On Fridays...

-          you are taller, thinner and generally more attractive

-          I would suggest not falling in love with anyone on a Friday because everyone is so full of hope after being trapped at work all week you need to make sure neither beer goggles or out-of-control-Friday-happiness clouds your judgment. Fall in love Saturday.

-          you don’t need chocolate for medicinal purposes. It can still be eaten but it’s more about the happiness affect

-          calories don’t count

-          you can do edits at your work desk on a Friday after writing for the rest of the week. It’s a refreshing change.

-          sex? It’s not dependent on the Friday rule unless it’s a co-worker then don’t go there. Also, see point two.

-          coffee has more of an orgasmic effect than medicinal so go have one or several

 

-     exercise is ok on a Friday because of points 3 and 4.

 

-     does you bum look big in that? Yes. Who cares? Why are you looking? - go back to point 2. Wait until midnight to analyze arses and intentions.   

-          And lastly, say what you want to who you want and know that whatever you do is justified because it’s Friday and you are fearless and the Friday gods understand and will protect you. That or have a fast mouth mouth and feet.   

Finally...

…it’s Friday arvo and wine o’clock. To everyone – blue collar, white collar, no collar - who go out every day and puts the hard yards in at jobs they hate or tolerate or simply use to pay the never ending bills – it’s wine o’clock relax, recuperate and golly gee we can do it all again next week. To those who are now sniffing and saying “you at least have a job” I say bugger off, thank you very much. I've done my time. 

Yoda speak...

Thank god, Friday, is it.  Happy, Amarinda is!  Hmmmmmm.

Blood oath Yoda mate.

Benefits of Friday…

- It’s good for your skin as you can relax because it’s almost the weekend.
- No boot camp on Saturday – well, there probably is but not for me.
- You don’t have to work hard because it would be wrong to sprain anything before the weekend.
- Calories don’t count on a Friday because it’s all to do with mathematics, happiness and something else vitally scientific that makes calories rendered useless.
- World peace is doable on a Friday and would be but for the fact world leaders are not genetically human and don’t understand Fridays therefore rendering world peace useless.
- You dislike less people on Friday because it’s Friday.
- If they made a calendar of just Fridays people would actually never be sick.
- Stupid policies don’t count. They’re filed in ‘b’ for bin.
- Everyone is beautiful on a Friday – probably why there are so many hook ups.
- The time space continuum means Fridays do go slower when anticipation is higher therefore it’s best to feign boredom to confuse the time space continuum thing.
- Lastly – say what you like on a Friday. Dare all. Be all.

Adoration...

You may not be aware of this but I simply adore Fridays...

Yes…yes…yes…

Friday!!!!! Better than an orgasm...

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

It’s all about Friday…

- Started off the day with the gym and 2 cups of coffee…bonus of this? One counteracts the others in a really pleasant way.
- Spoke to the lovely Maverick who explained, as only he can, the concept of 'Good morning' - don’t ask – all you need to know is he’s lovely.
- Balanced books and then dealt with the unbalanced.
- Drank more coffee
- Gossiped
- Did boring work stuff
- Ate a homemade chicken salad sandwich – most impressed at my ability to make sandwiches
- Had more coffee
- Swore some at the ‘unbalanced’ people holding me up at finishing boring work stuff
- Stamped feet
- Foot stamping got me what I wanted
- Delayed taking conference call as busy
- Dialed into conference call
- Wandered off mid way in conference call
- Wandered back to say ‘uh huh’
- Wandered off
- Came back in time to say ‘oh yeah, sure’ and ‘goodbye’
- Skidded out of work car park in Patrick, my car
- Stopped to buy 2 jars of coffee
- Spoke to lovely Maverick

Friday done, baby…

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

It’s Friday…

…blessed be this day. I got nothing of any note that I can spruik on in a public forum. I just plan to get through the work day as fast as possible. Do we wish our lives away? No, because work isn’t life is it?

For homework, a class in NSW* were asked to draw their parents at work.
This is Jessica's drawing:

Here's the letter the teacher received the next day:

Dear Mrs. Jackson, I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Bunnings** and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week after the floods hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had and then I found one more in stock and several people were fighting over who would get it.

Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last shovel we had in the store.

*NSW – New South Wales (Oz)
** Bunnings – hardware store

The judgements we make on others huh?

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong direction

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Just another day in the life….

...men…strange species…one man particular up north who has the charm of a constipated Taipan (snake). He is apparently considered ‘direct’. I plan to be very frigging direct next time we speak. I will ‘direct’ his arse off. Warning Will Robinson.

…thighs…sore...exercise? What’s the point of it again? Muscles versus no pain. Hmmm…no pain is looking pretty good.

…won arm wrestling contest…challenge me? I think not.

…tattoo today…constant questions on am I “worried about the pain?” No, I have thought long and hard about this and to be honest I’m not a wuss who cracks up easily. I figure my thighs are so sore that a needle will be nothing. But seriously, a tatt is for life…unless you believe those who will tell you it can be removed by a potato peeler…fucking ouch…

…received a clipping from the newspaper – a Dear Editor letter basically stating anyone that has a tattoo will go to hell due to desecration and a bunch do other things to do with ink and flesh and righteousness…yawn…no biggie…I was bound there anyway.

…. thanks for the all the email requests but no, I will not be showing my tattooed thigh on the internet. I don’t want to scare people or put them off their food.

…ordered a copy of the Queensland Firefighters 2010 Calendar today….half naked men who are smiling and silent. What a beautiful, beautiful thing.

…speaking of beauty…its Friday in Oz…how I adore Fridays. Everything is possible on a Friday. Have a good one.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

As weeks go…

TGIF it’s Friday morning in OZ as I write this before work. It’s been a weird arsed week. Nice things have happened, crap things have happened and just boring things that have required me jabbing a fork into my leg to stay awake.

All week I have been virtually asleep at my desk – I make no apologies. It’s been as boring as all get out – then suddenly – I’m thrust in charge for a couple of days. Talk about throwing you out of sync. It absolutely stuffs up my 'me' time at work - you know writing, gossiping, reading personal stuff and paying my own bills. Quite rude to do that to me. Note to self – stop looking responsible. Add to that 'T' the receptionist has gone on hols so her jobs have been split between all of us - when I say all - I mean those who can cross the road by themselves. Its scary how many people at work are about as useful as chocolate fireguards. Now that is a look I should cultivate.

I have been given the dangerous task of the mail. How is it dangerous? Ever used a franking machine? Oh hard. I hate anything that requires thought at work. I swear I am in constant danger of franking my fingers and sending them to China. For those without knowledge of said beastie, you have to punch numbers in and weigh things to ascertain the correct postage. How do I know it's correct? No bloody idea. Then you feed envelopes through the slot thingo which grabs the letters real fast and stamps them. Okay – so some stamps – maybe 87% - are upside down and on the back of the envelope and some letters are a little mangled. But they’re done. You wanted mail? You got mail. I’m blaming the post office if it’s all a tad messy.

Nice things that happened out of the blue – compliments from people I barely know about how kick arse I am looking. I even got flowers. Aww…it made me take a second look at myself in the mirror. Maybe this gym lark is working out even though it’s killing me. News is I can now lie on my back and lift 100kilos (220lbs) into the air. How is this good? Stuffed if I know. ‘Not like you can take that talent on TV and showcase it is it? And, to make things difficult, now when I stand like a hooker (genetic disposition see previous blog) my trainer is making me do squats – push ups no longer - to teach me not to do it. I had to do 150 squats last night…frigging hell…do not stand like a hooker… do not stand like a hooker…do not stand like a hooker…

Add the staggering amount of bills that have arrived in the mail, the bathroom renovation quote from hell, illegal office supplies sent through the post by Ethel and having to spray the storeroom with possum preventative without gassing myself at the same time and it’s been…well….you know, now that I think about it…chaos, pain, mayhem, dumb stuff, boredom…it’s actually been a pretty normal week for me.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Pyscho Chicken Friday…

You know those days when you have to deal with people running around like chickens with their heads cut off and they are speaking the loud language of hysteria? I had that today. It was pyscho chicken Friday.

Amongst all the insanity – which I won’t go into as I just want to forget it - two men tried to put the frighteners on me to get what they wanted. And no, despite what some people, who have no idea who I am think, I do not enjoy confrontation - but I do not back down from it – nor am I a victim. I rise to any challenge. These two men tried to intimidate me. One by standing over me and yelling and the other on the phone yelling his teeny weeny self hoarse. Yelling seemed to be the theme of the day. Have you noticed people only yell when they don’t get what they want? Having worked previously in a complaints department for a long time and had people screaming and crying and threatening me, there is not a heck of a lot I can’t handle.

So it started off with Male A who loomed over me. I think it was to show me how big and tall he was - how proud his mummy must be. I simply sat back, crossed my legs and waited out his rant calmly. Its quite fascinating to watch someone in full hissy fit isn’t it? They go red in the face and slam their hand down on the desk a lot. ‘Seems all rather pointless to me. Anyway, when Male A ran out of steam, I said the words he did not want to hear - 'no' and explained why. Don’t you just love it when someone who considers himself better than you has no idea what to say as he wasn’t expecting you, a woman, to be calm, let alone say no. He wanted tears, he wanted stuttering and apologies, not a tone of voice that indicated he should fuck off and let me go back to be writing…er…work.

Then Male B rang me. I felt sorry for him as he sounded like his undies were very, very tight and cutting off the circulation to his brain which in turn was effecting his speech. It was full on aggression. He carried on like a pork chop and I again waited him out in silence. As you know silence is very effective on the phone when someone is incoherent with rage because after a while they start wondering if you are still there and if they are talking to themselves. I always wait for them to ask 'are you still there?' then I speak in a low, calm voice indicating that they were not going to get what they want and they too should go forth and multiply.

After this, I awaited the third male in the triumvirate of psycho chickens. If two males are thwarted by a female they will appeal to someone higher to teach the female a lesson. But alas no lesson came as I was right and they knew it. The unspoken fuck off message also helped. It's all so tiring isn't it dealing with fools? Confrontation? Yeah, I’ll meet it head on but what’s to enjoy?

You know, I don’t mind a bit of arrogance in a man. The whole alpha male-master of the universe thing can be quite enjoyable but in moderation - but not in screaming psycho chicken babble with arms akimbo carry on. So men - amazing creatures - but not today – hence the reason I am not doing any writing tonight as I will kill the hero off in some terrible way and the heroine may giggle a lot when it happens.

The winner of the Amarinda and Anny contest is Fedora Chen. Thankfully I sent the parcel off at lunchtime or I may have ripped into it tonight to de-stress. Thanks again to everyone who entered. I appreciate your time and you support.

Have a psycho free Friday and beware of chickens.

www.amarindajones.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AmarindaJonesNewsletter/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Beautiful Friday...

Friday…how I love thee…let me count the ways
- hope springs eternal on a Friday. Everything seems possible at the end of a working week
- You weight less. How’s that? The weight of the working week has lifted from your shoulders. Medically speaking everyday should be Friday as we would have no health concerns about weight.
- The numbness that I live on during the week disappears and I can begin to feel again.
- I can appreciate men as human beings and not automated wind up toys that run on testosterone and immaturity
- I cease being a total bitch and become just a partial bitch. It’s genetically impossible for me to give it up completely

Dumb things I did today

- I bought a pair of sunglasses. I tried them on again when I got home and I realized they make me look like bug woman. Forehead slap. Those suckers are going back.
- Forgot to check with best mate Ethel what lie I was telling on her behalf and nearly slipped up when someone rang me up for a reference check. Thankfully I can lie my arse off (God, if only that was possible.) On a positive job Ethel got the job.


Smart things I did today

- I saw the world’s most boring ex-work acquaintance at the local garden centre on the way home from work. I managed to dash into another aisle to escape. This is a woman you have to gnaw your own leg off to be free of her.
- ‘Saw the most beautiful mahogany dining room chairs – hugely expensive - and walked away without pulling out the credit card to buy. I still want them but I am smart enough to know in the end a chair is a chair.

Good things I did today
- N/A

Bad things I did today

- where to start without looking like a trouble making shrew? Hmmm…not possible


On www.kkirch.blogspot.com Kelly left us with….

"Well, what did you think I meant when I said, "I'm Your Destiny"?"

"Some bit of karma crap. Oh!" Sudden insight dawned on her. She laughed, making no effort to disguise her glee. "That's your name? Your Destiny? Wow, your mom really hated you."

"Middle school was hell."

"I can imagine."

Your Destiny leveled her with a steely stare, not muted through the reflective glass of the rearview mirror. "Now, Matilda. The vow."

Hmm…I am going with…

There was no way in hell Matilda was going to tell this Red Destiny nerd the truth about her vow. There was only one person she could tell and the thought of doing that scared her down to her toenails. No one must ever know. Sometimes the truth did not set you free.

"My vow is to eat Tims Tams only on every alternate day." Like she would stick to that.

"Liar"

"Dipstick."

"That hurt my feelings."

"Get over it. I do not have time for this crap.” Matilda told him. "Besides super heroes do not whine about feelings."

"You're nasty."

"Tell me about it." Matilda needed to get rid of him. Whining men gave her the irrits. "Get out of the car."

"But I am supposed to stay with you until your vow is revealed."

"Sunshine, I am not revealing anything to you." She reached into her glovebox and pulled out at a long silver wand. As a white witch she could only use it in extreme emergencies. Boredom by nerd was close enough. She turned around and gave him her best pissed off hormonal look. "Get out or I turn you into a frog."

His eyes opened wide with fright as he stared past her. "Ah, you have another problem bigger than me."

"What?" The fear in his eyes was too real to be faked. Matilda felt the hair rise on the back of her neck. Only one person gave her that feeling. It couldn't be him surely? Valerio was still in jail. Wasn't he? Matilda turned and saw the face she knew only too well. Holy crap! She knew her vow was no longer safe.

Who is Valerio and just what does he mean to Matilda the white witch? Maybe, possibly, perhaps Anny will answer this tomorrow on www.annycook.blogspot.com

The book with the guy with the freaky blond hair is released Monday I believe at Total-E-Bound. Wanna’ know why he has freaky blond hair? Well, you going to have to read the book.

The Goddess and The Ghost

Exceprt – a modern woman out of her natural element…

“I have not got a bloody clue what any of these are,” Zipporah murmured as she looked at the pile of leaves she and Evie had collected. She studied the Identifying Australian Flora handout sheet she had been given. All the campers had been assigned the task of classifying the local flora—for what reason Zipporah did not know. As far as she was concerned leaves were either brown or green, big or small and really what was the point of the exercise? Other than to confuse a woman who had declined baked beans on toast for lunch? Though Zipporah grudgingly had to admit wandering through the beauty of the Australian bush was worthwhile. The tall gum trees, spindly wildflowers and the clean, fresh smell was like nothing else on earth. The only thing that ruined it was the camp organiser from hell, Gwen, and the bloody whistle she liked to use to rally the troops.

“I really wish she would shove that up her arse,” Zipporah muttered in irritation as once again the demented Gwen blew out some sort of demonic tune designed to either catch their attention or create a stampede of elephants in Africa.

“We still haven’t caught any bugs.” Evie looked around her for something that jumped or flew.

“And nor are we going to catch bugs.”

“Why not, Auntie Zipp?”

”Because bugs are just minding their own business and have every right to be free.” Added to that Zipporah did not want to be touching anything of a creepy-crawly nature.

“You tell ‘em, Auntie Zipp,” Rian chuckled lightly at her words.

Rian had followed them quietly around all day. Although ever aware of his presence, Zipporah was grateful that he had kept a respectful distance in the time she spent with Evie as if he knew how important that was to both of them.

“I never thought about bugs like that,” Evie answered with a solemn nod of her head as if she could see the logic in it.

Gwen Morrow came up and inspected their leaves.

“What type are they?”

“Auntie Zipp says some are green and some are brown.”

“And this one is big and I am calling this one small.” Zipporah held the two leaves up for inspection.

….and then stuff happens with the Ghost.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Hallelujah and pass the gin it's Friday...

You know you are a writer when…

…you are sitting around in your underwear typing and you look up at the clock and realize you have four minutes to get dressed and get to work but finishing the paragraph is way more important than a day job. Anyway a writer can always think up a good excuse for being late.

…the garden you were once proud of makes you wince when you look at it and denial by squinting does not work.

… you hear an interesting name and ask how to spell it as it sounds perfect for your next book

….friends send emails that begin “Once upon a time a friend called and left a message on you machine… and they write a descriptive paragraph telling you to pull your head out and answer your damn phone messages.

… you encourage the voices in your head to keep talking or repeat what they said so you can write it down. They really have to talk slower.

…you are in business meeting and it’s your turn to take the minutes but you cannot hand them in as you owe your publisher first right of refusal and you have written some bloody fantastic stuff that your editor would love.

…friends specifically ask you not to use their embarrassment, love life, problems etc in a book and you cross your fingers behind your back and say “Well of course I wouldn’t dream of doing that”.... while all the time you are thinking they love me, they’ll get over it especially if I make the character drop dead gorgeous.

….you stare at a great male arse and think how would the heroine react to that arse.


So another Friday has come and gone for me. What did I learn this week? Hmmm…nothing. What good did I do this week? Hmmm…nothing. What plans do I have next week? Gee, I can’t say as I hate to be tied down to anything. Did I waste outstanding amounts of work time doing personal stuff? Why yes, I believe I did and I am certain when judgement day comes around I may have explain myself butI'll wing it. Whom did I upset this week? It’s impossible to count that high without taking my shoes off. So tell me, what fabulous thing did you do this week?

And now, once more we visit a land where no one really dies, where umbrellas can kill and quills clack in the breeze…yes, that’s right…it’s the blog saga. Kelly on www.kkirch.blogspot.com left us with…

The Mary cleared her throat, tapping her hairy chin, setting the decorative beads to dancing musically. "I believe that decision is left to Great Oz. You know with whom you deal, do you not, Emmeline?"

"No. Do you mean---" she broke off tremulously, "--the Triad?"

I had no idea what Grasshopper was talking about so I went off on another tangent, as I do….

“What Triad?” Sparky asked as she watched the action on the casino security camera.

“Us, they think we’re a Triad.” Oz laughed gleefully. “Even better they think I am great. See what self promotion does for you?”

“But triad means three and there are only two of us.”

“There is Lawrence.”

“Lawrence is a parakeet.” Sparky looked over at the bird swinging on a perch in its cage.

“But they don’t know that. I add Lawrence’s name to every threat I send out.”

“Oh yeah, what’s our latest threat?”

“Let me see.” Oz scrabbled through the messy papers on her desk. “Ah, here it is.” She picked up the Tim Tam stained Threat Schedule Version 2-c-x1.0 and ran her emerald tipped finger down it. “Okay today is Friday 25th so that means we are due to either break Giant Gerald’s legs over a gambling debt or carry out the threat to Rafe and Rinalda.”

“I don’t think I can deal with Gerald today.” Giants bathed only once a week and on a Saturday. As today was only Friday the thought of dealing with a pongy giant did not appeal. “What was the Rafe and Rinalda threat again?”

“We shrink Rafe to the size of a peanut unless Rinalda reveals the secret of the golden carrot.”

“Whoa! Do you think she will do it?” Sparky was in awe that Oz would demand something so audacious. The secret of the golden carrot was the stuff of legends.

“I guess that would depend on how much she likes peanuts.” Lawrence squawked in shock. “I said ‘peanuts’ Lawrence.”

So Anny has a parakeet and a golden carrot to deal with tomorrow. I’ll be honest, I am a bit worried about what she will do with the carrot. Have you read her books? Whoa! However check www.annycook.blogspot.com tomorrow and find out.

Seducing Celestine – released November 2nd 2007 through Ellora's Cave

Celestine Holt has no money, no job, a broken down heap of a car and someone is trying to kill her. Her life sucks. But there is this man…a man that keeps appearing in the moonlight to make love to her. Can he suck the life back into her?

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?