I went there. It’s a feral little pace where the great unwashed seem to hang out. I have never smelled so much body odour in my life. It’s also a place of forms. I had been told over the phone to go in and get a 2543 form that dealt with the spakking out of engines. There was no form 2543  in the three long benches of forms . I figured I’d go form-less and wing it when I got to the handing the form over stage. I went over and did the touch screen thing to get a queue number. Problem. None of the touch screen icons dealt with a spakked out motor so I elected for ‘special and sundry'  because I am both.

Ever walked across a crowded room where everyone is holding a form but you aren’t and several of the great unwashed stop you and explain you need a form and you in turn want to explain they need deodorant but you don’t because there are three dozen smelly people to your one perfumed personage and while the odds against you getting out alive don’t bother you it’s having that smelliness rubbed off on you that does. So I sat and waited for H364 to be called amongst a sea of smelly, yet form carrying people. Thirty minutes later I get the call. H364 to counter 12. At the counter the woman looked at me and says ‘You don’t have a form.’ I explain to her that I’m special and sundry and there wasn’t a form for that or a spakked out engine replacement. Then I smiled that helpless woman smile I keep for special times like this. She nodded and said ‘well, you need form 2543.’  Correct.  She had to go into the back room where this special form was. She then watched as I filled out the form. Is that the new engine number? Most probably. Are you sure? I’m 50-50 on it. Is there a plastic seal on the engine? I don’t know. I don’t look at the engine. You’ll have to go see Narelle out the back. Because I don’t know if the engine has a plastic cover? Yes. Take your car to her and she will assess if she can see the new number. So, after I drive around the wrong way twice, I find Narelle. I got tut-tutted due to the driving in the wrong way. Yes, I know, I’m incorrigible but not smelly Narelle so count yourself lucky.

Then the orders came – open the hood, stand over there, can you see this? No, I’m 50 feet away from you. Come here. Look. That’s your engine number. My response? Well, isn’t that nice and shiny. She questioned did I look at the new engine they put in? Narelle, I never looked at the old one until it was gushing oil all over Buchan Street.  Narelle is unsure what to day. I get that a lot.  She looked at the engine. I looked at the engine. She looked at me. I looked at her.  She scribbled something down and handed me a form. Keep this form. It’s important. Righty-o.  Can't have enough H364 moments...